My memory of Woo Seung-geon was that of 'a person with a good scent.'
Come to think of it, that was a contradictory statement.
An athlete should be steeped in the smell of sweat, so how could it make sense for him to exude the fragrance of a forest after the rain?
At first, I just thought he was someone who was meticulous about self-care.
That was, until I found out he only wore perfume when he met me.
"Why are you staring like that? You're making me nervous."
Those were my words to say.
His distinct, low voice struck my eardrums, making all my nerves hypersensitive to the sound.
Things like the faint tremble at the end of his words, or his slightly faster exhales.
Could the man who stood on the mound, holding the entire world's attention, really be this nervous because of me?
And how frozen must I be, unable to move an inch in front of him?
If a passerby saw us, they would probably wonder why we were engaged in such a war of nerves.
He called out to me again when I didn't answer.
"Shin Seong-ha."
He took a step closer to me.
I was about to retreat as much as he advanced, but I mustered my courage and held my ground.
Then, I raised my head and looked up at him.
His lips were a handspan away.
Lifting my gaze a little more, his eyes, shadowed beneath long lashes, appeared even darker.
The emotion held in those deep eyes was an unidentifiable desire.
A dark desire, deeply submerged in unresolved frustration.
"Seong-ha."
"..."
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
"..."
"If you can't go through with it, say so now."
I couldn't say I couldn't do it after coming this far.
I barely managed to part my tightly sealed lips.
"I can do it."
I squeezed my eyes shut, as if needing some monumental resolve, and added.
"I can do it, I can, but…"
Woo Seung-geon waited patiently for me as I fell silent again.
Like someone whose hard-earned resolve and courage had all come to nothing, I mumbled in a voice that trailed off.
"...It was just... it was big, so it was overwhelming…"
The quick-witted Woo Seung-geon immediately understood the meaning of my tentative words.
"So it's big. Hmm, big, you say. Hmm…"
This conversation, lacking a subject for what was big, was awkward.
Woo Seung-geon began to break the awkwardness with a slight smile.
"Guess we'll have to do it until you get used to it."
…How did he reach that conclusion?
Frequency isn't the important part.
Afraid he was misunderstanding, I quickly said, "What I mean is…"
*Peck.*
I froze at the surprise peck.
Woo Seung-geon, seeing my eyes widened in surprise, was smiling pleasantly.
It seemed my words 'big and overwhelming' had sounded like a compliment to him.
"It just has to not be overwhelming, right? It's not that you hate it for being big."
He immediately grabbed the hem of the shirt he was wearing to pull it off, forcing me to hastily grab his hands.
"I really didn't come here for this, you know."
"I know better than anyone that our Junior Shin is inexperienced."
"I came here because I have something important to tell you."
"But what's between us is more important to me."
He gently pulled his hands free from my grasp and finished taking off his clothes.
*Thud.*
The shirt he was wearing fell to the floor, revealing his bare body.
Many people, upon meeting Woo Seung-geon, would stare at his body as if mesmerized.
Like his solid shoulders, which had endured tens of thousands of pitches.
Or the thick chest and solid core muscles, trained to fully unleash that shoulder's power.
It was true that once you saw the dense, intricate network of his muscles, it was hard to look away.
I also knew how alluring his tanned skin was, scorched by the American sun.
The muscles in his neck that popped out whenever he tilted his head.
Or the tendons beneath his jaw, visible when he clenched his teeth in competitiveness.
All those feral features were what allowed him to achieve the magnificent feat of 14 wins, 150 innings pitched over 26 games, and an ERA of 3.1 in the Major Leagues last year.
An athlete wins the game.
The man who had always proven that simple truth was now staring at me with the same intense gaze one would expect to see on the mound.
It felt as if he was seizing the initiative over the taut tension stretched between us.
Woo Seung-geon hated variables.
Even if a variable did arise, he was the kind of man who would always use his abilities to turn it into a predictable constant.
To such a man, a variable like me was an unsolved problem, an opponent he had to give his all to until he found the answer.
"Want me to take them off for you?"
I'd lost the timing to him.
Without giving me a chance to refuse, Woo Seung-geon pushed me down onto the bed.
Buried in the plush comforter, I looked up at Woo Seung-geon as he climbed on top of me.
*Thump.*
My heart felt like it was about to explode.
'This isn't why I came…!'
It really wasn't, but seeing his perfect body, one I couldn't even dream of achieving as a fellow athlete, my resolve was bound to waver.
Wasn't it ecstatic just to behold such perfection this close?
My idol as an athlete and my ideal type desired me; it wasn't easy to refuse.
"Senior, um…"
As I hesitated, Woo Seung-geon waited patiently.
The longer the silence stretched, the faster my heart beat, making me more anxious.
*Thump, thump.*
Finally, I squeezed my eyes shut and murmured, "I'll take them off."
As the signal of permission fell from my lips, Woo Seung-geon made no effort to hide his excited eyes as he reached out.
"I'll get them for you. Arms up."
"No, wait…"
"Hurry."
His breathing seemed to have quickened.
The inside of Woo Seung-geon's pants, who was sitting on my thighs, also felt heavy, pressing down on me.
He soothed me as he grabbed my shirt. "Shh, good boy."
He pulled off my shirt and tossed it onto the pile of his own shed clothes.
Woo Seung-geon laughed for a moment, looking at me with my hair disheveled from the hasty removal of my shirt.
"Cute."
It was just for a very brief moment.
Right after that one word, he pressed his body on top of mine.
"Ngh…"
Our chests were pressed together, squashed.
