Izumi POV
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Death, is it really, truly so awful...?
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Every day is something new, some new pain I have to deal with.
"I want to die."
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I told myself this frequently, but recently I really have started to mean it. It's something that I haven't really feared my entire life.
Yet only recently have I been genuinely embracing the idea of death.
Something permanent, and unforgiving. A way to escape everything that I fear, and hate.
I bet it would make my sister sad though...that's why I really haven't gone through with it yet.
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She'd be fine after six months or so though, that's usually how long it takes for grief to settle. They'd keep my room as it was and eventually forget about it, memories would fade, and I'd just become a distant sadness to forget.
They'll forget I ever existed...
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It happened at school that day, when she waved me over from across the room with a smile on her face.
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"Wait...come closer to me."
My hair goes down to my shoulders now, I haven't cut it in about a year, so my face is blocked. She always would tell me my short hair was disgusting, ad that I needed to hide my face.
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She leaned in closer to my face, with a condescending look on her own, that resembled a scrunchy.
"Look how disgusting you are! Fucking creep!" She'd say, making her friends laugh at my expense.
I don't really think I'm too bad looking, and I'm pretty slender. But, as long as it makes her back off, I'll listen.
Or at least I thought, but she finds every reason to hate me anyways.
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"You know, I've always thought you were awful." She spat back in my face.
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Why...?
Why was she like this...?
Fuck....I...I can't take it anymore, it's been years at this point.
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Can't she give me a break...?
Her name was Katori, and she was my childhood friend. We used to be inseparable, but once we hit middle school...things changed.
She...stopped talking with me.
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I always asked myself why, what did I do wrong...? Why did she hate me all of the sudden?
But I decided to respect her decision and stayed away from her, since that's what I thought was best.
Then a year went by, of being treated like a ghost. It's not like I had any friends either, so once she left me, I was all alone.
That was fine...I mean it was her choice...if she didn't want me around her...that's okay.
I was okay with being alone, I was content with being by myself.
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Until in the last year of middle school, when she started speaking to me again.
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It was an entire year between, why now...? Why did she want to talk to me now...?
It made me kind of mad, I thought she didn't want to talk to me.
Then it started, all it was, was teasing and ridicule.
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"You know...you're awful right...?"
"Ewww were you just looking at my breasts? Go away creep! haha."
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"I can't believe I was childhood friends with such a monster!"
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It hurt whenever she said things like that, the same face of my best friend, throwing horrible words at me, disregarding all of our prior memories.
It continued for a while, then it got worse than teasing, she made new friends in high school who'd join her now.
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I told myself, I could deal with it.
I told myself I can handle it.
I couldn't, I thought I was strong, or special, or something...but I'm crushed at this point.
I'm just...tired.
And today, she invited me to karaoke with her friends. I don't know what came over me, I should have found an excuse to not come.
But I decided to give it one last chance.
I mean, we are sixteen years old, you'd think this stuff would stop by now...right? Would she really do this to me at this point?
Can I believe in her one last time...?
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Against my better judgement, I'll try to.
So, I walked to the karaoke bar a few blocks away from our neighborhood. I have her number, but all she does is text me demands, then gets angry if I don't reply to them.
I don't care at this point; this is the last chance.
She texted me the room number and said...
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"Come join us at Karaoke, Izumiiii, we are in booth four! Don't be late or you'll regret it!"
I had on a long sleeve shirt, and jeans because it was slightly raining outside.
It was October, but not quite Halloween yet. So the weather was cold, but not quite snow yet.
"This is...awful." I said to myself, walking down the wet patting road, while slight raindrops covered my umbrella.
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The sounds of raindrops hitting the road was soothing to be honest.
It was something that gave me comfort.
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It always made me think of my dad, and my family.
I was never close with my sister or anything, we were friendly towards one another, and my mom was always busy working after my father died.
Yet, we still had a slight connection, our whole family I'd like to think.
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Before I knew it, I had already made it inside.
I set my umbrella in the rack and took my jacket up to hand near the entrance.
"I just...hope this can be done with."
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"Booth four." I said, looking at the door plate.
And so...I opened it, this last chapter.
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...
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"Oh my god he actually came...! Katori you owe me!" One girl said out loud.
"No way...I'm out 500 yen because of you idiot..!" Katori replied.
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"Shit, you made me out 500 yen too! You fuck." Another one of her friends said to me, with an obviously angry expression.
"I thought it would be funny to see if he actually came...look at him he's soaked!!!" Katori replied.
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I knew it.
"Now that you're here..." The first girl said before standing up.
