Harry Potter and the Streak of Insanity by ElHope333 » When his name comes out of the Goblet of Fire, Harry decides he's sick of the adults not stepping in and leaving him to survive in dangerous situations, so he finds a rather unconventional way of getting revenge. How will the Hogwarts staff (and students) cope with a completely insane Boy-Who-Lived? #BAMF Harry Potter #Insane Harry #Crack Treated Seriously #Albus Dumbledore Bashing
Harry Potter, T, English, Humor & Fantasy, chapters: 60, words: 137k+, favs: 543, follows: 256, Jun 15, 2025, [Harry P., Susan B.] [Hermione G., Ron W.]
Chapter 1: The Goblet Fiasco
"Harry Potter."
Silence filled the hall.
Harry's heart raced. Everyone turned to stare at him, but he didn't move. He couldn't, even with Hermione nudging him sharply and hissing in his ear that it was okay, he would be fine, they would fix it.
When was it ever fine?
Harry's stomach felt like it was filled with lead, but the rest of him was brimming with unbridled fury.
Every year, something went wrong. Something happened to him that caused everyone to hate him, and every year he had to once again prove himself innocent. Two out of the three years he'd been at Hogwarts, him "proving" himself had meant defeating the darkest wizard of all time, the very wizard that murdered his parents and left him an orphan, abandoned at his muggle aunt's to grow up hated.
When he'd found out he was a wizard, he was excited, of course he was! But he was cynical. For a while he'd had the faintest glimmer of hope maybe he'd be entering a world where he would simply be normal, accepted, and valued for he was.
But no. Instead, he went from hero to villain to hero again, in the same endless cycle every single year.
He knew what would happen now. He'd plead and beg Dumbledore to stop him from competing, and he'd be denied, just like he was every summer when the headmaster told him that no, once again he had to return to his relatives, and he was sorry but it was the best thing for him.
After being forced to compete most of the school would turn on him, and believe he entered himself because he wanted glory. The teachers would be harsher on him, and he would get picked on in the corridors again.
Harry was done. He didn't care anymore. The fury subsided and he was left feeling empty.
Who cared what anyone else thought? He knew that all he ever did was try to be good, and do the right thing, and improve his magic. He knew his morals were fair and just, and he knew that he was kind.
But he was done playing this never-ending game. He wasn't a psycho, he wasn't going to turn dark or evil or anything. He wasn't going to seek revenge or vengeance. But... he wasn't going to let himself be walked all over anymore. And with the threat of Voldemort looming over those who were smart enough to know that it wouldn't be long before he returned? Well, maybe it was time to have a little fun. Harry wasn't going to maintain his mask anymore, he was done pretending he could handle everything thrown his way.
He was breaking slowly. Giving into it, just slightly, might just take some of that pain away.
Hermione had stopped hissing at him. She and Ron were watching him carefully, Hermione concerned and Ron thoughtful. Harry squeezed Hermione's hand gently and then let go. Ron winked at him and he nodded back, grateful he still had his two best friends.
He stood up and let his shaking hands fall to his sides. He glared harshly at Dumbledore, who blinked in slight confusion. Harry made his way into the back room, where all the champions were waiting. He ignored all the whispers, all the stares. He was used to it by now. It didn't make it comfortable, but it was tolerable.
"Potter?" Cedric said in surprise when Harry shut the door with a soft click. "What are you doing in here?"
"I... my name. It came out of the goblet." Harry said, not bothering to pretend to be stoic. He braced himself, ready to deal with the imminent tantrums of the three champions, but...
None came.
Harry looked up and met Cedric's gaze. He didn't look accusatory in the slightest. He looked more shocked than anything else. Then he scowled.
"Oh, Potter, someone is always out to get you aren't they?" Harry's shoulder's slumped with relief.
"I know right? Like come on now, it's getting silly." Harry said earnestly. "All I wanted was one year of normality, one!"
"So, what ze boy is saying is that his name was entered without his permission?" Harry and Cedric turned to Fleur, who was frowning. "Surely zat is illegal, and they cannot make you compete? You're just a child!"
"I mean, ouch?" Harry said, feigning hurt. "But you'd think so, wouldn't you? Our headmaster is out to get me though, he'll make me compete."
Fleur and Krum looked troubled by this. Cedric, however, nodded knowingly.
"He does have a tendency to land you in all sorts of trouble." Cedric said thoughtfully. "It's rather unsafe."
"Don't worry, Potter." Krum said gruffly. "Whatever happens, we've got your back."
"Really?" Harry smiled when the other three champions all nodded fervently. "Thank you so much, you have no idea-"
"HARRY POTTER!" Harry jumped and spun around to face Professor McGonagall, who looked furious. "Please tell these absolute imbeciles that you absolutely without a doubt did not enter your name into that goblet, because for some reason they seem to think I don't know you at all for so much as thinking you would never pull a stunt like that!"
Harry was just relieved the wrath of his head of house wasn't aimed at him.
"I didn't." He said to her and she calmed down, but only enough to grab him gently by the shoulder and position herself slightly in front of him.
"He will not be competing. You will not force my student to play a part in these ridiculous games that he never even consented to be entered into!" She hissed at the other teachers and Ministry officials.
Crouch pursed his lips. Snape looked - well, Harry couldn't tell if he was at war with himself or just really badly constipated. Dumbledore looked grave, the other two headteachers fuming, and Bagman delighted.
"I'm afraid it's a legally binding contract." Dumbledore said, giving Harry a look he was all to familiar with. The look that usually meant Harry's doom. "I'm afraid, dear boy, you must compete."
"Don't call me that!" Harry said shortly. "And no, I won't participate."
"Too right he won't!" Professor McGonagall growled. "There has to be a loophole. Something, anything that will get him out of this!""
"The real question is," Everyone turned to look at Professor Moody, who had just entered the room. "Who entered the lad's name?"
Snape remained silent as the rest of the staff began arguing furiously. Harry just let them. The other champions joined in, arguing alongside McGonagall for Harry's freedom from the tournament.
"You won't make him do this!" Harry resisted the urge to laugh in relief when Hermione slammed the door open, eyes wild and hair wilder. "He doesn't want to, he says no."
"Weasley, Granger, out!" Snape demanded through gritted teeth.
"What, and leave Harry to the sharks? No thanks." Ron said, as he and Hermione flanked Harry and shot the adults harsh glares. "If you want us to leave, you let Harry leave to."
"Well, it's clear there is no option." Dumbledore sighed. "Harry, I'm sorry, but you will have to participate. Fully."
Everyone stood in silence. Hermione gaped at the headmaster, and Ron grabbed Harry's shoulder, squeezing slightly. McGonagall gave Dumbledore a look that could kill, and everyone looked a mix of resigned or annoyed.
Harry took a deep breath and Hermione's hand found his own, squeezing slightly. "Fine. Whatever, I don't care anymore."
"Well, now that's all cleared up!" Bagman clapped, grinning. "The first task is in a month, and remains a mystery. This task will test your quick planning and critical thinking skills, your ability to adapt and think fast, and your daring when facing the unknown. Good luck!"
Hermione and Ron practically dragged Harry from the room.
"Kitchens." Hermione muttered, and the three headed straight there, followed by the other champions. Upon arriving in the kitchens, the house elves made them all some hot chocolate and they sipped in silence.
"Well, what now?" Cedric asked, bright-eyed despite the late hour.
Harry grinned.
"I have a plan..."
Chapter 2: The Clothing Catastrophe
The plan was deceivingly simple. Harry, who just wanted a bit of joy in his increasingly dark and depressing life, decided he would go... well, mad. Not a dark wizard on a killing rampage mad, just an embracing his neglected inner child and finding joy and amusement in his life mad. If it meant breaking a few rules and being ridiculous, well, who honestly cares? He deserved a bit of laughter in his life.
The problem with people like Harry, Hermione thought to herself, is that they simply cannot wait and take things slow. He had to leap straight into it, no build up, no gradual, realistic spiral to insanity. No, Harry had to jump straight into the deep end.
