The harsh cold of the water bites into my skin , i can feel it slowly draining the heat from my body , my head is still sore from breaking through the ice, the cold only gets worse as i sink further and further into the lake , but the only expression that my face makes is a smile.
"Yes its better this way , better to choose a side than half ass it for the rest of my life"
The convulsions started as my body began to notice the considerable drop in temperature and the heart rate it compelled me by instinct to live as i ignored it , perhaps it was this that prompted that to occur.
...................................................…..|
I open my eyes as i am now standing a sea of mercury , i seemed to be in a box? No a dome.
I look around there is nothing but a black dome all around me , i look down at the sea of mercury curious as to what this place is and why i am here , as i look around i see it no "Him" a figure holding an umbrella of vaguely Japanese design.
….. Japanese? What the hell is a Japanese ?
The figure dose not turn back and only speaks in a loud and distorted voice to androgynous to distinguish gender.
"Remember"
As it…he…Whatever says that a memory flashes in my mind.
.........................................................
"Hey what do you think of suicide?" A guy wearing an outfit which could only be described as
"Gay as hell" (Pink shirt and beige pants) said to me.
I raised an eyebrow wondering , why the fuck this idiot is asking something like when were talking about anime boobs only a few moments prior?!!.
"Are you going through your philosophy phase? If so please don't become an anarchist ! the voices in that sitcom set you call in a brain have had …plenty of fun lets just say"
He was uncharacteristically quiet for a while , before turning back to me "@##!#$@ its a serious question"
I winked unnerved by his tone , before putting my cup of fruit sarbath down "well guess he is my friend" , i thought for a while.
"Well its bad obviously , i mean taking your own life , its pretty textbook definition bad , but i guess sometimes i understand i appeal of it , i mean having control of your life for once , i mean humans can die from anything a sharp shard of ice in a drink , a drunk driving incident , chemicals , radiation and all that, having an actual decision is , well i can understand the appeal of it is what i am saying"
As i looked at my friend i saw his lips curl into a smile as quickly rose from my seat.
"Hey hey hey , just cause i said i understand the appeal ***DOSENT*** mean you should do it!"
My friend looked at me before laughing like i was the one that started this bullshit.
"Oh no no no " He said waving his hand in a infuriating manner "I just had similar thought a while back".
I raised my eyebrow "I find it hard to believe anything could shake your optimism"
He looked at the sky , smiling wryly , as i looked at him , i knew this bastard for 2 years now yet i had never seen him look like this , after a while of doing nothing i opened my mouth to say something which is the exact moment when he began to speak
"It was the first few months after my girlfriend died" I shut my mouth too stunned to say anything.
"Everyday i would wake up in my bed , feeling like shit , like there was this weight pressing down on me as if someone was sitting on my heart , i take in a breath by the heaviness wouldn't go away , everyday i would go to places she i would used to go to , when i turned my head i would think i would see her , i could feel it , if i just turned my head i little i would see her long black hair and oversized hoodie , the rabbit pin on her beanie , yet every single danm time i looked there was nothing , that emptiness i felt in the world tore me apart sometime i would curse her under my breath , if she went and died in a car accident then take the part of her in me with her so i could live my life"
A silence stretched out as he took in a deep breath , as if he was summoning his strength to continue speaking.
"Eventually i had enough so i went to the top of that building right there" He pointed with his finger to a nearby brick building.
"I wanted to jump off , i wanted it to stop , i wasn't doing it because i felt there was nothing to my life i just had the selfish wish for the pain to end , as i was about to do it jump end it all ,you know what happened?"
I was silent for a while breathing in wiping the tear that came out of my eye without realizing as i asked.
"What?"
He looked at his face deadpan , his eyes empty an emptiness i had never seen before then , a looked which drained with breath from my lungs as he spoke with a quiet tone.
"A crow pooped on my face!!!!!!!"
I looked at him my eyes wide in shock and terror "A-Are you serious?!!!!
He looked at him deadpan and serious before nodding "Yes!!!""
".......... You Mothe****er" I slammed my fist onto the railing ignoring the piercing pain as he laughed himself nearly to death.
"All that darn suspense and you" i said my voice cracking in an embarrassing manner.
He held his hands out as if to say sorry before continuing "But seriously though a crow pooped on my face and that was that i took as i sign i was being stupid and left"
I sighed looking at him "I would've taken it as conformation honestly"
He smiled turning to me ,"Ya well , you see signs like those every day right , and you never know what's the right answer."
He then looked at the horizon " ya well , i think suicide is a sham , you think your giving yourself a choice but in then all you did was prove that the only choice you had was to kill yourself , i think that suicide is like admitting defeat , admitting that you had been bested and you quit , in the end your prove that you never had a choice that you are no better than slave with a chain around their neck".
I looked at him for what felt like an eternity , this was just a stupid conversation between two kids fresh out of high school , yet little did he know that these words would stick with me throughout my life , and till its unfortunate end , hell they probably saved me many times without me realizing it , just like they did now"
.........................................
The ice broke as a boy with pale skin and dark hair burst through the ice as took in a deep and heavy breath as he sawm to the shore of the frozen lake , he coughed violently as he reached the shore resting on the snow as he cleared the black hair from his face his blue eyes shining against the sunlight.
He lied on his back taking a moment to breath and clam himself , he was wearing a simple linen shirt and trouser , his shirt was unbuttoned enough revealing his chest and the complex tattoo craved on his chest , he slowly raised his hand into the air before smiling a bit.
"Looks like your life isn't over yet , Damien".