"Looks like I won."
The boy said before reaching his arm out towards me.
"You owe me 50 dollars buddy."
Jaylon grabbed the boy and pulled him to face him.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
The boy tilted his head.
"Why are you so angry bro? I saved you from the embarrassment of being defeated by a peasant. Man you narcissist and your fantasies."
He covered his mouth to hide his playful smile. Jaylon got ready to talk back but the boy silenced him before he could even get a word out.
"Sssssssssh. Be quiet."
He walked up to Jaylon and placed his finger on Jaylon's bottom lip, and slammed his head into Jaylon's so that he could make sure Jaylon got the message.
"You're no king. You're just a piece of trash who made it out of the dumpster because of pure luck. Don't make me cut you and bury you in the filth you tried so hard to escape. Remember, garbage is still garbage no matter where it is."
The boy walked away in order to speak to me. Michael started yelling at me to get up so I smacked him in the face and told him to shut up. Jaylon tries to speak to the boy again but he ignores him and walks up to me. The coach walked up to the boy and told him that he was doing too much.
"You're garbage too, don't speak to me like we're equals."
He looked at Yoichi.
"Stop passing the ball so much because giving up on your dream isn't gonna bring back your father."
Yoichi began to gag before falling to his knees. Jaylon grabbed the boy by the shoulder.
"DON'T IGNORE ME!"
The boy looked at Jaylon and grabbed Jaylon by the shoulder and slammed him onto the ground as he looked at him with disgust.
"Don't touch me, trash."
Jaylon gets back up ready to fight back but one random teammate holds him back, Ray puts her hand on the boy's shoulder and politely tells him to leave. But the boy turned around and walked towards me. I sat on one knee, running my hand through my hair and looked at him through the corner of my eye.
"Playing soccer in order to save your father is disgusting."
"What did you say?"
"You heard me. Playing soccer for something other than your own selfish desire is pointless. In this sport, we all have something we desire and only one can make that desire into a reality. So only those who burn with a deep fire can overcome everyone else."
"So you think your fire is deeper than mine."
Suddenly the field bursts into flame and only me and him stood there, staring into each other's eyes. Mine were showing an intense flame of determination and his…a cold indifference. As quick as they emerged the flames froze in place. The cold air made me shiver as he continued to stare.
"I don't see a fire. Only a match struggling to light up, but delusional enough to think it's good enough to make a fire."
"What?"
"Still confused, well let me put it in simpler terms."
He got closer before freezing my soul.
"Don't use your dying father as an excuse to play soccer. Because you'll only be an annoyance for the people who are actually trying to achieve something."
He walked away before stopping and turning his head again.
"You're better than only one person on this team. And that's not really an accomplishment."
He's right…this isn't determination…it's desperation. I don't really want to be the best, I don't even want to play soccer. I just…wanna save my father. What would I do if he were to die? No, no, there's no point in thinking that.
I wiped off my sweat with my collar and looked at him walk away.
"I didn't ask for that, dickhead."
I have to be better…
Jaylon stood there in silence. His look of frustration telling everybody on the field his current state of mind. Thrown to the side like he was nothing. It was as if he was told to die. Jaylon grabbed onto the soccer ball and stared at it. What is he without his attention? What is he without soccer? We're nothing.
The coach walked up to me and patted me on the back.
"That's Valeri Gold, a star who burns everything in the vast cosmos.He may be very rude when it comes to soccer but he's pretty goofy when soccer isn't involved in the equation."
Ray stared at Valeri as he walked away.
"The New Generation of Soccer. One of the top 11 high school soccer players in the world."
Jaylon got up and responded to Ray's statement
"Heh, so that's what God's Chosen 11 feels like. I've only watched him play from the side. Such an intimidating presence."
The coach clapped his hands and told everybody that practice was over.
I sat in the locker room in silence, not moving an inch since I sat down. What if I can't save my father? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm mediocre? I can't achieve anything. Who do I think I am? I'm nothing.
Yoichi abruptly interrupted my thought and told me that Ray was waiting outside for me.
"Tell her I already left."
Yoichi looked at me with confusion, his eyes quickly widened as he looked at the entity in front of him. I bit at my finger lightly as my eyes spiraled with madness. The despair that once made me feel hopeless was only making me crave more. I stared at the floor in a trance. Thinking on how I can improve.
I want to train. I want to train more and more, until I collapse. The intensity is burning my mind and filling that empty void that made me despair. I love it, I crave it.
Yoichi smiled and left.
"Alright, alright, I'll tell her you already left. Don't overwork yourself though."
But I was too far gone to even comprehend what Yoichi just suggested. Sora approached Ray and asked her where I was. She told her she doesn't know. She approached my teammates but they told her they don't know. She approached every single person who would know where I am, but they all said they didn't know. She walked around the school, scrolling through her phone but stops due to the sound of thumping. She turned the corner and saw me practicing. She hides and admires me from afar until she decides to go home.
The next morning Sora waits outside of my house but when I don't come out she grows suspicious. Ray walks out rubbing her head.
"Where's Sakura?"
"He never came home."
Sora grows worried as she runs to school, her thoughts becoming more frantic by the second. She finally makes it to the field, out of breath she looks up to see me laying on the field unconscious. My body motionless as I lay there on the empty field.
Sora shook my sweaty body vigorously. My white hair danced in the wind like a snowflake dancing with the children on a Christmas Eve, as I laid motionless. She slapped me in the face trying to wake me, but I quickly blocked her slap.
"Yo."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING! HAVE YOU HEARD OF REST?! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO OVERWORK YOURSELF! YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SELFISH AND THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WORRY ABOUT YOU"
I got up from her lap and looked to the side as I said
"I'm okay."
I began to walk away but Sora grabbed me by my shorts.
"LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE STILL IN THE SAME JERSEY AS YOU WERE YESTERDAY! YOU DIDN'T EVEN GO HOME! YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR NO-"
My eyes widened as I continued to look forward.
"YOU'RE DOING THIS ALL FOR JUST A GAME!"
As she pulled on my shorts, I turned my face and looked at her with pure shock. What do I long for? Why am I so upset? I know it's not because she's insulting my way of living. It's not because she's worried about me. She couldn't understand…it hurts. It hurts that the person I deem so close struggles to even fathom the pain I'm in. She couldn't even comprehend how deep the hole I'm in is. Do I even love soccer?
"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"
I slapped her hand off of me and looked at the ground. I know…I know this anger's direction.
"Just a game? No, no, no, NO! It's more…"
My eyes spiraled with madness as I grasped my face with my whole palm. And with the wails of my soul I say it. I say it with all my heart yet silent enough for her to only barely hear it.
"It's life or death…"
Sora looked in confusion but I grabbed her collar and pulled her close. I showed her who I truly am. The pathetic narcissist that only cared about soccer.
"And if you don't understand that. You could die for all I care!"
Sora's tears ran down her face as she looked at the monster who stood in front of her. I kept going…like the pathetic friend I am.
"And you can get the fuck out of my life!"
Sora slapped me in the face. I quickly adjusted my face to look at her with pure fury, but that quickly changed after I saw her face. With a face full of tears she said,
"If that's really what you think then I will!"
Sora ran away and my arm reached out for her but I stopped myself by grabbing my hand. What's the difference? Now I don't have anybody to support me. She didn't love me for me but the idea she had of me. So there's no difference, right?