Which is why at breakfast the next morning, Harry was sat at the Slytherin table wearing Durmstrang robes, a Hufflepuff tie and a Beauxbatons hat.
He made sure to be there very early. So early, in fact, that to begin with it was just him and Professor McGonagall in the Great Hall.
"Mister Potter, your attire is very... interesting." She had commented, raising a single brow.
"Aww, thanks Professor!" Harry exclaimed, curtseying. "I'm trying to embrace our guests with open arms, you see, I thought this might make them feel more welcome."
"A lovely sentiment. However, you are unfortunately in breach of the uniform code, so after you have eaten your breakfast you must go and change or I will be forced to remove house points and give you a detention." Professor McGonagall said severely, but she winked at him.
"Of course professor. After breakfast, I will make sure to be wearing a full, single set of uniform."
"Thank you, Mister Potter. I will not comment on the fact you are sat at the Slytherin table, just don't cause too much trouble or Severus will give me a right headache about it."
"Yes Ma'am." Harry saluted, before reaching for a slice of toast.
As students began to stream into the hall, Harry got many funny looks and people began to whisper to each other. He didn't mind; at least they were talking about his current state and not his entry into the tournament.
"Potter." Malfoy said as he stopped in shock at the sight of Harry Potter, not only sat at his table, but dressed in the attire of three different schools. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"
"Oh, good morning Malfoy, sleep well?" Harry said cheerfully, pouring milk onto his cereal. Malfoy blinked, and was too shocked to reply.
"Helloooo?" Harry waved a hand in Malfoy's face. "Come sit down, I don't bite." He grabbed the Slytherin boy's arm and pulled him onto the bench next to him. Malfoy was too surprised to stop him.
"Potter, why are you sat at our table? And what are you wearing?" A girl Harry had never spoken to before, but he had seen in his classes, asked.
"Daphne Greengrass, right?" The girl nodded. "Well, Daphne, I am simply eating breakfast and trying to show my support of the other champions by embracing their uniforms. Oh, and end house rivalries by sitting with you snakie-poos today."
"Right, of course, makes complete sense. Snape is going to kill you, by the way." Daphne seemed more amused than anything else, and willingly sat on Harry's other side when he patted the bench, inviting her to do so.
Surprisingly, the Gryffindors seemed more shocked than the Slytherins did. Then again, Slytherins are better at hiding their feelings. Probably because most of them grew up abused, Harry theorized as he tried to spoon-feed Malfoy jam.
"Potter, stop shoving food into Mr Malfoy's face and stand up." A cold voice ordered from behind him.
"Morning Professor Snape, isn't it a lovely day?" Harry said politely, reaching out to shake the Professor's hand.
"What are you playing at, boy?" Snarled Snape.
"I don't know what you mean. I'm clearly trying to show my support of the other schools and houses, and end my feud with Draco here." Harry patted the blonde on the shoulder, who still didn't seem able to move or speak.
"20 points from Gryffindor for not sitting at the correct house table, and another 20 for wearing the incorrect uniform. Go and get changed this instant!"
"Can I finish my cereal first?"
"No."
"Fine, no need to be grouchy." Harry gave Draco one last pat on the shoulder and strutted out of the hall.
"What on earth?" Fred said in wonder as he sat down opposite Ron and Hermione. "He's gone mental."
Ron just shrugged.
Severus Snape was not having a good morning. He barely got any sleep thanks to Dumbledore's incessant rambling about the Potter boy and how he needs to be protected, only to find the very same Potter sat next to Draco Malfoy at the Slytherin table trying to force-feed him. And he wasn't even in uniform!
"Why did you not put a stop to his foolish behaviour before I arrived?" He asked Minerva grumpily.
Minerva smirked.
"Well, Severus, he promised me he would change after he finished his breakfast, and I see no harm in him trying to mend the house rivalry and end his feud with Mister Malfoy. In fact, it's so thoughtful and mature of him I think he should earn 50 points to Gryffindor, don't you agree?"
"You find this funny, don't you?" Severus said accusingly.
"Quite."
Harry wasn't seen again until his first class, which happened to be transfiguration.
"Mr Potter." Professor McGonagall sighed, doing her best to sound exasperated. "I believe I told you to put on the correct uniform after breakfast?"
Harry grinned at her, spinning around. The light blue Beauxbatons uniform he was wearing swirled with his movement.
"But Professor, I did exactly as you asked! You asked me to change, and I told you I would make sure to wear a 'full, single set of uniform'. You didn't specify which uniform it had to be." Harry fluttered his eyelashes at her innocently.
"You are correct, I did not. Well then, sit down, I must begin my lesson." Harry grinned as his Head of House resumed teaching as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
Draco Malfoy was incredibly confused. He had stayed up late last night making incredible badges that said Support Cedric Diggory, that also said Potter Stinks. He had woken up after 2 hours of sleep, exhausted, and had to drag himself to the Great Hall for breakfast. He didn't even wait for his stupid minions.
Upon his arrival he did a double take, fairly sure he was hallucinating the oddly dressed Harry Potter, who was sat in his usual seat at the Slytherin table.
"Potter." He remembered saying. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Then he had been forced to sit down, listen to Potter's insane ramblings and then been spoon-fed jam. He hated jam!
The worst part about it all was that he was humiliated and confused. Malfoys don't get humiliated and confused! Ever.
Oh well, Potter was probably just in some sort of shock after what happened with goblet. Wait, No, that couldn't be right. Potter put his own name in! Unless he didn't?
He decided not to think about Potter anymore, it was making his head hurt. Besides, the boy would probably be back to normal by lunch.
"Oh look Daphne, Draco is back!" Harry exclaimed happily, once again from Draco's place at the Slytherin table, in full Beauxbatons uniform. "Hi Draco! How was your morning?"
"Potter, what the actual -"
"Ohmygosh, I have something super cool to show you!" Harry said excitedly. He grabbed Draco by the hand and dragged him over to the Gryffindor table.
"Sit." He said. Draco, desperate to wake up from this nightmare, complied. Harry sat own next to him, rummaging in his pockets.
"Hermione, you should get the Beauxbatons uniform, you're always complaining about having no pockets." Harry commented.
"I really should." Hermione said, trying to stifle her laughter at the completely shocked and hopeless look on Malfoy's face.
"How are you being so normal? What is wrong with him?" Draco hissed at her. Before Hermione could reply, Harry shouted in triumph.
"Got it!" He passed whatever it was he had just found to Malfoy. It was a stuffed dragon plushie.
"Potter, what-"
"Isn't it the cutest thing ever?" Harry squealed.
"Um, if I say yes can I leave?"
"Sure!"
"Then it's adorable!" Malfoy squeaked and ran out of the hall, taking the dragon plushie with him. As soon as he was gone, Hermione erupted into a fit of giggles.
By dinner, Malfoy was shaking, and his palms were sweaty. Daphne rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.
"I'm sure Potter is back to normal now." She said consolingly. "Come on, you can't just skip meals just because of some Gryffindor."
Draco nodded shakily. "Yeah, yeah, you're right." He wiped his hands on his robes and took a deep breath, following Daphne into the hall. He immediately started looking for Potter.
He scanned the Gryffindor table first and Potter was indeed sat there, chatting casually with Granger and Weasley. He breathed a sigh of relief. But as he was walking to the Slytherin table, someone caught his eye.
Potter was sat at the Slytherin table, having what looked to be a very important discussion with Blaise Zabini. His breathing quickened again. Daphne elbowed him. "Look at the Hufflepuff table!" She hissed.
Potter was sat at the Hufflepuff table, talking to Bones and Abbot.
"Hey, Draco!" He turned to see who called his name.
There was Potter, waving at him from Ravenclaw table, where he was sat with a blonde girl from the year below them. "Come and meet my new friend!"
It was too much for Draco to handle. He took one large, shuddering breath, and fainted.
When Harry was questioned later on, he simply denied everything and claimed that he was sat at Gryffindor table the whole time, and someone else must have thought it would be funny to use Polyjuice potion to impersonate him.