Then she turned towards me and-
OOOPH
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She kicked me right in the crotch. It made me kneel down to my knees right at the entrance to the door.
This was a pretty common occurrence, yet I wanted to hit them back.
I wanted to hurt them.
I craved it.
"Fucking loser, that's what you get for actually coming." The first girl said.
As I laid on the floor, gasping for air the three girls inside of the room were laughing.
...
I was pissed off.
"Hey, what if he tells on us or something?" Katori said. "I mean I don't want to get in trouble for assault."
"No...Izumi wouldn't do that would you...?" The first girl replied, hovering over me.
"If you said anything, I'll tell them you raped me."
Her eyes were blackened, and looked as if she easily blackmails people without moral issue.
She has no soul.
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"Yeah, so if you tell, we'll ruin your life!" The third girl said laughing, sitting next to Katori on the couch.
"Well...now that we're here-"
I saw her leg come up, then came the first hit.
I caught it, unexpectedly.
I didn't care anymore. I wanted to hurt them.
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"Hey...wait...!" I heard Katori yell before...
I felt something hit the back of my head. The other girl picked up a vase, and smashed it against my head.
She must have thought I was going to hurt the other girl.
Fuck...I'm losing consciousness.
All...I...can see.
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Is red.
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*Stomp*
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*Stomp* *Stomp*
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*squelch*
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Then muffled gasps, and then...darkness.
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It hurts...
My...neck hurts, everything is black.
What happened...?
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I taste copper, and metal.
My esophagus closed up, and I tried protecting myself, but I already couldn't breathe. Everything felt...foreign.
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I finally opened my eye, and everyone in the room was gone.
The room was empty, but I couldn't really tell, it wasn't that long since they left though.
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"Urgh..my head."
There was an open gash on the back of my head, and I couldn't see out of one of my eyes for some reason.
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I looked at myself, yet it was difficult with double vision.
I was able to see I was covered in footprints all across my jeans and shirt.
My neck hurt too, I felt weird.
Then I realized something...
Why can't I see out of my left eye...? I thought...it was just closed...?
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Why can't I see...? How long have I been out...?
I started to panic.
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No....
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I went to cover my eye with my hand.
"Eh...?"
There was blood, a deep reddish covering my vision.
I was bleeding profusely, and the back of my head hurt
Blood was blocking my vision.
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"I...what...happened?" I had to say out loud.
I was confused...
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Then I looked down to my right, still laying on the floor, my phone...was shattered.
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Why did she take pleasure in this...?
What did I do wrong...?
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"I want to die..."
I muttered those words unconsciously.
I do it sometimes, as a form of self-consoling...I'm not even sure why.
I never really had the courage to go through with it though.
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She'd tell me things like-
"Just go die, creep."
And
"Go crawl away and die, idiot."
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Why am I in such a world...subjected to so much pain...?
Is this life...? Really?
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Doesn't she feel a sliver of guilt...?
Remorse...?
Do any of them...?
I can't even tell someone they do this, or they'll falsely accuse me of assault. This is what hell feels like.
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Such dark emotions flow in and out of my head, constantly. I...hate this.
"I hate myself..."
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"I hate...her."
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What could I even do? There was nothing.
"...ah." I said out loud, my voice raspy and my mouth full of blood.
There was one thing I could do.
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I gave out a warped smile.
Then... I pushed myself off the floor, with a limp, holding onto the uncleaned table for support.
Blood was flowing down my face, and dripping onto the floor.
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Yet, I felt a sense of joy in my chest, there was one thing I could do.
I could deprive her of her stress outlet.
Her plaything.
I thought about it, and realized nothing would be stopping me, not my family, and not myself.
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I grabbed my phone, and realized I could still turn it on, luckily I can do two last things on it.
So I turned it on.
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My last text message, as myself.
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[From: You: To: Fuuka]
"I'm sorry, weird text I know. We haven't really talked in months, and mom is never home anyways, but I deserve to at least tell someone this...right?
I'm sorry you had a brother like me. Tell mom, this isn't her fault, and it's also not yours. This is me.
This is all I am.
Don't blame yourself, I loved you both."
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...
Sent.
...
...
Now that I've sent it, I have no use for it.
And so, I turned it off, and left it on the table, it was almost dead anyways.
Just like me.
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Eventually, I made it outside of the bar, and grabbed my umbrella.
It was slightly later than when it was when I walked in, yet still evening out, with the sky and bright orange.
I started limping towards the line of taxis at the nearest station...
-then.
*OOPH*
Something ran into me and fell down on the wet concrete.
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It was a familiar face, one that I despised so much.
One that I couldn't stand to think of right now.
"Ah...Katori..."
