I could not focus all day.
My skin felt too tight. Every brush of fabric against my body made me think of his voice saying, "Tomorrow I will touch you." The bracelet was cold and heavy on my wrist. I touched it constantly without meaning to.
Lucien watched me with knowing eyes during lunch but said nothing.
By afternoon I needed a distraction. I went to the library. The one place in the castle that felt safe. Normal. Just books and silence and a fire that never went out.
I pulled a random volume from the shelf. Some history book about a war I did not care about. I settled into the reading chair and tried to lose myself in old battles and dead kings.
It did not work.
My mind kept wandering. To midnight. To his hands. To what "touch" would mean when those hands had claws.
I set the book aside and stood. Maybe a different section. Something to actually hold my attention.
I wandered deeper into the library, past shelves I had not explored yet. The air grew warmer here. The floating lights dimmed. These books looked older. Leather bindings cracked with age. Gold lettering worn almost away.
I ran my fingers along the spines until one caught my eye.
No title. Just a deep red cover with black roses embossed on it. It was warm to the touch. Almost hot.
I pulled it out.
The moment I opened it I knew what it was.
Pictures. Detailed drawings of bodies tangled together. A woman on her knees. A man behind her. His hand in her hair. Her mouth opened in what could only be pleasure.
Heat rushed to my face.
I should have closed it. Put it back.
I turned the page.
More drawings. A woman tied to a bed. Marks on her skin. A man between her legs doing something with his mouth that made my own go dry.
I turned another page.
And another.
The images got more detailed. More explicit. Positions I had never imagined. Things I did not know bodies could do together. Some of the figures were human. Others were not. I saw tails. Horns. Fur.
Creatures like him.
My breathing went shallow.
I sank into the nearest chair without looking away from the book. One hand held the pages. The other drifted to my lap on its own.
The next drawing showed a beast. Massive. Dark furred. Golden-eyed. He held a woman against a wall, her legs wrapped around him, head thrown back. You could see everything. The size of him. Where they joined. The look on her face like she was dying and being reborn at once.
My hand pressed between my legs through my dress.
I turned the page with shaking fingers.
This one was worse. Better. The beast on his back. The woman riding him. Her hands on his chest. His claws on her hips hard enough to bruise. The text beneath it was in a language I could not read but I understood the diagram. Instructions. Angles. Depth.
I hitched my skirts up.
My hand found bare skin. I was already wet. Had been since I opened the book. Maybe since this morning when Lucien gave me the bracelet.
I touched myself while staring at drawings of women being taken by monsters.
The book showed me things I had never let myself imagine. A tail wrapped around a woman's throat while he took her from behind. Claws leaving marks down her back. A muzzle buried between her thighs.
I rubbed slow circles and bit my lip to stay quiet.
But the library was not quiet.
I heard it then. A soft sound from somewhere deeper in the stacks. A moan. Low and needy.
I froze.
It came again. Definitely a moan. Then a wet sound. Rhythmic. Like flesh moving against flesh.
Someone else was in here.
I should have stopped. Straightened my skirts. Closed the book.
Instead I stayed perfectly still, hand between my legs, and listened.
The sounds got louder. Faster. A woman's voice. Breathless. Begging.
"Please. Please."
Then a growl. Deep. Familiar.
My hand moved faster.
The woman cried out. The growl turned to a snarl. I heard something crash. Books hitting the floor maybe. Then silence except for heavy breathing.
I was so close. My body wound tight as a spring. I pressed harder, circled faster, stared at the drawing of the beast and imagined it was him. Tomorrow. His claws on my skin. His voice in my ear.
I bit down on my other hand to muffle the sound when I came.
Pleasure rolled through me in waves. My hips jerked against my fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut and saw gold.
When I could breathe again I heard footsteps.
Someone walking away deeper in the library. Two sets. One light. One heavy.
I yanked my skirts down and shoved the book back on the shelf with shaking hands. My face burned. My heart would not slow.
Had they heard me?
Did he know I was here?
I grabbed a random book and fled back to the main room. I threw myself into the reading chair and opened to a page I did not see.
Minutes passed. The castle settled back into silence.
I sat there until my breathing calmed and the heat faded from my cheeks. The bracelet felt heavier than before. Like it was watching me. Judging me.
When I finally looked down at the book in my lap I almost laughed.
"A Gentleman's Guide to Rose Gardening."
***
That night I bathed longer than usual.
The tub in my room filled itself with hot water that smelled like roses. I sank into it and scrubbed every inch of skin. I washed my hair twice. I needed to feel clean.
But my body still hummed with need.
I kept thinking about the sounds from the library. The woman begging. His growl. Were they real? Magic? Something else?
And those books. All those pictures. Did he know they were there? Had he looked at them too?
I climbed out of the bath and dried off. My skin was pink and sensitive. Every touch felt like too much and not enough.
I pulled on a fresh chemise. White. Thin. It clung to my damp skin.
Then I sat on the bed and waited.
The clock ticked toward midnight.
My mouth was dry. My hands would not stop shaking.
Tonight he would touch me.
I did not know if I was ready.
I did not know if I could wait another second.
The castle bells began to ring.
One.
Two.
Three.
I counted every chime.
Twelve.
The door opened.
He stood in the doorway. Taller than I remembered. Wider. Those golden eyes found me immediately.
"Stand up," he said.
I stood.
He stepped into the room. Farther than ever before. The firelight caught all of him now. Black fur. Red streaks. Muscles that moved under his skin like water. His tail swayed behind him, slow and hypnotic.
He stopped three feet away.
"Did you wear the bracelet today?"
"Yes."
"Good." His eyes dragged down my body. "Take off the chemise."
I pulled it over my head.
His breathing changed. Got heavier.
"Come here."
I walked to him on legs that barely held me. Close enough to feel the heat coming off his body. Close enough to smell him. Smoke and winter and something wild I had no name for.
He raised one hand.
I watched those claws catch the light. Sharp. Deadly. Beautiful.
He reached for my face, slow enough that I could have stepped back.
I didn't.