The afternoon sun hung low over Konoha, baking the streets in a warm, dusty haze.
Naruto walked down the main thoroughfare, his hands behind his head, humming a tune that didn't really have a melody. The air was thick with the smell of roasting chestnuts and the overwhelming, sugary scent of mitarashi dango wafting from Ankorodō.
The line for the dumpling shop wrapped around the block.
"Man," Naruto sighed, kicking a pebble. "Everyone wants dango today."
He looked ahead. The crowd parted slightly to let someone through.
It was a woman. She wore a nondescript brown cloak and a wide-brimmed hat that shadowed her face. But that wasn't what caught Naruto's eye.
It was the scroll.
It was massive—easily as tall as she was—strapped to her back with thick rope. The paper was yellowed with age, and even from here, Naruto could see the heavy black calligraphy painted on the side: FIRE.
"HEY!" Naruto yelled, sprinting forward. He skidded to a stop right in front of her, blocking her path.
The woman stopped. She tilted her hat up. She had a pleasant smile, though her eyes were hidden behind sunglasses.
"What's up, kid?" she asked, her voice smooth.
Naruto looked up at her, then at the scroll. He pressed his index fingers together, vibrating with excitement.
"That scroll is huge! It says 'Fire'! It must be a super cool secret jutsu, right?! Like... a dragon that eats mountains?"
The lady laughed. It was a hearty, genuine laugh. She patted the massive cylinder on her back.
"This?" she chuckled. "Kid, this is my yoga mat. I'm going to go workout."
Naruto blinked. "Yoga... mat?"
"Yeah. Gotta stay limber. Big mat for big stretches."
She gave a small wave and walked past him, disappearing into the flow of villagers.
Naruto stood there for a solid ten seconds. He blinked. He stared.
Then, he nodded solemnly.
"Makes sense," he whispered. "Yoga is intense."
Ten minutes later, Naruto was sitting on a bench near the canal, swinging his legs. Sylvie walked up, looking tired, clutching a stack of library books.
"Hey, Sylvie-chan!" Naruto chirped. "Guess what? Yoga is so cool. I met a lady with a huge yoga mat that had the symbol for 'Forbidden Fire Style' written on it!"
Sylvie froze. She adjusted her glasses, staring at him.
"...Naruto," she said slowly. "Why would a yoga mat have a sealing script for combustible chakra on it?"
Naruto paused. He stopped swinging his legs.
"To... burn the calories?" he suggested weakly.
"Naruto," Sylvie sighed, rubbing her temples. "That was the thief. The one the Hokage put an alert out for this morning. The one who stole a scroll from the archives."
Naruto's brain processed the information.
Nice lady.
Yoga mat.
Forbidden Fire Style.
Thief.
His face went from a look of innocent wonder (:o) to a mask of pure betrayal (>:().
"SHE PLAYED ME!" Naruto screamed, scaring a flock of pigeons into the air.
"Come on!" He grabbed Sylvie's wrist. "We gotta catch the yoga lady!"
We tracked her to the Training Grounds. Or rather, Naruto tracked her by yelling "YOGA LIAR!" at the top of his lungs until we saw a figure bolt into the trees.
The chase was on.
The Training Grounds were a dense tangle of massive oaks and towering pines. The woman wasn't running on the ground; she was bounding vertically up the trunks, moving with frustrating speed.
"Get her!" Naruto yelled, sprinting up a cedar tree.
I followed, channeling chakra to my feet. Stick. Step. Stick. Step.
I looked up. She was fifty feet above us, leaping from branch to branch.
I looked down.
Mistake.
The ground was very far away. My stomach did a somersault.
"Whoa," I gasped, my chakra wavering.
Squeak.
My right foot lost adhesion.
"No, no, no—"
I didn't fall. That would have been dignified. Instead, I slowly began to slide backward down the trunk. My rubber soles dragged against the bark with a high-pitched, rhythmic noise.
Squeak. Squeak. Squeak. Squeak.
I clawed at the wood, leaving fingernail marks, but gravity had me. I slid past a squirrel, who looked at me with deep judgment, and landed softly in a pile of leaves at the bottom.
"Damn it," I muttered, adjusting my glasses.
Above me, the chase continued.
The woman stopped on a thick branch. She looked back at Naruto, who was closing in. She grabbed a flexible sapling branch next to her and pulled it back, holding it like a loaded spring.