"Mr Potter, there were 4 of you present at dinner today." Dumbledore said, looking at the boy with his usual grandfatherly twinkle.
"Maybe it was group of people trying to get me in trouble. Really Professor, considering what transpired last night it's hardly surprising. I personally think it was the Hufflepuffs, they must be furious with me for stealing Cedric's glory." And with that, he skipped off.
Later on that evening, Ron, Hermione, Harry, Cedric, Fleur, Viktor, Luna, Ginny and Colin gathered in the kitchens.
"So you'll be our secret photographer? And you promise not to say a word to anyone?" Harry asked Colin.
"I promise." Colin said.
"Good. And Luna is our spy with her special spy powers!"
"I'm a seer, Harry. I can see the future, and some of the present." Luna said in her usual dreamy tone.
"Yes, spy powers!"
"Oh Merlin, he's going insane for real!" Ron groaned. Ginny laughed.
"Ginny, we love you and all but why are you here?" Harry asked her.
"Because I wanted to. Luna and Colin are my friends, so I came with them."
Harry shrugged "Fair enough."
"That Polyjuice potion worked so well, where did you get it?" Cedric asked Harry.
"Oh, in second year we used it to sneak into the Slytherin common room and interrogate Malfoy, but we had some left over. Thankfully Polyjuice doesn't go off so you can keep it in storage for years." Hermione answered before Harry could even open his mouth to speak.
"You lot are mad." Cedric said, with an amused shake of his head.
"Wait, so at dinner today who was pretending to be which Harry?" Ginny asked.
"Well, Fleur was Slytherin Harry, Cedric was Hufflepuff Harry and Viktor was Gryffindor Harry. I was Ravenclaw Harry of course, I wanted to be the one to finally push Malfoy over the edge." Harry grinned. "It felt wonderful! Who knew all I had to do to defeat him was kill him with kindness?"
They sat together and plotted for about ten more minutes before returning to their common rooms.
The Gryffindors were all wide awake when they got back, wanting to ask Harry what on earth was going on. He refused to answer them and went straight to bed, Ron following him.
"Ron?" Fred asked, just before he was out of sight. "Have you been wearing that cloak all day?"
"Yes, isn't it pretty?" Ron said, turning his head to admire the sky blue Beauxbatons cloak he was wearing, letting out a girlish giggle.
Chapter 3: The Mental Health Madness
There was no rest for the witty, so Harry was straight back at it again the next day. His chosen table for that morning was the Hufflepuff table, where he sat in between Cedric and Fleur.
The plan for today was supposed to be small, a simple charm to change the colour of his hair. He did that anyway, of course (hot pink was definitely his colour, he looked fabulous), but then he was struck with a plan.
"Hey Cedric?" Harry said, turning to the Hufflepuff prefect. "Can I tell you a cool story?"
"Sure." Cedric said with a shrug. "Go ahead."
"Okay so important backstory; you remember how I killed Quirrelmort in my first year to save the philosophers stone?" Harry asked innocently.
Cedric spat out his pumpkin juice. "You did what?" Several people sat near them fell silent and turned around to see what was going on.
"Yeah, don't you remember? The three headed dog in the forbidden corridor, the big killer plant thing, the fire and the mirror? Quirrell hiding Voldemort's face on the back of his under his turban? Me burning him alive and saving the world from Voldemort's return? No?" Harry looked around in genuine confusion. Dumbledore had said everyone knew about this!
"Harry, what on earth are you talking about?" Susan asked. She was sat opposite them, and her eyes had grown wider with every word he had spoken. The other students sat around them had their mouths dangling open.
"Strange, Dumbledore told me the whole school knew what happened." Harry said with a small frown. "You at least knew about Voldemort, right?"
"No, all we were told was that Quirrell had attacked you and you fought him off." Ernie Macmillan spoke up.
"Oh." Harry blinked, twice, then shivered dramatically. "It's freezing in here. Anyway, so I saved the stone and stuff. Fell unconscious, almost died, and woke up in the hospital wing. And guess what?"
"What?"
"Fred and George Weasley had sent me a toilet seat! Hahaa, isn't that hilarious?" Harry said, bursting into a fit of laughter, slapping Cedric on the back as he did so.
"Yes, yes, very funny. Oh my goodness Harry, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that!" Susan said, looking empathetic.
"It's okay Susan, the big blue bumblebee told me it's my destiny to be a hero and save the wizarding world." Harry whispered conspiratorially, nodding to her in a very serious fashion.
"Who, Dumbledore?" She guessed.
"Shhh! Don't speak his name, or he'll turn you into a bat!" Harry hissed at her, waving his hands madly.
Susan narrowed her eyes. "You are so weird. But still, I'm sorry you had to fight Voldemort and a plant and a dog and murder Quirrell and stuff."
"Oh my goodness, who had to go through all of that, that's terrible!" Harry exclaimed, tears welling up in his eyes. "We have to help them, quick, tell me who it is!" He pleaded. "They should go to therapy straight away."
"Um, you?"
"Me?!" Harry gasped in shock. "Oh yeah, it was. Oh well, I lived. I'll go get some therapy though, don't worry." With that, he stood up and skipped out of the hall.
Susan and Cedric looked at each other, concerned. Susan stood and walked over to Hermione and Ron, muttering something to them. They nodded and Cedric saw her frown.
"It's true." She said, sitting back down, this time in Harry's vacated seat. "Everything Harry just said is completely true, including the toilet seat."
"Oh dear." Cedric said weakly.
"You know what zis means?" Fleur spoke up suddenly. Cedric and Susan turned to look at her. "Dumbledore 'as been lying to everyone in zis school. So how much does he lie to ze outside world?"
Susan paled.
"I have to go and write to my aunt." She said, and hurried off.
Meanwhile, Harry skipped down to the dungeons. It was a Saturday so he had no lessons to attend and there was only one teacher present at breakfast; Professor Flitwick.
Harry came to a halt outside of Snape's office, and knocked on the door. When no one replied, he tried the handle. By a stroke of luck (whose real name was Dobby) the door was unlocked and Harry made his way into the office, sitting in the chair in front of the desk.
Dobby had also left him a box of tissues. Perfect.
Harry didn't have to wait long for Snape to arrive.
"Potter, what are you doing in my office?" The Potions Master snarled. Harry began to sob, blowing his nose into a tissue.
Three hours later, Draco Malfoy finally mustered up the courage to leave the common room. He was on high alert, jumping at every tiny sound, immediately assuming Potter was back to torture him again. His first stop was his Uncle Severus' office, so he could complain to his godfather about stupid Potter and stupid dragons and stupid jam.
But when he knocked and pushed the door open, someone was already inside.
Malfoy had to pinch his arm to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Potter was sat in front of Severus' desk, sobbing uncontrollably. Severus was sat behind his desk, looking a mixture of shocked, horrified, and desperate to flee the castle forever.
"A-a-and he didn't let out of the cupboard for a week, and they gave me barely any food..." Harry said between loud sobs.
As soon as he noticed Draco however, he stopped crying and brightened completely.
"Hi Draco!" He said cheerfully. "Are you here for therapy too?"
"I-no- what?" Draco frowned.
"It was on the posters, didn't you see them? Thank you so much Professor, I feel so much better now!" Harry stood up, frowned, pulled some scissors out of his pocket and cut of a small chunk of his pink hair off. He placed it on Severus' desk and skipped out of the room, hugging Draco on his way out.
Wait, since when was Potter's hair pink?
"What was that about?" Draco asked his Godfather, who just groaned and shook his head.
"I have no idea, the boy was here when I arrived, and just started regaling me with stories from his childhood." Severus rubbed his temples. "Did you need something, Draco, or can I return to my chambers? I need some very, very strong firewhiskey."
"No, you go, it was nothing." Draco said, and left the office with more questions then answers.
Once back in his chambers, Severus Snape did indeed drink firewhiskey, and lots of it. His mind was a mess. He was exhausted from having to listen to Potter ramble on about his relatives and Voldemort and Dumbledore, confused as to why Dumbledore told him Potter grew up pampered when the boy just sounded like he had been abused, and also incredibly angry. The most infuriating part? He wasn't even angry at Potter! Instead, he was angry on Potter's behalf! Oh, how he despised Petunia!