She immediately pushed herself off the concrete and stood back up.
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"Are...are you alright...? I-I didn't mean for it to go that far-" I wanted to go and get help while they ran off!
"I told them that's enough, you started convulsing, please!! Sit down!!"
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I stayed silent, looking at the floor where she just fell down.
She looked angry when I didn't reply. Like I was disregarding herself proclaimed kindness.
"Hey...listen to me! Sit down right-"
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I immediately looked at her, my eyes full of raw ambiance and hatred.
"Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch."
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"Ah..." She said, as it slipped from her softly quivering lips.
She didn't expect that.
Whatever, I'm dying soon anyways.
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Don't tell me you regret anything now.
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"You will...never have to deal with me again Katori. I'm sorry I was your friend once."
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I turned around, and continued walking.
"He-hey wait...wait!" I heard from behind me. I think she was following me as I hobbled away, using my umbrella as a crutch for my dead leg.
"Please...just wait!" I heard. "Sit down! What do you mean I'll never have to deal with you again!"
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Eventually, I stopped hearing her voice, just muffled cries and begging, but after five minutes or so, she stopped. It's a good thing she's not going to continue following me.
I'm about to kill myself, and I'm sure she'd relish at the sight of my mangled body; I don't want to give her that satisfaction.
She'd share it all through her friends, and eventually I'm sure it would make its way to my family.
I don't want that. I never want to be found.
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I just wish I could see my father's grave, one last time.
To tell him sorry, that I was such a failure of a son.
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But I guess I could tell him in person soon enough.
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It's been about thirty minutes already, but I made it to my destination. I used the last of my cash to buy a Taxi, I brought it just in case they really wanted to make up with me inside of that booth.
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A local bridge near Enoshima, one I went to as a child with my family, before his passing.
I used to love this place, it was so beautiful looking out into the nearby forestry near the ocean
The smell of slight salt from the nearby ocean, the chirping of birds.
The humming of the cicadas.
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It was still orange outside, but it was getting darker by the minute.
I just wanted to enjoy this scene, one last time.
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I tipped the taxi driver the rest of my cash, and left the vehicle to head up the bridge.
"Lucky me." I said, looking at the bridge and seeing it's empty.
This is the end of the line for me, the stopping point for Izumi. Every decision I ever made, has led me right here into this moment, and this moment alone.
I have no legacy, no caring family, and no friends.
I have no reason, no happiness, and no smile left.
I'll never have a girlfriend, or a wife, and I'll never have children of my own, to pass down and teach them to be a better me.
Nothingness, there will be nothingness.
Then I steeled myself.
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"It was a beautiful day, at least there's that."
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I climbed up onto the railing, and hopped onto the opposite side, holding onto the railing from behind.
I looked down, and there was a rushing river below, rocks and sharp edges.
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Yeah, this will probably kill me.
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I...I hate myself for not being strong enough.
I hate myself.
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.
I...hate myself.
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Adrenaline was rushing through my veins, and my breathing got heavy, even though it was already hard enough from the crushed throat I have.
The water was rushing below me, but I couldn't hear anything.
The height was enebreating, surreal even. Just looking down seemed dangerous, but it's not like it mattered.
"It will be quick, at least there's that."
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Then...I steeled my resolve.
I put on a warped smile, something I have done in years.
I'm sure it looked terrible, but this is it.
This is me.
I'm sorry for living.
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...
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I let go.
Seeing them all cheer as I was stomped on...made me realize something.
People just want to see me fail.
All I've ever wanted to do was prove them wrong.
So here I am.
...proving them wrong.
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Then-
Darkness.
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Fuuka POV.
I was at home in my room finishing up an assignment that I had due soon, the deadline was in two days.
I hadn't really studied, but I was confident I'd score at least average.
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"Wow, he's not home yet...?" I said out loud.
I'm talking about my brother, of course, we basically live by ourselves with how much our mother works.
I mean...I'm not a very expressive person, but I love him immensely, yet he's been down lately.
He comes home looking exhausted everyday, I try to ask him what's wrong, but he never replies to me. He doesn't even look up from the floor.
Is he depressed?
Maybe his brain is blocking me out? I'm not sure.
Then a noise.
Piing-
[Contact: Izumi]
"I'm sorry, weird text I know. We haven't really talked in months, and mom is never home anyways, but I deserve to at least tell someone this...right?
I'm sorry you had a brother like me. Tell mom, this isn't her fault, and it's also not yours. This is me.
This is all I am.
Don't blame yourself, I loved you both."
...
...
...
...eh..?
...what's this...?
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Izumi...? What does this mean...?
...