Naruto jumped toward her. "Raseng—!"
She let go.
THWACK.
The branch whipped forward.
POOF.
Naruto vanished in a puff of smoke. A wooden log appeared in his place.
THUNK.
The branch hit the log with a dull, satisfying sound. The log fell out of the air.
Both the woman and the real Naruto (who had landed on a higher branch) stopped running. They both looked down at the log falling. They watched it hit the ground.
Then, without a word, they resumed the chase.
It was chaos.
They started running around the trunk of a massive redwood. Not up. Around.
Naruto spiraled up the bark. The woman spiraled up the bark. They passed each other on opposite sides, peeking around the curvature of the wood like a cartoon.
"Where'd she go?!" Naruto yelled, looking left.
The woman peeked out from the right, smirked, and kept running.
I stood at the bottom of the tree, craning my neck.
"Okay," I huffed, channeling chakra again. "Impulsivity isn't working. We need a trap."
I leaped up, skipping the running and jumping straight to a parallel tree.
"Naruto!" I shouted. "Flank her left! Drive her into the clearing!"
"Got it!" Naruto yelled.
He surged forward, chakra flaring blue. He chased the woman up toward the canopy, forcing her higher and higher until the branches became thin and brittle.
She reached the top. She smirked.
She leaped through the leaves, hanging in the air for a second against the sun.
"RASENGAN!"
Naruto and a Shadow Clone dropped from the sky above her, aiming a dual strike.
The woman's momentum reversed mid-air. She didn't panic. She waved at him.
She plummeted straight down, diving back through the tree branches.
SNAP.
She hit a tripwire.
BOOM.
A paint bomb exploded, coating the leaves in bright pink. She dodged it.
SNAP. BOOM.
SNAP. BOOM.
She fell with style, twisting and turning as traps detonated around her in a rhythmic cadence. Left. Right. Spin. Drop.
She flew out sideways from the tree trunk, landing in a crouch on a thick branch opposite them.
SNAP.
SCHCHIIIIIIIIING.
Sylvie's trap triggered. A concussive flash seal erupted at the woman's feet.
"Ack!" The woman covered her eyes, stumbling. She dropped to one knee on the forest floor to regain her balance.
"NOW!" Sylvie shouted.
BAM.
Naruto, Sylvie, and two clones lunged from the bushes. They tackled her simultaneously—a pile of orange jackets, pink hair, and limbs.
"GOT YOU!" Naruto roared, grabbing an arm.
POOF.
The body beneath them vanished in a cloud of white smoke.
The four of them slammed into each other head-first.
BONK.
"Ow!" Sylvie groaned.
POOF. POOF.
The clones dissipated. A single, heavy wooden log fell between Naruto and Sylvie.
Sylvie stared at it. She snapped her fingers. "Damn."
"WE HAD HER!" Naruto yelled, ruffling his hair in frustration. "How is she so fast?!"
"You brats are learning," a familiar voice rasped. "But you're still gullible."
They turned.
The woman stepped out from behind a tree.
POOF.
The brown cloak and the wide hat vanished.
Anko Mitarashi stood there, wearing her mesh armor and tan trench coat. She was smirking, tapping the giant scroll against her shoulder.
"Anko-sensei?!" Sylvie gasped.
"Wait..." Naruto pointed a shaking finger at the scroll. "BUT THE YOGA! WE BONDED OVER FLEXIBILITY!"
Anko grinned. She grabbed the rope and swung the massive scroll around.
"You really want to see the secret technique?"
She unrolled it.
It wasn't a Forbidden Fire Jutsu. It wasn't a summoning contract.
It was a poster. A giant, vertical banner advertising Ankorodō. It featured a painting of a massive stick of dango and the words: BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE.
"I was heading to pick up lunch," Anko smirked. "Grandma just printed these for the shop window. I was doing her a favor carrying it."
She chuckled, rolling it back up.
"'Yoga Mat.' You believe anything, kid."
Naruto fell to his knees in the dirt. He clutched his chest.
"The betrayal..." he whispered to the heavens. "It cuts so deep..."
Sylvie sat down on the log, wiping sweat and bark dust from her forehead.
"I hate training," she sighed.
Naruto blinked. He stopped being upset instantly. He stood up, dusting off his knees.
"Wait," Naruto asked, tilting his head. "Who's your grandma?"
Anko just laughed and bit into a stick of dango she produced from her trenchcoat sleeve.