World
Chapter Twelve: Alone in the World
The cold did nothing to help his jaw. That had been his go-to before: to attach a cold water bottle or a damp towel to his skin when he suffered a bruise or pulled a muscle. Working on the farm day in and day out made his body strong, but he had unfortunate moments when he was clumsy and uncoordinated and dinged himself in one way or another. Even after years of doing the same humdrum activity each and every day, he would occasionally make the same mistake and bump into a door frame or accidentally throw out his shoulder pushing the seed drill across the fields. Usually his aunt would be the one to accommodate him, applying the cold to his wound and helping him finish his chores and taking the time to prepare a meal, even on nights when it wasn't her turn to…
Oscar missed the thought of a home-cooked meal. It helped every bit as much as the compression: to know someone else cared enough about his wellbeing to do something nice for him.
Staring at the backs of his… 'friends' as they grimly marched through the freezing snow… Oscar very much doubted anyone was in a hurry to offer him anything. He wasn't even sure any of them were paying attention to him, bringing up the rear of their formation and lagging ever further behind.
They had all spent far longer building up their Auras than he had: they were better able to endure the cold winds and the falling sleet. Even those like Blake -with so much skin exposed- seemed to be handling it better than he was. Even the old lady Maria didn't seem as bothered, but Oscar supposed she had the good fortune to ride on Yang's bike rather than trudge through the snow.
He had been able to ride on Yang's motorcycle barely more than a day before, his arms wrapped around her waist. Was that the only time such a thing would ever happen? Would Yang ever want to sit beside him again?
Would she ever offer him any kindness now that they… weren't what they used to be?
And his aunt… he was a long way from home now. He'd never really planned on going back, and for a time thought he'd found the group he'd travel with the rest of his life. He'd thought he'd found himself a new family.
Ozpin never saw it that way. Ozpin may have counseled Oscar to value them, to respect them, to befriend them… but more and more those seemed like gentle words to disarm him; to make Oscar believe the man sharing his soul shared similar values to his own.
When Ozpin didn't shield his thoughts, he showed Oscar the only person he'd actually cared for. In his dreams she came to him, pressing his hand up against her heart and reminding him she was still human; human enough to give him a family… the only family he'd actually valued, rather than the legions of followers he'd taken in and -one by one- discarded after they were no longer of use.
When the process did eventually complete and Oscar and Ozpin ceased to be two different minds, would these thoughts still trouble him? Would he become as… detached as Ozpin had been, and see these dalliances with Yang the same way Ozpin saw his other lovers? Substitutes for the woman he'd actually wanted?
Yang had seen Salem as she'd been, the first time Oz had loved her. Did she wonder if Ozpin -and not Oscar- had been the one who wanted her, and wanted her because she reminded him of someone else?
Glynda Goodwitch had… and Ozpin had never once deluded himself into believing he loved her. He separated the mechanical from any emotional bond. He may have cared about the women he took to his bed in some very surface level sense… but it was an affectation. He knew it would be temporary, and when one follower died in his service he could eventually have another to ply out the demons with her gentle hands.
Oscar understood wanting that feeling now. He understood something he never expected to; something he hadn't been able to grasp before. He finally knew what it was to want to forget.
Oscar looked up from the undifferentiated stretches of white on the ground. There was some kind of structure in the distance -no, more than a single building. A settlement? Something other than untouched woods and blasted tundra?
Ruby -at least- became more optimistic, eagerly pointing it out from the front of their pack. Her teammates were at least able to agree this was a more promising turn than continuing to trudge through the snow.
They stepped into the curious array of snow-covered buildings, passing by a creaky, rusted metal fence door. A well at the center of this tiny hamlet… a large shed beside even -if frosted- rows of dirt. Farmland… or at least, enough good land to grow something for subsistence. At least enough to support whomever lived on this quiet stretch.
Then again… Oscar didn't see any lights on, any fires burning in the windows. He didn't hear the familiar rumble of a generator or the banging of a forge. Either whomever occupied this place had huddled tightly inside, or…
Ruby, Weiss, and Qrow went to the front door ahead of everyone else. Weiss wrapped her arms around her chest, shivering… maybe the cold had finally managed to bother her. "Maybe everyone left in a hurry… before things took a turn."
Qrow attempted to open the front door, only for it to instantly creak and sway, inviting them in. It wasn't locked…
"Hm," Qrow grumbled, glancing back at the others. "Stay on guard."
Qrow kicked the door open, leading the way for the others, their weapons drawn. Maria, however, seemed much more at ease: "Close the door already! It's cold enough as it is!"
Given Qrow had kicked said door open, they might've needed something to seal it back up. Oscar started pushing a drawer from the hall to block the front entrance… Blake actually reached over and helped him secure the furniture in place.
Blake had helped him? She'd barely interacted with him since-
Maybe it was simply practical. Maybe it was pity. Maybe it hadn't been for any particular reason and Oscar was trying to find… anything he could latch on to and know that someone was still there to help him…
Blake turned her attention back to the others. "I saw a chimney from the outside. Maybe we could get a fire going?"
"Please," Weiss requested, still shivering. "I'll go look for some blankets."
