"After last night, he's no longer sure who's in control... him or the other one."
I smoked my cigarette, watching the smoke dissipate into the cool airI wondered, what am I doing? And why am I still looking at this damned world, the world that made me a curse, after I had only ever dreamed of being happy? Everything changed after that joke…After last night, he's no longer sure who's in control... him or the other one."
that moment I thought was fleeting, but it was the beginning of the end. I thought that having money, power, passion, and desire…
would make me happy. But I became the worst. Or maybe we both became the worst, me and myself together. I sat, resting my head in my hands and pressing down hard
, wondering: Should I go back to the past to discover what happened to me? Or should I continue in the present to punish whoever did this to me? My inner voice chuckled softly and said, "It doesn't matter." Either way, I will burn whoever caused all this, even if it's the world itself… I will burn it. And burn myself along with it.
I took a shower, the water running over my body as if trying to wash away something indelible. I looked at myself in the mirror… I said in a low voice, "I'm mine alone. Who cares if I burn myself along with my victim? In the end, we're both victims.
" But my other voice whispered back, laughing, "Stop it… You're not anyone's victim; you sacrificed yourself. No one can make you their victim; you create victims." I left the bathroom, dragging my feet as if the earth itself were thinking of me. I wondered, "Will I really go back to what I promised myself I wouldn't?"
Then my inner voice answered again, "So what? You promised to burn yourself along with the world, so why are you backing down now?"
I got dressed and went into my room. A room that had been the source of all my obsession, of all those nights when I gradually lost my mind. On the wall, I had arranged all their pictures—the faces that had caused my downfall, that had shaped me. I focused my gaze on the center of the wall, on that empty space where I hadn't placed a single picture. Instead, I put up a mirror. Yes… I am the only person whose picture I did not hang. Because my real picture was there, in my reflection. I looked at myself in the mirror and said:
"Everyone on this wall, they made this person…"
"but the only crime was that I allowed them to do it."