[Enter: BUMS - THE BUREAU OF UNDERWORLD MUSCLE SOLDIERS. Wild goons in brightly colored business suits, carrying katanas and grenade launchers.]
[GOON #1]
For the glory of the Boss! Terminate the judge!
[GOON #2]
He hasn't paid the Boss back!
[JUDGE]
ANYTHING BUT MY DVD'S!
[GORO pulls out his giant mochi hammer from under the table]
Stinkin' yakuza bums won't be interrupting my monumental court case! Get behind me!
[BOKKI, pulling bamboo sword from his waist]
Why do I have to fight? I don't have cool stuff like Bankai or Nen…
[SOBA, still focused on GORO's hammer]
How did he enter with that hammer? How did we not notice it earlier?
[Fight breaks out. Bystanders flee. Goro, Bokki, and Soba battle through waves of thugs. Grenades fly and swords clash.]
[CUT TO: CENTER OF THE COURTROOM]
[The elite squad descends—BUMS' SQUAD X. At the helm: YŌGURA TOSHI. An old mountain of a man in a silver suit, covered in yakuza tattoos, his eyes glowing with malice.]
[YŌGURA]
Mochizuki Goro… heh heh heh… It's been quite some time.
[GORO, cracks knuckles]
HA! Who are you exactly? Can't say I remember your face, geezer.
[They clash. Yōgura flips in the air, grabbing Goro. Goro breaks out.]
[BOKKI, fighting henchmen]
Are you seeing this?! That guy's like a mix of Zangief and Vega in a stuffy suit!
[SOBA, getting strangled by a thug]
Please stop narrating and help me!
[Yōgura charges up a flying axe kick. Soba breaks out of the thugs' hold.]
[GORO]
SOBA! COME HERE AND START SMACKING THE GROUND!
[SOBA]
What?
[GORO]
JUST COME HERE AND START SMACKING THE GROUND!
[Soba runs over smacking the ground, Goro starts pounding the ground with his hammer after every two smacks. The ground starts softening and becomes sticky like mochi]
[SOBA]
W- what?! You're turning the ground into mochi?!
[GORO, chuckles]
I did say I was a legendary mochi maker didn't I?
[The ground under the hammer becomes mochi. Goro pulls the ground up with his hammer and smacks Yōgura flying, the mochi-like ground hardening when it hits Yōgura]
[Silence. Then… wild applause.]
[The judge climbs out from under his desk, dusting himself off.]
[JUDGE]
Mochizuki Goro… you saved my life. Which means… I'll let you off the hook.
[GORO poses triumphantly]
Just doing what's best, you know! HA HA!
[JUDGE]
Well, you aren't entirely off the hook. This is more like a catch and release. I'll be having you pay their hospital bills and work under your son's employment for one year. That's final.
[GORO]
But my mochi shop is back in [BLANK] city!
[BOKKI]
I have to boss this dork around?!
[SOBA, to Bokki, adjusting his glasses]
Do my injuries even matter to you, your honor?
Or am I just a background character?
[BOKKI]
No, no. You're in. We need a straight man anyways.
[SOBA]
Straight man? Hey wait! Are you saying I'm not funny?!
[GORO extends hand to both of them]
Well boys, now that we're stuck together, let's have fun!
[BOKKI]
Don't push it, Old Geezer.
[GORO]
I'M YOUR FATHER, YOUNG MAN!
[JUDGE, grumbling, picking up his dvds]
Case dismissed. All of you leave, I have business to do.
[The trio walks out of the courthouse, bruised but alive.]
[GORO]
So what now, my friends. I know a great ramen shop we could go to.
[BOKKI and SOBA glare at him.]
[BOKKI AND SOBA uppercut GORO shoryuken style.]
WE STILL DON'T FORGIVE YOUUUU!