"Here's one!" Ginny exclaimed, running over to where an A4 sheet of muggle parchment was pinned to the wall.
Advertisement
For two days only, Professor Severus Snape is offering his services in therapy sessions for all Hogwarts students from 1st to 7th year. Apologies, but no sessions are available to Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students at this time.
Sessions last as long as the Student requires, and the payment is a small chunk of hair. I hope you all make use of this rare opportunity.
Signed: Minnie McGonagall
"Wicked!" Said Colin with a huge grin, as he lifted his camera and snapped a photo.
Chapter 4: The Cooking Chaos
"What classes do we have today?" Harry asked Hermione as they made their way to the great hall on Monday morning.
"Double Potions, Transfiguration, Charms and Herbology." Hermione reeled off, sitting down next to Luna at the Gryffindor table with a thud. "Morning Ginny, Luna."
"Morning." Grinned Ginny. "Cooking up some more trouble?" She asked Harry, who had fallen quiet and was frowning slightly.
"Ginny, you genius!" He exclaimed, clapping his hands and squealing. "You absolute superstar! 50 points to you! I'll see you in potions Hermione, if you see Ron tell him come to the kitchens!" Harry stood up, shook Ginny's hand vigorously and sprinted off.
Ginny and Hermione shared a look. "Well, I'm not sure what I did, but hopefully it'll provide us all with some entertainment." Ginny said quietly, watching as Harry ran past Colin, paused, turned around, ran back to Colin, grabbed the boy by the sleeve and dragged him out of the hall.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "If he disrupts any of our lessons today I will kill him."
Severus Snape was in an awful mood. He had been waylaid by the Weasley twins all weekend, each time giving him a chunk of hair and ranting about nonsense for hours. Every time he tried to take points off of them, nothing happened.
On a few occasions other students did approach him. The Lovegood girl had simply talked about non-existent creatures for hours, the Weasley girl had ranted about her huge crush on Harry Potter (which was a very obvious fake crush), and Diggory had wanted advice on how to deal with his nerves about the tournament. Snape had slammed his office door in the boy's face, unable to deal with hormonal teenagers any longer, even if half of them were faking it.
He put his conversation with Harry- wait, no, Potter out of his mind, and decided to write to Lupin so he could deal with the boy's childhood trauma and current issues instead. Maybe he should include the boy's apparent spiral into insanity too?
When he found the posters, clearly forged (Minerva would never call herself Minnie), he had gone straight to her office and slammed it onto her desk.
"Whoever made these should be expelled for false advertisement and forgery." Minerva had picked up the poster and studied it carefully.
"It seems perfectly legitimate to me. Harry Potter and the Weasley twins were singing your praises yesterday afternoon, and this Minnie McGonagall seemed to think it was an excellent idea. I wonder if she and I are related?" McGonagall smirked as Snape sputtered.
"I-but-"
"Besides," Minerva continued. "It clearly states the opportunity was only open for this weekend. It is now midnight, therefore Monday morning. I see no further issue." Minerva stood. "I'm going to bed, if you don't require me for anything else. Oh, and Severus? It was a very kind and compassionate thing you offered to do this weekend, well done." With that she left, leaving an incredibly furious Severus behind.
It was safe to say Severus had no patience left for the coming week. He had the fourth year Gryffindor and Slytherins first thing on Mondays, so he hoped beyond hope that Potter wouldn't test his patience.
Alas, the odds were clearly against him, as the chaos began a few minutes after Potter entered the room.
"The instructions are on the board. Follow them." Severus ordered as he sat behind his desk. Usually he would prowl amongst the students, critiquing, but he had no energy left after the torturous weekend he'd had.
He kept his eye on Potter. The boy was being normal today it appeared, silently adding eggs to his potion as Weasley read him the directions from the large recipe book in his hands.
It took Severus longer than he was proud of to realise everything that was wrong with that statement.
"Potter!" He barked. Harry looked up, blinking innocently.
"Yes, Professor?"
"What are you doing?" Severus narrowed his eyes dangerously at the boy. Funnily enough, so did Granger.
"It's Dobby's birthday, we're making him a cake!" Harry responded, looking at the Potions Professor as though he had three heads. "What else would be doing in cooking class?"
"Potter." Severus could feel another headache coming on. "This is Potions. Cooking and Brewing are not the same. 10 points from Gryffindor."
"No way, you forgot it was Dobby's birthday!" Harry exclaimed, pointing at him accusingly.
Ron gasped loudly. "Professor, how could you? You know how much this birthday means to Dobby!"
Severus looked between the two students, at a complete loss on how to react.
"Tell Dobby happy birthday from me." Daphne said with a smirk. She was beginning to like Potter.
"30 points from Gryffindor for acting like fools and disrupting my lesson." Severus said weakly.
Draco was frowning in the corner. Where had he heard the name Dobby before?
"20 points to Daphne for being thoughtful." Harry retorted.
"Don't you mean Slytherin? And you can't give points anyway, you aren't a prefect." Dean pointed out.
"Not house points, Dean, keep up! They're people points!" Harry said proudly.
"And what are people points, exactly?" Neville piped up.
"People points are your personal points. Anyone can give anyone people points, but only a select few people can take them away again."
"Like who?" Lavender asked.
"Me, Daphne, Dumbledore, Minister Fudge, Sirius Black and You-Know-Who. I would have let Ron and Hermione, but Ron would show blatant favouritism and Hermione would be far too strict." Harry stated. Hermione rolled her eyes and Dean and Seamus burst into laughter.
"Hey!" Ron pouted, crossing his arms.
A few people had flinched at the mention of Voldemort, but most of them saw the funny side.
"So how do I check my points then?" Daphne asked. "It would be no fun earning them if I don't know how many I have."
"By tapping your school badge with your wand and saying 'View Stats'. The teachers have to tap their nose as they don't have badges." Harry demonstrated and a zero appeared above his head. "Everyone is currently at zero except for Daphne and Ginny Weasley. Oh, and Professor Snape is at minus 10 for forgetting Dobby's birthday."
"Enough!" Snape snarled, sick of Potter's nonsense. "Potter, 50 points from Gryffindor for disruption and two weeks detention. Get out of my classroom!"
"Yes, good idea Sir, I should go take Dobby his cake! Come on Ron, Daphne." Harry said brightly, standing up and taking a nicely decorated cake out of his cauldron, handing it to Ron and skipping over to Daphne, dragging her out of the classroom.
"Erm, sorry Professor Snape, but I should probably-"
"Just go, Weasley." Snape sighed, rubbing his temples. Ron hurriedly left the room, careful not to drop the cake.
"100 points to Hermione for finishing the cake whilst we were talking." Harry said he, Ron and Daphne walked to the kitchens.
"You owe me, Potter, dragging me out of class like that." Daphne scolded, but she didn't sound particularly annoyed.
"Sorry Daphne. Have an extra 10 points for coming with me!"
"And what's so special about these points, Potter? Is there a prize for whoever gets the most or something?"
"There is. The winner gets a stuffed toy." Harry said seriously. "Everyone loves stuffed toys."
"Right..."
"Harry, aren't we supposed to be taking this to the kitchens?" Ron asked, holding up the cake. Harry gave him a confused look.
"Why?"
"Because it's for Dobby?"
"No it isn't. It's for Professor Sprout. What made you think it was for Dobby?" Harry asked, looking at Ron as if he were stupid.
"You said- never mind. So why aren't we going to the greenhouses?"
"The plants might get jealous. We are taking it to the great hall, and we will sing to her at dinner!"
A few hours later, Harry had successfully skived all of his lessons and met up with the Weasley twins.
"Keep her out of the hall until you get the signal, got it?"
"Got it."
"Okay, see you in a few minutes." Harry skipped into the hall and sat down next to Hermione.
"Harry James Potter, you are in so much trouble!" Hermione scolded. "What possessed you to think it was okay to interrupt lesson time like that? You need to focus on your studies in class time, especially now you're in this stupid tournament."
