My heart drops,
It sinks,
The floor willingly taking it,
Absorbing my heart,
As if it was always meant to be there.
I looked at my dear friend,
Trying not to show anything,
The emotions,
That was…
A tidal wave.
Why?
Why you?
I ask in my head,
Trying not to say anything,
My friend sat there,
Telling me how she tried,
And failed,
To overdose.
Adding that to the list,
One of the many.
As we laughed aloud,
I dreaded the sense washing over me,
Desperately wanting,
Asking,
Why?
Why do it?
Will I never see you again?
Are you going to try to leave too?
Why try?
Why not try another day?
What if tomorrow is a better day?
I laid there with my friend,
Becoming numb,
As she finished talking,
I felt numb,
Not knowing what to do,
Add to the list.
Does everyone keep a list?
How many does everyone have a list?
Are there always more than you can count?
Should you have six or more?
Different reasons,
Same ending,
Soon to be gone,
Going, going, gone.
She started saying something,
I return,
My heart starts to beat,
Thump.
Thump.
I feel myself returning,
Never wanting to return to Sandman.
As we talk,
I feel relieved,
She's happy,
If she's happy,
She'll have one less reason to leave.