I - with my most serious face - in my finest clothes, am standing in the middle of the training ground, facing Eris - who has the most disappointed face possible - in her most comfortable-looking training clothes.
"First of all, let's try greeting each other with proper etiquette." I placed a hand on my chest and bowed slightly. "My name is Atur, it is a pleasure to meet you, my lady. May I ask for your name?"
As soon as I finished speaking, Eris slashed at me repeatedly with her sword.
"Greeting my ass! You said you were here to teach me swordsmanship, so why are you dressed like that!? Are you looking down on me???"
"Not at all," I dodged and weaved, evading all the attacks without letting them touch a single hair on my head. At the same time, I began to explain. "I'm serious. You said you wanted to learn how I fight, right? Then you have to learn from the very basics. Just like Sword God Style practitioners have to do push-ups and sit-ups, Water God Style practitioners have to start with the most basic social interactions."
"Nonsense! There's no such thing as learning swordsmanship through greetings!"
"If you don't believe me, just ask any Water God Style swordsman. If they say otherwise, I'll let you punch me. But if they agree, you have to follow my instructions without complaint, okay?"
"Fine!"
The result was that all of Philip's knights who practiced the Water God Style nodded.
Of course, because I bribed them. Besides, those knights genuinely hoped I would successfully 'handle' Eris. After all, they are often the victims of this eccentric young lady.
"Impossible... how can anyone become stronger with this kind of trick?"
While Eris was still bewildered about how a sword style could have such training methods, I dragged her back to the training ground.
"Alright, first, try performing a noble greeting." I clapped my hands, signaling Eris to try. I guess an 8-year-old child must have seen or been taught this, right? It's like learning the alphabet—oh wait, she's illiterate. "Never mind, I guess you don't know, so let me demonstrate—"
"I know how!" But contrary to my prediction, Eris put her hands on her hips, tilting her chin up to the sky arrogantly. "Grandfather taught me! Don't look down on me! I just don't want to do it!"
Why does this girl always assume I'm looking down on her? Although I am... but I don't show it *that* clearly.
"That's great then!" I clapped my hands again and flashed a fake smile. "So why don't you demonstrate for me? If there are any mistakes, we can correct them together."
"Don't wanna!"
"You promised that-"
"Hmph... Why should I keep my word to you!"
This brat...
"Sigh... I didn't plan on using this move, but if you won't cooperate, I have no choice."
Hearing this, Eris immediately took a step back, getting into a defensive stance, ready to fight if I actually did something. But no, I don't plan on hitting this young lady, even though I really want to.
Instead, I'll use the strongest technique in negotiation.
"If you can perform a noble greeting proficiently, I'll stand still and let you hit me for one minute."
That's right, that's throwing out a deliciously wonderful 'carrot'!
I swear the young lady's ruby eyes just lit up. She must be imagining hitting me to her heart's content without worrying about missing or being countered. Hehe, so easy to manipulate.
"Well? Is that okay?" I asked again with a swindler's smile.
"Fine! You're on!"
And so I lured this stubborn girl in. However, as soon as she nodded, she switched to stiff-as-a-board mode, her face turning red again.
"Grr..."
"What's wrong? Changed your mind? If you can't do it, then never mind."
"I can do it! I'll show you the etiquette of House Boreas!"
Eris gritted her teeth, looking extremely annoyed, but took a deep breath.
Then, instead of bringing her hands down to hold the sides of her skirt like a normal person, she brought them up to her head, grabbing her hair by a fistful on both sides, creating twin tails instantly.
Then she winked at me. "Good morning, nya~"
"?"
?
?
?
??????????????????????????????
I instinctively took a step back, my hands raising into a defensive stance.
"My name is Eris, nya~"
"Exorcist Light."
"Kyaaaaaa my eyes!"
Without needing to hear an explanation or endure this madness, I used an exorcism spell immediately.
…
In my past life, I was a university lecturer for half a year. At that time, my communication skills were so abysmal that I couldn't teach a single decent class, which is why the school was forced to let me go, even though I had been their most brilliant student in the past decade. After that, I tried to communicate more, through clubs.