What does he mean by that...?
Don't...don't tell me...where is he...?
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My stomach turned after a second, and my legs were shaking.
"Oh-oh my god...get u-up.." I said to myself, forcing a stand.
What's wrong with him?
I opened my bedroom door, and was met with silence around the house. He wasn't home, for sure.
Something was wrong, he never acted like this before.
A deep feeling of anxiety ran through me without hesitation, and I started to feel nauseous.
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"I-Izumi where are you...?" I left him a voicemail, frantic in my words.
"You're scaring me, please answer me!!"
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No reply.
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Then after another minute...still no reply.
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I was shaking, my legs couldn't hold steady, and I was holding myself up against a wall.
I was terrified at this point, I wanted to call my mom, but she wasn't answering either.
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I...I need to find him right now...!!
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After a few minutes, my legs gained its own consciousness back, and I was able to start running outside.
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I was in the track club in school, so I was fast.
The problem was, I have no idea where he's at.
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Then I remembered, he's got a friend who lives in the neighborhood. That girl who used to hang out with him a year or two ago.
I'm sure they're together right now or something, right...?
...
So, I went over to her house and started banging on the door.
"KATORI PLEASE, ANSWER ME!" I yelled, tears running down my cheeks at this point.
No reply.
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Shit...she's not home.
"O-oh god...where are you...? Izumi...?"
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Then I saw someone walking down the neighborhood.
A young girl, brown hair at medium length wearing casual clothes walking towards the house. She had a sad look on her face, but none of that mattered now.
This was who I was looking for, Katori.
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"K-Katori, you remember me, right...?!" I asked in a panic.
She looked up, surprised to see someone asking for her.
"Um, yes, of course I remember you. you're Fuuka right...? Izumi's brother?"
...
I grabbed her by her shoulders frantically, tears still running down my cheeks.
"Hey, eh-" Katori said.
I didn't care.
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"P-please, where's Izumi at?! Somethings wrong!!" I exclaimed out to her.
"He's not answering his phone, and he's been coming home with bruises lately!"
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For some reason when I said that, she looked down to the floor with regret.
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"He...was down by the karaoke place earlier, um...he looked...sad...but nothing was wrong I swear!" She said, her eyes darting around, almost like she is...
Lying...?
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I can't worry about this now.
Where is he...?
"Are you sure...? He's gone...?"
Her face looked warped, like she was trying not to cry for some reason.
"Yeah...he left in a taxi... I'm sorry..." She replied.
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"Where did he go! Tell me!!!" I yelled out.
"H-he went that way, I think he got into a taxi somewhere. I'm not sure where since he didn't have much money!"
...
...
I turned away and let her go, and ran down towards the local kareoke place.
I wasn't wearing my tennis shoes, btu I didn't care.
My brother.
My precious brother.
....
Please don't....
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Katori POV
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Stomp
Stomp Stomp...
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Eh...?
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"O-oh god, you knocked him out!" I yelled out.
I only meant for some light teasing, not this...
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Then she kept going.
"H-hey, get the fuck off of him!!" I said, pushing her off to the side.
She didn't budge.
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"I said, GET AWAY!" I yelled, pushing her with all of my body weight, causing her to tumble over.
"H-Hey, what are you doing...?" Saki asked confusingly, before looking to her left. "...eh..?"
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"What the fuck is wrong with you, why did you do that?" I said to her.
"Oh fuck look." She said back to me.
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I looked down at Izumi's unconscious body.
"Fuck, he's convulsing...oh fuck."
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"...Izumi...?" I said, trying to shake him awake.
Oh shit.
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I wasn't even trying to bully him hard; I just wanted to lightly tease him.
I know he's been going through a rough time.
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"Oh god... what did you do!!!"
"Y-You guys said to tease him!" Saki yelled back at me.
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"Is this fucking teasing to you? He's having a seizure! We need to call the hospital!!"
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"Fuck, we need to go, I'm sure he's breathing. I don't want to be caught." Saki said, grabbing me by my sleeve.
"Fuck, Izumi...? IZUMI...?" I asked, still trying to wake him up.
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"Come on!!!" My friend yelled, dragging me by the arm outside.
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"Leave me alone!" I said back to her, trying to snap away from her grip.
By the time she let go, we were all outside and made it a few blocks down.
...
But...then I was able to break away...
"Katori!!" I heard from behind me, then they ran off, leaving me behind after I got too far.
They kept running.
...
Oh god...what if he needs a hospital...? I didn't mean to do this...
Why do I even mess with him so hard...?
Fuck.
I didn't mean to...
If only I didn't text him, this wouldn't have happened.
...
