I was standing at the academy gate while they checked my ID, as usual.
I wasn't paying much attention. I was tired, and all I wanted was for it to be over quickly.
"Alright, you can go in."
I heard his voice, turned toward him, and replied calmly,
"Okay."
Then I went inside.
I headed straight to my room. There was no reason to do anything else.
My whole body ached, and my head felt foggy, as if I hadn't slept in a long time.
The academy was quiet at this hour. The hallways were nearly empty, and the sound of my footsteps felt louder than I liked.
As I walked, his image appeared in my mind…
I don't want to think about him yet…
But the thought wouldn't disappear. I remembered his gaze, the way he spoke, and that smile—one I couldn't tell was normal or not.
A sense of unease crept in, and my shoulders tensed without me realizing it.
I stopped for a moment, then kept walking. There was no point in thinking about it…
I didn't run into anyone on the way, which was a relief. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.
When I reached my room, I opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it behind me.
The moment it shut, I felt a slight sense of relief.
I walked to the bed and threw myself onto it. I didn't even think about changing my clothes.
All I wanted was to sleep…
…
Ding… ding… ding…
The alarm woke me up, but I didn't move.
I lay there staring at the ceiling. My body felt heavy, as if sleep still had a grip on me.
Just one more minute…
It won't hurt.
I closed my eyes again, but the thought wouldn't leave.
No. I can't. If I don't get up now, I'll be late.
I took a deep breath and slowly sat up. A slight dizziness hit me, but I ignored it and stood.
My feet touched the cold floor, and I inhaled deeply again.
I went to the bathroom and washed my face with water. Little by little, my head started to clear.
The feeling was okay—not great, but better than before. I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment, then turned away.
I don't want to think right now.
I went back to the room and changed my clothes quickly, without focus. Everything felt automatic.
I stopped in front of the door.
I placed my hand on the handle, but didn't open it.
A sudden hesitation hit me, an uncomfortable pressure in my chest.
He won't do anything to me here…
That's what I told myself. Or rather… tried to.
Still, I remained standing there. I don't know how much time passed.
I was fighting myself, trying to force my body to move, but it wouldn't listen.
Why am I hesitating like this?
I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath. I can't stay here.
Finally, I opened the door and stepped out.
…
When I entered the classroom, everything looked normal.
Students were talking, laughing, some shouting from the back. It looked like any ordinary day.
But that feeling… wasn't normal.
I felt someone staring at me from behind. I tried to ignore it at first, but the sensation didn't fade.
I took a deep breath and turned around.
It was Darwin.
He raised his hand and smiled at me, then said loudly,
"I saved a seat for you next to me. Come sit here."
I stopped where I was.
His voice was louder than it needed to be. Suddenly, everyone turned to look at me.
I felt their gazes hit me one after another, and whispers immediately started.
Why are you doing this?
Why now?
My body tensed automatically. I felt sweat under my clothes, and my heart started racing.
I didn't want any attention. All I wanted was to sit quietly somewhere else.
Please… leave me alone.
I didn't answer. I stayed silent, hoping he would understand.
But he didn't.
He looked at me again, and this time his voice sounded different—almost sad.
"Are you really not going to sit with me?"
Why does he look like the victim?
I'm the victim…
I wanted to say "no." The word was clear in my head. Simple.
But my mouth wouldn't move.
"Okay."
The word came out on its own, without thinking.
What did I just say?
Why did I say that?
I walked over and sat beside him. My steps felt heavy, as if I were forcing myself to move.
The moment I sat down, the seat felt uncomfortable.
I didn't look at him. I stared straight ahead while hearing the whispers around us.
I tried to look normal—but I wasn't.
Stay calm…
Don't think about anything.
Just focus on the lesson.
I kept repeating that in my head, but my body didn't listen.
My heart was pounding so loudly I was afraid others might hear it.
I tried to keep my gaze steady, but the tension wouldn't go away.
Why won't it calm down?
Just calm down… please.
I felt his gaze on me. I didn't need to look to know. The sensation alone was enough.
Then I heard his voice.
"Why are you so tense?"
I stopped breathing for a second.
Ignore it.
Don't respond.
But he continued, almost as if he was enjoying it.
"Are you scared?"
I turned to him without thinking. He was smiling. A smile that made my stomach tighten.
