"Okay, your shamelessly handsome bestie is starving," Lynn announced, changing the subject as he grabbed a steak and happily sliced off a huge bite. "I spent the afternoon picking herbs on the edge of the forest. They were basically growing like weeds. Couldn't stop myself."
"Are you working on new recipes?" Harry (little foodie that she is) asked, eyes sparkling as she tugged his sleeve. "Does that mean we're getting something amazing tomorrow?"
"Maybe I'll invent some stir-fried bouncing bulb mushrooms or deep-fried grasshoppers?" Lynn teased.
Harry's eyes went comically wide. "Would that even taste good?"
"No clue if it'd be tasty," Lynn said, laughing at her adorable greedy face, "but it'd definitely give you the runs. Both of those are mildly poisonous. They have to be processed before they're safe for potions, let alone eating."
Pretty much every guy in the vicinity was watching Lynn get fawned over by two gorgeous girls and dying a little inside. Sure, everyone already figured he and Harry were childhood friends, but snagging attention from a super cute Ravenclaw on top of that? Come on. How is one dude allowed to hog all the good stuff in life?
Lynn was low-key on his way to becoming Public Enemy #1 among the boys. Not that any of them could do anything about it. Good genes are good genes.
"Big deal," Ron muttered under his breath, still salty that Lynn had ignored his earlier attempt to show off.
Seamus overheard him and nodded solemnly. "Yeah, totally not impressive. Just good-looking, top grades, professors love him, has a childhood sweetheart, and now a pretty Ravenclaw girl likes him too. Nothing special."
Ron's face darkened even more. He snatched up two chicken drumsticks and prepared to inhale them, but the second he bit in, something felt… off.
"Why does this chicken taste like beef stew?"
He stared suspiciously at the drumstick with his teeth marks in it. His mouth was full of rich, savory beef-and-potato goodness. Honestly? It tasted way better than chicken.
"What are you talking about, Ron? It's a fried drumstick. You dip it in ketchup," Seamus said around a mouthful of steak.
"You heathen!" Ron snapped, taking an angry chomp. "Fried chicken doesn't need sauce, you just eat the—why is it still tasting like stew?!"
"Fried… stew?" Seamus echoed, confused.
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Ron, now questioning his entire existence, took another defiant bite. Still wrong.
He was chewing, trying to figure it out, when suddenly a raw, bloody meat taste slammed into his brain like a Bludger.
"GURK—" Ron grabbed his throat with greasy fingers.
"Ron, you okay?" Seamus asked, staring like this was some weird performance art.
"It's… raw…" Ron barely choked down the bite, then looked in horror at the half-eaten drumstick.
"No way, man, it's totally cooked," Seamus said, glancing at the perfectly normal-looking chicken on the table. Not a trace of pink.
"But it—" BLEURGH!
Ron dry-heaved as another wave of bloody raw-meat flavor hit him. His face went ghost-white; he looked legitimately poisoned.
Seamus jumped up (half worried, half scared he'd catch whatever this was). He couldn't just ditch his friend, though.
"Prefect! Percy! PERCY!"
Percy apparated over like he'd been waiting his whole life to be needed. "What's going on?"
"It's Ron! I think he's been poisoned or cursed or something!" Seamus blurted. "He was going on about the chicken tasting like stew, then said it was raw, and now he looks like death—"
"…Is that so?" Percy eyed Ron skeptically.
The bloody taste had faded, and Ron's color was coming back. He was now staring at the drumstick like it had personally betrayed him.
"He looks fine to me," Percy said, leaning down. "You okay, Ron? Choked on something?"
"No, I—"
Ron couldn't even explain it. It felt like a nightmare that had vanished the second he woke up.
"Good, then nothing's wrong," Percy said sternly. "Stop messing around. And definitely don't pull stupid pranks like Fred and George, especially at dinner. Behave."
Ron opened his mouth, closed it, then slumped, muttering stuff only he could hear.
"All right, false alarm, everyone," Percy announced, clapping Seamus on the shoulder. "Ron was just joking around."
"Joking?" Seamus sat back down, still suspicious. Once he saw Ron seemed normal again, he scooted a few inches away anyway. Being pranked sucked, and Ron had definitely just played him for a fool.
A bunch of students had been watching, but when no real drama happened they lost interest pretty fast.
Lynn, who had witnessed the whole thing, was internally facepalming.
That half-piece of opened gum still sitting there… and this idiot actually put it in his mouth??
How desperate do you have to be for food, dude… I'm done.
Then he watched Ron immediately grab the second drumstick and start demolishing it.
Actually… yeah, that level of food obsession? Ron probably should've been sorted into Hufflepuff. But the sheer reckless courage to shove random mystery objects into his mouth? Okay, Gryffindor made sense too.
Eh, whatever. Not my problem. I didn't tell him to eat it.
Still… hope Fang doesn't go chewing random stuff…
Nah, it'll be fine. It only copies flavors, doesn't actually put anything in your mouth. Effect wears off in a day anyway.
Lynn mentally lit a candle for Ron's suffering, then shrugged it off. Lesson learned, probably. And even if he wanted to undo the gum's charm early, he couldn't.
So yeah. Ron's problem now.
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