Marcus stared at the large parchment spread across his bedroom floor.
He'd stolen it from the library along with several sticks of charcoal.
The servants would probably gossip about this. The wastrel young master actually writing something? Scandal.
"Okay, Marcus. You're a professional.
You've created action plans for CEOs. This is just another client case."
Except the client was his sword-obsessed brother and the stakes were global annihilation.
He wrote "PROJECT GOAL" at the top of the parchment in large letters.
Underneath, in smaller text:
"Get Theodore to form romantic relationships with four women to save the world."
He paused, then added: "(For World Peace)" in parentheses.
It sounded more noble that way.
"Step one: identify the targets."
Marcus winced. Targets sounded wrong.
These were people, not objectives.
But he was in a harem novel now. Thinking like a dating sim might actually help.
He drew four boxes across the parchment. Time for heroine analysis.
-----
Box One: "SERAPHINA ASHWOOD - The Ice Queen Teacher"
- Age: 28 (estimated)
- Role: Combat magic instructor
- Faction: Royal Academy
- Difficulty: Medium?
Notes: Always near Theodore, tragic backstory probable, likes competent men (Theodore is competent at swords?)
-----
Box Two: "CATARINA ROSELLE - The Perfect Duchess"
- Age: 26 (estimated)
- Role: Duchy ruler, Theodore's fiancée's older sister
- Faction: Eastern military forces
- Difficulty: EXTREMELY HIGH
Notes: Political nightmare, already managing a territory, probably exhausted 24/7
-----
Box Three: "VIVIENNE BLACKTHORN - The Crimson Viper"
- Age: Late 30s? (MILF category)
- Role: Retired adventurer, someone's mother
- Faction: Adventurer's Guild connections
- Difficulty: What even is this route?
Notes: Why is a mom a romance option? Whose mom? This is weird.
-----
Box Four: "IRIS SILVERMOON - The Ancient Elf"
- Age: ??? (Centuries probably)
- Role: Cultural exchange student?
- Faction: Elven Enclaves
- Difficulty: Alien psychology
Notes: Do elves even experience romance like humans? What's the cultural gap here?
-----
Marcus sat back and examined his work. It looked like the world's worst dating app profile collection.
"Okay, so we need all four. But where to start?"
He grabbed "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance" from his desk. Chapter One: Start Simple.
Simple. Right. Which of these was simple?
Marcus began drawing connecting lines between the boxes, creating a relationship web that looked increasingly like a conspiracy theorist's wall.
"Catarina is out for starting position," he muttered.
"Too much political baggage. One wrong move and we cause a succession crisis."
He crossed out her box, then immediately uncrossed it. They needed her eventually. Just not first.
"The elf is... I don't even know where to begin. Do I research elven courtship? Is there a book for that?"
He made a note: "Find elf dating manual (does this exist?)"
"Vivienne the MILF route." Marcus paused. "I can't believe I just thought that sentence."
But seriously, how did one set up their teenage brother with someone's mom?
The age gap alone was problematic. The logistics were mind-boggling.
That left Seraphina.
"Student-teacher romance," Marcus said slowly. "Classic trope. Forbidden but not too forbidden. She sees him every day for classes."
He circled Seraphina's box multiple times.
The proximity was key. Theodore couldn't avoid her even if he wanted to.
Which he probably did, because she wasn't a sword.
"Plus she's grieving her dead husband." Marcus immediately felt bad for thinking it.
"That sounded predatory. I meant she might be ready to move on.
Eventually. With emotional support."
This was the problem with treating people like objectives. They had real feelings and real trauma.
But the world was going to end if he didn't do something.
"Seraphina first. She's the most accessible and least politically complicated."
Marcus started a new section: "OPERATION SERAPHINA"
Phase 1: Get Theodore to notice she exists as more than "sword technique instructor"
Phase 2: Create opportunities for meaningful interaction
Phase 3: Build emotional connection
Phase 4: Romance? Somehow?
Phase 5: Profit (save world)
"This is a terrible plan," Marcus told his reflection in the mirror.
His reflection agreed.
But what else could he do? He couldn't fight demons.
He had no magic. His only skill was understanding people's emotions.
"Wait."
Marcus looked at his notes again. His emotional intelligence had carried over. That was his advantage.
"I can't make Theodore romantic. But I can help him understand what they need emotionally."
New plan forming, Marcus started fresh notes.
"Seraphina: Grieving widow.
Needs: Someone who sees her pain but doesn't pity her."
Theodore wouldn't pity anyone. Theodore barely noticed anyone existed unless they had a sword.
"Catarina: Exhausted leader.
Needs: Someone who doesn't want anything from her."
Theodore wanted nothing from anyone except sword lessons.
"Vivienne: Bored retiree?
Needs: Adventure? Purpose? (Research required)"
Theodore was always up for training and combat. That was kind of like adventure.
"Iris: Ancient being.
Needs: Something new? Genuine connection? (Much research required)"
Theodore was genuinely himself at all times. Mostly because he lacked the social awareness to be anything else.
"This might actually work."
Marcus felt a spark of hope.
Theodore's density might be an asset, not a liability.
Women exhausted by political games would find his straightforwardness refreshing. His complete lack of ulterior motives was practically unique among nobility.
"I'm not teaching him to be romantic. I'm teaching him to be a friend first."
That felt better. More ethical. Less like manipulating real people.
Marcus wrote "REVISED PLAN" in big letters.
Goal: Help Theodore form genuine connections
Method: Translate their emotional needs into Theodore-speak
Success Metric: They don't all die to demons
"Starting with Seraphina tomorrow," Marcus declared to his empty room.
He'd go to the Academy. Observe their dynamic. Figure out an approach that didn't involve his brother accidentally proposing sword maintenance as a date activity.
"How hard can it be?"
Every time he said that, things got worse. But optimism was all he had.
Marcus looked at his planning parchment one more time. It was covered in boxes, arrows, crossed-out sections, and increasingly desperate notes.
At the bottom, in small text, he'd written:
"Note to self: You're trying to prevent apocalypse via dating advice.
Your life is weird now. Accept it."
He had accepted it. Didn't mean he liked it.
Tomorrow, he'd begin Operation Seraphina.
He'd help his brother notice his teacher as a person, not just a source of combat knowledge.
The fate of the world depended on his success.
No pressure.