That was how I discovered the world of otaku.
I know it's a bit strange, but I—a Japanese person—didn't watch One Piece for the first time until I was 24. I don't understand why people often have the impression that those passionate about 2D culture are poor communicators. My god, they talk endlessly. And ironically, I gradually learned how to communicate through that hobby and that group of people I had always stigmatized as social parasites.
And that's how I became a part-time otaku.
The reason for 'part-time' was that I was still busy with work and the mess that followed. Finally, after returning to Japan, I became a full-time otaku.
Luckily, I had taken a supplementary pedagogical course, so I found a job. That's how I became a high school teacher in the last six months of my life.
That time wasn't long, but it also allowed me to develop a few new things. First, I was an alcoholic; luckily, moving to the new world helped me quit. Now I only dare to take a few sips until I'm of age, and I swear never to get drunk. Second, I made a few friends, specifically online friends. Among them was a guy I quite liked, a pretty funny guy with the same taste in girls as me. You could say he was the kind of friend with whom you could share your secret desires without fear of judgment.
And finally, third, with my time as a teacher and having gone through classics like *Great Teacher Onizuka* or *Hammer Session*, I learned to grasp the true responsibility of an educator.
…
Back to the present, after Eris recovered from being stunned by my light spell to the face, I came to the conclusion that the red-haired young lady had absolutely no idea how to perform the most basic noble greeting.
Instead, she was taught 'Boreas-style etiquette' - greetings and interactions mixed with Beast Folk styles, specifically that *nya~ nya~* act earlier (only for females; males still greet normally). I swear if Ghislaine did that, I would be captivated, but instead, it was performed by Eris - with a stiff face like a gorilla. As a result, that 'etiquette' that sounded cute gave me PTSD.
And to spare myself from seeing that hellish performance ever again, I was forced to teach her from scratch.
"WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE GREETINGS OF WEAK NOBLES!"
As soon as I said she had to learn to greet properly to start learning to fight like me, that was her way of asking, 'Why does learning non-Boreas etiquette make you fight better, sensei?' Yep, the way to be a good teacher is to learn to understand the meaning behind students' words and actions.
Knowing the meaning, now it's time to know how to give an appropriate answer so they can understand, even with only two brain cells like Eris.
"Because that is the way to hide 'killing intent' and 'fighting intent'," I replied, extremely seriously. "The Boreas greeting is too obvious."
I swear I don't even understand what my second sentence means.
"Hide killing intent? What for? You have to radiate killing intent so the enemy fears you! And what the hell is 'fighting intent'?"
"Hiding killing intent and fighting intent is very important, you know. To explain fighting intent, it's like a mind-reading method of the Water God Style. We are trained to grasp the opponent's thoughts through observation." I walked around Eris, who had her arms crossed in the middle of the training ground, and started to bluff. "For Water God Style swordsmen, sensing the opponent's 'killing intent' or 'fighting intent' is very important; they will know beforehand when, where, and how the enemy will attack. That's why, to become a stronger swordsman, you must learn to hide your killing intent and ferocity!"
"Pfft. I don't believe you."
As expected, Eris didn't believe a word of it and scowled like a gorilla (as usual). In situations like this, I use a lifeline from the person I trust most...
But Ghislaine won't move a muscle, it seems like she won't help me in this case and decide to watch from a distance.
Fine, I'll do it myself.
But instead of putting on a gauntlet like a certain mad titan, I was forced to bring out a specially made tool for this case—a blindfold.
"If you don't believe me, I'll try covering my eyes with this cloth." I covered my eyes for real. "Then you can attack me however you want. I will sense your 'killing intent' to react."
"Hmph. Don't cry when I beat you flat."
Even though I couldn't see anything, I guessed the young lady was grinning broadly, thinking this was a golden opportunity for revenge.
However, Eris was disappointed.
"Why! How can you dodge!?"
