Alex had expected a reprimand. Sven was a pragmatic man, used to weighing the pros and cons of any situation, even when emotions are involved.
The prince shrugged, trying to downplay it. "It's just a game."
Sven frowned. "Is it really?"
Alex hesitated, then shook his head. "It never was, not really."
"Do you intend to keep this up at the palace too?"
"No. Just for the duration of the journey. It's just a fantasy, Sven, nothing more."
"Your Highness, with all due respect, you're risking falling in love."
Alex gave a faint smile he didn't truly feel. "I'll take the risk."
It would hurt, but at least he could kiss William as much as he wanted.
The captain shook his head. Alex knew he didn't agree, but Sven would respect his decision all the same. He was a friend and a loyal soldier.
Still, the prince wished it weren't all so complicated.
About half an hour later, they resumed their journey. Silence fell inside the carriage, broken only by the rustle of pages from the book William was reading.
Alex watched him out of the corner of his eye, imagining all the ways those slender fingers might stir his desire.
He felt a bit like an idiot for indulging in erotic fantasies about William, but he couldn't help it. The mage aroused him, and he had always been a very physical man. Not to mention that he hadn't had sex in several weeks.
In the end, he decided to look out the window before he actually got an erection.
"Is something wrong, Your Highness?" William's voice made him jump.
"No." The only problem was the fire between his legs. "Why do you ask?"
"You seem tense."
Alex looked back at him and chose to change the subject. "What are you reading?"
William showed him the book cover, and the prince narrowed his eyes to read the title.
"The Duke's Slave? Why does it sound erotic?"
"Because it is."
"It's incredible how much you like this kind of thing."
"Maybe you should read one before judging."
Alex looked at the book, then at the mage, and his lips curved into a mischievous smile.
"Actually, I want you to read it to me."
William raised his eyebrows, his cheeks flushing red. "Me? Read it to you?"
Alex tilted his head. "Don't tell me you're embarrassed."
"Of course I'm embarrassed! You know perfectly well this isn't a herbalism manual."
"Oh, so you admit it's erotic."
"Obviously it is! But it's not only about sex."
The mage pouted, and Alex barely held back a laugh.
"All right, then I'll read it out loud."
"Can't you read it silently?"
"It wouldn't be nearly as fun." The prince motioned for him to come closer. "Come on, get over here."
William sighed and sat beside him. He handed Alex the book and crossed his arms over his chest, as if he didn't agree with the game at all.
Alex opened it where the mage had left off and skimmed the first few lines. He raised his eyebrows.
"Well, this guy is really lucky."
"It's a novel, Your Highness. And I bet it's happened to you countless times."
"Not that often. And certainly not tied up like this."
William shot him a stern look. "I would hope not. You're the prince—no one would dare chain you to a wall."
"True, but I wouldn't mind. Only as part of sex, though."
"You're a pervert."
"Coming from you? You read erotic novels in broad daylight." Alex grinned. "And I bet you enjoy this kind of fantasy."
"I don't like being dominated."
"So you'd rather be the one in control?"
William gave him an icy look and snatched the book away. "If you're not interested, I'll take it back."
"Wait!"
But the mage hugged it to his chest and moved to the other side of the seat.
Alex sighed. "I was joking. I didn't mean to make you angry."
"I'm not angry. Just a bit annoyed." He set the book down between them, opened the small window, and leaned out, probably to ask the guards something.
Alex's gaze drifted from the novel to William's ass. It really had a nice shape—he wondered what it would be like to grip it in his hands or bite it hard enough to leave teeth marks.
William pulled back and shot him a sharp look. "You were doing it, weren't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You were looking again."
Alex flashed a mischievous smile. "Are you saying you did it on purpose?"
William smacked him on the head with the book. "Don't be ridiculous. You're the shameless one here."
"That's not fair. I'm a man who enjoys physical contact—I don't see what's wrong with appreciating other people's bodies."
The mage looked at him with a frown. "At least keep your hands to yourself."
"By the spirits, Will, I'd never grope you in front of everyone."
"So would you have done it in private?"
"Only if you told me I could." Alex kissed the back of his hand. "And only because I'd like you to learn to appreciate your body."
William looked at him for a moment, then looked away.
"It's not… easy. You're the first person in a long time who looks at me as if I were something more than a pretty face."
"You're beautiful as a god, it would be a lie to deny it, but above all you're intelligent, brooding and prickly."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"
"It is, because they're all sides of you that I appreciate. And that make your rare smiles all the more precious." He kissed his hand again. "And I'd like you to see yourself the way I do. To see your beauty, your wounds, your strengths and your flaws, and love them as part of who you are."
"I… I can't. I only see a ceramic doll full of cracks that has been stripped bare and used at will." His eyes grew moist. "I don't feel human anymore."
"Not even when you're with me?"
"I don't know. You… you confuse me."
Alex pressed his lips together and lowered his gaze to William's delicate hand.
"Is that why you can't stand it when I look at you?"
William nodded.
"And is that why you've suggested more than once to treat you as if you were an object? Without worrying about your feelings?"
"I'm sorry. I'm not used to it. I don't… I can't understand you sometimes. I don't understand what a prince could possibly see in me. You can have anything you want, yet you look at me in a way that makes me feel special. And since I only have my beauty, I thought… I thought that was all you saw in me."
Alex gently lifted William's chin to look him in the eyes. "You don't only have beauty."
"I also have a terrible temper, but I doubt you truly like that."
"Actually, I do. And do you know why? Because you have no problem telling me that I'm irresponsible or impulsive, or that I'm wrong to put myself in danger."
"I bet lots of other people tell you that."
"But you do it without making me feel guilty. When I argue with you, it's as if we're just having a normal difference of opinion. You don't treat me like a child or like a spoiled prince."
Alex lifted his gaze, searching for better words.
"The only people who behave like that with me are my sisters, my mother, and Nikolas. Oh, and Sven too. And you. And when I'm with you, I feel like I'm just a man talking to another man."
William stared at him, horrified. "I'm terribly sorry, Your Highness, I never meant to disrespect you like that."
Alex laughed. "You know you're allowed to."
"But I shouldn't. You're the future sovereign, I'm just a humble subject."
"No, Will, you're my Court Mage. You're the man I like, and the one I want to kiss." He smiled at him. "And I'd also like you to be my confidant and the person I trust more than anyone else. The one I'd entrust my life to without a second thought."
William looked at him in silence, then lowered his gaze, a faint smile stretching his lips.
"Your Highness, you're truly radiant. And I envy you, because I hate myself, and I know the rest of the world hates me too."
"I don't hate you, Will, just as you don't hate me." He pulled him into his arms and caressed the back of his neck. "And sooner or later I'll manage to make you love yourself."
"That would be truly wonderful, Your Highness. To be able to see myself the way you do."
William rested his head against his shoulder. Alex closed his eyes and savored the sound of the mage's heart echoing in his chest, in time with his own.
When they stopped for the night, Alex was too exhausted to dine with his guard, so he ordered Sven to bring his dinner to his room and retired for the night.
He let himself fall onto the bed and let his gaze wander over the simple, efficient furnishings. A wardrobe, a trunk, and a chest of drawers with a basin. Nothing else. It reminded him of his tent from his days in the army and the long nights spent studying maps and organizing the men.
He wished he could go back to those times, when everything was simpler.
A light knock startled him.
"Come in!"
He expected to see Sven or Ian, but was William, standing in the doorway with a tray.