Back in the privacy of his room, Lief took the weight of history off him. The medieval clothes went straight to the dirty laundry basket.
He put on some sweatpants and a simple black t-shirt, enjoying the touch of modern cotton, and went out to the hallway.
While he went down the stairs, he noticed that the house was not silent.
In the living room there was an "emergency meeting." Lilith, Emma, and Esther were piled onto the sofa, with their heads so close they almost touched, whispering and arguing with a conspiratorial intensity.
By pure instinct, Lief held his breath, muffled his footsteps, and approached stealthily from behind the back of the sofa to listen.
Lilith's voice sounded charged with emotion.
"Look at this! According to last night's metrics, we are viral on the biggest paranormal forums and on local social media."
"The branding of 'The Trinity of Exorcism' is a resounding success. We have an approval of seventy percent in positive comments."
She raised her small fist into the air with a triumphant air.
"So it is time to activate Phase Two!"
'Phase Two?'
"Expansion of the faith!" declared Lilith with fervor, "We have to stop playing on a small scale. We are going to systematize the 'miracles' and be more efficient. Today we dominate this city, tomorrow the state... and then we go for the whole country!"
Lief was left totally lost.
What the hell...? The Trinity of Exorcism?
Expand the faith? Approval metrics?
What the hell had these girls been doing while he was hunting vampires?
"Ahem!"
Clearing his throat, Lief broke the conspiracy bubble, and stepped out from behind the sofa with a crooked smile.
"... Well? What is this world domination plan about? Share, I'm interested."
"..."
The three froze.
Lilith turned rigidly and upon seeing Lief standing there, she paled as if she had seen a ghost... or worse.
"Ma... Master!" she squealed, "W-when did you return? We didn't hear the door!"
Ignoring the question, Lief with all the calm in the world, walked around the table, dropped onto the sofa opposite and crossed his legs, adopting the posture of a judge in a court.
He interlaced his fingers over his chest and swept his gaze over the three guilty faces.
"Don't change the subject. What the hell have you been doing exactly while I wasn't here?"
The reaction was textbook.
Lilith lowered her head instantly, while her little hands began to twist the hem of her t-shirt nervously, putting on that "it wasn't me, I am a good girl" little face.
Lief looked at Emma.
She opted for the opossum strategy: playing dead.
She remained with her face totally expressionless, staring fixedly at the tips of her shoes as if they were the most fascinating secret of the universe.
One plays the saint and the other plays the statue.
His gaze, inevitably, fell on the last option.
Esther.
She felt the weight of the pressure fall on her shoulders and let out a long and resigned sigh.
She knew that the other two were not going to open their mouths, so it was her turn to be the sacrifice.
"Okay, I'll explain it to you," she said, raising her hands in a sign of peace, "You see, during this month that you were away, we decided..."
"Wait, what...?"
Lief raised a hand, cutting her off dryly and frowning, erasing any trace of amusement.
"How much time did you say?"
"A month" Esther repeated naturally, blinking confused by the question, "You've been gone thirty days."
A month?
Lief felt his heart skip a beat.
His brain made the calculations at full speed.
He remembered every hour in Transylvania. The arrival, the fight with Dracula, the confrontation with Gabriel, the night with Anna... all that had happened in a span of, at most, forty-eight hours.
Two days.
How the hell had two days turned into thirty!?
"Okay... go on" he said, suppressing his unease.
"Oh, sure."
Esther nodded, took a breath, and began to let out the full confession, point by point.
"You see, since you weren't here, Lilith had the idea of using your office as a base of operations."
She paused, glancing sideways at Lilith, who continued pretending to be invisible.
"Inside there we met Victor and convinced him to manufacture special weapons for us, to deal with the paranormal"
"And well, with the new equipment, we got to work. In this month, we have managed and closed... three hundred and twenty-eight paranormal incidents."
"... How many?"
"Three hundred and twenty-eight" she repeated, "And since our efficiency was so high, and given that we are three girls, then they started calling us 'The Trinity of Exorcism'. The name stuck hard and... well, here we are."
"..."
Lief remained silent.
He brought his fingers to his temples and began to massage them, trying to keep his brain from short-circuiting.
The amount of information was, simply, ridiculous.
A month... three hundred and twenty-eight cases?
His mind made the automatic mathematical calculation: that gave an average of almost eleven exorcisms a day.
No weekends.
No breaks.
He looked at the three small figures on the sofa with a mixture of horror and amazement.
How the hell did they do it?
Did they line the ghosts up to exterminate them faster?