"Yang, go with her," Qrow instructed. Oscar did his utmost to avoid following after her when he heard the tall blonde amble down the entrance hall, following Weiss up a narrow staircase to the second floor. He tried not to make it obvious to anyone else he was still trying to find her eyes and get her to look back at him.
Instead, he moved to the nearest unopened door, gently prodding it rather than following Qrow's more direct approach… swinging it open and peering inside to an unoccupied front room, mercifully finding him that stone chimney Blake had alluded to… along with bookcases and comfy places to sit.
"Looks like a study," Oscar observed. "Or a library?"
He peered back towards Qrow, searching for some sign of recognition. Maybe hoping for some sort of approval…
Nothing. He hadn't lowered his guard. Ruby was looking over various photos on the walls, presumably the previous inhabitants of this place. Blake moved over to her side… Oscar could hear them talking, but couldn't make out what they were saying.
Once more leaving him uninvolved in whatever they were planning… just tagging along while they made plans without his input.
A cry from upstairs. Everyone quickly moved to run up the stairs. Oscar acted on instinct. As he ambled at the rear behind Ruby, Blake, and Qrow he was hard-pressed to say why he bothered. It didn't seem like any of them expected -or wanted- his help.
He was just… there. He wasn't with them.
Oscar set the thought aside. Whatever they thought of him now, they hadn't left him out in the cold. They hadn't cut ties yet. At the very least they'd help him survive the storm about to bear down on this little farmstead and get through the night with them.
After that… maybe they'd take him to Argus. They'd tell Jaune, and Ren, and Nora… they'd tell them everything they learned. That was when his fate would be determined.
None of them looked at him. None of them spoke to him. Blake's help may have been incidental…
He told himself to get through the night. He told himself that whatever they thought of him now, they didn't hate him enough to abandon him.
Weiss and Yang were sitting on the floor of a bedroom; unharmed. Staring at a pair of corpses, nestled in their bed. At least they knew what became of the farm's occupants…
Dying alone in the cold… at least that wasn't Oscar's fate.
But then, given what he'd been musing on what would happen to him next…
His friends cast him out. He and Ozpin became a single being and he spent the rest of his life trying only to forget the pain of a single day…
Oscar shook his head and went back down the stairs. He doubted anyone would notice.
This was how it'd be now. This was what he should expect.
Alone in the world… and pleasant memories didn't make you feel any warmer on a cold, stormy night.
Yang watched Blake drape a blanket over Weiss's shoulders while the girl had moved close to the fire. Somebody got their wish, and Blake seemed pleased to have been the one to grant it. When Blake moved away from the fire to find her own place to sit, she approached the same couch Yang had sprawled out on… and Yang didn't want to shun Blake when she was being helpful. She made room and let Blake sit down beside her.
They'd fought well together aboard the train against the Grimm. They'd still remembered the team combinations Ruby developed at Beacon and executed their attacks well. During the heat of combat it had been easy to set aside any particularly strong feelings and focus on their task… Yang even became a bit playful in needling Blake, encouraging her to fight. And whatever thoughts may have been going through Blake's head, her actions so far today had been helpful to all of them… even at her worst she'd still been well-meaning.
Oscar stood away from the others, occupying a patch of floor about equidistant from everyone else. Yang's eye occasionally drifted over to him, but every time she found him in her field of vision she'd force herself to look back at the fire before she caught any glimpse of his hazel eyes.
She tried not to keep being angry, but she couldn't help it. Whenever she looked at him, she still saw Oscar, the charming farmboy with the messy hair and the cute freckles and the dirty suspenders… but she'd also remember the way Jinn had projected his past lives in the strange… vision she shared with all of them. She remembered seeing a handful -at least she presumed it was just a sampling- of the lives Ozpin had lived, and the various men he'd been before he was incarnate in Oscar. She saw them age… she saw them die.
Oscar was not Ozpin. In her wrath, she had not forgotten that. But he would be, eventually. He would cease to be the person he'd been with her… he may have already begun to change. It may have been Ozpin's hand than reached over and took hold of her own. It may have been Ozpin she kissed, may have been Ozpin who was her first… she had no way of knowing. Just thinking about the possibility made her shudder.
She could still see Oscar when she looked at him… briefly. When her gaze lingered, she remembered the different faces Ozpin had worn before him… and after a few moments the memories replaced the present. After a few moments she no longer saw someone she cared enough about to-
She couldn't even speak to him. She was angry at him and uncomfortable around him for reasons that weren't his fault and she knew weren't his fault… and she couldn't do anything to change that feeling.
The wound was still fresh. Maybe if she waited, maybe if she didn't try to process all this on the same day it happened…
But the longer she waited, the less of Oscar there'd be. Eventually, there'd be no Oscar at all. There'd just be him: the liar, the manipulator, the man she would never be able to trust again. Eventually, the good boy would be replaced by someone whose company Yang would not seek.
Then again...
She looked back at Blake sitting near her. She hadn't planned on spending any time with her in the course of this trip, but had been able to appreciate the effort she was making…
But no, Oscar would not be like Blake. Oscar would -eventually- cease to be the boy she knew. The boy she had some... complicated feelings for. The first boy she'd called her boyfriend.
But then, with Blake, her feelings had occasionally been… complicated too. She really knew how to pick 'em…
She heard a door open and shut. She saw Blake's ears perk up and followed her gaze to where Blake's attention turned. Qrow ambled in, brushing snow off his shoulder. "It's the same in every house…"
"What?" Yang inquired.
