Alaric was supposed to calm down right now. And he knew how to calm down.
But he just couldn't…
He sat cross-legged on the stone platform, eyes closed, back straight, breathing steadily, hands comfortably sitting on his lap. He focused on his breath, trying to clear his mind of thought and calm down his agitated heart.
Yup, he was trying to meditate. Emphasis being on 'trying.'
Every time he stopped looking at something, he would see his life flash by. Every time he tried to ignore his thoughts, they would pop back up into his mind.
The heart was not an easy beast to tame.
Alaric opened his eyes. He knew meditation was not going to work. At least, it was not going to work if tried to force it to work.
And meditation had never worked for him
---
When he was a child, his parents had taken Alaric to a trip to a Chan monastery in China. His mother's had its roots in the East, and she, in particular, was a spirituality enthusiast, and she wanted to go to the monastery to learn Chan techniques of meditation.
He had sat down with his mother and father, following the instructions of the monk, and tried to meditate.
It hadn't worked.
The monk, an ancient man with a long beard and simple unadorned gray robes, had remarked, "Child, to meditate is use the power of the mind to polish the heart like a mirror, so that it reflects the light of enlightenment. But to polish the heart you must first observe it."
"You have great talent in meditation. Most force their mind to enter an artificial state of calm, without touching the heart. You are focusing on the heart and mind together. You will find it extremely hard to meditate. But remember my words. To polish the heart you must first observe it."
---
Alaric still remembered those words. But how does he observe his own heart?
Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and he stood up, looking all around him. Realization, quiet literally, struck like a lightning bolt.
Am I not observing my heart right now? I am in my heart!
He sat back down, this time determined to pull it off. He didn't close his eyes, nor did he try ignore all the sound around him. Instead, he opened up his senses to their limits.
He sat there and just watched. Watched intently as the tides rose and fell. As the waves collided with each other, creating smaller waves. He watched as the clouds moved with the wind, forming a spiral above his head. He watched as small arcs of lightning jumped and danced from cloud to cloud.
It was chaotic. It was beautiful. It was him.
As he saw, heard and felt his own mind and heart around him, he started to sense the rhythm. It took time. A lot of time. But he was starting, just starting, to understand himself.
Slowly, he fell into a trance-like state. His eyes glazed over, just watching, with almost a child-like wonder, the scenery of his heart.
As he watched, a transformation happened to the entire space. The tides, which were swirling and raging, calmed down to small waves lapping in beautiful patterns. The the wind calmed down to become a gentle, refreshing breeze. Thundering stopped. The dark stormy clouds cleared, becoming white, and thinning out into a into a swirl high above him. The dark night, with the faint light of the moon, faded away, replaced by a bright day, with a radiant sun rising in front of him.
But as the entire entire ocean calmed down, something within Alaric decided this was not enough.
Polish the heart like a mirror…
He closed his eyes, and shut off his senses. He focused inward, beyond his thoughts, beyond his emotions, beyond the waves and the clouds, towards the core of his being. He focused on what was truly… himself.
And he attained what can only be described as… true enlightenment.
It was not a sudden influx of divine knowledge. It was not a transcendence to godly power. It was a serenity. A serenity of the soul. The very concept of Alaric had settled down and become one with all concepts in existence.
And that was a serenity good enough to completely transform the scenery of his heart.
The waters of the ocean, which were being tossed and churned in mild waves, completely settled and stilled, resembling a perfectly even sheet of clear glass. The clouds cleared, leaving the sky a spotless, bright blue. But that changed quickly, as the sun, which was rising, retraced its path in a descent, stopping just as the horizon half covered. On the opposite side of Alaric view, the moon, with a cool, beautiful radiance rose from the horizon. The entire sky was divided into a profound duality of night and day, with a deep, star-covered darkness on one side and a bright, blue sky on the other. The border where night and day met was a beautiful shade of twilight purple, dawn lilac and sunset crimson. The breeze became silent whisper, caressing Alaric gently.
He stood up as he opened his eyes, and a ripple spread in the ocean with a platform as the center. His eyes were filled with calm, but they also looked sharp and full of energy. He stretched out his hand towards where the barrier should be. It passed through as is there was nothing. Alaric smiled. He was free. He was in command of himself. He relished the joy of achieving something few had done in the history of all humankind.
Then he looked up at the sky. Time to leave this world, he thought, and continue my journey as a soul.
For the first time since his death, he didn't feel regret. Only anticipation for what was to come.