The courtyard is packed during break. Students from all four houses gather, whispering and laughing as Fred and George drag out a makeshift stage made of conjured wooden crates.
George (projecting dramatically):
"Ladies! Gentlemen! Ferrets! Pigs! Traumatised victims of questionable Transfiguration!"
Fred (bowing):
"We proudly present: The Epic Tale of the Flying Pig and the Unfortunate Kiss!"
The students roar with laughter already.
"Malfoy vs. Harry – The Prelude"
Fred puts on a white-blond wig that's clearly made of shredded parchment.
Fred (as Draco):
"Potter! My father will—"
George (interrupting, as Harry with glasses drawn using ink):
"Yeah yeah, tell him to send an owl."
The students laugh as "Draco" and "Harry" glare at each other dramatically.
"Moody's Fury"
George puts on a fake magical eye that's literally a painted blue button glued to a spoon.
George (growling like Moody):
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
He slams his staff—a broomstick—on the ground.
Fred squeals and transforms into a "ferret" using a fuzzy white blanket wrapped around himself.
Fred (as ferret Draco):
"Eeep! Eeep! Let me down!"
George tosses him up in the air. Fred flails like a dying fish.
"The Unexpected Pig"
Fred suddenly freezes.
Fred (dramatic voice):
"But wait—what's this mysterious force descending upon us?!"
He spins, gets wrapped in a pink tablecloth, and now he's "The Pig".
Some Hufflepuffs nearly fall over laughing.
George:
"Oh no! Draco has evolved!"
"The Infamous Fall"
George lifts "Pig Fred" with Wingardium Leviosa.
George:
"Behold! The airborne bacon!"
He wobbles the wand. Fred wobbles in midair.
Fred (oinking dramatically):
"OINK! Save me from my tragic beauty!"
George pretends to lose control.
George:
"Uh… oh… bad luck!"
Fred is dramatically dropped into…
A very strategically placed cardboard cutout labelled "RON".
Fred:
"SMOOCH!"
He rubs his cheek against the cardboard Ron, causing the crowd to explode in laughter.
Scene 5: "Trauma Echoes Across Hogwarts"
Fred and George assume "victim poses":
George sits in a corner pretending to be Moody, muttering "V-v-vigilance…" while scrubbing his lips.
Fred acts as Ron, screaming and shaking his head violently.
Fred:
"I can still taste the pork!"
George:
"I can still feel the freckles!"
The courtyard HOWLS with laughter.
Curtain Call
Fred and George bow as enchanted confetti bursts everywhere.
Fred:
"Thank you! We'll be here all week or until Filch catches us!"
George:
"Which, let's be honest, might be in approximately five minutes!"
Students cheer, some crying from laughter, and a few chanting:
"DO THE PIG AGAIN! DO THE PIG AGAIN!"