"Bodies," Qrow grimly replied. "Every bed in every home… it's like the whole estate just went to sleep and never woke up."
"Then… we're not staying here, right?" Weiss asked from the floor, still huddled under her blanket.
Qrow moved closer to the fireplace, eagerly embracing the warmth inside. "We don't have a choice: storm outside's only getting worse. We'd freeze to death before we made it anywhere."
"Well, might as well get comfortable," Maria suggested, walking over to one of the bookshelves to peruse the available tomes.
Yang didn't share the old lady's good humor. "Yeah, fat chance."
"Okay then, let's do something," Ruby chimed in, quickly tempering Yang. "If this place wasn't abandoned it might still have supplies we could use."
"Hey, yeah," Oscar chimed in. Yang's gaze subtly shifted away while he talked. "Maybe even a car."
She didn't even acknowledge what he said. She couldn't share his optimism. Not now.
Qrow finally relented. "I'll do another sweep of the grounds. No one else goes anywhere alone."
"Yang and I can search the other buildings for vehicles," Blake suggested.
Trying once again to help… at least, Yang assumed as much. She preferred assuming that was why Blake volunteered her help. "Fine, whatever gets me out of this house…"
Ruby moved the drawer for them to let them back out through the front door. The chilling wind wasn't much more inviting than the dead bodies upstairs…
But that wasn't the only thing Yang was trying to move away from. She needed to be away from him; needed it so much she'd rather keep Blake's company.
She didn't dwell on it. She just went out into the storm, not thinking about who would watch her leave… or what he'd think. He'd be seeing the back of her a lot more often, and if she stopped to think on it, she might feel some guilt at knowing that.
The sleet on her face was easier to confront than the eyes of a boy who'd soon be an entirely different man…
Oscar looked over at the logs he had to work with. Most of them had been inside the house already: cold, but at least they weren't damp. What they had left would probably hold until morning, but as to how long the storm would last…
He didn't want to be the one to point out they might need even longer. He didn't want to tell the others that their supply had run out and someone would have to go out and find more. Even if the task wouldn't be especially difficult, he did not want to call attention to it - or himself.
Right then, the more they heard him, the more he'd remind them of the day's events. His presence would be easy to ignore when he was quiet; when he faded into the background and didn't ask anything of them. He had to present himself as capable and self-sufficient… while also not really talking to anyone and trying not to be impolite in how stoic he'd pretend to be.
He was not always at ease talking to them. That wasn't a new feeling.
But thinking that none of them would look back at him and call him their friend…
And Yang…
Would Yang tell the others now or pretend it never happened? Blake already knew, but she never seemed especially forthcoming… but maybe girls shared such details with each other when there were no boys around to overhear them. Maybe the truth would get out, and instead of celebrating their friend for her relationship, they'd pity Yang for being manipulated by Ozpin and his vessel…
He tried desperately not to overthink it. But he was alone and staying quiet. He couldn't help but think.
"I'll tell you what," came a voice from the small armchair to his right. "You keep that fire fed and I'll find us a story to read before bed."
Right. Not completely alone…
Maria Calavera didn't know him. She had no prior relationship with Ozpin or Oscar Pine. She didn't have reason to feel betrayed. And while he didn't think Maria was trying to cheer him up -that was just a benefit- she had offered him what he needed at a time no one else bothered to.
Reading a story by the fire on a cold night on the farm…
Any show of kindness would motivate Oscar to do more. Anyone appreciating him for his efforts would earn his devotion right at that moment.
He nodded, retrieving another log. Warming the room was an easy enough task… and if he was patient he could have the flame linger through the night and keep everyone warm, if only in this small room.
Quietly making himself useful… and thanking little old ladies for reminding him of home, rather than the cold, cramped room he'd found himself in.
Blake perused the various shelves in the shed she and Yang had pushed their way into. Useful supplies, and a tractor they might've been able to repurpose. Though Blake dryly observed: "Something tells me that's not street legal."
Yang continued past the shelves, peering back out the windows at the snow falling over the grounds. "What do you think happened here…?"
"There's that well in the square," Blake suggested. "Maybe water contamination?"
"Yeah, maybe," Yang mused, still looking outside. She hoisted up one hand to brush along her forehead.
She lingered a bit too long with that simple action, prompting Blake to ask: "Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah," Yang dismissively replied, but quickly corrected herself, trying not to be too curt. "...I mean, no. But I don't know. I'm just… tired."
They'd been walking through the cold after a long fight against the Grimm and a very emotional revelation about their supposed mentor -and in Yang's case, more. Blake knew exactly how tiring that felt. "Yeah."
Yang spotted something near the window she'd been staring at and moved closer. "Hey, I found something…"
Blake followed after her. A flatbed trailer… a good way of transporting their collection of friends rather than trying to cram everyone onto one tractor and one motorcycle. Things were looking up…
But Blake's sensitive ears heard Yang gasp. She saw the tall blonde jump back from the window, and Blake was quickly on her guard. "What is it?!"
"I-" Yang began, before abruptly pausing, shaking her head. "I was just seeing things. I'm sorry."