"Relax Mio, potions won't help me against a dragon." Harry said offhandedly.
Hermione blinked. "A dragon? What dragon?"
"I don't know, I just made it up." Harry shrugged. Then he noticed the hall was completely full, except for one empty space at the teacher's table and two empty seats at the Gryffindor table. "Shhh, it's starting!"
"What's starti-" Before she could finish, the doors to the hall flew open with a bang and the Weasley twins escorted Professor Sprout into the room.
"Everybody sing!" Harry yelled, jumping out of his seat. "One, two, three! Happpy birthdaaaay to youuuu."
Slowly but surely, everyone began to join in as Fred Weasley pulled out Professor Sprout's chair for her and George lit the candles on the cake in front of her. After they finished singing, everyone began clapping and cheering.
"Thank you everyone!" Sprout said, teary-eyed. "How did you know it was my birthday?"
"Professor Snape told me." Harry responded. "He asked me to make the cake for you." Snape's eyes widened but he didn't say anything as Sprout, who was conveniently sat next to him, wrapped him in a hug. He did, however, glare daggers at Potter.
"50 points to Snape! Harry declared. And 200 points to Professor Sprout for being an amazing teacher and because it's her birthday."
"Professor Sprout is winning!" Ron cheered.
The students who weren't in the potions class looked confused, but it didn't take long for the fourth years to spread the word. Soon enough, everyone was giving points to everyone left and right.
"Hey! Stop abusing this privilege!" Harry exclaimed. "Okay, any points not given to anyone by me are now removed. From now on only Me, Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick, Dumbledore, Hermione, Cedric, Luna and ex-Professor Lupin can give points." He declared. "The people who can take them away for everyone who wasn't there when I said it earlier are Me, Daphne, Dumbledore, Minister Fudge, Sirius Black and You-Know-Who." Harry said proudly.
"I thought he was joking about that?" Neville whispered to Ron.
"Nope." Ron chuckled, before turning to Harry. "Wait, hold on. So you'll let Hermione give points and not me?" Looking mildly offended.
"Ron, you're great and all but you would give your favourite people loads of points and take away points from everyone you hate for no reason. Hermione is allowed to give them as she'll be fair, but she can't take them away cause she'd be far too strict about it. Sorry mate."
"Eh, fair point." Ron said, shrugging.
"Sirius Black, the mass murderer?" Cedric questioned. "The one who was targeting you?"
"Yes, of course. Why shouldn't he be allowed too? Just because he's an escaped prisoner doesn't mean he's not a human with feelings." Harry argued.
"Yes, preezoners also 'ave feelings." Fleur said firmly.
"Not the point, but okay." Cedric said. "And you-know-who?"
"Oh, that was just for funsies." Harry said, aware the entire school was listening and Dumbledore was probably going to tell him off later. "Anyway, must skedaddle, I promised Dobby a slice of cake."
"Here you go Mr Potter." Sprout cut two slices of cake and levitated them to Harry. "One for you and one for this Dobby fellow."
"Thank you Professor!" Harry blew her a kiss and left the hall, most of the school watching him go.
"I'm going after him, I want to know what magic he used to make his point system thing." Hermione said, standing up and jogging to catch up with Harry.
Then Malfoy had a light bulb moment.
"POTTER? Why are you giving cake to my house elf!" He demanded, storming after the raven-haired boy.
Harry giggled, pulling the invisibility cloak Colin had just returned to him over his head.
Dear Sirius,
The spells you came up with to help with the point system worked! I even used one of the charms to stop Snape taking points away from Gryffindor, but I don't think he's noticed yet. Anyway, thanks for the help, and for telling me it was Sprouts Birthday. She almost cried with happiness when she saw the cake!
Just a bit of warning; if we ever see you in person and Hermione is with me, she's going to yell at you then harass you about how you came up with those spells. I had to tell her you're helping cause she threatened me, and she's scary when she threatens me.
From your favourite Godson,
Harry J.P
Sirius Black, crouched in a small cave somewhere in Algeria, smirked.
Severus entered Minerva's office without knocking, collapsed into the chair in front of her desk, and handed her a chunk of black hair.
"Your turn." He said grimly.
Chapter 5: The Attack Of The Invisible Bumblebees
On Friday morning, some very important post arrived by owl.
Susan had received a letter from her aunt, which she showed Cedric immediately.
Dear Susan
Thank you for informing me of everything Harry Potter told you, I will look into it immediately. Myself and a few others will be visiting the school in a few weeks time to talk to Harry Potter in person to try and gather some more information.
I'm glad to hear you are finding friends from other houses, house unity is always a positive.
I hope you are keeping up with your studies,
Aunt Amelia
"That's good news, and great she took you seriously." Cedric murmured.
"Awww, we're friends now?" Susan jumped and spun around in her seat to see Harry standing behind her, a large grin on his face.
"Did you know he was there?" She demanded, glaring at Cedric across the table, who snickered.
"I love having friends!" Harry declared. "It's the best. And why does your Aunt want to speak with me?"
"You read the whole thing?" Susan asked.
"Sorry, Luna told me to, apparently it's crucial that I did." Harry shrugged.
"Okay. Well, my Aunt is Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, which means she investigates and looks into the legitimacy of events. She also has lots of sway in the way trials run, has power to make quite big decisions alone. Oh, and has to fill out a ton of paperwork every single day."
"So she wants to see me why?"
"To talk to you about what happened in your first year."
"Oh my gosh, really? Do you think she'll want to hear about the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets too?" Harry asked cheerfully. Susan gasped, and several people around them dropped their forks.
"Definitely. Harry, what basilisk?" Susan asked, looking pale.
"Oh relax, it's dead." Harry said. "It can't hurt you!"
Susan looked a bit faint. "You know what? I'll write to my aunt, and ask her to come earlier."
"Thank you Susan, have 100 people points!"
"Thanks?"
"Your welcome!" Harry smiled and skipped off, his own mail to open.
The first one was from Sirius.
Harry,
It sounds like you are living up to the Marauder's legacy, I'm proud of you! Snape can't take points from Gryffindor? Ha! Serves him right for being a selfish, arrogant little dungeon bat. Tell Sprout happy birthday from me, she was always one of my favourite professors. (Don't actually, unless you're behaving insane enough no one will believe you)
Harry, Remus received a rather concerning letter from the dungeon bat about your childhood. He is currently in contact with a woman named Amelia Bones, who wishes to speak with you in a couple of weeks time. Please be completely honest with her and try and behave as not-insane as possible.
Keep me updated about the Tournament and let me know if you need any help.
Your favourite Dog,
Snuffles.
Harry grinned widely. "Professor Sprout?" He called out loudly. She looked up from her breakfast and gave him a questioning look. "A big black dog wishes you a happy birthday."
"You tell him thank you from me then." Sprout answered with a smile. She was quite fond of Harry.
Harry turned to Snape. "The big black dog also says Professor Snape is a selfish, arrogant dungeon bat."
"Listen here, Potter, you tell that filthy mutt-"
"Now now, Severus." Dumbledore said calmly. "Harry, if you would come to my office later on today, we need to have a chat." He wasn't concerned about other students hearing him, as they'd assume it was about Harry's recent behaviour. Which it was, partly.
"Okay!" Harry said brightly. "I look forward to our discussion about the big bad wolf."
His next letter was from Colin, and it contained several moving pictures of the chaos from the past few days, including the time he hung up several brightly coloured pairs of socks in the Charms classroom with Dobby.
"5 million points to Colin." He whispered.
"Harry! Too many!" Ginny scolded. He sighed sulkily.
"Fine, 5 million points away from Colin and add 500 points instead." He said grumpily. "Five points from Ginny for being boring."
The next letter looked very professional.
Dear Mr H. J. Potter,
We are writing to inform you that within the next few weeks you will be receiving a visit from three members of Magical Law Enforcement department and the Auror office to discuss some rumours circulating about your first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Your Head of House and the Headmaster have also been informed of this.
Best Wishes,
Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.
