The sun over Maplewood was… aggressively picturesque. It wasn't the muted, filtered light that struggled through the pollution-clouded skies of Tokyo. This was a golden, honeyed glow that poured over the half-timbered buildings and cobblestone streets like liquid butter, making everything look like it had been personally approved by a tourism board for fantasy worlds. Birds chirped melodiously, not in the sporadic, argumentative way of city sparrows, but in full-blown, Disney-esque choruses. The air was so clean it felt like I was cheating on my lungs.
It was, in a word, nauseating.
After a surprisingly comfortable night spent in a cheap but clean room paid for with another illusory coin—a transaction that filled my soul with a petty, bureaucratic joy—I was ready to begin my life of purposeful indolence. And that meant a visit to the one institution every isekai protagonist, willing or not, was contractually obligated to frequent: the Adventurer's Guild.
The building was exactly as I'd imagined: a large, rustic hall of sturdy oak beams, smelling of sawdust, polish, and simmering stew. A massive wooden board at one end was plastered with parchments of various sizes and colors, and a long counter separated the riff-raff from the people who actually knew what was going on. The air buzzed with the low hum of conversation, the clink of armor, and the occasional boisterous laugh from a party of well-equipped adventurers.
I took a moment to just observe, leaning against a wall near the entrance. 'Absolute Stealth,' I thought, not to vanish, but to dial my presence down to a setting of 'mildly interesting patch of moss.' Immediately, the few glances that had flickered in my direction slid away without registering. I was part of the scenery. It was glorious.
My eyes scanned the crowd, and 'Ultimate Appraisal' flickered on and off without my conscious command, feeding me useless, delightful trivia.
[Appraisal Target: Dwarf Male]
Name:Borin Ironhand
Level:24
Thoughts:'That elf's ponytail is too perfect. Bet it's magic. Vanity. My axe has more soul than his entire lineage.'
[Appraisal Target: Elf Female]
Name:Lyra Swiftarrow
Level:19
Thoughts:'The dwarf smells of damp earth and stubbornness. Also, he is staring. How tedious.'
I suppressed a chuckle. This was better than cable television. My gaze then fell upon the source of most of the organized chaos: the reception desk. There were several attendants, but one in particular was a vortex of energy. A young woman with vibrant, crimson hair tied back in a practical but still somehow lively ponytail. She was currently dealing with a hulking beastkin who was complaining about his quest reward.
"—and the notice said 'up to five gold!' Five! Not three!" the beastkin, a wolf-type, growled, slamming a clawed hand on the counter.
The receptionist didn't even flinch. She just smiled, a brilliant, sunny expression that could probably power a small village. "But Mr. Grak! The notice also specified 'based on pelt quality.' The quest issuer determined your dire-wolf pelts had significant moth damage and were only 'B-Grade.' Three gold is actually quite generous!"
"Moth damage! Preposterous!"
"I have the assessment right here," she said, producing a parchment with a flourish. "See? 'Patchy fur, section 4B, consistent with Luna-Moth larvae infestation.' It's very specific."
Grak the beastkin deflated, his ears drooping. "...Luna-Moths? My grandmother's rug… it's all making sense now." He took his three gold coins, muttering about pest control, and shuffled away.
The receptionist let out a small, satisfied sigh, then her eyes, the color of emeralds, scanned the room and landed directly on me.
Or, they should have landed on me. I was still using a light version of Absolute Stealth. Yet, her gaze paused for a fraction of a second on my patch of wall, her head tilting in faint curiosity before moving on. A small chill went down my spine. Was she… perceptive? Or was the skill not as absolute against naturally observant people? A data point to file away.
Time to get this over with. I released the stealth and walked towards her counter. As I got closer, Ultimate Appraisal automatically fed me her details.
[Appraisal Target: Lily]
Race:Human
Age:20
Occupation:Adventurer's Guild Receptionist (Maplewood Branch)
Level:4
HP:70/70
MP:50/50
Skills:[Administration Lv. 6], [Negotiation Lv. 5], [Perception Lv. 4], [Basic First Aid Lv. 3], [Keen Eye Lv. 4]
Current Thoughts:'New face. Looks soft. Hope he doesn't take a goblin-slaying quest. The soft ones always take the goblin-slaying quest and come back crying.'
Life Story:Born in the capital, moved to Maplewood for the 'quieter life,' secretly trains with throwing daggers every morning, has a hidden crush on the captain of the town guard, thinks the head receptionist, Gerald, steals pastries from the breakroom (she is correct).
"Welcome to the Adventurer's Guild of Maplewood!" she chirped, her smile back at full wattage. "I'm Lily! Looking to register, or are you picking up a quest?"
