Life is shit!
That pretty much captures the essence of most people's lives or at least that's what I think.
That was the first thing that popped into my head the moment a speeding bike crashed into me.
I was just making my way home from work, crossing an unfinished bridge that's still being built.
It's meant to be off-limits, but it's a shortcut I use every day.
Usually, it's pretty quiet.
But a few days back, a group of reckless fools decided to turn it into a spot for illegal street racing.
I even called the cops about it.
Naturally, nothing came of it.
And today, before I could even wrap my head around what was going on, one of those jerks lost control and barreled right into me.
The force sent me flying off the bridge.
I hit the ground hard, landing right on the road below, directly in the path of a car that was driving perfectly in its lane.
I never thought I'd end up like this...
Weirdly enough, I don't feel any pain. In fact, I don't feel anything at all. My body won't budge.
I can't even make a sound, like something has taken my voice along with the breath in my lungs.
My body's contorted in a way it shouldn't be.
Above me, the sky looks strangely serene and beautiful, almost tranquil—just like my mind feels right now.
Everything around me is moving in slow motion.
The world sounds far away, muffled, as if I'm submerged underwater.
And then, like a film on fast-forward, my entire life begins to flash before my eyes…
My name's Andrew — I'm an Indian Christian.
I grew up just like any other typical Indian kid: following my parents' orders, doing exactly what they said.
They weren't bad folks, just really strict, serious, and all about discipline.
So, my childhood was all about studying. No friends, no fun, no freedom. Just books and high expectations.
I hit the books like my life depended on it. But no matter how hard I worked, there were always kids who put in half the effort and still did better than me.
It felt like life was just laughing at me.
People love to say, "Everyone has a talent; you just have to find it."
I can't stand that saying.
What do they know about putting in effort? About trying over and over and still coming up short?
They act like they get it all.
But they really don't.
So yeah — just be quiet.
I'm not being dramatic just because I didn't score as high as others.
That was just the start of my not-so-great, below-average life.
I somehow managed to score above average — just enough to make my parents happy. That was my first and last win, I guess.
Then came college.
That's when I figured out my biggest issue: I couldn't talk like normal people.
Every time I tried to chat with someone, my brain would spiral — What if they think I'm odd? What if I say something dumb? So I kept quiet.
I did what I always did — buried myself in my studies, taking notes like a robot.
I used to think, If I study hard, get a decent job, everything will be alright.
Life would make sense.
But then I looked around — people who did everything just okay, who partied, laughed, and still managed to do better than me.
They got good grades, good friends, good lives.
And I started to wonder… what's the point of trying so hard when effort never seems to count?
I got interested, I tried to become like them.
Before I knew it, I started to focus less on my studying.
At the end of the collage days I don't have any friends or score that I could proud of.
But somehow got into one of the famous IT companies in Chennai as fresher.
But the flaw of mine even more visible at that place.
I asked for the instructions again and again but couldn't able to follow them because interacting with people was very necessary in the work place than you actually think.
I was very overwhelmed.
Not only me, everyone around me also noticed my flaw, I can't do anything, even basic things without any instruction.
Everyone called me a robot who can't do anything on my own.
Work place was living hell, so eventually I quite from my job.
Found other small jobs like working part time in medical shop like that.
In my free time I watched anime, comics, and read novels for entertainment.
I tried everything I can do to escape from very harsh fucked up reality.
Since I already disappointed my parents, I wanted to live for myself as I wished.
I didn't regret it.
That's what I said to myself every day and every night.
So, I can keep living.
At the late twenties I already lost the reason why I am living.
My parents were asked me to get marry a lot of time.
But I refused, I know I am failure and I don't want to drag another girl into my miserable life and ruin her life as well.
Now I regretting that I didn't spend more time with them.
I know my life slipping away and I won't live past this day at all.
I always believed that I don't care about others opinion of me as loser.
I used to think I was living a life I loved.
But now, as I reflect on my past, all I see are regrets.
I should have put in more effort during college.
I should have held onto my job and worked on improving my skills, my communication, everything about myself.
I should have spent more quality time with my parents.
I should have explored new hobbies and passions.
This world has so much to give, yet... I closed myself off. I shut down my mind. I escaped from reality.
I didn't lead a life that my parents would be proud of—or even one I could take pride in. It was a hollow existence, filled with "should haves" and "what ifs."
If only I had lived with more purpose...
But now, it's too late.
Even if I somehow got another shot, I'm not sure I could really change anything. I lost trust in myself a long time ago.
All I can do now is hope that my older brother looks after our family.
The funny thing is... I can't even picture his face anymore.
It's been ages since I last saw him.
My vision is getting hazy.
I feel so exhausted... so drowsy.
As I shut my eyes, a strange sense of comfort envelops me — a blend of cold and warmth.
And then, there's just darkness.
A darkness that feels strangely serene, as if it's been waiting for me all this time.