Just looking up at the aroused Woo Seung-geon was embarrassing.
It was too late to stop, and it wasn't the right atmosphere to refuse, but I couldn't bring myself to simply enjoy the act, so I turned my head away.
Seeing my face burning up, Woo Seung-geon's voice dropped another level.
"Embarrassed?"
Goosebumps rose all over my skin as his low, breath-filled voice spread near my eardrums.
I lightly gripped his shoulders.
I couldn't even use my nails, unable to bear the thought of scarring those precious shoulders.
"Could you please give me just a moment?"
Woo Seung-geon buried his face in my hair.
Then, he inhaled deeply and replied, "Sorry."
There was no time to ask what he was apologizing for.
He had begun to move, his chest rising and falling against mine.
I couldn't escape the action as he pressed his weight down.
"Ah, Senior, wait…"
The sensual grinding motion made every fine hair on my body stand on end.
Pressed down by his heavy body, I was unable to escape and was left to absorb all the stimulation.
"Hn, gh, ngh…"
My partner was Woo Seung-geon.
The left-handed fireballer who held the best record among all Korean players who had advanced to the Major Leagues.
He had received three Golden Gloves in Korea before leaving for America, and his form was improving every season, to the point of being nominated for the Cy Young Award in the States.
He was in his prime now, but he was someone who could become an even more incredible player in the future.
The fact that I was in such a private relationship with such a person worried me more than it made me happy or honored.
What if our relationship became known to people and he was subjected to malicious gossip?
What if that, in turn, affected his performance and caused him to fall into a slump?
For the person I respected and loved to fall from grace because of me would be the most terrible thing imaginable.
Rationally, I thought this way, but when I saw the undisguised desire in Woo Seung-geon's eyes, my instincts would respond first.
'Woo Seung-geon isn't an idiot. He must be doing this because he knows he can handle it. Maybe I should just enjoy this moment.'
I lowered the hands that had been gripping his shoulders. Slowly.
Past his chest and his side, toward the waistband of his pants.
In that instant, the grinding of our chests stopped.
Woo Seung-geon raised his head and looked down at me. "Haah, haah, Shin Seong-ha."
His aroused voice was incredibly sensual.
I slipped my hand, which had been rubbing over his clothes, inside his pants.
Woo Seung-geon's brow furrowed, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Gh, mm…"
Hearing his suppressed groan, I pressed my lips to his neck.
I licked and gently bit his Adam's apple as it bobbed up and down.
Woo Seung-geon was flustered by my active response, but he soon seemed beside himself with pleasure.
His carelessly tossed pants and underwear covered the tangled pile of our shed clothes.
"Hyung."
At the change in my form of address—I, who had always drawn a line by meticulously calling him 'Senior'—the rims of Woo Seung-geon's eyes turned red.
"Shh, it's okay, good boy."
His fingers, exploring my body, felt like a living creature.
Heat rushed to the crown of my head at the sensation of them extending like tentacles, pressing and delving here and there.
"Ha, hahk…"
It was a feeling of being pierced.
Just like his gaze.
Just like his game-winning pitch.
At that feeling, striking down without any deceit, I hitched my breath.
"Ah…!"
My head snapped back from the heat that powerfully dug into me.
The wallpaper, bathed in the yellow light, blurred.
I couldn't open my eyes properly.
"Shin Seong-ha, hooh."
"Haah, haah."
In place of my dizzying vision, my sense of smell grew acute.
The scent of a damp forest filled the room.
I felt like I was trapped in his world.
As much as his scent lingered in my lungs, he, buried deep inside my body, rendered me immobile.
The man who made me feel so overwhelmed was simply smiling in ecstasy.
He looked so happy it was almost vexing.
"You're so selfish, Senior…"
He whispered, his voice cracked with arousal.
"Even if I act as I please, I'm the one who takes responsibility for the outcome."
After gazing at me lovingly for a long moment, he caressed my face with his fingertips.
His soft fingertips traced a line from my forehead, down the bridge of my nose, to my lips.
"You're sparkling, like a jewel. Is it a relief that I'm the only one who recognized this jewel?"
He said such embarrassing things without a trace of hesitation.
Only I, the one who had to listen, felt my face grow so hot it was about to explode.
Wanting to escape but unable to leave the small world of this bed, all I could do was cover my face with my hands.
Even at this simple act, Woo Seung-geon smiled happily.
"Stop running away and just accept me already."
It was a demand disguised in the voice of a plea.
It seemed I was the only one worrying so much about Woo Seung-geon.
When you thought about it, Woo Seung-geon was the one who had lived life far better than I, so who was I to be so afraid of blocking his path that I'd avoid him?
It wasn't as if I hated Woo Seung-geon. If anything, I was closer to liking him.
'Like he said, I won't run away. I can try, and if it doesn't work out, I'll just rethink it then.'
It wasn't long after I had made up my mind.
"He's not breathing!"
"Police! There's been a traffic accident here! Yes! Citizens caught the driver of the car that hit him and dragged him out!"
"119? Someone's hurt! Citizens are performing CPR! Yes!"
My vision was fading.
I heard a loud noise and felt the impact on my body, but my senses were dull after that.
A crowd of people laid someone on the sidewalk and urgently performed CPR.
In my dizzy, shaking vision, I saw Woo Seung-geon, pale and rigid, covered in crimson blood.
The very moment I had decided to consider a future with him, I lost him again.
The greatest left-handed fireballer in South Korea, Woo Seung-geon.
Next to his name, a new date was engraved, not of his birth.
[Woo Seung-geon (~2023.07.07)]
It was the date he had left this world for the third time.