OOPH
I ran into something, and fell down.
Oh my god...Izumi?
He was bleeding from his head, and had one eye closed.
He just got finished having a seizure, and he's got a TBI, he needs to go to the hospital!
But the worst of all, I could see footmarks on his neck.
...
Was something....broken...?
Fuck, it's all my fault...
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"You'll never have to deal with me again."
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Eh...?
What does that mean...?
...
Don't...don't go away.
"He-hey wait...wait!" I replied. It was the only thing I could spit out.
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Then he walked away, and I followed him loosely for a second, I mean he was injured. He needed a doctor.
Then...he got into a taxi and ignored all of my pleas.
I hope he's just bringing himself.
I don't want to get into trouble.
I'm scared.
...
When everything goes back to normal, I'll apologize.
I swear, I'll start being nice to him again.
This went too far, for far too long.
...
From now on, I'm not going to mess with him. He...doesn't deserve it.
I really didn't mean to hurt him like this, I just wanted a quick laugh.
...
It was all I thought about on the way home.
Didn't I love him...? What happened to that...?
...
Then...I saw a college aged girl knocking on the door to my house, quite frantically.
She has tears running down her face.
...
Eh...? Izumi's sister...? She's changed a lot.
...
What do you mean he's not answering...?
Oh...his phone was shattered when my friend stomped on him, I saw.
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I didn't want to tell her any of this; I was a coward...I'm sorry....
I need to get him a new phone I think...I have an older one laying around somewhere I think...
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I know...I can give him that one!
I hold so much regret for how I treated him recently, but I didn't really realize it until now.
God...I don't want him to hate me...I just want to be like how we were as kids.
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"Please, don't do anything rash..." She whispered to herself, before running out towards the road, her voice sobbing in the rain.
...
eh...?
What did she say...?
...
Oh fuck.
...
What did she mean by...rash...?
...
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Izumi POV
"ey...hey...a-ake up..."
...
...
Darkness enveloped me. I couldn't really feel anything.
"Hey man...wake up...shit, hey call 119 right now!!!"
"Fuck...he's losing a lot of blood."
...
Who was that speaking...?
I'm not sure.
...
Voices...they're distant, almost like I was hearing someone speak underwater.
Who's hands were touching me? Did someone just pick me up...? I...I can't breathe well. My lungs are full of water.
Where...
Where is he?
The sky is gray, or maybe that's just the back of his eyelids. I can't tell if I'm awake or asleep.
There's shouting, then I feel pressure on my chest, repeatedly, again, again, again.
A sharp pain blooms, jolting me awake for half a second.
Then back to darkness.
More pressure; I think I have a mask on my face now. Something plastic between my teeth. I feel my ribs cracked; something is stabbing me.
My lungs hurt.
...
I want to speak and say leave me alone, let me die.
But I can't even talk or breathe right now without help.
...
"He's going back under! 0.05MGs of Epinephri-"
And then nothing, not even a sound.
This is...what death feels like.
It's warm.
...
...
...
Fuuka POV
After a minute of running, I made it to the karaoke place where Katori said my brother was a while ago.
I ran inside quickly to ask the clerk, and looked around the rooms.
...
ah...
...
I saw it.
...
Blood...? What is that...?
No...
....
NO....
...
His phone was on the table, cracked.
The room was trashed.
...
A small puddle of dried blood was drenched on the floor.
His jacket was mangled on the floor as well.
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"NO!!!!" I yelled out, collapsing on the floor, terrified of what may have happened to him.
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Katori...what...happened?
...
Then I heard it.
Sirens.
...
That inescapable sound, just like I heard when my own father died. Those sirens didn't make it in time.
The sirens were faint at first, distant enough to ignore, but they were steadily getting louder.
But something in my chest tightened anyway.
...
Oh god...please no.
...
I started running out towards it, coming from the right of the karaoke place, as it started to pour rain onto the concrete.
Then an ambulance turned the corner, speeding down the road, its lights casting flashes of red and white across the soaked pavement, reflecting off the road.
"Hey...that's the direction...Izumi went..." Katori said.
...
...
My face went absolutely pale, like someone took the blood out of her body.
"What...happened in there Katori..." I asked, nearly catatonic.
...
I couldn't wait for an answer, the hospital was nearby.
I somehow got myself together enough to start running or stumbling I'd rather call it towards the hospital.
...
"Fuuka?" Katori asked behind me, running beside her.
The sidewalk blurred beneath her soaked feet as she sprinted toward the hospital just a block away, breath catching in her throat, heart hammering louder than the siren ever could.
Just a feeling, a sick feeling in my stomach. I need to know...is this my brother...?
