The first time, it could be called luck.
The second, maybe a coincidence.
But the third time?
No excuse could make sense anymore.
[Kaeya]: @[Gu Chen] Bro, still claiming this "exposure system" isn't yours? Don't tell me you're related to it—this is already the third time! (Nahida points accusingly)
[Venti]: Wow, didn't expect you to have so many past lives. (sarcasm)
[Furina]: Ha! My suspicions were right—you're hiding something big, Gu Chen! (certain.jpg)
[Cloud Retainer]: Incomprehensible. (Shenhe facepalm)
[Ganyu]: Wait, why am I on the cover? (confused)
[Mountain-Shaper]: Judging from the poster, it's during the Archon War. I can even see some old friends long gone from history… I wonder what story this time will tell?
[Xiangling]: Hold on, why is there a Guoba on the poster?! (Paimon shock)
Sure enough, the bear-like creature breathing fire on the cover looked exactly like her Guoba—just much bigger.
Xiangling turned to the cheerful little creature beside her, dumbfounded.
"Guoba… is that your ancestor?"
After all, Guoba had always been a mystery—not quite a bear, not quite anything else.
[Jean]: Even though it's Gu Chen's past life again, after some mental preparation I… still feel shocked. (Paimon shock)
[Arataki Itto]: Hell yeah! As expected of my bro! (thumbs up)
[Vortex God]: Boo. Not even on the poster—zero stars.
[Azhdaha]: As if you deserve to be there. (picks nose)
[Venti]: Exactly. Look, even the old man doesn't take up much space—he's just a side character. (Hu Tao tease)
[Lyney]: I'll admit—the artwork is stunning. But I did notice something strange: in the first two lifetimes, Gu Chen looked the same except for clothes and temperament. Yet this third one has white hair! (Paimon shock)
[Paimon]: He's getting handsome! (Paimon sparkle)
[Kaeya]: Can't deny it—the poster just oozes immortal energy. (nods)
[Chongyun]: Is this what books call a "banished immortal aura"? (curious)
[Xingqiu]: Hard to put into words. (shakes head)
[Heizou]: Yeah, this version of Gu Chen looks like a Liyue transcendent straight out of a light novel—but with a terrifying, awe-inspiring presence. That massive phantom behind him feels like it could destroy anything. The keyword says Archon War—does that mean he's going to fight in it?
[Zhongli]: Logically speaking, since the previous keywords were central to each story, this one too must mark the theme. If the Archon War is listed, then Gu Chen will surely shine in that era.
[Kaeya]: After two lifetimes of peace, he's finally gonna go wild! (Paimon shock)
[Gu Chen]: How'd you know I'm about to start slaying everything? (confused)
[Dvalin]: Nobody asked you! (annoyed)
[Childe]: The video hasn't even started, and I'm already hyped!! (recording himself mining again)
[Azhdaha]: Gu Chen, charge!! Win the Archon War, crush Morax, and the world will be yours! (cheering)
[Zhongli]: (sips tea, deep in thought)
At Gu Residence—
Raiden Makoto and Lumine both looked at Gu Chen with "we knew it" expressions.
"Ahem." Gu Chen coughed, feigning surprise.
"Me… again?!"
"Yup," Lumine said brightly, pretending to hold up a microphone. "And how does it feel, Mr. Gu Chen, to be exposed for the third time?"
Gu Chen stroked his chin seriously.
"In this life, demons and gods rise alike. Though I seek no throne, I cannot ignore the suffering of the world."
Lumine blinked. Whoa, that's actually kind of noble…?
Raiden Makoto tilted her head.
"Isn't that Morax's line?"
Lumine frowned.
"You're quoting someone else's speech to fool me?!"
Gu Chen waved his hands innocently.
"Hey, same meaning! Just coincidence, coincidence!"
Lumine rolled her eyes and pinched his waist.
"We've shared a bed this long—you think I don't know when you're bluffing?"
Makoto just smiled quietly.
Meanwhile, Paimon munched her snacks, thinking for a moment before looking at Gu Chen with a dawning realization—then decided it wasn't worth the brainpower and kept eating.
"Alright, enough teasing—let's watch the video." Gu Chen said, turning serious.
"Sure," Lumine smirked, eyes glinting. "Though I bet what you really want to watch is Haguazhong, right? Tall, barefoot, ankle ring—exactly your type~"
Both women stretched their legs out onto Gu Chen's lap, silk-covered and flawless—Lumine's sheer stockings beside Makoto's opaque white thigh-highs.
Gu Chen stared at them for a long moment, silent.
"Well?" Lumine teased. "Whose do you like better—mine, Makoto's… or Haguazhong's?"
…What kind of question was that?!
He straightened up, face solemn.
"They're all just smelly feet, really."
"Smelly feet?!" Lumine gasped. "Then why do you love holding them so much?"
She grinned wickedly.
"Careful, or the athlete's foot will spread to your mouth!"
Paimon froze mid-sip of milk tea.
She'd thought she'd already heard the most forbidden knowledge possible—but apparently there were deeper layers still.
"Paimon's still here," Makoto murmured softly, trying not to laugh. "Don't traumatize her."