Then he said,
"Who are you scared of?"
Heat spread through my body. My hands were sweating, and my back grew damp under my clothes.
You…
Of course you.
I didn't say it. I couldn't.
I was about to open my mouth, but before I did, he said it himself:
"Are you afraid of me?"
At that moment, my mind went blank. I couldn't think of anything. All I felt was tension and fear.
I was sure he wanted to say something else. I could see it in his eyes.
Then suddenly, the classroom door opened.
Rina walked in and said calmly,
"Alright, is everyone here?"
Darwin immediately went quiet. He faced forward as if nothing had happened.
As for me… I finally breathed.
Rina began explaining a theory about the cause of the rifts discovered after long research.
She spoke calmly, as if the topic were simple to her.
But I wasn't really listening.
I was staring at the board, yet my mind was elsewhere.
I tried to focus, to catch any words, but my head was foggy and my body tense.
I glanced at Darwin without meaning to.
It was only a quick look, but he noticed.
He turned toward me and smiled.
A normal smile… but not normal to me.
I stiffened and looked forward again.
Why does he do this? Does he notice how tense I am?
Every time I look, he smiles. And every time, my tension grows.
I cursed my luck internally. Why am I always in situations like this?
Then Rina said,
"That's all for today."
I lifted my head quickly. It was over? It felt like I hadn't attended the lesson at all.
Students started moving—chairs scraping, light laughter, side conversations.
Rina closed her notebook and headed for the door.
No… don't go.
The thought escaped before I could stop it.
I shouted loudly, without thinking,
"Don't go!"
The moment of realization hit me immediately.
What did I just do?
The entire classroom went silent. Everyone looked at me.
Heat rushed to my face, as if all the blood surged upward.
Why did I say that? What am I doing?
Rina stopped and turned toward me, confused.
"Why can't I go?"
I didn't know what to say. Truly, I didn't.
My mind was empty, my heart racing. Darwin looked at me without speaking—but he was smiling.
This time, his smile made me feel like I was sinking.
I took a deep breath. Say anything… anything.
"I…" I paused, then said,
"I want you to help me with something."
Rina looked at me in confusion, as if she didn't quite understand. Then she said,
"Can't you ask me for help later? I'm a bit busy right now."
At that moment, my heart dropped. No… don't leave now.
I saw her shift slightly, as if she was really about to go, and I stopped thinking altogether.
"Please."
The word slipped out on its own—faster than I intended, weaker than I imagined.
"Help me…"
An odd silence filled the classroom. I felt everyone looking at me, but I couldn't raise my head.
I wasn't thinking about them, or how I looked, or anything else.
Only one thought filled my mind:
Please… don't refuse.
Rina stopped. She didn't speak right away.
A few seconds passed, but they felt unbearably long.
My chest was tight, as if I were waiting for a verdict I couldn't predict.
Then she finally said,
"…Alright."
The moment I heard that word, I breathed without realizing it. Truly… I breathed.
She added calmly,
"Wait for me after everyone leaves."
I nodded silently. I wasn't sure I could speak without revealing how shaken I was.
The students began leaving one by one.
I stayed seated, staring ahead. My body was still tense, but the suffocating feeling eased a little.
Then I heard Darwin's voice behind me.
"Let's meet later… when you're done."
He said it casually, as if it meant nothing, then left the classroom quickly without even turning back.
He didn't check whether I heard him. He didn't wait for a response.
I stayed frozen in place.
Meet?
The thought alone made my chest tighten.
No…
I truly hope I never see you again.
I watched the door he left through for a few seconds, then quickly looked away.
I didn't want his image stuck in my head any more than it already was.
Students continued leaving until the room was empty—except for me and Rina.
I walked toward her with hesitant steps.
I wasn't sure what I was going to say, or whether asking for her help was even a good idea.
I stopped in front of her.
She looked at me and asked calmly,
"So, what do you want help with?"
And in that moment…
My mind stopped.
No idea. Not even half of one.
Heat rose to my face. If I stayed silent any longer, I'd look stupid. Maybe I already did.
I searched my mind desperately until one idea finally surfaced—sudden, like a lifeline.
I pulled out the sphere I had obtained from a rift from my pocket.
I knew how to use it, but it seemed like a convincing excuse.
I said,
"I want you to teach me how to use this."