The alarm's sound pierced through Apexia's still-dark morning like a dagger. When I opened my eyes, the first thing that came to mind was what I had read on the student forum last night: "Guide to Surviving Aurex Cassimar."
This man was renowned not for teaching, but for tearing students' souls apart. He was known for making anyone he set his sights on drop their class, no matter how successful they were. He could smell weakness from miles away and pounce on his prey like a predator.
When I boarded the bus heading to the Institute, I took my usual seat—one row from the very back, by the window. As I settled into the rickety seat, I tried to formulate a strategy. "Being myself..." I thought. "That might work with well-intentioned people like Ella. But against someone like Aurex Cassimar, sincerity would be like showing a bleeding wound to sharks." To survive this class, I had to be calculating and strategic. I needed to hide my emotions behind armor and act purely with logic.
The class was called Basic Calculus. I was already well-versed in these concepts thanks to my high school education. The first two weeks of the program were built around reviewing general knowledge and learning the Institute's unique expression methods. As my father had said, I had to fight, and my fight was being prepared.
"This journey won't be in vain," I whispered, pulling my notes from my bag. As the bus moved toward the Institute, I immersed myself in the world of derivatives and integrals.
About halfway through the journey, the middle-aged man beside me exited the bus. I took a deep breath. "Finally," I thought. "Today I'll get to campus sitting comfortably." This brief moment of peace was like a luxury.
Just then, I sensed someone sitting beside me, and I smelled a light perfume. I continued looking at my notes without raising my head until I heard that voice.
"Hello, Octavian."
I looked at the owner of the voice. This was Lunaria. Brown-haired, wheat-skinned, a bit shorter than me, with a pretty face. When the morning sun streaming through the bus window hit her face, the delicate, golden hairs on her cheeks and above her lips sparkled. A voice inside me said, 'This girl spends time on grooming.' But another, more analytical voice added: 'Still, she needs to try harder.'
She was a student from the Computational Statistics department. She usually walked around campus with two female friends, forming a noticeable trio. But those girls wouldn't use this bus. Lunaria was using the same route as me alone, and the fact that we had never spoken before made the situation even stranger.
My mind immediately went into alarm mode. Why now? Why today? Did she want something? Was she expecting something from me?
While I was lost in these thoughts, Lunaria laughed softly. "Aren't you going to return my greeting?"
I snapped back to myself. "Sorry, I was lost in thought," I said, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible. "Your name is... Lunaria, right?"
At my formal expression, Lunaria let out a sweet laugh. "You don't need to be so formal with me. My friends call me Luna."
This was an unexpected display of intimacy. Still, I didn't lower my guard. "Is that so? Then nice to meet you, Luna."
Her face was pleased. Her eyes were sparkling, but I couldn't tell if this sparkle was genuine or calculated. "Then I'll call you Octa," she said cheerfully. Then she added, "It'll strengthen the bond between us."
Strengthen the bond. This sentence rang like alarm bells in my mind. Who would use such an expression on a first meeting? Was this a harbinger of a transactional relationship? My suspicions multiplied instantly.
Her gaze shifted to the notes in my hand. "What are you studying? I was curious. I've seen you studying on the road a few times before. Are you making good use of the journey?"
The voices inside me were at war. One side said, "Be like with Ella, give a sincere answer." The other side was shouting, "No, this is a test. People like Flavia, like Aurex, are everywhere. Don't show weakness." A tactic from one of the social interaction videos I had watched echoed in my mind: "People enjoy talking about themselves. Instead of answering them directly, please respond with a compliment that shows you appreciate their observations. This gives you control."
I took a deep breath and decided to try.
"It's impressive that you noticed that," I said, with a slight tone of surprise. "Most people withdraw into their own world during this journey. You're a good observer."
Luna's smile widened. It seemed this wasn't the answer she expected, but she liked it. "Thank you," she said. "It just caught my attention. When everyone is buried in their phones, your being buried in books is rare."
"I'm just preparing for Aurex Cassimar's class," I continued, using the professor's name. This was another tactic; identifying a common challenge or enemy created potential for instant bonding. "I heard he appreciates being prepared."
Luna's eyes narrowed slightly, as if evaluating a chess move. "Smart move," she said. "I should probably do the same. What they say about that man isn't very encouraging."
The bus was slowly approaching the stop in front of Minerva Institute. There was a brief silence. This silence wasn't awkward; instead, it was controlled.