Deciding to temporarily ignore the three, he got up without saying anything and walked a few steps away, taking out his mobile phone.
The priority was to confirm the timeline.
The first call was for Jennifer.
"Lief? Mmm..." Jennifer's voice purred on the other end of the line, "What a miracle. I was already sharpening my claws to go out and hunt the bitch who was hiding you from me."
"Let's be serious" Lief cut in, ignoring the drama, "I need to confirm something. How long have I been gone exactly?"
"How impatient you are..." she sighed, with a mocking but devoted tone, "A month and three days, honey. A whole month, cold and dry without you. If you took twenty-four hours more, I swear I was going to kill Airam."
"And my parents? Do they know anything?"
"Relax. Airam and I covered your back weeks ago. We told them you had gone on a trip with us... a 'private' retreat. Your mother was delighted, although I think your father is still processing it..."
She paused calculatedly. Her voice dropped an octave, becoming purely erotic and daring.
"But now that you're back, we have an urgent problem, master. I've been accumulating hunger for thirty days.... I have an empty tank and I need a massive recharge of your 'magic'... and I need it inside me, hot and deep, right now. When are you coming to feed me?"
"Understood. I'm hanging up."
Lief cut the call without hesitating a second.
That succubus was getting more insatiable every day.
Next, he dialed Maria's number.
On the second ring, the call connected.
It was Airam.
And how did he know it was her? He simply knew.
"Lief." Airam's voice sounded calm, but there was an unusual note of apology in her tone, "Sorry... The calculation for the spatial transmission had... a slight deviation."
"A 'slight deviation'?" Lief arched an eyebrow, "A whole month is not a rounding error, Airam. I was almost presumed missing."
"It was my mistake, and I admit it without excuses," said Airam bluntly, "I will make it up to you."
"Oh?" Lief's interest was piqued, and a smile transformed his face, "That sounds promising. Start thinking well about how you are going to pay me for that lost month of life, because I am going to charge dearly for it."
"..."
There was a brief silence on the other end.
"I know. And I will."
After briefly confirming that both she and Maria were okay and that there had been no serious incidents, he hung up.
Finally, he dialed Carrie's number.
"LIEF!"
The girl's scream almost pierced his eardrum, but it was charged with a genuine and warm concern.
"Finally! Is it really you? Jennifer told me you had gone very far away, but... I was so scared. Are you okay? Have you not gotten hurt?"
The anxiety in her voice was palpable, a balm of humanity after so much madness.
"I'm in one piece, Carrie. I don't have even a scratch." Lief softened his tone involuntarily, "Relax, everything went well."
"Oh, thank heaven..." Carrie let out a long and trembling sigh, as if she had been holding her breath for weeks.
"...."
There was a pause.
It was noticeable that she wanted to say something else, but she was hesitating.
"Is something wrong?" asked Lief, encouraging her, "If you have news, spit it out."
"Mmm... w-well, it's just that..." Carrie hesitated a second before gathering courage, "Lief, I have been accepted into a school. It's not a normal university, it is... a boarding school in New Orleans."
"New Orleans?" Lief was surprised, "What kind of school?"
"It's called..." Carrie lowered her voice, giving it a tone of reverence, "Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies."
She paused dramatically before whispering the truth.
"They say that there I will be able to learn to control what I have."
Lief's hand closed around the phone.
Robichaux Academy...?
American Horror Story?
'This world is getting more and more ridiculous,' he thought, but kept his voice firm.
"That sounds impressive, Carrie," he said after a few seconds of silence, "If it is what you want, you have my blessing."
"Yes! I'm really looking forward to it!" Her voice regained its enthusiasm, "I feel like I'm finally going to fit in."
"Study hard and don't let anyone step on you. You are strong."
"Mmm! I will!" she promised happily.
"The next time I have free time, I will go visit you in New Orleans."
"Really? Great! I'll be waiting for you!"
After hanging up the phone, Lief stood motionless in the center of the living room, feeling how his brain tried to reboot the system without success.
He had only gone on a quick business trip.
He had done his thing: hunt a vampire, beat up an archangel, and come back.
So, at what exact moment had the world gone crazy?
On his own sofa, he had three girls self-proclaimed "The Trinity of Exorcism" conspiring to expand a corporate faith nationwide.
Over the phone, a succubus and a ghostly entity had woven a perfect web of lies to cover his absence to his parents.
And to top it off? The shy Carrie had enrolled in a witch academy.
Looking at the screen of his cell phone, he let out a long, heavy sigh charged with resignation.
"Definitely..." he murmured closing his eyes, "Killing Dracula was the easy part of this month."
________
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