As I walked out of the van once more, I glanced around the parking lot of the Old Mill District. The sun was starting to set and the dinner crowd was beginning to filter in, meaning that some of the restaurants might get crowded. Still, I was used to eating alone on the rare occasion when I went to a restaurant, and most never had a problem finding an awkward corner to shove me into. Taking in the options, I found a sushi restaurant and headed over, walking past a trio of men headed in the other direction chatting idly about a sports game.
As I passed them, their conversation came to a sudden halt, and I glanced over a shoulder out of curiosity, only to find all three standing still, turning and staring back at me, wide eyes glued to my butt. One immediately elbowed the other two and they whirled back, walking away quickly. What the fuck, assholes. Don't be skeevy. Ugh. I need a shower after that. A little ball of warmth lit in my belly as I thought about them staring at my ass and I shook my head again. Not that kind of shower. A shower to get clean. Seriously, body. Guys ogling me is not a turn-on. Don't be gay.
I opened the door to the sushi restaurant, stepping in and glancing around. It wasn't a large place, maybe ten tables plus the bar, about half-full. As the hostess approached, I gestured toward the sushi bar and she nodded, grabbing a menu and escorting me to an open-back chair where I sat, facing the chef, my back to the restaurant and the door behind me. As the hostess placed the menu in front of me, I decided I needed a drink. It had been a long day, full of many new experiences, and a little alcohol is exactly what the doctor ordered.
"Water, and then I'll have a - " Hmm. My usual bourbon doesn't feel right. Even a craft beer isn't that exciting at the moment. I paused, thinking. "A rosé, please?" I had no fucking idea what one of those even was, but I'd heard enough women ordering them at restaurants to know that I probably couldn't go wrong. Mentally shrugging, I picked up the menu and starting figuring out my sushi order. Normally, I'd just go all-in on a stack of nigiri or sashimi, but I was feeling like something different.
By the time the hostess came back, placing a very large pour of wine in front of me, I'd decided. "I'll have the spicy tuna roll and the dynamite roll, please? And the edamame to start." The hostess nodded, committing my order to memory, and walked back off. I took a sip of the wine, the beautiful pale liquid shining under the light of the sushi bar. It was an interesting taste for sure, notes of I don't fucking know, wine people make all this shit up, I giggled to myself. Tastes like pink alcohol. The edamame was placed next to me as I took another healthy sip of the wine, then picked up the first pod.
Opening unfamiliar lips, I placed the edamame in my mouth, biting gently as I pulled the peas out. Yum, a little salty taste in my mouth as I savored the warm little balls, definitely one of the best things I've eaten in a while. Wait, that sounded soooo dirty. Shaking my head, I fell into the rote mechanics of bringing each pod up, repeating the behavior.
"Well, look who it is! I thought I recognized that gorgeous blonde hair." Glancing to the side, I nearly choked on a pea, the pod hanging limply from my lips as Gwendolyn slid into the chair next to me. "Do you mind if I sit? I just finished work and was planning on getting dinner to go, but saw you all alone at the bar." I numbly shook my head in the negative, gesturing at the chair she was currently sitting in, and her smile turned even brighter. She plucked an edamame from the bowl, her fingers briefly brushing mine before bringing it to her lips. She placed the pod in her mouth, not breaking eye contact with me, and gently sucked the peas out. "Yum," she said.
Yum, I agreed, watching the redhead eat my appetizer. My heart was beating so fast in my chest I was probably about to stroke out, sweat starting to bead on my back. This girl was trouble and I was in no way prepared to turn away from the danger. She glanced over my body, taking in my appearance. "Looks like you did at least a little more shopping, I don't recognize those leggings."
I nodded my head, "A little more," I admitted. "I needed something less frumpy." Oh shit, did I just say that out loud? She giggled at me, fingers brushing mine as she grabbed another pod. She turned, ordering her own glass of wine and a sushi roll quickly as the hostess went by, before turning back to me.
"So, did you save my number in your phone yet?" I paused, unsure of how to reply. I had a phone, but - well - Tim had a phone. Has a phone, I guess. Who the fuck is Tim anymore, at this point? I don't know what's going on in my own life, and I certainly don't have the words to explain it to her. I'm still Tim, right? Even if I told her my name was Tiffany. I'm definitely Tim. Just in a very weird place right now.
"Not yet," I mumbled, which was technically true. "I still have the receipt with your number."
Gwendolyn's wine arrived and she raised it to my own, clinking, "To new friendships, I hope." I echoed her, "New friendships" and took another sip, burying my blushing face in the glass of wine. She arched an eyebrow, looking at me as I tried to look anywhere else but the gorgeous redhead. "You're not just being polite, are you? I'm a big girl. You can tell me if I'm being too pushy, or if you're not into me."
Lady, so you are so in the middle of my fucking strike zone it's not even funny. I very explicitly did not say that out loud. I hope. No, I'm sure. There's no way I said that out loud. What I said out loud was a lot more suave.
"That's - uh - no - I mean - I hope I'm polite? But no, I mean, yes. I am interested. Shit." I paused and took a deep breath. "I'm bad at relationships. And talking. And people. I haven't dated in years, I gave up. I spend all of my time in the mountains, biking and avoiding people."