The final letter was from Remus, who had been writing to Harry regularly since he had resigned.
Harry,
I'm sorry it's been a while since my last letter, my furry little problem (that is what your dad used to call it) was keeping me busy.
Are you okay? Do you have any idea who entered your name into the Goblet of Fire? Severus wrote to me also, I've written to Amelia Bones and she wants to speak with you.
I'll be coming to the castle to watch all of your tasks, so hopefully we can catch up properly then. I may bring my pet dog with me if we can import him back to this country.
All the best, please keep me updated,
Remus
"Hermione, could I pretty please borrow some parchment and a quill?" Harry asked sweetly. Hermione rolled her eyes and handed him three sheets of parchment and a self-inking quill. "Thanks Mione."
Harry wrote back to Colin first.
Colin,
Thank you for the pictures! I gave you 5 million people points, but Ginny told me off, so I gave you 500 instead. Find me in the common room later and I'll pay you as well.
Harry
Then Sirius.
Dear Snuffles,
Professor Sprout says thank you. Don't worry, I didn't say your name, just that big black dog wishes her a happy birthday. I told Snape what you called him as well, he got angry but Dumbledore stopped him from yelling at me. He did call you a filthy mutt though. Speaking of, the bumblebee wants to talk to me later. He didn't give me a time, so I'll go to his office around midnight. That should be late enough, don't you think?
Snape wrote to Moony about me? But therapy sessions are supposed to be confidential! I'm going to tell on him.
Don't worry, I'll be good for Madam Bones.
As for the tournament, if I'm being completely honest I haven't really thought about it.
One more thing - I had to stop McGonagall from being able to take points away from Slytherin too, just to be fair.
Love From Harry, your favourite human alive.
After an internal debate, Harry decided the letter from Amelia Bones didn't actually need a reply as it was just telling him what was going to happen and left no questions for him to answer, so he used the last piece of parchment for Remus instead.
Dear Moony,
I'm okay. If you ask anyone else they'll say I've gone a bit bonkers, which is completely true and somewhat purposeful. But I'm fine, so that is irrelevant.
It'll be nice to see you in person at the tasks, then we can have a proper talk. As for who put my name in the Goblet of Fire, I have no idea. Although I suspect Dumbledore, he loves putting me in dangerous situations.
Anywhoo, gotta run, Herbology starts soon.
Love from Harry.
Harry tied all three letters to Hedwig's foot and she gave him a friendly nip on the finger before taking off.
Harry was pulled out of Charms to speak with Dumbledore, much to his disappointment.
"But Minnie, I have to learn! Dumbledore is taking away from my important education time! What if I need the summoning spell in the first task?" Harry complained.
"I agree with you Mr Potter, it does seem foolish removing from lessons at such a crucial time. However, I must do as the Headmaster says."
To Harry's surprise, Professor McGonagall stayed with him when they reached the office, and Harry was even more surprised to see Snape in there too.
"Oh, hello." He said as he sat in one of the two empty seats before he was invited to.
"Harry, my boy!" Dumbledore said. "I presume you know why you're here."
"It's because of the Dementor isn't it?" Harry said, looking worried. "The one that told me your beard is fake. Don't worry Sir, I don't believe her!"
"Not quite Harry. Do you know why I received a letter from Amelia Bones claiming she needs to speak with you?"
"Yes." Harry said nodded. The three Professors waited, but Harry didn't elaborate.
"May I ask why she needs to speak with you?"
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"Yes, you can ask."
Dumbledore sighed. "Why does she need to speak with you, Harry?"
"Because there's an infestation of bumblebees in the castle that keep lying to people. No one knows the truth except me, so she needs to speak to me so she can save everyone from the bumblebees."
"What bumblebees, Potter? I've seen no bumblebees." Minerva asked. She knew full well what he was talking about, but apparently Dumbledore hadn't caught on. The boy was good, Minerva had to give him that.
"They're invisible of course!" Harry said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I'm afraid I cannot let you speak with Miss Bones, Harry." Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.
Harry suddenly switched. Minerva and Severus watched in slight shock as the boy suddenly seem to lose that crazy sparkle in his eye, and gave the Headmaster a harsh glare.
"I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to stop me, Professor." Harry responded, voice dangerously calm. It was the most serious he had been in days, and it took both Minerva and Severus by surprise.
Dumbledore however looked unbothered.
"Harry-"
"If you prevent me from speaking with Madam Bones you are breaking the law." Harry said shortly. "And I will not hesitate to let the world know you're a law breaker." Suddenly, the seriousness that had overtaken Harry was gone, and the crazy spark ignited again. "One more thing - Professor Snape broke the confidentiality rules in our therapy session, he told Remus everything I said. I've taken away 200 people points, but I think you should give him detention."
Severus snarled and opened his mouth to yell at the insolent spawn of James Potter, but Harry had already skipped out of the office.
"Let him speak to her, Albus." Minerva said, growing quite tired of the old man's controlling behaviour, before also leaving the office.
"Dumbledore, you have to stop this madness." Snape said with sigh. "The boy has gone mental, you must fix it."
"He's been through a lot Severus, with his name coming out of the Goblet and the incidents from his first, second and third year. He was bound to snap at some point. Give him time, he'll come back to his senses." Dumbledore said calmly, although there a was a flicker of doubt in his mind. He was losing his grip on his chess pieces.
Severus snorted disbelievingly. "I highly doubt that." With one last glare at the Headmaster, he swept out of the office.
Chapter 6: Weighing Of The Wands Mayhem
Since Harry had taken up the annoying habit of skipping everywhere, no one was surprised when he skipped into the next potions class late. What did surprise them, however, was the very amused third year student Colin Creevey stood next to him.
"Mr Creevey, why are you not in your own class and interrupting mine?" Snape asked silkily, eyebrows raised.
"He's with me. Apparently the big blue bumblebee told my best friend Colin here that the wasp told him I have to get wand weighed! My bet is 50 grams." Harry explained, very unclearly.
"I bet it's 23 grams." Said Ron. "10 Galleons."
"Deal." Said Harry seriously. "Anyway, I do have to go. Such a shame, I was looking forward to learning to bake treacle tarts." Harry said sadly.
"Okay, fine." Snape said, and Harry turned to leave with Colin. "And Potter?" Harry turned around to face the potions professor, giving him a questioning look.
"See me and office at 8 tonight. To catch up on todays lesson, it's an important one."
"Yes Sir, treacle tarts are super important!" With that, Harry skipped out of the room, Colin chasing after him in a fit of giggles.
Colin, as expected, did not leave when Harry arrived at the empty classroom they were told to meet the judges in. Instead, Harry once again handed him the invisibility cloak and told him to stay quiet and keep his eyes peeled for anything "sus".
"I'm here!" Harry sang as he entered the room, hugging Fleur. The blonde witch grinned and patted him fondly on the head. The two had grown close quite quickly, and their friendship was one of the many rumours about Harry going around the school.
"Aha, just in time!" Bagman said cheerfully, reaching out to shake Harry's hand. Harry accepted but pulled away abruptly, letting out a shriek.
"It stung me! The wasp stung me!" He cried, pointing at Bagman with an indignant look on his face.
"Harry, I-"
"Ignore him, Ludo, I've heard the boy is off his rocker." Crouch said grumpily. "Let's get this over with, shall we?" Harry stopped paying attention, standing next to Cedric as he watched the blonde woman in emerald green robes. He'd seen her eyes light up when Crouch mentioned he was crazy, and he had a feeling she was a reporter. Maybe she would be a good person to add to his little gang of mischief makers? He would try and talk to her after his wand weighing. In the meantime, he gestured slightly towards her, hoping Colin got the message and was keeping his eye on her.
"Harry Potter?"
"AAARGH!" Harry exclaimed, jumping a mile in the air.
"10 points from Gryffindor. Harry my boy, you really should be paying attention." Dumbledore said, sounding disappointed. Harry didn't really care.
"Sorry Gandalf." He said, turning away from Dumbledore. "When did he get here?" Harry hissed loudly to Cedric, pointing at Ollivander.
