There are three things the Adventurers' Guild taught me after the "Lithium Battery Incident":
• Insurance adjusters fear me.
• No one wants to stand within a 30-meter radius of my experiments.
• If you blow up the guild hall even once, you get put on "Mandatory Training Duty."
Which is how I found myself in the guild's training yard, surrounded by burnt training dummies, a trembling instructor, and a sign that read:
"Please Do Not Create New Elements Without Supervision."
The instructor, a very tired woman named Marell, gestured to a stack of shields.
"All right, Rion. Since you've mastered… whatever it is you do, the guild wants to see if you can make defensive tools that don't annihilate buildings."
"That's fair."
"No explosions. No floating. No spontaneous livestock creation."
"That one was ONE TIME."
She didn't blink. "No goats."
I sighed and held out my hand, focusing on stability. Control. Calm.
[Void Synthesis: Active]Requested Output: Beryllium]Warning: Highly toxic IRL but who cares, this is fantasy.
The air hummed as silvery-green light condensed in my palm.
Then—
FWUMP.
A shimmering hexagonal lattice appeared, forming a sleek crystalline shield the size of a door.
It looked futuristic. Clean. Polished.
Beautiful, even.
Marell's eyes widened."That… actually looks stable."
I grinned. "Behold! The Beryllium Barrier—lightweight, incredibly strong, and scientifically resistant to structural deformation!"
She tapped it. It didn't budge.
"Impressive," she said.
Then the System chimed:
[New Item Created: Beryllium Barrier™]Effect: Absorbs 99% of physical damage.Penalty: You Still Take Minimum 1 Damage Because RPG Rules Hate You.
Wait.
"Sorry, what was that last part?"
Marell squinted at the panel."…'Minimum 1 damage.' Seems standard."
"No, no, no—this shield can tank meteors! There's no way I take damage."
She pointed at another sign:
"Training Yard Rule #4: Physics Bows Before Game Mechanics."
Before I could argue, a recruit approached carrying a wooden practice sword.
A very shaky recruit.
"Um… the Guildmaster said to test durability?"
Marell nodded. "Hit him."
"Wait—hold—"
THWACK!
The sword splintered.
The shield sparkled.
The System chimed:
[Damage Received: 1 HP]
I screamed.
"WHY!? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?"
Marell shrugged. "RPG rules. Perfect defenses still let one damage through. Otherwise tanks would be immortal."
"But I CREATED A SHIELD FROM A METAL SO STRONG IT MAKES STEEL LOOK LIKE WET PAPER—AND I STILL TAKE ONE DAMAGE?"
She patted my shoulder sympathetically.
"That's life."
The recruit lifted the broken half of his sword."Again?"
"NO AGAIN!"
[HP: 39/40]Warning: Emotional Damage Increasing.
I stared at the shield. My masterpiece. My "unbreakable" creation.
Foiled by arbitrary balancing mechanics.
Fine.
FINE.
I turned to Marell. "Okay. New test. Fire breath."
Her eyes widened. "We don't have a dragon."
"I do."
I pointed at the corner.
A small red slime poked out of a bucket, burbling proudly.
My accidental carbon-based child.
It inhaled.
"NO—NOT FULL POWER—"
FWOOOOOOSH—
Flames engulfed the shield.
When the fire cleared, the shield stood pristine.
I stood… slightly smoking.
[Damage Received: 1 HP]Status: Singed, Angry, Considering Revolution
Marell clapped politely."Congratulations! You made a shield good enough for a hero."
"A hero who gets slowly nibbled to death by BASIC DAMAGE."
⁂-⁂-⁂-⁂
By the time the guild processed the paperwork for "Controlled Dragonfire Testing," my HP had already dropped from 40 to 34 thanks to:
• a pebble that hit my foot (–1 HP)
• a falling leaf (–1 HP)
• a training dummy that tripped into me (–1 HP)
• emotional damage from reading System patch notes (–1 HP)
Honestly, it felt personal.
But today was the big day.
Marell led me into the guild's Hazard Chamber, a reinforced dome covered in scorch marks and engraved warning runes like "NO REFUNDS" and "IF IT BREATHES FIRE IT IS NOT FRIENDLY."
Inside stood the dragon.
A real one.
A red-scaled giant named Brutalus, who apparently worked part-time as the guild's magical furnace.
He growled when he saw me.
"Why is there a soft human here? Am I cooking something?"
Marell pointed at me. "He made a shield."
Brutalus snorted. "Does it taste good?"
"No eating the test subject!" she barked.
He pouted. "Then what am I here for?"
"To breathe lightly on him."
The dragon blinked."Lightly… you want me to LIGHTLY breathe fire… on the breakable wizardling?"
Wizardling??? Rude.
I stepped forward, holding the Beryllium Barrier™ confidently.
"As the inventor," I declared proudly, "I assure you this shield is strong enough to withstand any—"
The System chimed:
[Warning: Hubris Detected]
Oh, bite me.
Brutalus inhaled, chest glowing.
Marell shouted, "LEVEL ONE OUTPUT ONLY!"
But dragons have horrible hearing when they're excited.
FWWWWOOOOOOOOOSH!
A beam of molten fire engulfed me.The chamber shook.The walls melted slightly.I screamed in several octaves simultaneously.
Then—silence.
I opened my eyes.
The Beryllium Barrier™ was... perfect.
Untouched.
Beautiful.
A miracle of elemental engineering.
I was also still alive.
Barely.
[HP – 33][You Took 1 Damage.]Status: Singed, Sizzling, Soul Questioning Its Choices
I collapsed to my knees.Not because I was dying—but because I had lost to math.
"One… one damage," I whispered bitterly. "One."
Marell scribbled notes. "Impressive! You survived!"
"I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN ANY DAMAGE."
"It's minimum damage! Everyone takes it!"
"WHY!? WHY DOES EVERYONE JUST ACCEPT THIS???"
Brutalus peered down at me."You are surprisingly crunchy for someone so loud."
"THANK YOU, I GUESS!?"
The dragon tapped the shield with a claw."It's strong. Very strong. You humans should make cookware with this."
Marell froze."…Cookware?"
Brutalus nodded wisely."Dragons love fried things. This metal could fry perfectly."
Her eyes widened."OH MY GOD."
Mine widened too.
"NO. NO BUSINESS IDEAS. I AM NOT BECOMING A CHEF."
Too late.
The System pinged—happily, ominously.
[New Crafting Path Unlocked: Defensive Metallurgy][New Item Blueprint: Beryllium Skillet™]Uses: Cooking, Blocking Dragonfire, Smacking Goblins With Style
Marell clasped her hands."Rion! This is revolutionary! Indestructible cookware! Heroes will pay FORTUNES!"
Brutalus rumbled."I want the first set."
"I AM NOT OPENING A COOKWARE BUSINESS—"
The System cut me off.
[New Title Acquired: Chef of Eternal Durability]
I screamed into the void.
Brutalus clapped his wings politely."Very inspiring meltdown. Ten out of ten."