"Registration," I said, my voice thankfully steady and appropriately bland.
"Excellent! Just fill out this form, and we'll get you set up with your beginner's permit and identification tag!" She slid a piece of parchment and a quill across the counter.
The form was simple. Name, Age, Race, Known Skills. I filled it out with practiced, unremarkable handwriting.
Name: Bob
Age:18
Race:Human
Skills:Herbology (Basic), Survival (Basic)
Lily took the form, her eyes scanning it. "Bob! A good, solid name. Easy to remember." Her [Administration] skill was probably going crazy over the neat penmanship. "Alright, Bob. The registration fee is five copper coins."
I reached into the small pouch at my belt—a prop I'd bought that morning—and willed five copper coins from my [Infinite Inventory] into my palm. I placed them on the counter. The transaction felt surreal. I was paying a pittance for a license that would grant me access to a world of danger, all so I could avoid said danger more effectively.
Lily took the coins, stamped my form with a satisfying thump, and reached under the counter. She produced a simple, dull copper tag on a leather cord. "Here you are! Your official F-Rank Adventurer's tag. You can now take any quest marked with a white or gray tag on the board. Remember, your actions reflect on the Guild, so always do your best and follow the rules!"
She handed me the tag. It was cool and slightly heavy in my hand. A symbol of my new, fake career. "Thanks," I said, giving her a nod that I hoped conveyed 'harmless and unambitious.'
"So, Bob," Lily leaned forward slightly, her voice dropping to a more conversational tone. "What kind of quest are you thinking of for your first time? We have some lovely herb-gathering ones. Very peaceful. Good for getting to know the local flora."
I could have kissed her. She was actively steering me away from danger. She was an angel in a practical tunic.
"Herbs sound perfect," I said, my gratitude genuine.
"Great! Let me see…" She turned to a filing box behind her. "We have a recurring one for Common Moonlight Herbs. They grow in the Sunken Woods just east of town. The quest is for five bundles, reward is eight copper per bundle. It's not glamorous, but it's steady."
"I'll take it," I said immediately.
She beamed, as if I'd just announced I'd single-handedly solved world hunger. "Wonderful! Here's the quest slip. Just bring the herbs back to me, and I'll get you your payment. Good luck, Bob!"
I took the slip, feeling the weight of my new purpose. I, Bob, former data entry clerk, now F-Rank herb gatherer, was on my first official assignment. The thrill was… manageable.
It was at that exact moment that the guild's double doors flew open with a familiar, dramatic crash.
All conversation died.
Standing there, once again backlit for maximum effect, was Leon. The Hero. He'd upgraded his wardrobe to include a simple, but brightly polished, leather cuirass and a longsword at his hip. He looked every inch the classic hero, apart from the slightly lost expression in his beautiful blue eyes.
"People of Maplewood!" he announced, his voice ringing through the hall. "I am Leon, the Chosen One, he who shall stand against the coming darkness! I have come to test my mettle and begin my journey!"
A few adventurers rolled their eyes. Others looked mildly amused. Lily just sighed softly, a look of professional patience settling on her face.
Leon strode confidently towards the training area of the guild hall, a cleared space at the back with a few worn practice dummies. A small crowd, sensing free entertainment, began to gather. Driven by a morbid curiosity I couldn't suppress, I drifted to the periphery, reactivating my low-level stealth.
"Behold!" Leon declared, stopping in front of a particularly scarred dummy. "The sacred magic of my lineage, passed down through generations of champions! With this power, I shall smite the forces of evil!"
He took a deep, theatrical breath, planted his feet, and thrust his palms towards the dummy. "O spirits of light! Lend me your strength! Divine… Spark!"
Nothing happened.
A bead of sweat trickled down Leon's temple. The crowd was silent.
"Ahem! Divine Spark!" he tried again, his voice cracking slightly.
A single, pathetic flicker of light, no brighter than a firefly, sputtered from his fingertips. It traveled about a foot before winking out of existence. It didn't even reach the dummy.
A snicker went through the crowd. Then another. Soon, the guild hall was filled with poorly suppressed laughter.
Leon's face flushed a brilliant scarlet. "It… the mana in this land is strange! It resists my pure-hearted energy!"
I couldn't help myself. 'Ultimate Appraisal.'
[Appraisal Target: Leon]
Race:Human
Age:17
Occupation:The Prophesied Hero (Currently Unemployed)
Level:1
HP:100/100
MP:30/30
Skills:[Sword Proficiency (Novice) Lv. 2], [Charisma Lv. 5], [Heroic Pose Lv. 4], [Light Magic (Theoretical) Lv. 1]
Current Thoughts:'Why won't it work? The old elder said to feel the light in my heart! I'm feeling it! I'm feeling it so hard! This is so embarrassing. I wish I was back in Oakhaven, milking the cows.'