That was understandable. Blake would be inclined to take Yang at her word.
Until she noticed Yang's left hand trembling; shaking uncontrollably. Yang must have noticed Blake paying attention, because she acknowledged her again, following up. "I still get flashes from… that night."
She wasn't the only one.
I will destroy everything you love. Starting with her.
Blake continued to stare at Yang's hand, until Yang reached over with her prosthetic hand to grasp her left wrist, composing herself, slowly reducing the tremors. "Do you think Adam's still out there?"
At Haven, Blake watched him run away. For a brief moment, she savored the feeling that she'd forced him to know the same doubts and fears he'd inflicted on her. Now…
"I don't know," Blake admitted. "If he went back to the White Fang there would have been serious consequences. But… he never really liked people telling him what to do. Adam's strong, but his real power comes from control. He used to get in my head, make me feel small… but now I see he just wanted to pull me down to his size."
She really believed that. She really believed that even if Adam was a better fighter than her, it made no difference now. He couldn't control her any longer. And without that illusion, he was more bark than bite. When faced with uncertainty, he'd chosen to flee. He'd run from Blake when he saw the friends at her back. He'd run from Blake when he realized he couldn't poison her mind.
Blake continued looking at Yang's prosthetic hand. She hadn't yet had reason to touch it… to experience this new limb. She wanted Yang to know the feel of her fingers wouldn't make any difference.
Blake took Yang's right hand with both of her own. "Hey, I'm not leaving. And if we ever see him again, I promise I'll be there."
That made Yang smile. Seeing Yang smile made Blake smile. "And I'll protect you."
And just as quickly as it appeared, Yang's smile… vanished.
"What?" Yang incredulously asked, frowning.
"What?" Blake obliviously repeated.
A long silence lingered. Blake desperately thought of something to say to fill the dead air.
Yang slid her hand away from Blake's before Blake could find the words. "Forget it. Let's just head back."
Blake glanced back at the trailer under the window. "But what about-"
"We're fine," Yang insisted. "We can hook that flatbed to Bumblebee in the morning: should carry everyone. Mission accomplished."
Yang strode away. Blake's eyes tried to follow after her, but found a space of floor to look at instead before Yang had a chance to glance back.
She'd overreached… again. Her efforts to help Yang on the Argus Limited, her attempts to break the ice about her and Oscar… it seemed all Blake had done in trying to reconnect was push them further apart.
It was infuriating. She'd felt like they were finally starting to make some progress, and Blake had to ruin it by implying Yang needed her protection. And -just like that- Yang's hand slipped away from hers'.
But then, the last time Blake had latched onto Yang's hand had been at Beacon, apologizing to her over and over for Adam's maiming of her… right before Blake had vanished into the night before Yang even woke up from the shock.
Then Oscar had been the last one to hold it… and Yang may have been averse to holding anyone's hand after a day like today.
How had Oscar managed to win her favor? What had he said to not only put Yang at ease, but make her open herself so thoroughly as to-
Blake reminded herself it was not only Oscar. The farmboy had his... boyish charm, but the real sweet nothings were probably whispered by an entirely different voice…
Adam was her mentor, but he had not been practiced at cultivating relationships. She'd been drawn to him in part because he'd been so stolid; he was not the only one who didn't always want to be noticed. His fierceness and determination were what she'd wanted, rather than anything so… boyish.
She wasn't proud of it, but she acknowledged the past for what it was. Yang would have to do the same.
Unless, of course, Blake found a reason she wouldn't have to… unless she knew for certain that Ozpin had deceived her, or Oscar was not so naive as he seemed.
The direct approach had been too overt, and Yang did not want to be coddled. Blake should've been able to leave it alone.
But Yang was in pain -in a very familiar pain Blake knew well, and she could do something to alleviate it. She could give Yang a far greater gift than a token reassurance: she could help her rewrite the past.
Later in the night, if she was still up for it. She was already feeling tired…
"It's a… diary?" Oscar wondered, peering over Maria's shoulder.
"The head of this household: Bartleby," Maria explained, holding up the third volume of the series. "Apparently, he and several other families founded this establishment to try and live on their own. It sounds like it worked, at least for a spell."
"Grimm?" Oscar inquired.
"Just one of many hardships," Maria answered. "Slowed down their farming, made everything harder… it's a shame really; he seemed like quite the ambitious fellow. Always thinking of new schemes to overcome the odds…"
"Hey guys," Ruby greeted, rejoining the others around the fireplace. "Qrow said we should get some sleep. We're gonna head out early tomorrow."
"Thank goodness," Blake observed from the floor, sitting to Weiss's right, Yang seated to Weiss's left.
Maria hopped off the couch, apparently less keen on Ruby's suggestion. "Hmph. The last thing you'll catch me doing is letting some kid tell me what to do." As she headed for the bookcase to obtain another volume, she muttered: "Go to bed!" in some unflattering imitation of Ruby's voice…
Oscar didn't dwell on it. He didn't call Maria on it. He figured one of Ruby's teammates would defend her instead…
No one volunteered. No one said a word.
Oscar continued to stoke the flames. He'd stay up a bit longer and give it the fuel to last until dawn while the others slept just a bit before he did. A… quieter reminder that he was still there, still trying to be helpful.
