After a while, A Jin asked again, "Do you know what I was just thinking?" Without waiting for her answer, he continued, "I was thinking, how should I punish you this time?"
The words were too familiar, and Lin Wan immediately felt a chill run down her spine. She was like a bird startled by the bowstring, trembling at the slightest sound. Then, she heard A Jin say, "You wanted to jump into the lake, didn't you? If you love water so much, I might as well press you into a water tank a hundred times."
A Jin said this while staring at Lin Wan, and when he saw her flinch, he reached out and gently pinched her face, his voice soft as he asked, "Are you scared? The best way to deal with someone who wants to die is to indulge them, let them come close to death and then bring them back to life, over and over again…"
He watched as Lin Wan's already pale face turned even whiter, and her large eyes became misty with tears, so dark and bright they were almost mesmerizing. He sighed, his fingers brushing her cool cheek. "Silly girl, do you really think, after all that's happened, I could still be so cruel to you?"
Lin Wan felt like a string pulled to its limit, and with his final touch, the string snapped. Tears flowed uncontrollably, her sobs breaking through her trembling lips.
A Jin sighed again, using his fingers to wipe away her tears, his voice gentle, "Little fool, look at you, so frightened. It's not the first time I've said harsh things to you. Weren't you brave before, huh?"
As Lin Wan cried, she thought to herself, he's right—it was in the past. Back then, she was like a calf that wasn't afraid of tigers, before she'd ever known what pain felt like. Who said pain has memory? She was full of memories now, her body and heart burdened with them. She was no longer the Lin Wan of the past. The woman she had become was weak and pitiful—so pitiful that she couldn't even face herself.
Seeing her tears grow more intense, A Jin leaned in and kissed her tears away. But as he did, something didn't feel right. Wasn't he supposed to be playing this role of using both kindness and severity to completely subdue her? How had he ended up falling for it himself?
Realizing this, he pulled away from her face and, looking into her eyes, asked, "Wan Wan, why would you want to die? Isn't living better? I never said I would trap you for life. Why would you be so desperate?"
When Lin Wan heard the second half of his sentence, her teary eyes blinked as she sobbed, "When will you let me go?"
A Jin immediately grew angry. This woman was either thinking about dying or leaving him. Damn it, even if she was thinking about it, did she really need to be so direct about it? He smiled and said, "When you're old and withered, I guess."
As soon as Lin Wan heard that, her tears flowed even more fiercely. A Jin helplessly said, "Alright, stop crying. I've fed you for so long, and now you're complaining about the food? Besides, I still want to try a new flavor. I'm so tired of seeing your silly face every day."
But even as he spoke, he couldn't resist climbing on top of her to kiss her, ravishing her soft lips. He used to complain about how cold she felt, but now, her body was warmer than his, and he wanted to draw some warmth from her. He had almost suffocated earlier, and it was all her fault. Now, he wanted to get some of that warmth back.
Lin Wan endured it for a moment but then started to struggle. A Jin cursed inwardly. Damn it, even in this state, how was she still so energetic? She was his drug. He opened his eyes, looked at her flushed face, and said seriously, "I'm giving you two choices: A, use your hands. B, get on top."
Lin Wan's eyes widened in defiance. A Jin couldn't resist teasing her, "Or should I give you another option, use your mouth?"
Lin Wan raised her hand and pushed with all her strength. A Jin, not as powerful as usual, was thrown to the side. He lay back, grumbling, "Ungrateful woman. I've served you so many times. Can't you serve me once? The ancients were right—only women and villains are hard to nurture."
When he felt Lin Wan about to get off the bed, he stretched his long arm and pulled her back, held her tightly against his chest, and grumbled, "Fine, stay like this. If you're not uncomfortable, just bear with it."
It wasn't that he was being merciful—it was just that he suddenly realized, in his current state, if they reached climax, he might pass out again.
By evening, they returned to B City. The group was worried, so they arranged for someone else to drive for A Jin. Lin Wan sat in the backseat, rolling down the window to enjoy the view along the way. The fresh scent of grass and trees wafted in, and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She felt a wave of emotion—this must be the scent of life. Only the living had the right to enjoy it.
A Jin leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Isn't it better to be alive?"
Lin Wan ignored him, thinking to herself, it would be better if you weren't around.
The next day, Lin Wan took a half-day off and went to Li Jin's clinic. An hour later, she came out, stopping by a cold drink shop to buy a big bowl of ice cream. She went to a nearby park, sitting on a wooden bench and eating it slowly. Halfway through, she suddenly felt cold, so cold it made her want to cry.
The weather was sunny with a slight breeze, and in the distance, people were flying kites. The colorful kites danced in the blue sky, looking beautiful. Lin Wan stared at them for a while, then remembered Li Jin's words: "In severe stages, depression can lead to hallucinations, delusions, and suicidal tendencies. Your hallucinations are quite severe... You should start medication treatment, and you must reduce negative self-suggestions. Excessive self-blame only makes you more conflicted and suppressed..."
She thought everyone is like a kite, soaring freely in the sky, but there's always a thin line pulling them back. That line is love, attachment, making sure they're never lonely in the vast sky, never lost on their way home. But for her, that line had turned into a shackle, a lock. Given her current situation, it could very well become the remains of a kite hanging from a tree branch or an electric wire by the roadside.