Fate:To defeat the Demon Lord… (Probability of Success based on Current Metrics: 0.0001%)
Oh, Celian. You poor, clumsy fool. You weren't just wrong; you were cosmically, hilariously wrong. This kid couldn't spark a campfire with a gallon of gasoline and a matchbook. The 'Probability of Success' metric felt unnecessarily cruel, even for a system error like me.
Leon, humiliated, drew his sword. "Very well! If magic is not the answer this day, then let my steel speak for me!"
He let out a battle cry and charged the dummy. His form was… enthusiastic. He swung the sword with all his might, overcomitting completely. The blade connected with the dummy's shoulder with a solid thwack—and promptly bounced off, the force of the blow wrenching it from Leon's grasp. The sword flew through the air in a glittering arc, spun twice, and landed point-down in a large, steaming meat pie a burly adventurer was about to eat.
The hall fell completely silent for a moment, before erupting in full-bellied laughter.
The adventurer with the ruined pie slowly stood up, his face a thundercloud. "You… you little… that was Sister Margery's premium steak and kidney! You'll pay for that!"
Leon was backing away, hands raised. "A thousand apologies, good sir! It was an accident! A heroic miscalculation!"
I saw Lily massaging her temples. This was clearly a regular occurrence. She was about to step in, but the situation was escalating. The pie-owner was advancing, and Leon looked like he was about to cry.
A part of me, the tiny, atrophied part that had once been a semi-functional member of society, twinged with sympathy. But the larger, more well-developed part of me, the part that cherished peace, quiet, and not being associated with disasters, screamed a single command: ABORT.
I had the power to stop this. A whisper of Mirage Crafting could make the man see his pie was untouched. A flicker of Physical Apex could have me trip him 'accidentally.' But any intervention risked exposure. I was a background character. Background characters don't resolve main plot conflicts.
Just as the angry man was about to grab Leon by his pristine collar, a calm, authoritative voice cut through the laughter.
"That's enough, Rolf."
A man in the crisp uniform of the Town Guard, a silver insignia on his shoulder denoting his rank as Captain, stepped into the circle. He had a stern, no-nonsense face, but his eyes held a glint of weary amusement.
"Captain Miles!" Lily said, her voice full of relief.
"But Captain, he ruined my pie!" Rolf the adventurer complained.
"I'll buy you another pie," Captain Miles said, his tone leaving no room for argument. He then turned to Leon, who was trembling like a leaf. "You. 'Chosen One.' We've had complaints. About noise. About property damage. And now about airborne cutlery. This is your final warning. Cause one more public disturbance, and you'll be spending a night in the cells to contemplate the quiet, un-heroic parts of destiny. Understood?"
Leon swallowed hard and nodded, his bravado completely shattered. "Y-yes, sir. Understood."
The crowd, seeing the fun was over, began to disperse. Leon scurried away to a corner, looking utterly defeated.
Captain Miles glanced at Lily and gave a slight, almost imperceptible shrug, as if to say, 'What can you do?' Then his eyes, sharp and observant, scanned the room. For a heartbeat, they paused on me. There was no recognition, no suspicion, just a brief noting of a new, unremarkable face before he turned and left.
My heart, which had barely sped up during the entire debacle, settled back into its steady, peaceful rhythm. The crisis was averted, without my intervention. It was the perfect outcome.
I looked down at the quest slip in my hand. Common Moonlight Herbs. The Sunken Woods.
It was time to go to work. My kind of work.
I slipped out of the guild hall, the bright sunshine welcoming me back into obscurity. The Hero's failure was someone else's problem. My only concern was finding some plants, and with my skills, that was less of a quest and more of a grocery run.
As I walked towards the edge of town, I allowed myself a small, satisfied smile. The system was broken, the Hero was a mess, but my plan was intact. I was just Bob, the herb gatherer. And that was all I ever wanted to be.
Now, how hard could it be to find a few Common Moonlight Herbs?
---
Chapter 2 End.
Author's Note:
And so,Bob settles into his new life, doing his best to remain unremarkable in a world determined to be anything but. The stage is set, the (utterly hopeless) Hero has made his entrance, and our OP background character is ready to begin his quest for the most peaceful life imaginable. What could possibly go wrong? Stay tuned for Chapter 3, where Bob discovers the joys of real estate and the perils of accidentally learning far, far too much about your innkeeper!