I watched her kiss him.
Right there. In front of everyone.
It was a dare in a stupid party game. A spin of the bottle, and a room of drunk teenagers I had no business being involved with.
Her lips met another man's. The room lit up with whistles and cheers, but what broke me wasn't even the kiss. It was the way she laughed after.
No shyness. No embarrassment. Just... delight, like she was having the best time of her life.
Like I hadn't been standing right there the whole time, holding a red cup and four years of feelings she never asked for.
And for a second, I swear I smiled too. A pitiful smile. My heart hadn't caught up to what my brain already knew.
She looked happy.
He looked proud.
And me?
I just stood there. Silent. Stupid. Watching the girl I thought I knew throw everything into a moment that didn't include me.
Nobody saw me.
No... worse. Everybody saw me. They just didn't care.
I'm the bad guy here. I painted a picture of who she was in my head. I always assumed the day would come when she would see me how I've always seen her. What a fool I am.
And all at once, the reality of what happened crashed down on me.
I was never in the race.
She was never mine. Not even close. Maybe a part of me knew that.
But knowing hurts a hell of a lot less than watching it happen.
The party felt like a bad dream. Lights dim, music too loud, laughter that echoes for all of the wrong reasons. I only showed because she asked me to, and because I was worried about her being all alone with these people. Said it wouldn't be fun without me. Said I made her feel safe.
Safe.
A word to describe a dog by your side during a thunderstorm. An animal, always there. Always waiting for you.
I was the guy who listened when she needed to cry and vent. The one who waited outside of her house every morning, just to walk beside her in silence. I knew her favorite gum, and would fold the wrappers into little stars just to make her smile.
But now she smiled for him.
He wore a varsity jacket, and an easy grin. The kind of boy who never had to try, because the world gave him everything just for showing up.
I couldn't be more opposite from a guy like that. I practically blended in with the wall as if I was a part of the architecture.
"You're the only one who gets me," she once whispered, wrapped in my jacket, tears slipping down her cheeks while the rain tapped quietly on the roof above us. She didn't need to say why she was crying and I never asked.
I just sat there, shoulder to shoulder, offering her everything I had.
And she took all of it.
God she took all of it.
But now, she belonged to their world. The loud kids. The confident ones. The kinds of people who measured worth by how many likes your posts would get by midnight.
I quietly opened the door and left. No one came after me. I didn't expect them to.
The door creaked opened, as I entered my home. What I didn't expect was for a voice to call out to me.
"Big brother? You're home earlier than you said."
"Yeah, my social battery kinda ran out Mary."
She trampled down the stairs, a teddy bear nestled snuggly in her left arm.
"I'm sure you aren't too tired to give your sister a hug right." She said gently, looking up at me with her adoring brown eyes.
I knelt down to match her, and let out a gentle smile. "I'll never get tired of you."
Mary yawned into my shoulder. "Did you have fun?"
I hesitated. Then nodded.
"Yeah. Tons."
She squinted up at me, like she didn't quite believe it, but didn't push. "I'm gonna go back to bed. You should sleep too, okay?"
"Yeah. Goodnight, bear."
She gave a sleepy salute, then trudged back upstairs.
I waited until I heard her door click shut before I moved. My room felt colder than usual, maybe because the party was still echoing in my head.
The kiss.
The laugh.
The way she didn't even look for me when I left.
I fell onto my bed, phone still in hand. I didn't plan to check it.
But I did.
1 New Message — AlyssaWhere'd you go? You should've played with everyone! Text me so I can drag you back here!
I stared at the screen until it dimmed.
Then turned it face down and said nothing.