At least Maria had light for her continued reading. She'd probably be up a while too…
Oscar tried to be grateful for the fire and the quiet. Without Ozpin reminding him of the mission, he thought maybe it'd be easier to find some contentment with that.
But glancing back at Yang curled under a blanket beside her sister on the floor a few feet behind him… it all slipped away, fading as quickly as an ember.
Would he even remember this when he and Ozpin completed their merger? Would it still hurt to look upon her?
Would he feel anything at all?
Oscar turned his attention back to the flame, to focus on the simple task… and try once again to not think, however quiet it was.
Oscar left the warmth and light of the front room to collect the last four logs he and Qrow had brought in. With a bit of careful placement, they'd burn slowly and last another few hours, keeping everyone warm until the sun returned. The winds weren't howling and battering the farmstead anymore, so it seemed like the storm had passed…
Oscar rounded the hallway when he saw Blake standing in the doorframe. She immediately held her right index finger against her lips, pointing to a sleeping Qrow in the kitchen across from them. Oscar took the hint and nodded, setting the logs down at the foot of the staircase.
"What's up?" Oscar asked in a half-whisper.
Blake pointed up the stairs. Clearly she didn't want them to be overheard. Oscar acceded, climbing each step as gingerly as he could to minimize the number of wooden creaks under each footstep…
He and Blake reached the hall on the second floor, standing between the bedrooms, the master's door closed tightly shut to obstruct any view of the deceased remains Weiss and Yang had stumbled upon. It was drafty up there, but they couldn't hear the flames crackling in the fireplace… or anyone else's footsteps to intrude on their solitude.
The last time Blake spoke to him alone, it had been to alert Oscar that she was aware of his relationship with Yang. That should have made him wary of talking to her alone… but he didn't think she'd come to threaten him with exposure. No revelation could compare to what they'd all learned about Ozpin today.
"Yang's… not doing well," Blake explained. "She suffered a flashback while we were looking in the shed. I wanted you to know that… in case you were still interested in her wellbeing."
A flashback…?
Ozpin had alluded to Yang projecting; to feigning more confidence than she actually had. She had clearly suffered some grievous harm in her life, but when she opened up to Oscar, it had been admitting to having doubts. The past held onto her firmly, but she hadn't confided in Oscar any particular events she'd be recalling… he could only speculate.
He no longer had Ozpin's memories to call upon. But he could reasonably guess it'd had something Adam to do with the fall of Beacon and the loss of her arm, the dissolution of her team…
"I am," Oscar assured, though he played along with the conversation, hoping Blake would gradually reveal more detail. "What happened?"
"She thought she saw Adam," Blake answered. Apparently that was sufficient explanation.
"Adam…?" Oscar repeated.
Was he supposed to know that name…?
"Did she tell you about Adam?" Blake asked. For the first time, Oscar noticed how straight -how pointed- Blake's Faunus ears were. Was she somehow able to discern whether or not he'd be lying to her? Or was he just being needlessly self-conscious again…?
He wracked his brain. If it was important, surely Ozpin would've mentioned the name. And if it was so important to Yang, she'd have brought it up…
But then, Yang had been evasive at times. And Oscar had been -if anything- eager not to talk when the two of them were alone together…
Finally, he decided to acknowledge it. "No, she didn't."
Blake nodded. She didn't seem -visibly- surprised. "He was the one who took her arm."
Oscar tried not to betray any surprise himself. "I see…"
When they were together, Yang had moments where she was nervous, or uncertain, or afraid. She had a small tremor in her left hand she occasionally had to calm. But Oscar had always thought it was just because they were trying to navigate the treacherous waters of a new relationship…
When they were together… and not talking, Yang eventually grew at ease. He remembered her hand upon him being… steady.
"Not something you two talked about?" Blake curiously inquired.
Oscar wasn't sure whether or not to answer. He could understand why Blake would want to know -and really, she was the only one who was able to ask about it now…
"No," Oscar replied. "We were still in the early stages of… everything."
"Were you?" Blake wondered.
He'd misstepped. She already knew they'd become a couple… it hadn't been because she heard them call each other by pet names and express their feelings. She'd overheard something entirely different…
"In some ways," Oscar compromised.
Silence hung in the air again. Even in the drafty hall, he could feel Blake judging him… "Was there something else you wanted to ask me?"
Clearly Blake cared about Yang. She was motivated to do… something and somehow, Oscar was impeding her. Why bother to bring this up now? Yang was avoiding him and Blake could easily step in to offer comfort in his stead...
Ozpin had told him not to get involved. Ozpin had warned him this was a fight he wouldn't understand and would only complicate things between Yang and himself.
But Ozpin was quiet now; for however long that would last. Things between Yang and himself were already… complicated, maybe even irreparable… there was no reason to leave this alone. If Blake wanted to have this conversation...
"I'm just not sure what to make of you two," Blake replied. "I understand things are complicated right now; that maybe you don't know where to go or what to do. But this is affecting Yang and she's not trying to deal with it, and needs someone to step in and help her do that."
That sounded reasonable to Oscar. Maybe Blake's intentions were better than they first appeared, and he'd simply misread her. He didn't know her as well as the others, there'd be some errors in their communication… he wasn't so intent on confrontation to ignore sound advice. "I'd like to talk to her. I really would. I just don't want to push her too hard either. I don't want her to feel like she's being pressured."