Five minutes passed, I didn't hold a sword, and I still wasn't hit once. To be honest, I'm quite grateful to Master Reida for helping me achieve this magical ability; now showing it off to the world is pretty fun. Feeling it had been long enough, I gently grabbed Eris's hand and threw her to the ground to stop the fight. Of course, I could have used words to call a stop, but action is still more effective.
"Believe me now?" I lifted the blindfold slightly, revealing my rather smug face. "Then let's start the lesson."
And that's how I forced Eris to learn to greet like a lady.
At this point, I realized Eris is quite... talkative. No, I should have realized that during the week she tormented me with Ghislaine's achievements.
With every step of every greeting, Eris asked dozens of questions.
Like the smile.
"Why do I have to smile? If I hate someone, I should glare and make them fear me."
"Because that's a tactical smile. When the opponent receives a smile, they will lower their guard and be easier to defeat. If you don't believe me, try smiling and punching me."
She actually did it. A punch right in the middle of my face with all the strength of a gorilla. The young lady really did smile very brightly. As for me, I lost the rest of my baby teeth.
Luckily my permanent teeth are fine...
So that's step one. Next is the bow.
"Why do I have to lift my skirt slightly to bow? That's humiliating."
"Because when you bow, it's a way to train how to keep your center of gravity so you don't fall. And lifting the skirt is like how peacocks spread their tails to intimidate enemies."
Even though peacocks spread their tails to find mates, whatever.
"Will that help me beat you better?"
"..."
"..."
"Ah, well, you can lower your center of gravity to perform a more effective uppercut."
"I want to try!"
"..."
"..."
"Fine…"
So I stood there as a punching bag for Eris to hit for motivation again.
Next came dozens of other questions, although quite silly, sometimes I had to rack my brains to the top of my head to think of a reasonable explanation.
"Hey, why-"
"Just do it, and I'll let you kick me once."
It got to the point where I was too lazy to explain, so I just offered my body for the young lady to hit for motivation to get it over with.
But in any case, I finally convinced and taught Eris the ways of a noble. So she started practicing it everywhere, with everyone (except for the punching part, of course) with the idea that this would help her defeat me in the future.
It can be seen that I also applied the carrot and stick method quite effectively. The stick was me beating Eris until she was sore before, the carrot here is becoming a punching bag so the young lady has the motivation to curb her violence. Although it's completely different from the original plan, this is fine.
I look like I'm tricking a child. But I can't help it. After all, adults always find ways to trick children into doing what they want. Just like how parents on Earth often say 'if you don't eat, the boogeyman will take you away'. As long as it's for a good purpose, I guess.
I don't know if this is truly the best way, but at least for the next two weeks, Eris was less violent and picked fewer fights or beat people up without reason. Except for me, what an honor, right?
The red-haired young lady also gradually got used to greeting like a true noble and knew how to smile, even if she still radiated killing intent.
Philip was very pleased. Lord Sauros also clapped me on the shoulder and laughed heartily, calling me the 'only useful Notos man since Amarant'. Amarant seems to be my grandfather's name; although I've never met him, based on how Sauros or Ken mentioned him before, he seemed to be a respectable person. Being compared to someone like that makes me a little proud, hehe.
With more confidence, I started pushing my weird training exercises up step by step. Like combining balancing a book on one's head to train combat ability on difficult terrain, while creating the graceful movement of a lovely lady. Using a knife and fork was also included in the training, with the explanation that it's an effective way to cut meat when skinning magical beasts, etc., etc...
Although it sounds like I'm going in a good direction, sometimes there are still ridiculous incidents. Like Ms. Edna - a gentle middle-aged woman who was Eris's etiquette tutor - now being challenged to a duel by her mistress, who used some logic to deduce that: 'if Water God Style swordsmen get stronger through etiquette, then the etiquette tutor must be very strong'.
I had to step in to stop it, explain, and take a punch before Eris would stop.
That's also why I'm quite worried about the teaching model I'm using. For now, it's quite effective, but there's no guarantee it will remain so in the future. What if one day that young lady suddenly gets a power spike and defeats me easily? Then there's no way to lure her. She might even become scarier.
So I started looking for other ways.
And what better way to conquer a maiden's heart than through her stomach?