"Ages ago. You zoned out completely. It's your turn, you're the last one." Cedric said, nudging him forwards a bit.
"To do what?"
"I need to see your wand, Mr Potter." Ollivander said in his really creepy tone. Harry skipped forward and handed his wand to Ollivander.
"Ah yes, I remember this wand better than any other." He said simply. He didn't make any other comments, instead silently casting a spell that caused a fountain of red wine to burst from the tip.
"In fine working order. I believe that was everyone, Headmaster Dumbledore?"
"Wait!" Harry exclaimed. "You didn't weigh it!" Ollivander raised an eyebrow, but cast a spell on Harry's wand with his own.
"23 grams." He said. "Quite light for a wand."
"Noooo!" Harry groaned. "How on earth did Ron guess that? Now I owe him 10 galleons!"
"Harry Potter, yes?" The blonde witch Harry was watching earlier asked, before Dumbledore could tell Harry off for being disruptive again.
"Yes. and you are?"
"Rita Skeeter, journalist for The Prophet. Can we go and have a little chat?" Dumbledore opened his mouth, probably to decline, but Harry got there first.
"Sure! Lead the way Madam Skeeter." He offered her his arm.
Skeeter chuckled. "Aren't you a charming lad? Come along then." She led him out of the room and to a nearby classroom, an empty one.
"I have a preposition for you." Harry said before she could talk.
"Oh, really?" She looked faintly disappointed, but her interest soon got the better of her.
"I'll pay you 50 galleons per story you write for me, exactly how I ask you to." Her eyes lit up, and she nodded vigorously.
"Deal."
"And I don't want to be made to look evil, because I'm not."
"Done."
Harry blinked. "Well, that was easy. Okay, here's what we're going to do..."
After a very interesting conversation where he found out his dad and godfather and the traitor Peter Pettigrew weren't the only illegal animagi to ever exist, he exited the classroom feeling very satisfied.
"Photos!" Skeeter exclaimed upon entering the room with Harry, clapping her hands together once.
The next hour was filled with hundreds of photographs being taken. Single shots, group shots, champions with their headteachers. By the time they were finished, Dumbledore told them to head straight to dinner. The four champions decided to sit together at the Gryffindor table.
At eight o'clock, Harry dutifully knocked on Severus Snape's office door.
"Potter, on time, surprisingly. Enter." Harry entered the office, sitting in the chair in front of the desk Snape gestured to.
"What ingredients do I need for treacle tarts, sir?" Harry asked.
"We want to know what you're up to." Harry jumped, turning his head to see Minerva McGonagall stood behind him.
"Minnie, you scared me! That wasn't very nice! And what do mean, 'Up to'?" Harry asked innocently.
"We saw your moment of... sanity... in the Headmaster's office a few days ago, Potter. Why are behaving like a madman?" Snape asked sharply. Harry shrugged, thinking quickly. It couldn't hurt having teachers on his side, could it? Even if Snape was a petty moron?
"Because it's fun. And I'm sick of being a chess piece." He said eventually, crossing his arms.
"Finally seeing Dumbledore for the man he is, I see." Snape said approvingly. Harry raised a brow.
"I've always seen Dumbledore for the man he is. I just played along until I had a decent plan." Harry shrugged. "Then I got sick of waiting for a decent plan so decided to go crazy instead. I'm not hurting anyone, am I? And it's giving people a laugh, something that doesn't happen much. Laughter is good for the soul, you know."
"So, you're not actually mad?" Professor McGonagall asked hesitantly.
Harry quirked a brow. "I don't know, am I?" Professor McGonagall smirked.
"We want in." She said. Snape's eyes widened.
"We do?" He asked.
"We do." She confirmed. Snape slumped in his seat. "Fine. We won't tell anyone your little secret."
"Awesome!" Harry exclaimed. "Well if that's all, goodnight professors!"
"I'll walk you back to the common room, Potter." Once the two Gryffindors left his office, Snape sighed loudly, rubbing his temples. What had he got himself into?
The next morning, Harry could barely contain his excitement.
"Harry. James. Potter. Stop. Wriggling!" Hermione jabbed him in the arm with each word with her fork. "You are making the entire table shake!"
"Sorry Hermione." He wasn't at all sorry, but Hermione didn't need to know that.
"Harry look, it's here!" Colin hissed, grabbing Harry's arm. Harry had, of course, made him eavesdrop on his and Rita Skeeter's conversation the day before, so Colin was just as excited as Harry was.
"What's here? What do you know that we don't?" Daphne asked suspiciously. She had become one of the members of the friend group since the day Harry made sure everyone celebrated Sprout's birthday, a fact that left Draco incredibly upset.
"I want my best friend back, she abandoned me for a bunch of lions." Draco had complained to Daphne, who rolled her eyes.
"Just apologise for calling Hermione a slur, making fun of Ron's family and bullying Harry then you can be friends with them too. Besides, I'm still your best friend stupid, but Harry's interesting." Daphne had retorted.
"You are?" Draco had said happily. Daphne rolled her eyes at him and scoffed.
"Obviously. Now grow up and apologise." Draco had looked incredibly reluctant, but in the end he sighed grumpily and nodded.
"Fine. They won't forgive me though."
"Honestly? I think you'd be surprised."
Daphne was still waiting for him to do so, but she knew it would take him a while, since Draco had a lot of pride to push down before he even considered apologising.
When an owl dropped a newspaper on Harry's plate and he and Colin immediately buried themselves in it, Daphne and Hermione shared a long-suffering look.
"What trouble have you stirred up now?" Hermione groaned, picking up her own copy of the paper.
Poor young orphan's name entered into the tri-wizard tournament. I got an exclusive interview with him.
As many of you know, the tri-wizard tournament, an event consisting of three tasks that 3 schools from across the globe enter one champion into, is being hosted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year. However, no one expected a fourth champion's name to come flying out of the goblet.
"It is tragic, really." Beauxbatons' champion Fleur Delacour told me in her charming French accent. "The poor boy did not ask for this outcome, he was a mess when his name was announced."
"We will, of course, support him however we can." Hogwarts' official champion Cedric Diggory added.
I expect you're all on the edge of your seats wanting to hear who this mysterious 4th champion is? Well, let me tell you it was as much a shock for me as it will be for you, for the 4th Champion is none other than the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter.
Harry swore to me he has no idea how his name came out of the goblet.
"Someone wants to kill me again!" He told me tearfully. "There's always someone out for my blood."
When I inquired further into this, he informed me of several incidents at Hogwarts over his 4 years of education that shocked me to my core. See page 7 for more details.
I asked Harry about how he felt about the tournament.
"If I'm completely honest, I'm terrified." He confided in me. "No one believes I didn't enter my own name in except my close friends and fellow champions, and without them I'd feel even more alone than I already do. Not a single adult has offered me any support except for my father's old friends, who write to me regularly."
That of course, sparked my attention.
"Your father's friends?"
"Yes, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black."
My jaw dropped. Escaped convict Sirius Black? For more details see page 4.
After talking to Harry about Lupin and Black for a long while, he also confided with me about his grief for his parents and his terrible home life.
"I think if my parents were here and Voldemort hadn't killed them, none of this would have happened." He said mournfully. "I missed growing up with a loving family because of him, and now I have to compete in a dangerous tournament without having them to turn to."
"Do you think about them often?" I asked him.
"Every day. I like to think they're watching over me, rooting for me from heaven." I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.
"So, the Wizarding World is dying to know Harry; where did you grow up?"
"Well, Headmaster Dumbledore took me to my muggle relatives in Surrey." He seemed reluctant to open up about them, but with a bit of pushing I found out some shocking information.
"My Uncle and Aunt despise magic, therefore they despised me. My cousin is a huge bully. I hate living there. I slept in the cupboard under the stairs until I was eleven, then I moved into my cousin's second bedroom. I've begged Headmaster Dumbledore to let me go and stay with Mrs Weasley and her family during the summer, but he always insists I go back." I listened to this child with shock. Albus Dumbledore, hero of the wizarding world, sent the Boy Who Lived to live with child abusers? What is going on here? And why did Harry Potter's muggle cousin get two bedrooms whilst Harry had to sleep in a broom cupboard?
