William blushed and looked away. "I can't dance."
Alex smiled. "Then you're lucky I'm a decent dancer."
"But… in front of everyone?"
"Would you rather dance with me in private?"
"That would be better. I wouldn't make a fool of myself."
"It won't happen. Trust me."
The prince took his hand and helped him to his feet. William looked uncomfortable, but he followed him anyway onto the improvised dance floor.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want to court you." Alex turned and placed a hand at the small of his back. "Have you ever been courted, Will?"
"No, never. And you?"
"I've mostly been pestered by suitors." He drew him closer. "But if I were to court someone, I think I'd invite them to dance."
"Even if they can't?"
"Yes. Because I'm sure they'd end up having fun."
As soon as the music started again, Alex took the first steps. The tune was cheerful and reminded him of a ballad they sometimes played at the royal palace. He knew it well enough to lead William with a certain confidence.
The mage followed him awkwardly and, from time to time, stepped on his feet, but the faster the rhythm became, the more he relaxed. Even his movements grew less clumsy.
It reminded Alex of when they had gone riding together.
"You're good," William told him.
Alex smiled. "My older sisters are better than I am. And you're far better than Myrina."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"It is."
Alex spun him and caught him again in his arms; this time they were a little closer than before.
"Are you having fun, Will?"
"Very much. Thank you."
They danced a little longer, until the music faded away. Then they returned to the table and sat down to eat. The musicians took a break, and the chatter of voices and the clatter of bowls filled the hall.
The innkeeper brought them their dinner, bowed awkwardly before Alex, and walked away beaming. The soldiers dug into the food, laughter and toasts following one another. Mugs were emptied and refilled, and the atmosphere grew merry and convivial.
William ate very little, but his posture was relaxed and his gaze softer than usual. That must have been his way of enjoying himself, and Alex was glad he'd managed to help him loosen up a bit.
"Your Highness, aren't you drinking?" asked William.
Alex shook his head. "I've stopped. I can't risk hurting you."
"You're kind."
"Lots of people tell me that, but when you say it, it sounds different."
William blushed, grabbed Falko's mug, and swallowed a couple of long gulps. His cheeks grew even redder.
Alex was alarmed. The mage couldn't handle alcohol—why was he drinking?
"Will, what are you doing?"
"The last time I drank, I…" William stood up. "If I get drunk, you won't do anything to me, will you?"
"Of course not. With me, you're safe."
"Good." He grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him to his feet. "I want to dance with you one more time, Your Highness."
They danced again and again, swept up by the music.
William laughed and seemed euphoric; the beer had made him more uninhibited. He danced with strangers too, and even invited Falko, but he always came back into the prince's arms. And Alex felt a pang in his chest every time they were together again.
"You're drunk, Will."
"Maybe a little. But you'll protect me, won't you?"
"Yes."
The music faded once more, a sign that the ballad, too, had come to an end. And with it, the evening.
Alex spun William around, and the mage laughed and stumbled into him. The prince held him by the hips and helped him steady himself.
"Maybe you should go to bed."
"Maybe." William looked him in the eyes; his irises shone, glazed with alcohol. "You're good at courting, Your Highness."
"Did you have fun?"
"Very much." He threw his arms around his neck, his beer-scented breath brushing his ear. "Thank you."
Alex couldn't hold back an embarrassed smile. It was rare for William to thank him, but he seemed truly happy. And that joy filled his chest.
"Let's go to bed, Will."
"Will you come with me?"
"Yes. That way I'll make sure no one hurts you."
William looked at him in surprise, then a very sweet smile bloomed on his lips. "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"
"Isn't that the point of courting?"
"Maybe." He rested his head on Alex's shoulder. "But I'm already in love."
"And is that so terrible?"
William fell silent for several minutes. "No, it isn't. You make me feel whole even though I'm broken. And when you touch me, I… I don't feel revulsion."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because I didn't want you to fall in love with me. You should be thinking about your future, about the kingdom, and I… I'm just an obstacle. It's enough for me to be at your side as your mage. I ask for nothing more."
"And what if that weren't enough for me? What if I were the one who wanted more? Would you still push me away?"
William lowered his gaze and stepped back from him. "I'm afraid I've drunk too much. The room has started to sway."
Alex sighed. It was obvious he was trying to change the subject.
"Let's go to sleep, Will."
