I like to sleep a lot. It gives me some break from reality. Though I read books and watch movies, it is not enough to restore my sanity and back pain when I have my own little kindergarten, laundry shop, restaurant, Personal Delivery agency, Financial Corp and housekeeping management to run. It is a harsh truth but not accepted by anyone officially. Being a daughter, a wife, a mother and a woman in this world was not an easy job. But at least nobody would disturb you in your sleep unless your little clients have a lot of time to play as tomorrow is their weekend or your boss of the house and their family have a lot of things to order around.My mother always told me that I could have freedom in my marriage life only if I was financially independent. But she was partially right. I should have been both financially and emotionally independent. She never told me that cause she was herself never been one.
I didn't fight my sleep cause it was a need after a lot of arguments I had with my in-laws this morning before packing both me and my daughter's bag and boarding the last train I reserved at the last moment. I didnt fight him cause i don't want my children to get affected by our no end conversations. I just silently packed the bag and left a message about our departure. But as usual he didn't see my message. He must be in one of his meetings about his new project. They say the opposite attracts each other. In my case indeed, first opposites attract each other but after we get married it was matter of second we started to repel each other. If someone asks me before marriage what are the factors of being happily together, I used to say love, mutual understanding, persistence and perseverance. I didn't give a thought about it much before when they used to laugh at me. Now I understand why. Even I would have laughed at my foolishness.
I should have stopped reading romantic books instead I should have started making a big friend circle so that now I could have given a speech about how 'its not love is blind but the one who falls in love is an ultimate blind'.
I was about to fall asleep when someone jolted me up by shaking me so hard. I got startled by the sudden contact and opened my eyes to see my older one Mia, was looking at me sleepily. She must have been awake when she was in deep sleep and I can see she was pissed by this. And the younger one Charlotte was sleeping beside me clutching a small toy with her tiny hands.
'What happened Mia? Why did you wake up?' I asked before making her sit on my lap to calm her nerves. She just hugged me in return and then only I realised there were two people who were witnessing our exchange nonchalantly . One was in his white pants and white shirt with black canvas. He looked so much older than someone his age while carrying an Ipad with a list of passengers who boarded the train. The other one was a young lady in her mid twenties wearing a pink shirt and cotton pants and was sitting before me and looking for something in her purse.
'Mam Ticket please', the ticket examiner said before turning to the young lady who was now finished rummaging through her bag and showing her ticket as victory . I never saw her boarding the train along with me at the riverbed station. She must have gotten in after I was asleep. I saw now the man was looking at me expectedly once again. Yes, the ticket.
' Yeah ticket. Give me some minutes….let me check my bag. Well, it must be in Charlotte's bag pack . Yeah I got it. Here you go'
I gave the ticket and went to zip Charlotte's bag. I know it must have looked like a shit the way the young lady was now looking at the mess I had put upon her bag. No offense since I didn't get time to prepare as it was a last minute plan. Who thought I would have to fight with my husband's mother just because I forgot to make her walnut cake again. Didn't she know how it ended up that day when I made her one and Charlotte being playful put some crumbles of it in her mouth and how everyone failed to look at her eating when I was busy in the kitchen making their dinner. And the reward was she was admitted to the hospital because she has a nut allergy. Didn't she know that her granddaughter has nut allergy as her son does. After that incident I don't dare take any chances by leaving them in their care. Whether I was in the kitchen or in my work place, I stopped asking for their help . Mia is five and I don't have to worry about her cause she is my intelligent girl but Charlotte just turned two so I still need to be careful around her when it comes to food. And I don't regret fighting with them cause they deserve it and him too. All he cares about is his mother and his project. Then let them be for all I care.
The Examiner gave the ticket to me after some brief glance. I can see that Mia was now wide awake and looking at the IPad and the man interestingly who was now checking the other compartment passenger's ticket. She always asks her father to give his IPad to see what it looks like. But he won't give her while reasoning with her that it's not for children to play and go to attend his meeting. I have never seen him play with a child. Talk or anything. He hardly spends his time with Mia and Charlotte whereas he would almost fall asleep hugging his files in the night.
