— Hey…
A cold liquid slipped around my body just as something — or someone — began shaking my shoulders.
"Hey… hey…"
A muffled voice, warping through the water.
"Hey!"
When my eyes opened, the silhouette of a woman hovered in front of me, her fingers gripping my shoulders with a strangely gentle firmness. Her touch contrasted with the suffocating pressure of the water swallowing us both.
"Don't you dare die."
What?
I tried to answer, but my mouth wouldn't move.
She leaned closer. Her smile was soft. Calm. Too beautiful for someone supposedly drowning beside me. Her hair floated around her like an otherworldly halo. There was something divine about her.
"Fight to live…"
And then a massive hand tore me upward.
"…Do you hear me?"
My body hit the grass beside an absurdly large lake.
"Cough— cof—"
"Mi—my l— oh my g—" someone choked near me.
Had I really drowned?
My blurred vision made the world spin. My ears rang. Breathing burned like my lungs were scraped raw from the inside.
"D…na… don't… die…"
Someone just as drenched as me collapsed to their knees and wrapped me in a tight, desperate hug.
"…and now—what—are you doing?!"
"Joseph, you're going to suffocate her!" another voice burst in, panicked.
"Look at her state!"
The man — Joseph — ignored the order entirely. His warm hands slid up to my face, brushing water from my lashes as he leaned in close. Everything was a smear.
"Diana, look at me! Please!"
My vision slowly cleared. My chest heaved — and finally, air rushed in.
And when his face came fully into focus—
My blood boiled.
"…cof— stupid… cop…"
He blinked, confused.
"Diana…? Wh—"
"STUPID COP!"
My fist sank into his diaphragm with all the strength of my returning memories — fury and frustration detonating in that single hit.
He didn't even budge.
On the contrary: his arms tightened around me, as if terrified I'd disappear.
I pushed him away as I stood, staggering only a few steps before collapsing onto the wet ground.
"Gonna kill me now, officer?" I hissed.
"Diana…"
Even breathless, Joseph crawled toward me. He tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear as if… as if that was normal.
"What are you talking about?"
"Miss Diana!"
The woman — clearly a maid now — clutched a towel, staring at me like I was a fragile bird about to shatter.
"We must go inside immediately! And you, Joseph, keep your affection for the west wing!"
Affection? West wing?
Why were they dressed like I'd woken up inside a Victorian drama?
"Hey," I raised my voice, serious.
"Who the hell is Diana?"
…
…
Their faces froze.
The maid went pale.
Joseph didn't even blink.
My throat tightened as a knot twisted in my stomach. I was panting because I drowned… right?
"Miss… do you remember me?" the maid asked slowly, crouching near me.
"I… yes?" I tried.
Her eyes sparkled.
"Really?!"
"Well… okay… no."
Joseph collapsed to the ground with a dull thud.
It would've been funny if everything wasn't so insane.
"My God! Diana, stay here — I'll get Leo and Isaac!"
Diana.
Diana.
Diana.
Why were they calling me that?
I knelt beside Joseph. He didn't look unconscious — his face was far too peaceful. Too… beautiful. Ridiculously so. The type of face that would have to be cut from a TV series so the rest of the cast didn't look pathetic by comparison.
"Hah… why would someone like you become a cop?" I muttered, poking his cheek.
Two men rushed in. Seconds later, I was wrapped in layers of blankets and carried like a loaf of bread by a giant.
"I'll call a doctor!"
---
The mirror was the worst part.
"How… is that me?"
"Diana, please try to remember — and step away from the mirror!"
Zurie tried to pull me back, but I refused.
"This is a prank, right? And this wig—"
I grabbed my hair and tugged.
"WHY WON'T THIS DAMN THING COME OFF? AM I GOING BALD?!"
"Zurie, what happened?"
A short, mustached doctor — who looked exactly like a garden gnome — entered the room.
"The count will arrive in three weeks! She can't be like this!"
My chest burned. My head throbbed.
I mean, I'm… reasonably pretty. Pretty enough to be popular and make use of it as I wanted.
But the girl in the mirror?
No way that was me.
The creature in the reflection looked like a fairytale princess.
"HOW DID YOU PUT IN CONTACTS OF THIS QUALITY?!"
I rubbed at my eye.
"I don't even see the edge—they don't move at all!"
"Miss…"
The gnome-doctor stepped closer.
"Do you remember me? I'm Uncle Björn."
"No. And I want this makeup, this wig, and these lenses off. I should be in a hospital!"
"Hospital? Are you unwell?"
"Unwell? I was shot in the— wait."
I lifted my hand as if presenting a wedding ring.
There was no wound.
Nothing.
"…Huh. I got shot right here."
"SHOT?!" Zurie shrieked.
"Yeah. I was… Actually… where exactly are we?"
"In the Kingdom of Dante! My God—she forgot even that! BJÖRN! DO SOMETHING!"
Kingdom… of Dante?
My insides froze.
"Gnome, what's my name?"
He did not appreciate the nickname, but his expression remained perfectly calm.
"Diana Vandelion, miss."
"T—the Diana Vandelion of the third branch?"
"Third branch of House Vandelion."
I know this.
I know this.
"The illegitimate daughter of Duke Klem Vandelion, brought here after her mother died?" I asked slowly.
"With two brothers in the first branch… and a half-sister in the second named Sienna?"
Zurie covered her mouth.
"She's starting to remember!"
I laughed.
A weak, incredulous, slightly hysterical laugh.
"What year is it?"
"Year 742, miss. Right after General Cael—"
"Cael?" I cut in.
"The general who defeated the Emperor of Lysgard?"
Björn blinked, baffled.
"Miss… Cael is General Garcia's right-hand man. He hasn't defeated anyone. Though it has been two years since the Empire's army withdrew from Dante."
Oh.
The nausea returned.
My stomach twisted.
Yes… this is bad.
Very bad.
"…Why," I swallowed, "why is this story exactly like that novel?"