She woke up in the long house—not in her room but in a foreign bed.
No, that bed wasn't foreign to her, not after all the times she had visited her jarl.
The woman turned her head and saw the resting face of the man going by the name of Alf. She then looked at the ceiling with empty eyes.
The bed was hot. Too hot for her to rest. Summers in Fjordheim shouldn't get this hot, so why was a thin cover making her feel like she was burning?
With this thought plaguing her mind, Giulia looked at the wooden poles holding the ceiling. She looked at them, hoping that they could collapse and erase her memory. Better yet, she hoped that they could erase her whole.
"If only this hut would burn to ashes…" she whispered to herself.
What Giulia felt, that sensation that would make her stomach curl, was called disgust. She was disgusted at herself, and she was disgusted at the man besides her.
Yet she shouldn't have been there. A memory flashed through her mind, and she remembered that she was supposed to be with Randulfr now. Such were her orders to go with that man and…
"Imagine what a life we can live here! Imagine raising our children—"
Then she remembered those words. Those words were enough proof for her. No matter who, everyone wanted the same thing from her. Compared to these men, maybe living in that barn would have been better.
Disgusting.
The more she thought about it, the more Giulia's head was spinning. Aware she might throw up, the woman got up quickly and headed for the door.
The moment she got on her feet, however, the dizziness suddenly stopped. What replaced it was a sensation akin to what she though birds felt like. She felt light, like a simple push could send her flying. From the second she turned towards the door, that feeling—as if she had spread her wings by mistake—came over her body. All she had left was to flap them. That was it. Going out that door and never coming back had always been an option.
Why had she never thought of that?
"If only my legs would move…"
Soon enough, the reason became crystal clear. She was afraid. If she were to leave everything behind, whom would she have next to her to tell her what to do? How would she know where to walk, what to eat, and when to bathe if it wasn't for her jarl?
Such a thing had already happened before. Once before, her body froze in the absence of orders. Once before, she became a completely different person—a coward who couldn't even decide when to blink.
Once before—
"Walk!" Giulia ordered herself with a whisper.
"Take a step!" she encouraged her legs.
"You'll figure it out later! For now just go!"
With trembling hands, the woman grabbed on to her legs and forced them to move. She knew well enough that her fear was holding her back, but without taking that first step, she would never overcome that fear.
"When your stomach growls, you eat something. When your feet hurt, you stop walking. When your head feels funny, you sleep. When you feel a weird smell coming from you, you bathe."
She repeated to herself the secrets to living like a mantra. She repeated them again and again, convincing herself that she knew what she should do.
Some people say that giving birth is the most painful thing to do. Giulia didn't know about that, but she doubted it. She doubted it because the pain she felt now could never be beaten by anything else. There was nothing that could hurt more than taking that first step.
Still, with a lot of sweat and many tears, she did it. She took one step, and then the next one only took half the effort.
With only two steps taken, her body became so much lighter. Taking a third one felt like nothing now. She could do it. She knew she could pull it off. She was so close to the exit—to a new life she could live for herself. She only had to concentrate and—
"Giulia, get in the bed."
Together with a palm grabbing her by the wrist came the words that wasted all of her struggles.
That disgusting hand. She knew that disgusting hand well. She probably knew it better than even the owner, having felt its touch time and time again.
Do I let it end here? she asked herself.
Do I go back to bed? That was his order. He told me to do it, so I should do just that.
I have to listen… because… I have to. I have to listen because…
Why did she have to listen again? Why did she have to do what her jarl said? Why didn't she fight back? She had already taken not one, but two steps! Why would she turn back now?
Every night she trembled, waiting to see if her master would call her. Every night she stood wide awake, expecting a drunk Alf to stumble his way to her wannabe room and pick her up. On nights when he came, she had to endure it. On nights when he didn't, she waited in fear. What was she putting herself through that for?
Balling her fist, Giulia turned back towards the man. Yet, she didn't turn back to do as he said. She turned and stared right at his face.
"No!"
That's right. That was enough. She said it! No, she shouted it. She shouted it for the first time, and that word alone was all she had to say. Now that she'd said it, she could go on taking her steps. She had refused the order, so she was free to do as she pleased.
There was no doubt in Giulia's mind that such was the way things worked. What's more, she looked at Alf, who kept a straight face and stared back into her eyes. He wasn't mad. He wasn't sad. He didn't say anything else. That sealed it. The man had accepted her words. She was free to leave.
Feeling her wings part, ready to catch the wind, Giulia smiled at the man. She smiled, thinking about how she would never have to see his face again. She smiled because she would never have to feel his touch. She was free to fly out of there.
"That's right. This is the last time…" she said, pulling her hand away. That was the last time that man would do anything to her. That was the last of his touches she would feel. All she had to do was take off the other hand he had put on her abdomen and—
"Huh?…"
But as it turns out, that wasn't a hand. A hand shouldn't be cold. A hand shouldn't be sharp.
