The afternoon sun beat down on Konoha's Training Ground Seven, baking the dirt until it smelled of dry clay and cut grass. Cicadas buzzed in the trees, a lazy, rhythmic drone that usually signaled nap time.
But under the shade of a large oak tree, a summit of grave importance was taking place.
Konohamaru Sarutobi looked around the empty clearing. He squinted his eyes behind his goggles, scanning the bushes for spies, ANBU, or worst of all, Ebisu-sensei.
"Clear," he whispered.
He leaned in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper that vibrated with intensity.
"Boss. I had the best idea. I figured out the hierarchy."
Naruto leaned in, matching his intensity. He sat cross-legged on the grass, a half-eaten popsicle melting in his hand. "Lay it on me."
To the side, Moegi sat on a tree stump, braiding a flower crown with aggressive boredom. Udon stood next to her, adjusting his glasses. A single, defying-gravity droplet of snot wobbled at the end of his nose.
"Is this going to be about the 'Sexy Jutsu: Boy on Boy' variant again?" Moegi sighed, not looking up. "Because that was a crime against humanity."
"Quiet, Moegi!" Konohamaru hissed. "This is politics!"
He reached into his pouch and pulled out a crumpled, stained piece of construction paper. He smoothed it out on the grass with the reverence of a treasure map.
It was a crude crayon drawing. In the center, drawn in erratic orange strokes, was Naruto wearing the Hokage hat. Standing directly behind him, drawn in heavy, aggressive black crayon that had nearly torn through the paper, was Konohamaru.
"So," Konohamaru pointed a stubby finger. "You're the Hokage. That's the Fire Shadow. Right?"
"Right," Naruto nodded gravely, studying the art. "I look very majestic. You got the spikiness right."
"But a shadow..." Konohamaru paused for dramatic effect, his eyes wide and unblinking behind his goggles. "...casts a shadow too."
Naruto gasped. The popsicle dripped onto his knee. He didn't notice.
"Whoa."
"I'll be the Kage-Kage!" Konohamaru announced, throwing his arms up. "The Shadow's Shadow! When you're in the office doing paperwork, I'll be in the bushes! Doing the secret missions! I'll be your right hand! Your secret weapon! The shadow that protects the shadow!"
Naruto stared at him. His blue eyes shimmered with the reflection of the genius before him. His mouth hung open.
The logic was flawless. It was redundant. It was linguistically a nightmare. It was the coolest thing he had ever heard.
"That just sounds like a stalker with a title," Moegi deadpanned, snapping a dandelion stem.
"I like shadows," Udon sniffled. "They're quiet." Sniff.
Naruto ignored the peanut gallery. A grin split his face, wide and fox-like.
"YOU'RE A GENIUS, KONOHAMARU!" Naruto screamed, scaring a crow out of the tree.
He grabbed the kid in a headlock, scrubbing his knuckles into Konohamaru's spiky hair.
"The Kage-Kage! It sounds so cool! Like... double the ninja!"
"Double the ninja!" Konohamaru cheered, struggling but laughing, his goggles askew. "I'm gonna write it on my forehead protector!"
"Let's go tell Grandma Tsunade!" Naruto shouted, releasing him. "She needs to update the organizational chart right now!"
"Yeah!"
The two of them sprinted off toward the Hokage Tower, a blur of orange and blue, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake.
Moegi watched them go. She looked at Udon.
"Do you think they know 'Kage-Kage' just sounds like someone stuttering?" she asked.
Udon wiped his nose. "I don't think they know anything, Moegi."
The Hokage's office smelled of stale coffee, old paper, and a very faint, underlying scent of high-grade sake that was definitely hidden in a bottom drawer.
Tsunade Senju did not look up.
She sat behind the massive desk, buried behind two towers of paperwork that teetered dangerously. She looked like she hadn't slept in three days. Her blonde ponytails were slightly frizzy, and the vein in her temple was throbbing to the beat of her stamping hand.
THUD. (Review approved.)
THUD. (Budget denied.)
THUD. (Mission report filed.)
It was the rhythm of a woman holding onto her sanity by a thread.
BANG.
The double doors flew open, bouncing off the walls.
"GRANNY!"
Tsunade didn't flinch. She just squeezed the stamp handle so hard the wood creaked.
Naruto marched up to the desk, Konohamaru trailing in his wake like a loyal squire. Naruto slammed his hands onto the polished wood, right on top of a request for infrastructure repair.
"We figured it out!" Naruto beamed. "When I'm Hokage, Konohamaru is gonna be my Kage-Kage!"
Tsunade froze mid-stamp.
The office went silent. Shizune, who was organizing a shelf in the corner, stopped holding Tonton. Even the pig stopped oinking.
Slowly. Painfully slowly. Tsunade lifted her head.
Her amber eyes were flat. Dead. Devoid of light. The vein in her temple pulsed once. Twice.
"The what," she deadpanned.
"The Shadow-Shadow!" Naruto explained, gesturing wildly to Konohamaru. "See, the Hokage is the Fire Shadow, right? But shadows have shadows! So he's the Shadow-Shadow! He watches my back! It makes total sense!"
"It's a double negative of coolness, Lady Fifth!" Konohamaru added, saluting.
Tsunade stared at them.
She looked at the orange jumpsuit. She looked at the trailing blue scarf.
She stared at the future of the Hidden Leaf Village.
Her brain, exhausted from negotiating trade tariffs with the Land of Tea, tried to process the concept. She imagined the diplomatic letters. She imagined sitting across from the Raikage—a man who bench-pressed mountains—and introducing her successor's assistant as the "Shadow-Shadow."
She imagined the sheer amount of sake she would need to survive that meeting.
A bead of sweat—a massive, comedic sweatdrop—slid down the back of her head.
She slowly lowered the stamp. She took a deep breath.
She raised a shaking finger and pointed it directly at the open window.
"Go bother the scarecrow," she ordered, her voice low and dangerous.
"But—"
"GET OUT!"
Naruto and Konohamaru scrambled over each other to exit via the window, tumbling out onto the roof in a panic.
Tsunade stared at the open window for a long moment. Then, she opened her bottom drawer.
"Shizune," she said quietly. "Cancel my two o'clock. I need a drink."