Though… he could…
Oscar dismissed the thought almost immediately. Ozpin was gone, so the magic probably was too. His ability to… suggest something was probably gone, so it was for the better he hadn't tried to tap into that power. It was for the better he'd already learned to wean himself of it.
"I think you're right," Blake nodded. "She probably isn't ready to talk to you, if she wasn't able to share about Adam before. Maybe… I should be the one to-"
Oscar missed the rest of her statement. It sounded almost like she was offering to step in, to be the emotional support Yang needed in his place.
And get what she wanted for herself instead?
"I'm not saying I can't talk to her," Oscar quickly interjected. "I'm just trying to figure out how is all. You don't need to do that; it's fine."
He gave her the benefit of a doubt. He didn't assume Blake had any intention of trying to undermine their relationship… even though he had his suspicions…
"After yesterday, she may not want you to," Blake pointed out. "She may not want to be around… someone who reminds her of Ozpin."
There was the crux of the issue. Oscar already suspected as much… but why was Blake the one to bring it up to him? Had Yang asked Blake to break up with Oscar on her behalf?
No, that didn't stack. Blake may have had Yang's confidence -or at least more of it than Oscar currently held- but that didn't mean Yang would need anyone else to speak on her behalf. She may not have been as bold as she wanted others to think she was, but Yang still believed in personal responsibility. It was the only way she could hold Ozpin to account for keeping secrets from them: by being as honest as she was capable of.
But then, she and Oscar had spent a long time not divulging their secrets to their friends too…
Did Oscar really know any of the things he thought he knew?
"What makes you think that?" Oscar asked, cautious, carefully trying to read Blake.
"You heard what she said," Blake urged him. "Maybe you're being around… maybe that's hard for her too."
Blake betrayed nothing. Clearly she was better at hiding her thoughts than Yang had been.
But Oscar's veneer was breaking down. She was trying to push him out of her path, coating her intent with the illusion of good intentions. She was feigning cordiality, just as much as Yang had feigned confidence.
She judged him. She found him unworthy of Yang, in her estimation…
By what right did she-
Before, Oscar might've agreed with Blake and acknowledged his own faults. He might've admitted to his shortcomings and deferred to someone who knew Yang longer -and knew her better- to help her deal with things. He'd have put Yang's wellbeing ahead of this petty squabble.
But Ozpin wasn't there to advise him now. And he didn't want anyone else to drive Yang away from him. That was for Yang -and Yang alone- to decide for herself. "Thank you for your advice," Oscar replied. "But I really will try to talk to her first. If she doesn't want to, that's the end of that. If that's the way it has to be… I'll try and be okay with it. For her."
To Oscar that sounded reasonable.
Blake had heard the justification before. She'd heard another man be undeterred, and with careful application of his words and deeds, managed to persuade a naive girl into trusting him when he hadn't deserved it…
Ozpin was much smarter than Adam. He was probably far better at it… and probably capable of working through Yang's vulnerable emotional state and making her believe whatever he wanted her to…
"Oscar, I really think you should reconsider," Blake advised him.
Her own patience was starting to erode. She was becoming increasingly apprehensive.
He was just a boy; only a little older than Blake had been when she left home to join the White Fang under Sienna Khan. He was still new to combat and didn't have the experience to match up with Blake and her teammates.
But he was also someone with influence and power over their team. Someone who could control the others with a carefully placed word rather than the force of his cane.
The others told her Ozpin and Oscar were not one and the same, at least not yet. Blake had seen Ozpin emerge and watched Oscar's hazel eyes turn a shade of yellow… and had seen Ozpin retreat and abandon the boy to pain and cold. After what she'd experienced under Adam's quiet guidance, Blake had thought herself able to trust what she saw with her eyes, rather than what her emotions tried to persuade her of.
But it was not the same. What she felt for Yang hadn't been engineered or manipulated or taken advantage of; Yang was worthy of that affection and that faith. Ozpin had lied to her right from the very beginning, pretending not to know who and what she was until it was already out in the open. Ozpin had lied a lot longer than that, if what Jinn had shown them was any indication.
In the end, all of Ozpin's lives became indistinguishable from him: so convinced of his own necessity and importance at the expense of other bonds, other wishes… and Blake had already allowed it to happen to herself. She would not let it happen to Yang… and really hoped Oscar would be persuaded, while he still had some of himself Ozpin had not subsumed.
But her ears could read the racing in his heart; the fear of losing something he possessed, the anger at being repeatedly questioned. Blake had seen that before too.
"What do you want me to do, just never talk to her again?" Oscar asked. "Is that what you're asking?"
In so many words…
Blake continued to try and be diplomatic, just a while longer. "No, of course not. I'm just saying… now, while things are uncertain, after we're all safe, then-"
"Then… what?" Oscar quickly interjected. "Then you suddenly decide it's okay for me to talk to Yang again?"
The Oscar she'd met days before had been much more timid than this. It reaffirmed for Blake he'd already become more the wizard than the farmboy. He'd already decided what he believed to be right… and the last man in her life to do that allowed his obsession and his egocentrism to consume him. It made him lash out…
And Yang hadn't even told Oscar about it. Whatever they had… Blake no longer believed it was some organic result of her friend suddenly falling for a boy she'd barely known. Now she saw calculation rather than romance.
