š Oceanic Drift and Unexpected Cargo
The journey from the Ninja World was, as promised by the System, via oceanic drift. Kai, lying back in his yellow, self-inflating raft with the Pineapple Stress Ball for a pillow, found the trip surprisingly relaxingāa much-needed break from regulatory enforcement.
After what felt like three days of sun and absolute peace, the O.N.S. finally signaled proximity to the next world.
[World Designation: 12-B (The Endless Sea Saga) ā Initializing.]
[Current Objective: Prevent the Inevitable Defeat (ID) of the local protagonist, Captain Flintlock Fitzwilliam, by collapsing the hostile Pirate Alliance before they seize his assets.]
[Primary Antagonist:Baroness Blackheart (Designate: 'The Bureaucratic Baddie'). Power source: The Paper-Paper Fruit, allowing her to control and weaponize legal documents and contracts.]
[Current Location: Floating directly into the path of the final confrontation.]
"A villain who weaponizes paperwork?" Kai groaned, sitting up. "That's tragically efficient. This arc is going to require less martial arts and more financial literacy."
His peaceful drift came to an abrupt end. His raft bumped hard against something large, wooden, and smelling intensely of salt, cheap rum, and the faint, underlying anxiety of men about to be financially ruined.
He quickly deflated the raft and tucked it into his hoodie pocket, climbing onto the deck of the ship. It was the The Glimmering Misfortune, a vessel that looked like it had been held together primarily by wishful thinking and poor navigation.
The scene before him was one of classic high-seas melodrama. The captain, a man with a truly magnificent, yet somehow pathetic, handlebar mustache named Flintlock Fitzwilliam, was cornered. His throat was held by the cutlass of Baroness Blackheart, a woman in a perfectly tailored (and clearly expensive) uniform.
"Captain Fitzwilliam," the Baroness declared, her voice sharp and precise, like the edge of a fresh contract. "Sign the Deed of Allegiance and 40% Profit Share, or your ship sinks. Choose wisely. This contract," she added, a sliver of paper materializing in her hand, sharp as a dagger, "is perfectly legally binding."
Fitzwilliam sweated profusely. "N-never! We are pirates of free will! We do not sign documents that require a minimum two-year service contract and mandatory dental!"
š The I.R.S. Arrives by Sea
Kai knew he had to act fast before the Inevitable Defeat triggered. He needed a document that could override the Baroness's paper-based powerāsomething that carried an authority far exceeding a mere pirate contract.
He quickly accessed the O.N.S.
"O.N.S., I need to activate Minor Reality Anchor (M.R.A.) and manifest a document with maximum psychological terror for any entity dealing with large, unauthorized cash flows."
[Minor Reality Anchor (M.R.A.) Activated! Cost: N.S. 30.]
[Manifesting: Interdimensional Revenue Service (I.R.S.) Summons and Audit Notice. Estimated Psychological Impact (E.P.I.): 95%.]
In a discreet flash of light, a scroll appeared in Kai's hand. It was bound with authentic, terrifying red tape, and the paper itself felt distressingly official.
Kai cleared his throat loudly.
"Excuse me! Pardon the intrusion! I'm looking for a Baroness Blackheart?" Kai called out, striding onto the main deck. He looked completely out of place, wearing a clean, modern hoodie in a sea of battered leather and rusty steel. He held up the scroll.
The Baroness whirled around, her concentration broken. Her paper dagger faltered. Her henchmen, already feeling the oppressive pressure of her authority, were baffled by this intrusion.
"Who are you? You are interrupting a legally binding acquisition!" she snapped.
"I am an authorized representative of the Interdimensional Revenue Service," Kai announced, adopting the stiff, emotionless voice of a man who lives only for Forms 1099 and Schedule Cs. "And I have a major issue with your current financial year reporting."
The atmosphere on the deck shifted instantly. The raw, piratical menace vanished, replaced by the collective dread of an impending audit.
"Iā¦ I don't know what you are talking about," the Baroness stammered, her composure cracking. She dealt in contracts; this felt like a natural predator.
Kai consulted the I.R.S. scroll, tapping it meaningfully. "Let's start with the unreported profits from the 'Sinking of the Royal Navy Fleet, Q3 FY 17-57.' Specifically, the value of the six golden cannonballs and the one hundredweight of tax-free salt you allegedly declared as 'Miscellaneous Office Supplies.'"
He adjusted an imaginary cuff. "Ma'am, failure to declare assets acquired through state-sanctioned piracy is a Class A Interdimensional Tax Evasion Felony. The penalty involves a mandatory audit of all your subsidiary alliances, a freezing of your gold reserves, and thirty years of community service cleaning barnacles off the docks of the Bureaucratic Underworld."
š„ The Power of Compliance
The Baroness was speechless. Her henchmen, however, were not.