...
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Katori POV
I ran after Fuuka, struggling to keep up though, she was so fast.
...
Why is she running after an ambulance...?
"Was he more hurt than I thought...?" I whispered to myself. "I should have at least called for him..."
...
Oh god...it can't be...right?
...
He's not dead or something right...?
...
The ambulance screeched into the ER lot, and I was still catching up.
I stopped short of the parking lot, panting hard, and that's when she saw her freeze.
...
...
Fuuka stood there, eyes wide, fists clenched at her sides.
I stepped closer then followed her line of sight.
...
There he was.
...
His body twisted in ways...unimaginable.
...
No....
...
No...No...
NO...
...
Fuuka POV.
A doctor ran outside into the ambulance. Whoever was in there was in critical condition, to the point where they can't move him.
Oh god...please don't be my brother....
I begged, nearly on my knees, praying for anyone to listen to me.
...
Then...I saw it.
...
"No...NO!" Katori yelled to the left of me.
His limbs looked wrong, his legs were both shattered. He was bleeding profusely out of his neck to the point the bandaged were soaked in red.
Both legs, twisted in directions unimaginable.
He had devices poking and prodding inside of his chest, some kind of medical device.
...
Everything went black for me.
I...couldn't move, I dropped to my knees.
The rain mixed with the tears on my face before I even realized I was crying.
Then Katori took one shaky step forward.
"...Izumi...?! Please, hey this isn't funny."
...
I saw her lose balance and fall to the floor alongside me.
Her face was as pale as a ghost, yet she couldn't look away from his lifeless body. Is that how I look right now...? My face twisted..?
She was balling into her hands, but stayed quiet. If anything, I was angry, upset, what had caused this...?
Everything froze in time, the EMTs breaking the ribs of my brother trying to revive him.
"What...the fuck happened...."
I couldn't control myself.
I was so angry.
What happend....
...
Why did my brother look like this...?
...
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!"
...
"WHY WOULD HE DO THIS...?"
I...I fucking can't...WHY DID YOU DO THIS...?
I punched the floor, as hard as I could. I couldn't believe this was happening...
Over, and over, and over.
...
I couldn't stop.
Katori had to restrain me.
My knuckles were broken.
I wouldn't stop.
...
Then I heard screaming and looke dup.
...
Chest compressions....
...
My brother, was dead...? Or dying...?
They're restarting his heart.
...
I froze. My face froze, everything.
The anger left my body, and all I was left with...was nothing.
...
Katori ran for the doctor who was giving chest compressions.
...
She ran straight for the ambulance, and I joined her.
Everything blended in, and my chest hurt. It was slow.
Everything wasn't like normal.
...
"Izumi...please." I heard Katori say unconsciously.
The name slipped from her lips without her knowing.
...
She could barely recognize him.
A voice cut through the chaos-
"We got him back!"
The EMTs didn't pause. They rushed him through the sliding glass doors.
...
"Wait! That's my brother!"
My voice cracked, lost under the rain and the whine of the doors.
I looked back at Katori, soaked and sobbing, yet desperate. Then they waived us through.
I followed the doctor into the ER, my legs were trembling, Katori looked nearly catatonic.
...
Everything from there was a blur. We lost him four times though.
My brother...legally died four times. His heart stopped, and was restarted...
He had lost too much blood.
...
My chest felt heavy, and Katori was inconsolable, frantically crying the entire time.
She was saying something about how it was her fault.
"It's...it's all my fault, no no No NO NO NO.."
...
Why was she blaming herself...?
...
Eventually a doctor came out and asked for a family member.
He needed someone other than me. He needed mom.
...
Oh god...mom, please pick up your phone.
"Please tell me your parents number, we need the next of kin present."
...
It was only about thirty minutes, but mom finally showed up and was absolutely panicked.
She said that she hit a concrete post when she was parking, but that wasn't a priority right now.
Her car was damaged.
"Wh-where's my son...?" She asked the doctor.
"W-What happened to your hand Fuuka...?"
He's...in here, we need a signature allowing for surgery...
...
Nothing felt real.
I sat down on the cold waiting room bench, knees still trembling, arms soaked with water.
Katori didn't sit. She stood in the corner of the hallway, hugging herself, crying the entire time.
...
Her mouth was moving but no sound came out. She looked like she'd collapsed inward.
I wanted to say something to her, why did she blame herself...? What happened.
I could still hear the echo of that voice.
"We got him back!"
Back from where...?
Where the hell did you go, Izumi?
...
They wheeled him into surgery and sealed the doors behind them like a tomb.
The doctor didn't lie. He was critical and I think that was generous.