"I think it best we discuss this another time," Blake curtly replied, again staying her hand. "After we're away from this place…"
She told herself that the boy was still agreeable enough to agree to a truce, however temporarily. She told herself that Ozpin's pragmatism would win out and he'd recognize he had few allies to turn to right then.
When Blake turned her back and headed away, she did not expect Ozpin to stab it. She trusted he was smarter than that.
But he did just the same, striking her with something more painful than any blade. "Is this because of the two of you? Because you thought she'd wait for you to come back?"
Blake clung to her beliefs so tightly because of how much the truth would hurt, when finally exposed to open air. She'd believed the worst of Oscar because it had been so, so much easier than remembering… than admitting…
"I didn't say that," Blake quickly replied, not looking back. She forcefully tried to control her ears, to not let him see them droop, to instinctively express her concern…
Oscar closed the distance between them, though he continued to address her back. "I know you didn't. Yang didn't either. I found it out on my own…"
"Your own?" Blake repeated, finally turning to look at him again. "Or did Ozpin whisper it in your ear?"
Oscar had struck Blake in her weak point. Blake returned the favor.
"Ozpin is gone," Oscar flatly replied. "He has nothing to do with this."
He believed what he said. Or he was so good a liar Blake's ears couldn't discern the flutter in his words. There was too much emotion for it to all be calculated.
"If you wanted her, you should've told her," Oscar firmly told Blake. "More than anything she just wants people to be honest."
Blake didn't-
She did. She had for a long time.
And this farmboy had got there before her after knowing Yang a few weeks, maybe only a few days...
"And that wouldn't be a problem for you?" Blake raised an eyebrow. "To lose her to someone else…?"
This time her ears heard the sudden stop. The abrupt pause in his heart before the thunder resumed…
"If that's what she wants…" Oscar ruefully replied.
Maybe he believed it. But Blake didn't believe it leaving his mouth. He had something else, some reason not to fear Yang being taken away…
"And what do you want from her, Oscar?" Blake wondered. "If you don't talk to each other about things -about the things that really matter- then I'm guessing you didn't start dating her for her personality…"
That was colder than she meant to be. She'd been thrown off-balance. Arguing about this was… exhausting, and she was already tired before they started their conversation. Now she was baring her fangs.
Oscar was tired of the argument. Why did she keep getting involved? Why did she keep doing this?
He'd told himself not to. He'd told himself he didn't need to. If Ozpin was gone, so was-
Oscar put the thought in her head. He just wanted her to stop.
He expected for nothing to happen. He expected for Blake to carry on the fight, rather than embrace this sudden, unexpected new perspective… because he thought the magic wouldn't flow from his mind to hers.
Blake was given sudden pause. Her ears stood up on her head as she drew away from Oscar, slinking back as though to retreat… not to apologize for her insinuation, but to pull out of the conversation entirely.
Oscar didn't know if the suggestion had been the cause. She may have realized she'd overreached and simply tried to extricate herself…
He pressed on anyway. He wasn't willing to wait. He didn't want this hanging over his head all night… he'd never be able to sleep.
"I'm not blind," Oscar assured her. "Neither are you. Maybe that's why you wanted her too."
Maybe, he put the thought in her head.
This time, narrowed eyes. A furrowed brow. That wasn't the reason Blake had believed she liked Yang…
But with enough prompting from Oscar, there could be that doubt. Just enough…
Enough to make her think what she believed to be pure was far more base…
"You heard us before, didn't you?" Oscar asked her. "With those-" He was going to say 'ears', but quickly thought better of it, "-with your hearing… you knew what we were doing and you kept quiet this whole time…"
Blake was apprehensive. This time, he'd struck true. This time he'd found something Blake knew to be true, rather than convinced herself of.
Oscar continued to press, putting the suggestion in her head once more. "Did you like listening to us? Did you want to be on the other side of the door…?"
Blake was continuing to move back in the hall, trying to put distance between them. But she never once denied it. Her guard was down now, and her emotions were plainly worn… and she knew she'd revealed more than she ever intended.
"Do you want to know what it's like…?" Oscar wondered.
No change. This time, Blake was not so bothered. The cat wasn't curious.
"No, you've been there before, haven't you?" Oscar asked. "You know how it feels already, to hold someone like that."
"You don't know me," Blake curtly replied.
"Does Yang?" Oscar shot back. "Does she know you as you really are? Did you ever let her look below the surface?"
Oscar gently festered the doubt. He wanted her to know what it felt like to be on the defensive… and to know what it meant to threaten Yang and himself.
It wasn't over. He was done with being resigned to that thought…
But if it was…
"You want to judge me," Oscar continued. "But you want her too: you want what I have with her. Is that because of her… personality?"
Of course not. Blake wanted someone assertive, strong… someone to take her by the hand and lead her.
Was that…?
Ozpin was gone. This must've been what he determined on his own… what he'd picked up from Yang and Blake and the distance between them.
He was in the fight now. He had a stake. And Ozpin was no longer there to tell him to stop…
What reason was there to stay out of it now? Ozpin had abandoned him, the others were turning their backs, and now Blake was trying to capitalize on the friction between Yang and himself…
"Do you know what she wanted?" Oscar asked her. "Did you wonder why she ended up with me?"