She knew that hands hurt, but they shouldn't hurt like that. So then what was it that touched her? She looked down to assess it.
Between her feet, drops of blood painted the floor—blood that came out from where she had been touched.
"That's…not fair…" Giulia whimpered.
"Why would you do this? …"
Looking at the knife stuck in her abdomen, Giulia's confusion came together with sorrowful tears. All she did was say no. She'd done a good thing.
"So then why…"
So then why was she being punished? The wound hurt her. With that stuck there, she would surely die.
"I can't fly if I'm dead!" the girl shouted, tears streaming down her face. She shouted at the man who hadn't changed his expression.
"You could have stayed grateful. All you had to do was listen."
As her vision darkened, his was the last voice Giulia heard.
"You could have had it so much worse, you know that? How ungrateful can you be?"
He was scolding her. For the first time, Alf was scolding her.
"No. I think it's better that you see for yourself. See what happens when you don't listen!"
With those words serving to part them, Giulia closed her eyes. With her legs giving out under her own weight, she, the white-haired lady, breathed her last.
*****
Another morning in that foreign room.
Randulfr opened his eyes to the sight of a beautiful woman sleeping next to him.
They were slow to wake up, but it's not like they had anything to do. They could have laid in bed all day, and were Randulfr the one to decide, they would have done just that.
"Come on… your dear sunrise is slipping away while you're busy staring at me. I mean… don't get me wrong! I'm happy that your eyes are stuck on me, but still…"
"Cute."
That's all the man had to say, and Giulia's ears turned bright red. For a second, her eyes widened. The next second, she looked away. Finally, she put on a smile and pounced on the man with a cute little "rawr."
That day wasn't much different from the previous one. They ate breakfast outside while looking at the blue sunrise, they walked the whole day, and they came back around sunset to eat once more. It wasn't that they needed the food, but eating together made them feel close to one another.
Once the sky turned dark, the two headed for their room.
"Nope! Today you're sleeping in the living room~"
With widened eyes, Randnulfr stared at the playful Giulia that stood unmoved in front of the entrance to their room, teasing the man in front of her.
"The living room? We only have a couch there—"
"So use that. What? Haven't you slept in much harsher places?"
The man said nothing for a second. Of course, the couch was the least of his problems. His desire lay somewhere else, but could he tell that to her?
"Maybe if we extend it? Then you can come there too… Or is the bed too cramped? If so, I can sleep a bit on the side. Or maybe…"
"Hmm?~ So if space is the problem, then why not sleep alone on the couch?"
"It isn't about space! At least not for me. What I… As long as I can sleep next to you, I—"
Not letting him finish what he had to say, Giulia grabbed Randulfr by the hand and pulled. She pulled so hard that both of them fell on the bed, the man barely having time to stop himself with his arms so he wouldn't crush the girl.
"Right answer~" Giulia said with gentle eyes, blinking slowly at the man as she put her arms around his neck.
Randulfr had passed the test, and the two of them went to bed together just like any other day.
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…
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"Make it stop…"
*****
The third day, a sandstorm ravaged the plains around them, so they spent their time inside.
They watched movies that Giulia called "old," and they played many different games that were programmed on the robot.
That day Giulia also presented to the man her gardening hobby, taking care of "the only five plants on this planet" that she kept in their house.
At night, both of them yawned after a slow day and went to bed.
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"Make it stop…"
*****
On the fourth day, they bathed in the weak Martian sun, and even after the sun set, they stood there some more, looking at the beautiful stars and the two moons.
That day, they fell asleep lying on the ground next to one another.
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"It stop…"
*****
The fifth day, they woke up covered in red dust and quickly went to take a bath.
"Look! They used to call this a fish!"
As Giulia said that, she shoved her head beneath the water and started puffing out bubbles.
In turn, Randulfr couldn't help himself and pressed down on her head, watching as she flung her hands around panicked until the man let go.
"Hmph!"
That day, Giulia didn't speak much to him, but Randulfr laughed so much he felt it was worth it.
Still, they went to bed together.
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"stop…"
*****
"Hey… Dear… Do you think that with those bodies of ours… we could still have a child?"
On the sixth morning, the man's heart took a long pause from beating as he heard Giulia's words. If there was any doubt left, this was confirmation. This mistaken world was the perfect one for 'him.'
That night, the man dreamt of a little Randulfr running around Mars as Giulia shouted to him to come for dinner.
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…
"stop…"
*****
On the seventh day, they slept until the evening. Only then did they get up to do some light stretches.
"We don't want rust building up on the joints, after all~"
They lazed around a little and went back to bed.
"Dear… hug me tight tonight. I want to see how that feels."
And Randulfr did as asked, feeling himself drift away as he held the woman he loved in his arms.
…
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…
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"…op"
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…
"Ahh… Won't you let me dream some more?" Randulfr finally answered.