I stopped speaking a long time ago.
Training was the only place where I had a clue of what to do.
Swing
Breathe
Repeat
Let muscles burn
Let the heart ache silently.
Quietness surrounded me as if it were a thin blanket—cold, but familiar.
Almost all the soldiers gave up on talking to me.
Pearl tried once or twice, but after shedding tears in front of me, she also decided to keep her distance. I liked it that way.
Silence didn't interrogate.
Silence didn't bring back memories.
Silence didn't utter his name.
I was living in that silence…
Until the day someone came to the training ground with such a loud noise that even my sorrow flinched.
....
He was like a storm that no one wanted but came anyway.
I was doing my solo practice, the sword cutting the air, sweat dripping from my back. The sun scorched my shoulders, but I didn't quit. I just kept on until the pain totally took over the void inside me.
Suddenly, someone clapped loudly behind me.
"WOAH! Look at that form! I give it a 9 out of 10. You lost one point because you didn't smile!"
I stopped my swing halfway and looked around me slowly.
A man was there, a neatly pressed uniform on, hair disheveled in a trendily manner, smile so big it almost blinded me.
He made a grand bow.
"Newly appointed General Kento Saito, at your service! Also reporting that training is way more fun when people aren't trying to kill me."
I stared at him once.
Then looked away.
He was shocked.
"Hold it—did you just ignore a general? Ah, my heart!"
I took my sword in hand once more.
He was there.
Like a shadow made of light.
"I've been looking at you for not more than five minutes. You work out like someone who is going to tear down the Earth,"
He brought his face closer to mine. "Or maybe... tear down yourself?"
I moved away from him.
He came right back to stand beside me.
I tightened my teeth.
Why was he so loud?
"You must be Amane," he said with a sparkling smile. "Everybody talks about you."
I hated that.
I didn't want people to talk about me, at all.
He didn't see my discomfort... or maybe he ignored it.
"OK, listen, I like to meet new people. I talk a lot. I'm aware of that. But you-" he pointed at me playfully, "you seem like the type that would hit me if you had the opportunity."
I didn't respond.
He grinned even more. "Perfect! I am very fond of challenges."
I moved away in a hurry.
He was like a cat and mouse game and kept up with me.
"Do you ever smile?" he asked.
"No."
He dramatically placed a hand on his forehead. "Oh! She speaks! A miracle!"
I exhaled loud and sharp, irritated.
He chuckled.
He laughed at that.
Which one laughs at the expense of the person being irritated?
Kento did.
....
The following days stayed unchanged—
I trained.
He came.
I pretended not to see him.
He kept talking.
Every time I was sword fighting, I could hear him making comments behind me like:
"Be careful, be careful—you're going to cut the air in half!"
Or—
"You must drink water! Even I drink water and I talk non-stop, but I still do it!"
Or—
"Are you sure you are a human? You work out like a machine."
There were times that I felt something inside me to be getting tighter.
Not in a nice way.
Just… tight.
It was like his loudness was hitting the quietness of the walls I had built inside.
I didn't dislike him.
But… I didn't want him near either.
When I was sitting down for a rest, wiping the sweat off my face, he came over and sat down right beside me.
"So, Amane… do you ever unwind?"
I didn't look at him.
"No."
"Do you ever talk?"
"No."
He was thinking and after a moment he said, "Do you like talking?"
"No."
Once again he was gasping. "I knew it! I'm your rival. Your enemy. Your Weakness—Conversation!"
I covered my eyes with my hand in irritation.
He would not stop.
"You know, it seems to me that you are the one who carries the entire world on your shoulders."
I slightly opened my eyes.
"Are you going to ignore me forever?"
His voice was the softest it had ever been.
"I mean...I don't mind it. But I am not disappearing."
I didn't answer.
"Alright then," he sighed, still smiling, "leave me alone now. However, someday you will smile... and when that day comes, I will be the winner."
I left the place without uttering a single word.
He was chuckling, "You see? You are already running away from me. That is progress!"
As I was leaving, he mockingly saluted me with an overly exaggerated manner.
"Good talking, soldier!"
I didn't glance back.
But…
Something inside me was different.
Not warm.
Not healed.
Just… distracted for a moment.
Like his disorder took the place of the sorrow—only one inch, but still.
....
That night, when quietness had fallen again, I actually longed for the silence.
It felt like home.
It felt like Akira.
However, something very unusual happened when I was lying down.
Kento's terribly loud voice kept reverberating in my brain.
You train like someone who wants to break the earth.
Do you ever smile?
One day you're going to smile… and when that happens, I'll win.
I place my hand on my chest.
It still hurt.
Still broke.
Still bleeding.
But, a new irritation was sitting next to the pain.
His name was Kento.
And although he was bothering me…
A small, tiny part of me would not mind seeing him again tomorrow.
Not because I wanted him.
Not because he made me happy.
But because he made the world a little less silent.