Dating Ryan was a fantasy come true.
I had been crushing on him for years and finally, he had asked me out.
The first few weeks were PERFECT. Late night calls, reminiscing about our past childish quarrels, cracking jokes and reminding each other how much we loved each other, hoping that what we had would last forever.
We started dating in December, blissful time of the year innit? He wanted us to hang out ALL THE TIME, But as you don't know yet, your girl Nelly is an ambivert and the introverted version is dominant.
I barely agreed to go out but I did go most of the times. This one time, he took me out to 'eat' and he only bought us drinks....
But Nellisa wasn't materialist so she didn't mind, she was only happy to be with her boyfriend. Of course our date wouldn't be complete without his annoying friend, who had a crush on me by the way, tagging along. But that was before I found out he had a crush on me so the only thing that was annoying was his stupid mouth.
Ryan bought himself a bottle of beer and although I disapproved of it, I said nothing about it.
Beer is bitter, super bitter for a non drinker like me which is why I never drink. Curious as to why they drink despite the bitter taste, I asked him why he did so and he argued saying it was barely bitter.
"It's barely bitter, do you wanna try it?" He asked with that evil grin of his that made girls swoon.
Seeing his teasing smile, I was tempted to do something dangerous.
Turning him on.
So I looked at him with a small smile hanging loosely on my lips, maintaining eye contact as I picked up his bottle, turned it to the side that he had drunk from and directly drunk from it.
Seeing him chuckle and look away, I knew he had caught on.
It was bitter, super bitter and my face barely concealed my thoughts. He chuckled again and took back the bottle, directly drinking from the side that still had my lipgloss stain.
It was a good date I thought, it was my first date ever so obviously I knew little about dates. When my curfew got closer, I asked him to walk me home and his friend, shameless as he was, still followed us from behind.
Sigh.....
When we arrived, I kissed him good night, ready to go home when he suddenly pulled me closer to him, his arms wrapped around my waist as he leaned in to taste my lips. His lips tasted bitter and his alcohol breath intoxicated me.
When I checked my lips in a mirror that night, they seemed to have become....bigger. Must have been the power of love, obviously.
Dating Ryan was everything good untill I started to see the red.
New years eve, 2022. I remember what I felt that night so vividly you would think it was trauma.
He called me two days before, talking about how 'someone' told him I was a...how should I put it? Player is a safer word. This 'someone' told him that I had been going out with different dudes (while dating Ryan aswell) and I was well known for that.
Bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was some totally toilet paper bull cap so obviously I told him the truth. Which was that I had NEVER flirted with a man that was not him.
But he didn't believe me which hurt me. The slunder was offensive but it did not hurt me as much as his reaction to my explanation did.
I tried to make him understand, God knows I did but he....did not believe me.
The minute I realized that he did not trust me, my heart dropped. His distrust hurt me more than anything else, at that time, ever could.
Him not trusting me meant that he thought that I was one of those girls that would actually do something like that which broke me. (no judgement Queens, y'all do you<3)
But I was not going to give in because that was and is who I am. I will never ever admit to doing something that I did not do and because of this, our fight escalated and we did not talk for two days.
Those two days were the worst days ever! I was in the lowest of spirits and honestly depressed.
On new years eve, I missed him.
I missed him so much it hurt, literally.
I dialed his number but he did not pick up the phone. With my heart hanging in my throat, I called him again, desperate to hear his voice. Desperate to hear him call me 'baby'. Desperate to have him ask me why I was crying, comfort me and tell me everything would be fine. Desperate to hear his voice, that was the only thing that would have made my heart calm.
So when he did not answer the second time, I called him again and after a long ring, he answered the call.
Before I could even say a word, I heard extremely loud music in the background, loud laughter and chatter.
Yes,
He was at a party.
I was in my bed crying my ass off for a man on new year's eve and the man I was crying for was at a new year's eve party, heavily drunk and having fun.
"Nellisa, I'll call you back" he screeched into my phone before cutting the call abruptly.
That beep stung my heart. I felt as if a sharp knife had pierced my heart, leaving the wound open to bleed.
It was pathetic.
So pathetic I couldn't help but chuckle.
That painful chuckle full of ridicule that I still haven't forgotten.
How foolish I felt. The situation itself was ridiculous because WHAT THE DUCK WAS I EVEN CRYING FOR?!!
I felt insulted, disrespected and truly truly unloved.
He never did call. Not until I did a few days later.
That was the start of the New years curse.
Every new years after that went by awfully. No matter how well the day would go, something would happen that would ruin it all. Every year after that, every January first was a dreadful day for me.
While others looked forward to the new year, hugging and kissing their lovers, I always found myself alone and depressed.
I loved him, I genuinely did. But my love for him ruined me.