' Don't worry, I promised you right that once you finish this grade year, we will definitely ask papa to give his Ipad for sometime okay. Now be a good girl, go and sleep. It will be morning when we reach Avalanche and if you don't take your beauty nap then don't mummy me, if Grandpa made fun of your dull face again' I said and put her on the middle berth before tucking her in bed.
'But mummy, he was only doing that to me but Charlotte,' she replied pouting sadly. I chuckled at her comment.
'Then he must love you so much more than he does Charlotte. Because we love to tease the people we love lot aren't we '
'Like papa loves you?' I was stunned at her question. He loves me? I wonder if he still does. The last time he showed me his affection was when Charlotte was born.
'Yes like papa loves mama. Now go and sleep'. She closed her eyes tight when I told her in a strict tone while pretending to slap her .And she still knows it was just my tone not me. I can never scold or backhand them and also they have never given me any reason to do so. After I checked both Mia and Charlotte, I settled myself beside Charlotte as she was just two years old and I couldn't be more careless when I was travelling with just two little children alone at night. Better to be safe than sorry.
I saw the woman was now reading a book while sitting at the corner beside the window. It was named something like 'Bon Voyage' by Agatha sen. I have read my fair collection of books but never heard of such a unique name before. I wonder what it might be about?. Would it be fiction or non fiction?
'Its fiction'
'Oh, then it must be a wonderfu__, wait! How did you know? I never spoke it aloud'
I was shocked by her reply. I couldn't help but sit back in alarm and hold Charlotte in my arms. If she belonged to any human trafficking organisation, I should be ready to jolt away with Mia and I have to wake her up first.
'Hey, relax. I am sorry. It was just a small guess. I can see you are interested and your daughter resembles you very much.I am so sorry if i scared you or something'. Her rantles were not making things any better if I would say, but still I can't jump from the running rail. So I sit back and hold Charlotte in a tight embrace without letting my guard down. Yesterday morning I heard my father in law say that nowadays people are kidnapping children while putting decent looks on in disguise.
'Anyways, I am Agathya Sen, The psychologist but just call me Agathya and you?'
I didn't get anything other than her name and she was a psychologist. But I just looked at her and then the book she was holding. She must have connected the dots. She nodded at my unasked question.
'OOH! I mean, nice to meet you too Ms. Sen___' I replied. later I found she was offering her hand for a shake. She must have thought of me as an uncultured lady for not taking it.
'I am sorry. I haven't noticed you.'
'It's alright I can understand. Calm down. just call me Agathya okay. I am younger than you'. She chirped back
'Okay Agathya. I am Ria. Ria Anderson. Works as a Library assistant. Thats it,' I gave a short reply. I can't afford to put myself and my daughters in danger. I can see she understands by my tone that I am not willing to engage in this meaningless conversation. I wish it was already morning so that I could get off the train. I can't stand someone thinking of me as a rude person when I am not.
' I couldn't help it. You and your children are lucky if I must say' she said out of the blue.
'Thanks I guess. Why did you say so?'
'Cause they are blessed with their mother's love and you are blessed with their presence isn't it?' I smiled at her statement. Finally she knows how to speak like a normal person.
'But I feel more blessed and loved by them. They are the purpose of my life' I replied back
'Is it so?. But If I may ask, what was your purpose before you had them, Myra?'
She asked me if it was an interesting topic. Hold on!
'What did you call me?'
' You are right. Love is not blind. And you are wrong. Neither the person who fell in with one. It was you and his perspective. Go Myra. It's time to make your choice, which you feel is right' Go'.
By the time I heard her last words, I couldn't see her face clearly. It was like I felt too light to keep my posture. The last thing I know was I fell down holding Charlotte to my chest. The only regret I had was that I didn't run when I had time before. If only I would have made the run, I wouldn't meet the person from whom I wanted to run away the most. I failed once again. 'Better to be safe than sorry'.