"Wait, Baroness, you were dodging the W-401 Pirate Wealth Tax?" the largest henchman asked, lowering his cutlass in disgust. "That's our retirement fund! If the I.R.S. takes our gold, who pays the mandatory dental?"
Kai seized the moment, pointing accusingly at the Baroness. "Precisely! Furthermore, my data suggests your alliance structureāthe one requiring a 40% profit shareāis a blatant attempt to disguise your income as 'inter-company transfers' to avoid the standard W-401! And the 'mandatory dental' clause is not an acceptable deduction for 'pirate goodwill'!"
Fitzwilliam, who had been seconds from signing over his entire future, roared with laughter. "Ha! She cheats us and the government! She is a dishonorable pirate!"
The alliance structure, based purely on legal paper and financial obligation, could not withstand the pressure of regulatory oversight. The henchmen exchanged disgusted looks.
"She's not worth the audit," the massive brute muttered.
"The dental benefits aren't even vestable," the sniper agreed.
They turned tail and jumped overboard, choosing a high-risk swim over an I.R.S. penalty. The Baroness screamed in fury, launching a barrage of paper at Kai.
Kai held up the I.R.S. audit notice. "Attempting to physically assault an I.R.S. agent during an audit? That's an automatic Contempt of Interdimensional Court (CIC) charge, Madam. We are doubling your fine!"
In her rage, the Baroness misfired, slicing a critical piece of the ship's rigging instead. The main mast snapped with a terrible groan, sending her plunging into the sea with the debris.
[Narrative Intervention Success! Villainous Bureaucracy Defeated by Superior Bureaucracy.]
[Narrative Score (N.S.) Update: +80! Current N.S.: 170.]
š The Unexpected Companion
Captain Fitzwilliam and his crew stared at Kai with a mixture of awe and terror.
"Theā¦ the I.R.S. is the strongest force on the high seas!" Fitzwilliam declared, dropping to his knees. "You are the God of Forms and Fees! I pledge my service!"
"Not necessary, Captain," Kai said, already scrolling through his System. "But you are currently on a course to encounter the Kraken of K'thul in exactly T-minus five minutes. It's a filler antagonist designed to sink your ship for dramatic tension."
Fitzwilliam screamed. "The prophecy! The beast!"
Kai, checking the Kraken's profile, saw its primary weakness was sound and confusion. He used 20 N.S. to activate the M.R.A. again.
[Minor Reality Anchor (M.R.A.) Activated! Cost: N.S. 20.]
[Manifesting: Military-Grade Megaphone. Estimated Psychological Impact (E.P.I.): 70%.]
As the sea erupted five minutes later, and ten massive, slimy tentacles rose to destroy the ship, Kai raised the megaphone to his lips.
KRZZEEAAAWWWW!
He blasted the Siren button, then boomed his voice over the waves:
"ATTENTION, KRAKEN! THIS IS THE INTERDIMENSIONAL COAST GUARD! WE HAVE RECEIVED MULTIPLE COMPLAINTS REGARDING EXCESSIVE NOISE POLLUTION AND UNAUTHORIZED SURFACE BREACHING IN A DESIGNATED INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING LANE!"
The Kraken paused, its massive eye blinking slowly.
"YOUR ACTIVITY IS IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL MARINE CODE 47-B! RETURN TO THE ABYSS AND REPORT TO THE LICENSING DEPT. IMMEDIATELY! FAILURE TO COMPLY IS SUBJECT TO A PERMANENT ANCHORAGE CHARGE!"
The Kraken let out a confused, wet bellow that sounded like a bureaucratic whine, and slowly retreated, clearly unwilling to deal with the inevitable paperwork.
Kai lowered the megaphone. "See? Bureaucracy works wonders on mythological creatures."
He turned to the crew. "I need a companion. Someone who grasps the true horror of a late fee. Someone who isn't intimidated by destiny, but terrified of debt."
He pointed at Fiona, a sharp-witted young woman who had abandoned her cannon and was currently studying the I.R.S. audit notice with professional curiosity.
"You," Kai said. "Fiona, Navigator of the Endless Sea. You're coming with me. We are heading for The Urban Onmyoji Uproar next. It's a world of prophecy, spiritual wars, and high school drama. I need a pragmatist."
Fiona looked at her captain, who was still praising the power of the I.R.S. She looked at Kai, the man who defeated a kraken with a noise complaint. She sighed, grabbing her bag and a copy of the Baroness's audit notice.
"Fine," she said. "But if the next world has a 401k, I'm auditing it first. And I get paid in untaxed gold."
[Companion Acquired! Fiona, Navigator of the Endless Sea, has joined the Host.]
[Narrative Score (N.S.): 150.]
[System Note: Proceeding to World Designation: 33-C (The Urban Onmyoji Uproar). Host is advised to change into clothing more suitable for modern urban camouflage.]
Kai grinned. "Deal. Now, about these mandatory team bonding exercises I'm planning for the Onmyoji and the Hunterā¦"