If she hadn't before, Blake would now.
If she hadn't before, Blake would understand how she'd underestimated him…
Yang was not the only strong one. Yang put up a facade, playing up her strength for the sake of her loved ones. She'd needed someone to be bold in her place sometimes too.
Did Blake need that too…?
Blake ran out of hall. She'd backed right into the closed door of the master bedroom.
Oscar pressed in close. He didn't touch her, but he moved in very close, deigning to look up at her and meet her amber eyes.
She wanted to know what he did to Yang. She wanted to know what he made her feel.
The thoughts bombarded her again and again. There was no reason to stop. Neither of them had Yang. What they did without her… didn't matter.
Blake hadn't completely lost herself to Oscar's suggestion. She wasn't so desperate for an out that she forgot to sate her curiosity. "...she's not the only one you wanted."
"It's like I said," Oscar replied, all in a single breath. "I'm not blind."
It didn't matter.
Nothing mattered. Their fight was pointless, their enemy was invincible, and the struggle never ended.
Blake believed change was possible. But sometimes she forgot that… sometimes she found herself making the same mistakes again and again, and thought herself too far gone.
It wasn't Oscar Pine she wanted. It was just… the feeling.
In her darkest moments, she missed it. Not… not Adam, but the time together, the feeling of another person joined with her…
She hated herself for wanting that. She saw it as some failing, something… less than she aspired to be.
Wanting this, chasing this high… she told herself that was running from her problems too. But she couldn't move her feet.
Blake closed her eyes. She heard Oscar moving closer. She felt his breath on her neck.
What he and Yang had had…
"...that's not me."
Blake opened her eyes and watched Oscar draw away.
"That's not me," he mumbled again, before stepping away from the bedroom and ambling back down the stairs.
Blake watched him until his head sank past the floor line. Once he was out of sight and she heard him gathering up the firewood, Blake slumped down against the doorframe, sitting still on the cold floor.
Oscar finished his task of feeding the fire, gently prodding the logs into place to ensure a slow burn. Once he was confident they'd last until the morning light, Oscar went to find his spot in the room to finally get some sleep.
It took him a minute, tossing and turning on the hard wooden floor -Yang, Ruby, and Weiss having already laid claim to the rug- but eventually he found a comfortable enough groove on his back, staring up at the ceiling and watching the dim illumination of orange from his right.
He didn't want to look to his left. He didn't want to look over at Yang and think about… what he knew now.
If his powers still worked, he could… persuade her to not be upset. He could make her understand that he was not Ozpin and that she shouldn't blame him for-
Should've manipulated her to convince her he wasn't going to manipulate her?
Ozpin warned him it was an addiction. And going without… the bed had never felt colder.
If he'd allowed himself to, he could've used the beautiful Faunus girl instead… he could've made her want him…
Oscar tried to close his eyes, as though not being able to see the room he was sharing with them would somehow silence these craven, impure thoughts.
Ozpin must have done all this to cope with the hopelessness of it all… to find some happiness in his miserable struggle against Salem. Now that the girls realized their battle had no hope of success…
Was it so terrible to give in? Was it so wrong to want a life without the burden of fighting the inevitable?
Oscar told himself to sleep. The day had made him tired… the arguments only moreso…
Just until the dawn when Qrow woke them to move on…
When Blake finally made it down the stairs she found Oscar already asleep, several feet from Yang, curled up under a blanket with Ruby in the center of the room. For a long moment she just looked at him down on the floor, enduring a cold and uncomfortable patch while his friends enjoyed comfier lodging…
Another uncomfortable reminder. Another similarity to another man who had indeed once been willing to put others ahead of himself… before revealing his true selfish nature, and discarding the facade when he had already inspired loyalty and devotion.
Ozpin and Adam Taurus…
But, no, it wasn't quite the same. Oscar had her in his grip. For a brief moment, she'd forgotten her distrust of him and been prepared for… the night to go very differently.
Oscar was not so far gone. Much as she'd wanted to believe the worst…
Doubt had stayed her hand with Yang too many times. Blake's inability to let go of the past had led to her mistrusting Yang at the worst possible time, and the guilt hung over Blake every time she recalled it. Because Blake's doubts had never been Yang's, and Yang had come to save her… and her past had swept Yang aside.
Oscar may have had Ozpin somewhere in his head, but Blake would let herself believe that a man could have two souls. She would believe that there was something sincere in his want for Yang, and that maybe Oscar Pine -at least- had wanted more than just a body to warm his bed.
If he hadn't…
Blake found a spot on the floor for herself, putting Yang and Ruby between herself and Oscar. She didn't want to keep staring at him, keep thinking about… what might have been.
Her friends needed her to be there, and not dwelling on the past, or sinking deep in her head. They needed her to be in the present to suffer along with them, until they were no longer quite so lost.
She closed her eyes and hoped sleep would come quickly. She was so tired…
One last time, her eye glanced back to the farmboy across the floor from her, his hand outstretched onto the shag carpet, as though beckoning her, calling her towards warmth, comfort… memory.
Blake rolled onto her side and started a slow count, waiting for the dawn.