He lifted him into his arms, carried him upstairs to his room, and laid him on the bed. He pulled off William's boots and robe, leaving him in just his shirt and trousers. He covered him with the blanket and lay down beside him.
William brushed his hand with his own. "It was a lovely evening. Thank you for inviting me to dance."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"Do you truly mean that?"
"I like being with you. And I like making you happy."
"I thought you liked making me angry."
"That too. The way you look at me excites me."
William frowned and propped himself up on one elbow. "I could turn you into a toad."
"Then you should kiss me to turn me back into a prince."
"I would. I'd turn you into a frog and kiss you to get my prince back. And then I'd kiss you again to forget that I ever kissed a slimy frog."
"And would kissing me make you happy?"
"Very much. But it wouldn't be good for you, or your future." William lowered his gaze and lay back down. "Will you stay with me?"
"Of course," Alex murmured. He caressed his cheek. "This is my room anyway. I wouldn't have anywhere else to go."
"I disturbed you again."
"It's not a bother. Even though you shouldn't have drunk, since you can't tolerate alcohol."
"Alcohol makes you less inhibited. I just wanted to have fun and be happy with you." William pressed himself against Alex. "You are a kind, just, and brave man. I really wish I had met you sooner."
"So do I."
"I wish I were Vellarian and noble, so I could stand at your side without feeling inadequate."
Alex hesitated, then wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. He sank his fingers into William's hair and felt him tremble. "Please don't break."
He wouldn't know how to put him back together.
"I won't, Your Highness. As long as you are at my side to hold me up, I won't fall apart." William lifted his head and looked him in the eyes. "If you had been there that day, I wouldn't have suffered so much. I wouldn't hate my body so much that I'd want to destroy it."
"Which day?"
"The day I was raped."
Alex went cold. "Will, you don't have to tell me."
"But I want to. Maybe tonight I'll have the courage." He lowered his gaze and rested his forehead against Alex's shoulder. "I was eighteen and they were about my age. We were classmates, but they were nobles and I was nobody."
"Do you know their names?"
"Do you want to punish them?"
"Yes."
William laughed. "You are… truly kind, Your Highness."
Alex didn't reply. It was clear that punishment wasn't what the mage wanted.
"Do you remember what happened?"
"Not much. I think they drugged me and made me drink. At some point I must have lost consciousness, and when I came to, they were… holding my wrists. I couldn't even defend myself."
"I'm sorry."
"It was horrible, realizing you no longer had control over your own body. That you can't do anything to push them away. I begged them and they laughed."
Alex swallowed the anger burning in his chest. He wanted to execute them all, to have them hanged for daring to hurt William.
But all he could do was hold him in his arms and hope his presence would help him piece himself back together.
"They touched me and… they hurt me. And they said I'd brought it on myself. That it was all my fault. And I believed them. I told myself it was true, because I was the one who allowed it. Because if I hadn't wanted it, I would have stopped them."
William rubbed his eyes.
"It hurt. I had bruises for months and injuries that bled for a long time. And their hands… I kept feeling them on my skin, as if they'd branded me. Even now."
Alex loosened his hold on the mage's hips. "If you don't want me to touch you, I can stop."
"No." William looked him in the eyes. "Because when you touch me, you remind me that there are people who can be gentle with my body. And that I should be gentle with it too. That I shouldn't hate myself to the point of hurting myself."
"Then I'll keep holding you until you remember only my hands on your skin. Mine, and no one else's."
"That sounds like a declaration, Your Highness."
Because it was. He wanted to protect William's feelings and make him happy.
And he had understood that, for William, it was much the same.
The mage curled up against his chest. "I don't deserve your kindness."
"You deserve it more than anyone." He stroked the back of his neck. "Now sleep, Will. I'll keep watch over you."
"Thank you."
William closed his eyes, and soon his breathing evened out.
Alex caressed his cheek, traced his profile with his fingertips, and brushed his slightly parted lips. He was breathtakingly beautiful. But he was also both fragile and strong, stubborn and severe. Icy, like the cold wind blowing from the north.
He pressed his lips to his forehead.
"You made me fall in love with you. And I still don't know whether that makes me happy or terrified."
He had felt it when they danced together, but it hurt. Because Alex couldn't have him the way he wanted. His role and the difference in rank wouldn't allow it.
The prince covered them both with the blanket and stayed for a long time, watching William's sleeping face, until he finally slipped into a quiet sleep.
The next day, what woke him was a muffled scream and a dull thud.