So I occupied the mansion's kitchen. Although the things I custom-ordered and the ingredients were extremely simple, the cost was uncomfortably high.
Besides oil, sugar is also something that can be used to rip people off with its price. Unlike the modern world full of conveniences, sugar in this world isn't made from sugarcane but from some kind of cooked tuber and red leaf. Instead of the white or brown color of less refined sugars on Earth, sugar here has a rather eye-catching reddish-pink color.
Normally, colored sugar makes it very difficult to prepare food, especially sweets. Because it will affect the color of the dish. Imagine the cream of a cake having the brown color of unrefined sugar on Earth. Is it any different from the color of shit? So the fact that they are bright red is quite convenient; at least red is a more acceptable color for food than brown.
I heard some people even use it as a makeup ingredient like lipstick, no wonder the price is so high.
Besides the different color, it also has a slightly bitter taste if used a lot.
So I thought for a very long time to calculate which dish would be most suitable, and finally, I figured it out.
It is panna cotta!
And oh my god, this damn thing is hard to make.
First, I had to make something called gelatin. Usually, anyone can easily buy this at the supermarket, but now I have to make it myself.
From pig skin.
Surprising, right? An ingredient often used for sweets is actually made from animal skin. That's also why many gelatin brands are labeled 'vegetarian-friendly' even though it's actually agar... yep, ask me why I hate the modern food industry.
Anyway, extracting gelatin is not a very complicated process; it just takes a long time, a lot of effort, and people look at me like I'm crazy as I boil pig skin over and over again.
Once I had the powder that could bind, I started making the milk part for the panna cotta. Milk, when stirred with sugar, created an extremely beautiful bright red color when set by chilling with ice (created by magic); they created a texture that I think is even better than the kind on Earth. Finally, a little fruit syrup, and I had a complete panna cotta.
So I finished the dish that took half a day to make.
With the richness of the milk, it completely overwhelmed the strange smell from the sugar, plus the slight sourness of the fruit syrup, the slight bitterness also disappeared.
Truly a big step for other-worldly cuisine, hoho.
For the first time, I created a dish that I'm ready to give a 10/10!
"Yuck... no meat?"
But Eris wasn't interested; the young lady spat the panna cotta out of her mouth. Ghislaine wasn't very impressed either; she just ate it and nodded.
In the end, I went back to basics like crispy fried chicken and french fries like fast-food restaurants. Eris loved that 'cheap' stuff extremely and started ordering me to cook for her instead of hitting me like before. I'm now promoted to her personal cook.
Not only that, Ghislaine also agreed that my fried chicken was delicious. And the rest of the mansion too. Ken thought so too.
Everyone thought so. TOO!
Finally, I have to accept that the taste of humanity in any world is equally cheap. Meat and fried food are king... how disappointing.
...
After nearly two months since I arrived in Roa, I have almost completed the work supporting the opening of the first distillery. All formulas and processes have been successfully handed over, and the batches of alcohol I was making in the Royal Capital that were brought along have also been upgraded and received many compliments.
Realizing the potential is not only in the high nobility, I also tried to make two new versions. Instead of making them worse, I made them better than the original. So the original version became an affordable type for ordinary workers; I successfully persuaded Philip to agree to lower the product price to compete with normal dark beer.
Then with the two new types, one will target the middle class - adventurers, and the type aged for more than 2 years will be the high-quality type aimed at the nobility.
In general, business seems to be looking up. According to calculations, when the first batches of alcohol in Roa start shipping, I will earn at least 8 gold coins a month. 8 gold coins of passive income, with all costs and interest deducted, hehe.
Next is the situation of the 'side quest'.
Eris, after more than a month of being served by me cooking according to her request while being diligently taught etiquette, has become less violent and more willing to listen (though still stubborn).
That made me realize one thing: educating Eris isn't as hard as everyone thought. What this girl needs is like any other normal student; they only need two things: respect and patience. Both Ms. Edna and Ms. Ghislaine have these two things for Eris. As for me, I also have plenty of patience and gradually see the more positive sides of the young lady.