"I've heard rumours that you're going crazy, Harry. Is that true?" I said, changing the subject as I could see Harry was getting upset. He looked at me with his piercing green eyes.
"Maybe a little." He admitted. I nodded in understanding. Harry has been through so much, and the stress and grief and childhood trauma must have driven him over the edge.
"So Harry, why are you telling me all of this?"
"Well, I like to think that out there somewhere, there's another child just like me, who will read this and know it is not okay for adults to bully children, and do their best to get help." He told me earnestly.
Harry and I ended the interview as very close friends, so expect to hear from me soon with more updates on the life of Harry Potter. But for now, let's discuss the other champions!
Fleur Delacour, part-veela, is representing Beauxbatons school of Magic. Viktor Krum, Quidditch star, is representing Durmstrang Academy, and Cedric Diggory, loyal Hufflepuff, is representing Hogwarts. Harry told me he doesn't consider himself to be representing any school.
"I may not have entered my name, but it came out of the Goblet. I don't want or deserve any glory. Cedric is the only Hogwarts Champion." He told me firmly. Harry Potter is such a charming, humble lad.
"Harry, you little-" Hermione smacked his arm and them hugged him. "You slept in a cupboard? How could Dumbledore leave you there!" She sobbed. Harry patted her back awkwardly.
"There, there." He said. "I'm okay now. Besides, this article is exactly how I asked Skeeter to write it. Think of the things that are about to go down!" Harry grinned.
Ron, who had skim read the other two articles mentioned with Daphne, was smirking.
"Oh, it's going down alright!" He said. "Charming and humble? You're having a laugh!"
"Shut up Ron, I am super humble and charming!" Harry fluttered his eyelashes at him.
"You wish."
Suddenly, there was a sharp cough behind them. They turned around to see Draco Malfoy stood there, looking extremely embarrassed.
"Potter, I just wanted to... apologise. For how I treated you. And for insulting your family Weasley. And calling you the M word Granger."
"The past is in the past, let it go!" Harry said cheerfully, grabbing his arm and dragging him onto the bench next to him. "Want some more jam?" He asked sweetly. Malfoy went pale and Daphne burst into a fit of laughter.
Chapter 7: Howler Havoc
Remus Lupin opened his copy of The Daily Prophet with a huge amount of reluctance. He knew the wand ceremony had taken place thanks to Harry's letter, so he was expecting an article full of vitriol towards the boy he considered a nephew.
What he wasn't expecting, however, was three articles clearly manipulated by Harry - one of which would clear Sirius's name, one of which made Harry seem like he should be sympathised with and one which dirtied Dumbledore's name. It was a pleasant surprise, one that had him choking on his morning cup of tea every couple of minutes.
"Harry, you cheeky thing." He muttered to himself, grinning.
... I asked him.
"Well, I've been writing to Sirius since I found out he was innocent and didn't get a trial-"
"Innocent you say? How do you know?"
"Peter Pettigrew is an illegal animagus, he was my best friend's pet rat. We saw him transform and admit to his crimes. If you're looking for an escaped man with a dark mark, look at him, not my godfather."
Remus smirked. As soon as Amelia heard the words 'didn't get a trial' she would be furious. Harry was a genius, far quicker at getting Sirius's name cleared than Dumbledore.
He skim read the rest of the article, as it was just Harry talking about his terrible childhood and how Sirius offered a chance at a better home and a happier life. He grinned to himself; he would need to write to Harry and congratulate him.
Meanwhile, in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, Minerva, Pomona, Filius and Poppy were furious.
"I told you those muggles were the worst sort!" Minerva yelled at Dumbledore, ignoring the students that watched the argument break out with wide grins on their faces.
"It was for his own protection, you know that-"
"His own protection? He needed protecting from them, they were just at dangerous as the dead wizard who may or may not even be alive!" Aurora Sinistra added. She quite liked Harry, he was good at astronomy.
"The blood wards-"
"Wouldn't work if he did not consider that house a home. I suggest you check them." Severus said smoothly. "I doubt they even exist any longer."
"And you let him use a time turner? There were so many other ways to save Sirius, for instance speaking to Amelia Bones, and you chose to send a thirteen year old back in time?" Pomona said, a look of horror on her face.
"Two, actually!" Harry called helpfully from the Gryffindor table. "Hermione came with me." Pomona looked even angrier at those words.
"Well, you know the ministry, they-"
"I always said hiding the stone in the school was a terrible idea." Filius said sadly.
"No wonder the boy is so clearly undernourished. Did you even make sure he got his prevention of magical disease shots?" Poppy scolded.
Before Dumbledore could reply, a single owl flew into the great hall, a red envelope in its beak. Everyone watched with bated breath as the owl flew straight at Dumbledore, dropping the letter on his plate. The old man froze.
Just as he reached for the letter it went up in flames, and Molly Weasley's voice rang through the hall.
"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, HOW DARE YOU LET HARRY COMPETE IN THE TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT! AND HOW DARE YOU LEAVE MY SON WITH THOSE MUGGLES! THEY TREATED HIM LIKE A HOUSE ELF AND PUT BARS ON HIS WINDOW AND YOU THOUGHT HE WAS SAFE THERE? ARE YOU SENILE? HARRY BEGGED YOU TO LET HIM LIVE WITH US, AND YOU KNOW I WOULD WELCOME THAT BOY WITH OPEN ARMS, BLOOD WARDS AND VOLDEMORT BE DAMNED! IF YOU EVER SEND THE POOR BOY BACK TO THAT HOUSE EVER AGAIN I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND CURSE YOU TO PIECES AND SCATTER YOUR LIMBS IN THE OCEAN, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR? I HAVE HALF A MIND TO WITHDRAW MY CHILDREN FROM YOUR SCHOOL AND SEND THEM TO ONE THAT VALUES THEIR SAFETY MORE THAN YOU DO! AND YES, THAT INCLUDES HARRY! HE'S BEEN MY SON SINCE THE DAY HE MET MY BOY RONNIE ON THE TRAIN, SO DON'T YOU DARE MESS WITH HIS LIFE AGAIN OR YOU WILL HAVE ME TO ANSWER TO! Oh and Harry dear, I hope you're feeling okay, please write to me soon. And you Ron, Ginny, Fred, George."
The howler blew a raspberry at Dumbledore before tearing itself to pieces. There was a moment of silence, then someone started to laugh. To everybody's shock, it was none other than Snape. He was full on belly laughing, which was a terrifying sight. McGonagall had her lips tightly pressed together, clearly suppressing her own laughter.
Soon enough the students resumed their usual chatter, although most of it was centred around the articles in the paper that morning, and the howler they had all just listened to.
"I'm going to cherish that memory forever." Ron said, smiling. "As annoying as she is, my mother is amazing when it's not me she's yelling at."
Harry didn't respond, staring absently at the ceiling.
"Uh, Potter." Draco said hesitantly, nudging Harry. "Everything ok?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, fine, fine. And call me Harry, we're friends now." Harry said, before turning to Ron and Ginny with a look of pure joy on his face.
"She called me her son!" He whispered, a huge grin on his face. Hermione, to everyone's bewilderment, started to sob again and wrapped Harry in another hug.
Molly sent another letter to Harry that day, apologising for not believing the twins when the had told her Harry had bars on his window in second year. She also said she was writing to Amelia Bones to apply for custody of him. Harry felt conflicted.
He loved Molly, and was ecstatic that she considered him to be her son, but would seeing her as a mother figure be a betrayal to his mum who died? He decided to write to Remus and see what he thought. He also didn't know how he felt about living with the Weasleys. He loved them, sure, but he also really wanted to live with Sirius if or when his name got cleared.
If or when, His brain reminded him, and that was enough to persuade him to write back to Molly and thank her for sending the howler to Dumbledore and tell her he would love to live with her during the summer.
He would definitely show the memory to Sirius if that was possible. Knowing magic, it almost definitely was.