I'd never seen so much blood on one person. Not even in the worst accidents on the news, it was...bad.
My brother looked...gone, his eyes were empty.
And yet...
Somehow...his heart was still beating.
...
...
...
[Katori POV.]
Somewhere beyond those heavy double doors, Izumi was cut open by strangers, and is having his ribcage cracked...
And I put him there, it was...all fucking me.
I blinked hard, but the image wouldn't go away, his body crushed under the weight of their boots.
...
His limp body starting to have a seizure right in front of me.
The slackness in his face, the way his face looked was so empty, I was...too slow...
...
I had to stop his sister from breaking her hand even further...this was all because of me.
I had never heard her cry like that. Never seen her fall to her knees in the middle of the ER, screaming his name, it was hellish.
I couldn't scream. My voice was gone.
I just stood there, frozen as they restarted my childhood friend's heart.
I didn't deserve to cry, it was my fault. I bullied him all these years, I saw the pain in his eyes.
But...I didn't know what to do...
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...Izumi please come back ...I'll reflect...I'll apologize so just please come back to me..." I cried out softly.
I was the one who let it happen.
The memory tore through me again, the way I laughed with the girls when they called him creepy.
When I called him creepy.
The way I looked away when they shoved his bag down the stairs. The way I let myself believe it was just teasing.
I thought...it was just something to make us laugh...I didn't want this for him...I never meant to grow away from him in the first place.
I realized my feelings for him in middle school, but... I didn't know how to face them.
So I ignored him, and by the time I tried fixing it, the old him was gone...
Gone because of me...just like right now.
...
It was violence in slow motion, and I helped build every moment of it.
And now he might never wake up.
I was talking to myself right now I think, I bet I looked crazy, but I couldn't help myself.
Fuuka will probably find out...I...I caused this.
I think she'll hate me, and she should.
...
Because I sat on my hands while they hunted her brother, I even encouraged it.
I wanted to be part of something, so I helped destroy someone, someone I cared so deeply about.
I should have never said I regretted being his friend...
"IZUMI PLEASE...FIGHT..." I heard his mother cry out.
I ruined him, and his family.
I had to block my ears, it was too much to handle.
Please...please come back to us Izumi...you can hate me then...I deserve it, but don't die...
Because if he dies, there's no forgiveness left in the world for me.
I'd have nothing.
...
...
...
...
Fuuka POV. (A few weeks later.)
...
...
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM US." I screamed at Katori, who continued to come to our house on a daily basis.
"I'm...sorry, please...let me see Izumi..."
...
"GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!" I said, barely holding back the urge to hit her with my casted hand.
"LOOK AT US, LOOK WHAT YOU FUCKING RUINED!!"
"I'm...sorry." She replied, tears coming down her red face as she continued to bow.
She came every single day, her awful face would show up to his doorstep asking to see my brother.
...
"IF YOU WERE REALLY SORRY, IZUMI WOULD...STILL BE HERE..."
I was broken, these last few weeks have torn me and my mother apart. His surgery was a success, and luckily...
He's still alive.
But he's been in a coma for weeks now and hasn't awaken.
...
The doctors told us there's a chance he may never wake up. His brain injury was that bad, and he may never see out of his left eye again.
He's going to have to use a wheelchair for a long time.
...
Possibly forever, since he had a hangmen fracture in his C2 vertebrae.
...
I...I can't take this...
...
Ueeeeeeee, Uweeeeee..
She started crying, still continuing to bow towards me. This fucking devil thinks she can beg for forgiveness after what she did.
...
"I...I just want to apologize...please let me....please..." She said, tears rolling down her face.
...
I had a look of hatred on my face, I didn't even recognize myself.
But...this...this monster was the one who pushed my little brother towards suicide.
This...fucking wretch...disgusting.
...
I shut the door in her face; I don't want to see her again.
I asked her, what had happened, why did she blame herself a few weeks back...?
She stayed silent for a few days while Izumi recovered... but then she told me...she told me everything.
The bullying, the ridicule, the assault. Everything, she told me one of her friends stomped on him until he passed out and had a seizure, how she teased him every day...
...Then my mom found out.
...
She called the police, and we filed charges against all three of them once she found out, all for attempted murder, and blackmail, along with assault, battery, and mischief.
The police dropped the case on Katori though, due to her confessing the crimes of the other two.
She...snitched on her friends. That girl, Saki was arrested last week.
...
Ever since, she's come to our house on a daily, asking to see Izumi, and apologizing.
...
She shouldn't be here...I...I know she's sorry...but it's too much.
