Damn creatures, have no respect for society. Who in their right mind sends volopious witches on a hunt for demons, that is like asking to get raped and killed. There were so many investigators, and only two survived the ordeal, with bodies lying everywhere. Why do I keep coming back to Paladin Woods when I can take cases in Stockholm instead, even if the payment sucks? Getting paid five times for an assignment isnt worth it if they blow your head off.
I am going to charge extra for saving one of the witches of their organisation, damn useless investigators. That got damn smell, I took her down and put her in the bushes.
"Ey...Wakey wakey!"
She just stared at me with tears running down her cheeks, her eyes didn't show any signs of emotions, looks like she is in a nasty shock, probably needs some psychiatric help from a bunny or something, bunny is positive emotions to look at, or maybe she can borrow Gah. He can help out, like he helped me free the woman, well, it was supposed to be women, but yeah...not my fault.
I took her blazer off her and then ripped apart her shirt as her eyes widened for a second.
"Relax, Titgirl! You smell too much demon sperm, making me gag more or less every minute. I will use your shirt to clean your pussy and ass, and use the blazer to cover up."
She didn't say anything, and she started shaking, probably scared that I would do something. Ah...Fuck my life, why am I always in awkward situations? All I want is to get married and start a family. Grabbed the ripped shirt and played around a little bit. Hence, it looked like a badly looking dishrag, and to not upend the situation we had here, I made a really fugly expression to her. I pushed my hand down beneath, and I did gag a little bit as I tried to remove as much as possible, but it kept seeping out sperm as the rag couldn't hold it. There is no chance in the world I will dig out the rest; her colleagues have to do the rest. What in the flying, fugly ass type of Demons is this? They should call them Sperminators instead. For fuck's sake, if we had this much in the warehouse on human men, they would never have sperm banks at home. One guy could fill it up for a whole fucking country.
I didn't even look at the rag; I just threw it into the bushes. Hm...What if a female type of Gah finds it? It would be weird if the turtle got pregnant and then new problems would appear, and we would get new creatures called Gahemons, Demon Turtles going around as walking spermbanks humping innocent small turtles. I should drop this; it's escalated to a new level of insanity, but what if the bushes got pregnant and we got Bushemons? Now it went a bit too far; I will drop it. Grabbed the blazer and tied it around her waist, and of course, as hell I covered the back butt as I had to carry her on my shoulder because she hadn't moved at all since I had been carrying her for a while. Gah made his 'I Am Superior' screams at me; he probably wanted to pump me up, as we have a long walk in front of us to get paid. Gah, didn't shut up and kept going, and he stared at me. He didn't look happy.
"Oh, shit! Good point, Gah! I didn't think about my blazer, good that you reminded me, buddy."
I took off my blazer and grabbed her hand to force her to get up, which she did, but her pubic hair was visible, and her upper body was completely naked, fuck...should I cover the tits or the pussy, hm...why am I staring in both areas. Gah kept screaming on the ground, and he gave me an excellent idea. I covered my blazer over her pussy and tied it hard as she leaned her head against my chest.
"Hey girl! Can you stand straight for a moment? I need to cover your chest area."
I slightly pulled her head away from me and then grabbed Gah and pressed him against her tits and bound the rope around her chest area, and I backed away to check so her nipples weren't visible. I should get all the creed in the world for being a gentleman. I cleaned her up and covered her most private parts of the body, and a big chunk of sperm fell on the ground, which made me gag again, as I didn't even want to look at her right now.
Gah was screaming his small shells off, and it wasn't a pump-yourself-up type of scream; it was different. The girl looked down at Gah as he flapped around, and she started crying, staring at me.
"W-w-what! I am sorry, why are you crying? I have covered all your parts."
She didn't answer and kept crying, and Gah kept screaming, and for a second, I thought for myself if I should walk away. I moved to the side to check why in the Hell Gah was screaming. He looked at my chest area, and his eyes rolled around.
"What! I don't get what you want to say."
He kept moving his head in a small circle and kept being loud, and I pointed at my chest, and now his head was moving in a half circle, that must be no.
"Do you mean this?" I said when I grabbed my shirt.
Now his head stopped moving, and I could see his mouth slightly open.
"Oh! You want me to sacrifice my shirt so she can cover herself in it instead of having a shell covering up her upper area." He stared at me.
"Fine!" I said as I was a little bit disappointed that I had to sacrifice my shirt.
I took off my shirt, and the girl stopped crying out loud, and I was looking at the snot beneath her nose. I will nickname her from now on Snotty; she doesn't even speak, so Snotty it is. I untied Mejni from her chest area, and her big tits bounced off her skin like footballs. I hope my future wife will have as big tits as she has, and I hope I won't regret it. I put the shirt around her and buttoned it for her, but her tits were so big that I could not button up the upper area, and I left it like that. She had an extreme cleavage, but looked like a sperm...I mean, some Hawaiian girl getting ready for a photo shoot that does not look like they have any connections with Hawaii at all.