Yup, see? So much more suave. My words melted the panties right off her.
"You're kidding me, right? You're fucking gorgeous, how do you have trouble dating?" She looked stunned, almost disbelieving, as she took a swig of her wine.
I waved at myself, "I mean, I haven't always looked like this." Understatement of the fucking year. "And I'm a computer nerd. I write code for hedge funds to optimize their trading algorithms as my day job. It's not the most exciting." There, now she knew, and she'd get bored and leave. Just like they all did.
Gwendolyn leaned in, resting her cheek on her palm as she stared at me, eyes studying me closely. "Well, I'd like to take you on a date. If you're interested. And if you're sticking around Bend for a while. What do you say, oh gorgeous and mysterious blonde stranger?"
I blushed, immediately ducking my head, hair cascading over my face to shield me. What the fuck? She wasn't supposed to ask me out. She was supposed to realize I was a boring nerd and leave, go find someone else. This was NOT how my life goes! What do I-
A soft hand touched my chin, gently raising my head up as another brushed my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ears, and I stared into hazel eyes. "You can say no. I'm sorry if I'm too forward." My heart was beating faster than it ever had before, my mouth was dry, I felt like I was about to vomit all over this beautiful woman. She spoke softly, soothingly, "One word, Tiff. Yes or no. You can manage that, right?"
A very meek, almost whisper-quiet voice emerged from my traitor of a mouth. "Yes, please. I can stay in the area for a while." Oh shit, did I just say that? I mean, yeah. Obviously, I said that. But what does that mean? What do I do next? Gwendolyn's face lit up like she'd just won the lottery, her smile brightening the whole room around us.
"Perfect! Now hand me your phone so I can put your number into it." Phone? Oh, shit. That's Tim's phone. Also, it's in the van.
Frowning, I replied slowly, "I left it in the van. I don't normally keep it on me, sorry. Habits of mountain biking? I can give you my number and you can text me."
She pouted playfully, "You're not trying to give me a fake number, are you, Tiff?" I shook my head vigorously no. "Okay, I can do that. Details?" I recited my phone number from memory as she typed it into her phone, sending a text message to me with a kissing emoji. "Great. Now either you've got my number, or there's a very confused stranger right about now."
I laughed weakly at her joke, unsure of how to continue. That was Tim's phone. I mean, shit. It's my phone, I'm Tim. But, it's registered to someone named Tim. The email associated with it is named Tim. I'd have to do a lot of work to make it Tiffany's phone. Does it matter, though? Part of me just wanted to ghost this girl and vanish back into the mountains, avoiding all of the complications of people. I could be a small, sad mystery in her life, a cute girl she asked out who then disappeared into thin air. It wouldn't be the end of the world, she'd get over me very quickly.
On the other hand, Fiona had asked me to use this as an opportunity to find love, and was fleeing back to the woods the right way to treat a gift like this? Even if it was a really weird gift. But it was a gift, I had to be honest about that. There was no way such an attractive woman as Gwendolyn would have ever hit on me in my old body. Or continued pressing forward despite such lame answers and lack of conversational skills.
"Hey, I can see you've got a lot on your mind, and I don't want to steal your whole evening. I've got a few errands I need to run on my way home, but it was great running into you here. I'll call you tomorrow about a date, okay?" Gwendolyn stood, glancing down at me as she placed one warm hand on mine, the physical contact immediately reassuring me. I nodded weakly, managing an "Okay" in response to her. She smiled again, leaning in quickly and kissing me on the cheek before I could react.
She dropped cash on the bar to cover her drink, sushi, and a tip, and then strode confidently out of the restaurant as I stared at her receding behind, an awestruck look on my face, my hand idly touching the warm spot on my cheek she had just kissed. Oh shit, I am in so much trouble. I would do anything for more of that. I swear the sushi chef just saw my soul leaving my body, ascending into heaven as a choir of angels sang.
Staring vacantly into space, I finished my sushi and a second glass of wine, feeling lightheaded by the time I was done. I paid, tipping generously, and stood, a little unsteady on my feet. Between the wine and the kiss, my mind was absolutely fucked up right now. I walked from the restaurant back to my van, the quarter mile giving me a chance to slightly clear my head, the autumn chill helping cut some of the alcohol haze, and unlocked it, climbing inside and relocking it behind me.
I double-checked all of my privacy screens, then sat down on my bed and blew out a long breath, blonde hair fluttering away from my face and then back down, resting across my chin. "What the fuck is going on with my life?," I wondered aloud. What a day. What. A. Day.
Yesterday, I crashed my bike and got kissed by a mysterious woman. Today, I got turned into a woman, bought and wore lace panties, and got kissed by a lesbian. And tomorrow, I'm supposed to go back to coding assembly to increase shareholder profits. I literally can't even right now. I proceeded to strip my shirt and bra off, wriggling out of my leggings, and crawled under my sheets. I thought about exploring this new body, but my mind was still a little fucked from the wine and honestly, I just had a headache. I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut to try to dull the pain and figure out what was going on, but before I solved my life's problems, I fell asleep.