Her face is twisted in my head, she's corrupted. An evil presence that can't be anywhere near me.
I may snap on her one day, and really hit her.
...
Izumi's still in the hospital.
We haven't given out his room to anyone else.
Especially Katori.
...
She'll never see him again, I swear to it.
Not a single person from his class, who all stood by and watched him be bullied by these girls will get any kind of chance to apologize while he's in this state.
So they can't visit.
I don't want them to visit.
...
We're moving schools soon, so if Izumi ever wakes up, he can have a fresh start away from everything. Which is difficult as a senior, but I don't want to graduate from a high school that promotes bullying like this.
...
His feeble body...it was so weak in the hospital, he lost so much blood.
He received a traumatic brain injury after the fall, yet luckily there wasn't brain bleeding or anything, but he did receive a hefty concussion.
...
God...why did he do this...couldn't he have just come to me...?
I hate this.
I hate her.
...
Piing
[Contact: Mom.]
"Get to the hospital!!! He's moving!!"
...
...
I dropped everything I was doing, and got my shoes on to leave for the hospital.
Mom was already there, taking every single day of paid time off she had to sit with him.
She's using up all of her work leave...and then some.
I think she feels guilty about working so much, contributing to his attempted suicide.
...
I opened the front door, and Katori was still standing there. It's been a few mintes since I shut the door in her face.
She look dejected, her face was sullen and black.
Her eyes looked like she hadn't slept or eaten in days.
...
"...ah." She looked like she wanted to speak, and then she looked back down towards the floor.
She was terrified.
...
...
Fuck...
...
"I hate you and everything about you, but he's alive." I said to her, brushing past her towards my bike."
All I heard was a thud, and soft crying.
"Ueeeeee...I-izumi....I-I'm sorry....Ueeee."
...
She didn't deserve to see him again.
...
...
...
...
Izumi POV.
...
This is what the afterlife feels like huh...?
...
It's pretty warm.
It's...comfortable.
It's...quiet.
Something I haven't had in years.
...
"Mmmgh." I tried to speak, but it came out as a grumble.
...
There was muffled speaking nearby, but I couldn't really understand it. They were speaking fast though.
...
Someone touched my face I think...I can't really move though.
I thought...death would be empty...but there are things here I guess, someone did touch my face after all.
Wait...I can do something...my hand...I can move it!
...
I moved it, twitched it around...
...then...yes it moved!
...
Wait...if I was in the afterlife, would I even be able to...move a hand..?
...
Let me try...to open my eyes...
...
Nothing...
Then...
...
After what felt like an eternity...
A bright light.
...
There were two people, I was very familiar with looking down at me from above.
I know it's a hallucination, since I'm dead and everything, but still.
It's nice to see their faces one last time.
"Mom...? Fuuka...? Where...am I...?"
...
"Eh...?" Mom said.
"I-Izumi...?" I heard Fuuka ask.
...
Why can't I open my other eye...?
Wait...
Then I saw it.
...
I looked in the reflection, off of some shiny piece of metal from across the room back at myself.
...
"Am I...alive...? Why can't I see out of my left eye...?"
Oh...that's why.
...
I'm missing my eye.
...
I felt dazed, but my mom grasped my body.
"Ueeeeeeehuee..." I heard my mother crying while she held me.
It kind of hurt my chest hearing it, that animalistic type cry...
"I-I promise...I won't work as much...please...don't leave us again..."
...
Oh yeah...that's what happened.
...
I tried killing myself.
...
...
...
Izumi POV. (One Hour Later)
My head hurts...I didn't really expect to survive that fall.
...
But I'm missing my left eye, the doctor said it was because of the fall, it disconnected my optical nerve.
My sister was basically inconsolable...same with my mom.
I...didn't want to do this to them, I thought they hated me.
...
Looks like I was wrong.
...
Maybe...I can really start fresh...somewhere without...
Maybe...without her, I could...be myself...?
...
Wait...?
...
Who is "her...?"
...
"Izumi...I promise. I'll never let Katori near you again... just please...PLEASE never do this again."
...
"Who's...Katori...?" I asked confusingly, then I was met with an equally confused look.
...
Huh...?
...
...
..
...
AUTHORS NOTES: Hey everyone! I hope you liked this oneshot I made, this was a fun story to write even if it was really dark, do you all want a sequel? If a lot of people want it, I'll make one.
I thought this ending was decent, and left it open to a future installment if I wanted to make a full novel or something, but eh I've got a lot of ideas going around in my head.
Anyways, please let me know what you think! See you all next time!!
UPDATE: Originally this was just a oneshot, then I decided to turn it into a self-paced series, I hope you enjoy!