Well she's a violent and fierce young lady. But she still has her cute side too. Especially when she respects someone like Ghislaine, she would start yapping and be very obedient to whatever that person says. Like a puppy.
I now also got that kind of treatment too. She doesn't talk about me like she does with Ghislaine or Lord Sauros but I can sense some kind of respect when I do something unbelievable like fight with Ghislaine and only stop after getting beaten up so badly that I can't move a muscle daily without complaining or quitting. That's maybe the reason why she also asks less and less to punch me for motivation and actually starts listening to whatever I say like a real student.
So I decided to teach Eris my real fighting style, under the guise of a noble ritual as a reward. Like how to move like a lady without making a sound, especially on wooden floors - a basic skill that every noble must master. It's also the first skill to start learning dancing.
"Instead of touching the ground with the whole foot at once, mighty Lady Eris should start touching the ground with the ball of the foot first, which will minimize noise. Like this."
I immediately demonstrated for Eris in the training ground, continuously moving on the sandy ground without making any sound, even the smallest. This is the rhythmic movement footwork of the Water God Style.
"When combined with landing by lowering your center of gravity and gradually lowering your whole body with relaxed legs, we can jump from a height without breaking our legs or making a loud noise."
I did as I said, climbing up a tree branch and jumping down, landing gently like a cat. This is a type of footwork of the North God Style.
"Also, this way of moving will help you move faster when you can lower your center of gravity forward."
And I did exactly what I said, lowering my center of gravity forward and shooting like an arrow. In less than five seconds, I ran from one end of the training ground to the other.
"So fast!" Eris stood watching and had to marvel.
"Hehe, I learned this from Ms. Ghislaine's movement."
Indeed, after a long time of being beaten black and blue by the Longsword of Silence, I spent a lot of time and effort decoding that skill. Then I conveniently learned the footwork of the Sword God Style. So suddenly my speed rose to a new level. The most annoying fly in the sword world is now even more dangerous, hehehe.
Unlike when it was purely to 'trick' Eris into learning etiquette, if it's a skill related to real swordsmanship, I won't use myself as a punching bag or have to fry chicken to please her. Because basically, being able to truly train sword skills also makes that young lady quite happy.
"Let me try... oops!"
Look at that cheerful look even though she just fell on her face. Pretty cute, actually.
...
Finally, it took about another month for Eris to learn the acceleration footwork and obediently listen to 'learning while playing'. As a result, since that day, we have added a racing segment to train stamina and compete in speed.
"Five more laps before you can rest!"
"Yes... ma'am... huff... Miss Ghislaine... huff..." I answered while running.
I also don't understand how I, who was originally here to learn how to defeat the Sword God Style, ended up becoming a disciple of the Sword King. Speaking of which, I suddenly remember what Ken told me when I first started practicing the sword, roughly: 'You're not suited to learn the Sword God Style, Atur.'
Indeed, that bald knight was right. I'm not suited for the type of training that requires hundreds of push-ups, running dozens of laps, and swinging the sword hundreds, thousands of times like this. I was confident that my stamina was better than Eris's, but it seems I'm only better at 'saving' energy than her, while my actual stamina is far inferior.
"Catch me if you can, you slow-crawling turtle-rat!"
"Just laugh... huff... huff... blegh..."
I was so tired I threw up on the field, while Eris laughed heartily, very amused.
And so three months passed, and I temporarily tamed the monster named Eris B. Greyrat - by becoming her first friend(?)
…
NAME: "Eris B. Greyrat"
OCCUPATION: Granddaughter of Fittoa's liege lord
PERSONALITY: Fierce
DOESN'T: Mind listening to what people have to say
READING/WRITING: Can write her own name
ARITHMETIC: Can add single digit numbers
MAGIC: No clue
FENCING: Sword God Style – Beginner-tier
ETIQUETTE: Can do a normal greeting
PEOPLE SHE LIKES: Grandfather, Ghislaine
PEOPLE SHE WANTS TO DEFEAT: Atur
LIKE: Deep Fry Chicken KFC Style and punching Atur