"Can you walk?" I asked the girl.
She made a slight nod. Damn it, my designer Puppy Truppy shirt is all ruined, well, it had a lot of my own head splattered on it and the right side all covered in Demon cum, but it was so comfortable to wear. Now, I probably have to wait a month to make another big order, and they cost like 150 bucks per shirt, that is expensive as...wait a minute! I will deduct 1,500 euros for external costs. They are imported from Spain anyway, and I can pay for them directly without conversion. Zan, you are such a fucking Legendary Guy. Let's take 3000 for my outfit also, even if I found it on the Fox Store that sells old stuff in Stockholm for 50 bucks, I will leave a hefty invoice to the Witch bitch, opps, a Witch is standing in front of me. I should be nice, there I will deduct 30 Euro for every 30 minutes I spend with her...because I am a nice guy.
After walking for over an hour, we came out onto the road and walked in complete silence, as it was a little hard to strike up a conversation after she had a horrible experience earlier. I hope Gah and I won't get protests from the Witchmenist organization. This damn organization fights against unfairness towards witch-haters, more like a feminist group, but for Witches. I don't want to see Gah get surrounded by several of them using spells, and maybe even play with him a bit. It will just end up with one more group getting created, calling themselves the Turtmenist group, which would create chaos everywhere in Paladin Woods while I chill back home in Stockholm. I cannot leave my dear comrade battle shield in a situation like that; I won't let it happen. We came to the bus stop, where a goblin mother and her child were waiting for the bus. I didn't have any clothing on my upper body, and the Witch dressed like a porn actress, from NOT Hawaii, and a turtle hanging down on a rope from my shoulder. I tried to make a nod, trying to be friendly as we were in the Seventh town in Paladin Woods, where a lot of Goblins live. The old red Swedish buses that I rode as a kid slowed down and stopped at the bus station when the goblin child commented:
"Mem! Whu does it smill like shiet here?"
The Witch looked down at the ground. She was probably embarrassed about our situation.
"Oh...My! I THINK I SHIT MY PANTS!" I screamed aloud and squatted halfway down, staring at the goblins, and the mother covered the child's eyes, and they walked away from the station. We got on the bus, and I think the smell was so bad that several creatures and citizens from Valiant got off in an instant.
"Sorry! I shit my pants." I told the bus driver, who looked at me with his bald head, thick mustache, and very hairy arms, with a very unimpressed expression.
"Idjit! I know how human shit smells, that not human shit."
I just remembered that all the bus drivers in Paladin Woods were humans from Stockholm, a very multicultural group who came from all over the world. Not many would say no if you could get four times your salary paid into your bank account after taxes, they pay the pension, and you can retire at 50, which is excellent, as they have raised the age to 75 for my generation.
"Eh, you don't happen to take a debit card?"
He smiled at me.
"Yes, we do. The conversion rate for 10 Randid is 200 Swedish kronor, which equals 18 Euro or 20 US dollars. The Euro and USD are for tourists."
Who in their right mind would even visit Paladin Woods as a tourist? If you do not have any skills as a human, you will get killed or eaten quite quickly. The bus drivers are protected by the Witches organization, though; nobody would dare touch them if they are not a criminal, of course.
I swiped my card as it was 30 Randid in the machine.
"Hey! It is for two!"
"Boiy! No fool me, you have turtla with you!"
"What the fuck, that is my shield."
"Alive, not shield!" He said, and the transfer went through. For fuck's sake, I travel on the old red buses, which are low-budget, and had to pay 60 bucks for a fucking ride. Well, Stockholm also has a shitty train and bus system, and they force us to pay 150 euros with no development whatsoever. If the mother fuckers at the Trafic organization stopped hiring fucking consultants that don't do jack shit, it would probably be cheaper. Germany has like 30-50 Euro for some monthly tickets, and what do I get, fucking underdeveloped bus and train stations.
We sat down on the double seats, and the girl leaned her head against the window and just stared out. I suppose she just wanted to space out until we arrived at the first town, which is about a one-hour ride away.
"I understand if you do not want to talk, and it has been an awful experience for you. Can I ask your name at least, so I do not have to come up with a name?" I asked carefully.
She was quiet; it took like a minute before she answered:
"Malin...Lady Malin Trottoarsson!" She uttered without any expression at all on her face as she kept looking out of the window.
"Thank you, I appreciate you telling me your name. I am Zan, Zan Van Pan!" I tried to introduce myself, but still no reaction from her.
I hope it won't be a shit show when we arrive at the Witches organization. They are very protective of each other, and I do hope they let me explain what happened before they try anything. Gah, and I need to prepare ourselves if a fight were to occur.