Chapter 30: Physiological Needs
It was lunchtime, and most students were taking naps. The school building was silent except for the distant hum of cicadas outside the windows. The air felt still, heavy with the drowsy warmth of early afternoon. This particular restroom, hidden away at the far eastern corner of the building, was one of those forgotten places—too out of the way for anyone to pass by during break. It felt like a different world entirely.
"Kouya! Help me!" Satania's desperate cry broke through the stillness, echoing from one of the stalls like the wail of a stranded soul. Her voice was full of panic, trembling and thin, as if she might burst into tears at any moment.
Kouya stopped in his tracks, startled. "What can I even do? I'm helpless here too," he muttered, rubbing his temples. He let out a sigh and spread his hands in defeat. "Should I… call someone to help you?"
"No!" Satania's immediate, horrified rejection came without hesitation. "No one can know that the great demon Satania has been defeated by such an evil trick! This would be an eternal disgrace, a stain upon my demonic pride!"
Kouya blinked slowly. There were so many things wrong with that statement that he didn't even know where to start. "How," he asked aloud to no one in particular, "is running out of toilet paper an evil trick?"
Then again… technically, it did have something to do with her butt, so maybe she wasn't completely wrong. But still!
How did something so trivial become a lifelong humiliation? If she thought this was bad, what about those poor kids who fell into pit toilets as children and got a face full of something unspeakable—should they just explode on the spot and vanish from shame?
Kouya sighed again, fished around in his pocket, and pulled out a small, crumpled pack of tissues. "I've got tissues here. Just come out and grab them."
"B-but I can't move! My legs are numb, my body's weak—I have no strength left…" Satania whimpered pitifully, her voice quivering like a damsel in distress. "Please, Kouya, bring it in to me! I'm begging you!"
You've got to be kidding me.
Was she trying to drag him down with her? Was this how his quiet, uneventful life was going to end—scandalized and ruined because of an idiot demon's toilet accident?
Even if she begged with tears in her voice, there was no way—no way—he was stepping into the girls' restroom. If anyone caught him doing that, no amount of explanation would save him. Even if he jumped into the Yellow River, it wouldn't wash the rumor away!
Kouya exhaled sharply and crossed his arms. "Stop talking nonsense. You've already waited this long—another few minutes won't kill you. I'll go find a girl to help."
Just as he said that, three girls came walking around the corner. The timing was perfect—or disastrous, depending on perspective. The trio froze when they saw Kouya standing in front of the girls' restroom, apparently talking to himself.
Kouya's eyes lit up. "Perfect timing…"
The girls' eyes, however, widened in sheer horror. They turned pale as ghosts, shuffling backward like frightened animals. One petite girl clutched her schoolbag to her chest and shrieked, "No! I don't want to get pregnant! My mom will kill me!"
Kouya's expression darkened instantly. He could feel his IQ dropping.
Pregnant? From what?! Did they think he could impregnate someone just by standing near the restroom?!
"Wait! I just need you to—"
Before he could finish, one of the girls stammered out, trembling all over, "H-he wants us to help him with his… physiological needs? In the restroom?!"
The petite one froze again, staring blankly at Kouya as if she had just witnessed an ancient curse take human form.
"Pfft—"
Kouya almost coughed up blood. What the hell was wrong with this school's imagination department?!
He just needed someone to hand over a pack of tissues! Who said anything about physiological needs?!
The other two girls suddenly regained their senses, grabbed their tiny friend, and bolted down the hall like their lives depended on it. From the way they were running, you'd think Kouya was some depraved monster ready to drag them into the girls' restroom for unspeakable horrors—and maybe slap them with a nine-month pregnancy curse while he was at it.
To make things worse, their terrified screams echoed all the way down the hallway. Within seconds, students' heads were poking out of classrooms like curious meerkats. The quiet corridor exploded into chaos. It was like a video game where mobs suddenly spawn from every direction.
"Hey, isn't that Kouya? What's he doing outside the girls' restroom?"
"I heard he was asking girls to help him with his… uh, needs."
"What a pervert! In broad daylight?!"
"So scary! So scary! So scary!"
"…"
Kouya stood frozen, face blank, feeling his soul slowly leave his body.
For some reason, the phrase, 'The wind feels really noisy today…' floated through his head.
The last rumor—about him cohabiting with the transfer student Gabriel and supposedly refusing to stop even when she was on her period, leaving her bedridden—had just died down last week. And now this? He could already imagine the new headline making rounds on the school's gossip network:
Shocking! High school boy blocks the girls' restroom—tries to make indecent deals with passing female students!
Kouya's face darkened further as he turned to leave, his shoulders tense with frustration.
Two members of the disciplinary committee spotted him from afar. For a moment, it looked like they wanted to say something—but instead, they stepped aside, trembling slightly, as though parting the way for a villainous overlord. The crowd around them followed suit, opening a path like subjects bowing before a king.
Except Kouya didn't want this kind of royal treatment! It was pure humiliation!
Even with his eyes closed, he could feel the heavy stares boring into his back, hear the whispered gossip spreading like wildfire. The girls' fearful expressions shifted to disgust, the kind reserved for stepping on something slimy.
And then, through the crowd, a familiar figure emerged.
Her uniform was immaculate, perfectly ironed, and her every step carried quiet grace. A long, violet ponytail swayed behind her like a metronome, measured and steady.
It was Vigne—the demon whose heart was kinder than most angels.
She approached him cautiously, eyes alert but calm. "Kouya… people are saying you trapped Satania in the girls' restroom?"
"I didn't! I swear I didn't!" Kouya snapped before she even finished, his patience completely gone.
Who in their right mind would sneak into a restroom to peep? If he really wanted to look, he'd do it openly! It's not like anyone could stop him!
And if he ever decided to really go all out as a demon, he wouldn't stop at peeping. He'd turn the whole school upside down and collect the ultimate achievement—The 400 Slay Record!
Still, Kouya realized he needed to explain himself. He didn't care much about being misunderstood, but being stared down like trash for no reason was unbearable.
He wasn't some self-sacrificing saint willing to carry shame for the greater good. Even a demon lord had his limits.
He took a deep breath, straightened up, and said, "Actually, Satania's in there. She ran out of toilet paper. I just happened to pass by and heard her crying for help, so I—"
"So you were planning to go inside?" Vigne interjected quickly.
Kouya froze, his face twitching violently.
You've got to be kidding me! What happened to your gentle, sensible personality?! Don't lump me in with those morons whispering in the hallway! Keep talking like that, and I might really lose it and destroy the world!
"Of course not," he said through gritted teeth. "I was going to ask those three girls for help, but they didn't even let me explain before they bolted!"
"I see…" Vigne finally relaxed, letting out a soft sigh. "If it's Satania, then yes—that actually sounds like her. I'll go in and check."
Kouya nodded with visible relief and reached into his pocket to hand her the tissues.
"W-what are you doing?" Vigne yelped, instantly covering her eyes with both hands.
Kouya froze mid-motion, then stared at her in disbelief. His hand clenched involuntarily, nearly crushing the tissue pack.
What the hell are you covering your eyes for?! What do you think I'm taking out of my pocket?! Did you seriously imagine I was about to whip out something indecent in the middle of school?! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