"Good luck in class, Octa," Luna said as she prepared to get off the bus. "Maybe we can compare notes after class."
"Maybe," I replied, avoiding making any firm commitment.
Luna got off and headed toward her usual friend group. I froze in my seat for a moment.
It had worked.
One of those cold, calculating tactics from the videos I watched had worked for the first time. It didn't feel like the warm and sincere connection I had formed with Ella. It didn't feel like anything at all. But I had gotten results. Luna was impressed by me, and control had remained with me.
A cold sense of victory filled me as I got off the bus. So this was how it was.
Well, I could succeed even without being sincere.
[Same Moment - Path to the Classroom - Marcus's Perspective]
I lived an ordinary life in Heroica. I was a child who obeyed his family, studied his lessons, and didn't much like going out. Whatever my father said was law, whatever my mother wanted was done. My biggest adventure throughout my life was watching football matches alone at home. This was my greatest passion, my refuge that no one knew about. If someone looked at my social media account on "Yappver" and saw my reactions after matches, my screams, and my curses, all their thoughts about me would change.
I'm sure Octavian would be very surprised too.
I feel like he's trying to figure me out. Sometimes I catch his gaze on me, as if he's trying to piece together parts of an equation. He wants to understand me. But he makes me feel like there's something abnormal about me, like I'm a puzzle that needs to be solved... Even though it makes me feel bad sometimes, I know he doesn't have bad intentions. He... overthinks. About everyone, about everything.
Today, I saw that girl I hadn't been able to get out of my mind for the past three days, Lunaria. She got off the bus with Octavian. What were they talking about? I felt a strange tightness in my heart. I don't really know what it means to like someone. I've never felt anything like this before. But if it means constantly thinking about someone, not getting their face out of your mind, and finding them beautiful in every way, I definitely like her. And I want to get closer to her.
What would happen if I told Octavian this? Would he help me, or would he make fun of me? Or worse... Has he also started liking Lunaria? He was listening to her so attentively... Maybe he was much further along than I was. Perhaps that's why he kept asking me questions about relationships. He was gathering information for himself.
While these thoughts were eating at my brain, the campus noise stopped momentarily. Only this chaos inside me, and I remained. What do you think I should do?
"Hello, Marcus."
I jumped at the sound. When I raised my head, the person at the center of my thoughts, Octavian, stood right before me.
[Same Moment - Path to the Classroom]
After my brief and calculated conversation with Luna, when I got off the bus, I merged into the morning crowd of the campus. University really was a different place. The first week hadn't ended yet, but I had already met many people and experienced many other things. I didn't have anyone I could call my closest friend yet, but at least I had met people I wasn't unhappy around.
Of course, there were also disappointments.
The first name that came to mind was Myria. There wasn't a deep bond between us, true. But seeing her with that boy instantly put me in the unreachable category. If I tried to form a bond with her, I could harm both myself and her relationship. I realized I had been acting like I'd forgotten her existence for two days.
However, Felissia's reality stole my opportunity to think about her. I had no ill will toward her, but after her escape, I no longer intended to open my heart to her either.
What other disappointments did I have? Myself. My own reactions. But if I learned a lesson from every mistake, the "new me" I built would eventually be perfect.
According to my research, I found it difficult for a person to find their personality. Am I the only one struggling this much?
Walking with these thoughts, I saw Marcus sitting alone on a bench ahead. At that moment, I understood. Actually, I wasn't alone. Maybe Marcus was struggling, too. I had seen him laughing, surprised, and worried so far. Even his smile was just a slight grin. He must also be on a journey within himself.
Looking at him made me feel bigger. This was less a feeling of superiority and more a protective, big-brother instinct. This must be one reason why I wanted to understand him so much.
I directed my steps toward him. Seeing him so lost in thought increased the weight of the question I would ask.
"Hello, Marcus."
He raised his head, looking at me with a surprised expression, having emerged from his distraction. I took a deep breath. It was the perfect time before Cassius and Gaius arrived.
"Can I ask you a strange question?"
Marcus just nodded, still not knowing what to say. I leaned forward and lowered my voice, as if I were sharing a secret.
"Are you... satisfied with who you are?"
Marcus's face froze with surprise. His eyes widened, and his lips parted slightly. He looked as if I had suddenly kicked open a secret door in the deepest part of his soul. He couldn't answer; he just stared.