"Sorry, my bad," Paimon mumbled.
Gu Chen chuckled.
"At least you're self-aware."
"Grr!" Paimon pouted and turned away, focusing on the glowing screen.
The video began.
Mountains stretched endlessly beneath a boundless sky.
Humanity, still primitive and frail, foraged among cliffs—thin, hungry, barely surviving.
Black mists roamed the peaks, devouring entire tribes, leaving only piles of bones behind.
Beasts the size of mountains fought savagely, their battles shaking valleys and burying the weak humans beneath avalanches.
[Keqing]: Hard to believe humans once lived like this… Monsters, plagues, even stray shockwaves could wipe them out completely.
[Venti]: That was the old world—but they made it through somehow.
[Jean]: I read that ancient Mondstadt was a frozen wasteland until Lord Barbatos blew away the endless winter!
[Dvalin]: Not bragging—he did a god-tier job there.
[Venti]: See? I do get credit sometimes! (grin)
[Kaeya]: (grin)
[Dvalin]: I take it back.
[Keqing]: The more I see of that era's hardships, the more I admire the gods. Without them, humanity might have vanished altogether.
[Ningguang]: Praise be to the Geo Lord and all the adepti!
[Hu Tao]: (Hu Tao thanks the boss)
[Azhdaha]: I'm on the poster—so this glory must include me. But… why was I sealed away again? (pondering)
[Furina]: Oh! I know!
[Azhdaha]: You do?!
[Furina]: Hear me out—maybe in ancient times, you and Morax were equally mighty, but fought for power. You lost and got sealed underground, and that's how Liyue entered Morax's era of dominance! (smirk)
[Azhdaha]:Makes sense! So that's it—he betrayed me for power! That cunning little stone lizard—stabbed me in the back, lied to me, sealed me away just to rule alone!
[Ganyu]: (stunned)
[Cloud Retainer]: At first it sounds absurd… but the logic almost checks out. If I didn't know the truth, I might've believed it. (Shenhe facepalm)
[Moon Carver]: lol.
[Sun Chaser]: Zhongli, perhaps you should visit the Chasm again—our old friend has clearly lost all reason. (Paimon shock)
[Zhongli]: Agreed. (nods)
The old Archon sighed deeply. Once an ally, Azhdaha was now a paranoid shell, twisting their friendship into betrayal. Maybe a beating would help.
[Kaeya]: Ten minutes in, still no Gu Chen appearance?
[Itto]: First time he went fishing, second time he showed up like a legend—what's the entrance this time?!
[Kuki Shinobu]: Whatever it is, you won't be able to copy it, boss.
[Itto]: Hey! I'm just appreciating my bro's cool entrance!
[Paimon]: Title says "Supreme Dao Master," and keywords include "Teacher of the Adepti." Looks like this time he's kind of a big deal!
[Cloud Retainer]: What did his past self teach us? (Keqing confused)
The image froze on a mountain range.
Suddenly, purple mist filled the air.
High above, light rippled across the sky as if wind brushed water.
From that shimmer, a massive jade gate slowly emerged—carved with dragons and phoenixes, radiating divine energy.
As the gate opened, streams of pure spiritual light poured down.
Wherever the light touched, grass grew greener, rivers sparkled, and life flourished anew.
Then—a silhouette appeared within the brilliance.
Silver hair flowing, azure robes billowing, face like carved jade.
His eyes gleamed with stars as he gazed upon the world below.
[Kaeya]: HOLY—?! Bro came down looking like an actual immortal!! (Paimon shock)
[Venti]: Didn't expect that at all—heaven's gate opening, immortal descending… wow.
[Tighnari]: The light itself enhances biological life?! The energy density must be astronomical!
[Collei]: I can't comprehend any of this…
[Itto]: Awesome! That's my man!
[Nilou]: A-ah… his eyes look like they hold the whole sky… he's like a god untouched by mortal dust! And—wait—who's the barefoot lady on the poster, Haguazhong?!
[Paimon]: Girl, the plot hasn't even started yet, calm down!
[Collei]: I can already picture it—an immortal and a mortal goddess, a love across worlds… (dreamy)
[Cloud Retainer]: (Paimon shock)
[Furina]: From this entrance alone, I can tell—Gu Chen's gonna start wrecking everything!
[Kaeya]: Place your bets, everyone! When will he unify Teyvat? (Hu Tao evil laugh)
[Venti]: I'm saying three thousand years! (troll)
[Zhongli]: Logically, three thousand's excessive. Perhaps two thousand.
[Azhdaha]:Five hundred! I believe in Gu Chen supremacy!
[Furina]: Two hundred!
[Raiden Ei]: (lurking)
[Nahida]: (lurking)
[Paimon]: Serious question—were Archons even born at this point?
[Furina]: No clue.
[Ei]: Can't tell.
[Azhdaha]: There's one six-thousand-year-old geezer who definitely was. (nods)
[Zhongli]: …
[Venti]: Uh-oh, he's mad now. You're doomed. (Zhongli sets down his tea and quietly exits the video for 5 seconds)
[Azhdaha]: Hah! You think I fear him?! Ridiculous!
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