Kaede always knew he would die young.
It was not due to fate, destiny, or some grand prophecy. The reason was far more simple and infinitely more annoying: the universe held a petty, specific grudge against him.
But even with that expectation, he never imagined his end would look like this.
The instrument of his demise? A vending machine. Not one of the sleek, high tech models from Japan with glowing displays and dozens of options. This was a discount cola machine, old, rusting, and leaning to one side as if it longed for the sweet release of the scrapyard.
Honestly, he could relate.
"Come on, you stupid thing. Just one bottle," he muttered, jamming the selection button for the seventh time.
Nothing happened. Not even an error beep.
This was the final insult. He had just survived the morning rush at the convenience store. He had cleaned up two spilled slushies, restocked an entire wall of chips, soothed a screaming toddler, and patiently counted an old man's payment in nothing but coins.
He had earned this cola. He deserved it.
"Alright, you piece of junk. Do not make me do this," he warned the machine.
He gave it a firm nudge with his knee. The machine responded with a dull clunk and then fell silent once more.
"I warned you," he said.
He kicked it, just hard enough to show it who was boss. The machine shuddered, let out a metallic groan, and then seemed to speak to him in a language of creaks and rattles that clearly translated to, "Oh, you want to fight?"
The entire heavy unit tilted forward.
"Wait," Kaede said.
It tilted further.
"Wait, wait, no!"
His life did not flash before his eyes. There were no thrilling adventures or romantic moments. Instead, he saw a montage of his part time life: sweeping floors, wiping counters, stocking shelves, and the occasional, precious few hours of sleep.
Then, as the colossal machine fell toward him, his final, coherent thought formed.
'Amazing. I am going to die as a meme.'
Darkness swallowed him whole.
He had assumed death would be painful, dramatic, or at least loud. Instead, it was quiet. Like being submerged in warm, deep water.
Then a voice, calm and annoyingly cheerful, cut through the silence. "Oh! You woke up faster than expected. Good morning!"
Kaede opened his eyes. He was not in a hospital, nor was he surrounded by angels or demons. He was floating in a featureless white void. Hovering in front of him was a tall, glowing figure, as if someone had cranked a visual effect called "outer glow" to its maximum setting. Its face was a shifting canvas of static and pixels, impossible to read.
"Hello, Kaede," the being said. "Welcome to your post life transition."
He blinked. "So I am dead?"
"Correct!"
"And it was because of a vending machine?"
"Correct!"
He stared blankly. "Do you people not feel any shame letting that happen?"
The glowing entity coughed politely. "Ah, well. Vending machine related fatalities are statistically trending this decade."
"Trending," Kaede repeated flatly.
"Yes, very popular. Quite in style."
"Is this some kind of cosmic fashion statement? Do you sit up here and pick ironic deaths for people?"
"No. Well. Maybe a little," the being admitted.
Kaede rubbed his face, or at least, he felt the sensation of doing so. His body felt strangely light and weightless. "So what happens now? Reincarnation?"
"Indeed! And as compensation for your rather undignified demise, you are permitted to choose a perk. A cheat ability, if you will."
Cheat ability. Those were the magic words.
"Alright," he said slowly. "What are my options?"
The being's screen like face flickered, and a list of abilities materialized in floating text before him:
· Dragonblood Prodigy
· Chaos System
· Supreme Blade Immortal
· Heavenly Tyrant Physique
· Spore Sovereign
· Infinite Luck
· Great Sage AI
One of these things was not like the others.
"Why is 'Spore Sovereign' in the middle of all that?" Kaede asked.
"Oh, that one is quite new," the being said brightly. "Barely anyone picks it. It sounds rather unimpressive, I suppose."
Unimpressive? To Kaede, it sounded safe. The other options screamed responsibility, high stakes, and great expectations. Dragonblood? Too much pressure. Infinite Luck? Far too suspicious. Heavenly Tyrant? Absolutely not.
But "Spore Sovereign"? It sounded harmless. Chill. Something that might finally, finally let him rest.
"What does it do?" he asked.
"You will become a fungus based lifeform with dominion over spores, rot, mycelial growth, and biological absorption. It is quite flexible."
"So I would be a mushroom."
"In the beginning, yes."
"A small mushroom?"
"Very small."
Kaede's mind conjured an image of a tiny, blue mushroom, simply existing. Quiet. Peaceful. No one to bother him. No customers, no managers, and certainly no homicidal vending machines.
"I will take it," he said.
The being tilted its head. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Final answer?"
"Yes."
"Even though you could have been a dragon?"
"Yes."
"Very well!" the being said, sounding almost disappointed. "Prepare for transfer. Good luck in your next."
Darkness consumed him once more.
Cold. Damp. Musty.
These were the first sensations Kaede became aware of.
Then a soft pop echoed in his mind.
A bright, blue, game like screen materialized in his vision.
[ Reincarnation Complete! ]
Species: Azure Foot Mushroom (Baby)
Size: 1 cm
HP: 1
MP: 0
Skills: None
Titles: None
Status: Barely Alive
Beautiful. It was absolutely perfect.
He was not sure if he had a mouth, but if he did, he would have smiled.
Peace. Finally.
He observed the dark soil surrounding him, the bits of rotting leaves, the damp moss. A soft, bioluminescent glow from some kind of bug pulsed in the distance. It was cozy. Quiet. Relaxing, even.
'If I could sigh, I would,' he thought.
Okay, time to move. Except he could not. Mushrooms do not move. His entire existence was now that of a tiny, sticky lump on the forest floor.
'Fantastic. I am a houseplant.'
But honestly? He did not mind. He had no bills to pay, no shifts to work, and no other humans to deal with. Just blessed silence.
Kaede let himself soak in the calm. The moist earth cradled him like a muddy blanket. The distant chirps and clicks of forest creatures echoed softly. A gentle breeze whispered through the canopy far above, rustling leaves he could not see.
'This is not so bad,' he thought. 'Being a mushroom might actually be good for my stress levels.'
And then a loud rustle broke the silence.
Something moved. It was loud, heavy, and very close.
A long shadow fell over him. He felt a wave of hot, wet breath. A single drop of drool hit the soil beside his cap like a warm, disgusting raindrop.
His status screen flickered urgently.
[ Warning! ]
Predator Detected.
Species: Forest Rat (F rank)
Behavior: Hungry
Interest: High
The creature leaned in closer. Kaede felt its hot breath wash over his delicate cap. Its twitching whiskers brushed against the ground mere millimeters from him.
He could not move. He could not scream. He could not even wiggle.
'I take it back!' he screamed internally. 'This is terrible! This is a nightmare! I want a refund!'
The rustling grew louder. The rat's yellowed teeth glinted in the dim light. It sniffed him once, then twice, its nose twitching.
It opened its mouth wide and chomped down.
And in that moment, Kaede learned a very important lesson.
Peace never lasts.
Not even when you are a mushroom.