LIA
I'm going crazy.
Or at least, that's how it feels.
These last days, everything's gotten worse. I can't tell if what I'm feeling is mine or Bao Ji's. Sometimes, it's like both of our lives are happening at the same time in my head — past and present overlapping until I don't know which one is real.
And the worst part?
I can feel her fading.
There are moments when I barely sense her—just a faint presence, like she's far away underwater. But I still see through her eyes. I still see her life. Sometimes her world feels more solid than my own.
Last week, Elena said:
"What if you and Bao Ji were supposed to be one person… and now you're merging?"
At first, I refused to believe it.
Not possible.
And yet here I am — connected to a girl who lived three thousand years ago. Seeing her life. Feeling her pain. Hearing her voice. And now, living both timelines at once is starting to physically hurt. Sometimes the pressure in my chest is so strong it feels like something's trying to tear through my ribs.
A few times, Bao Ji even fainted.
Whenever she did, things calmed down a little — as if one half of my brain shut off — but then my anxiety went wild, because every time she fainted, I was terrified she wouldn't wake up.
The bond between us is strong, but I can feel her getting weaker day by day.
And that makes everything worse.
Lia, are you okay? Elena asked as we stood in the uni hallway.
"Yeah. I'm fine," I said, staring out the window instead of at her.
"You sure? Don't lie to me." Her tone was gentle, but I could feel her watching me closely.
I finally looked at her. I opened my mouth to answer, but she cut me off.
"And don't get annoyed," she added quickly. "I'm just asking to make sure."
A smile tugged at my lips despite everything.
"Don't smile," she said, half joking, half serious. "Sometimes you're like a ticking bomb. I don't know which sentence will make you go boom."
I huffed out a small laugh. "It's not about what you say. I just… can't control my emotions. It's like they have a mind of their own."
"I'm really worried about you," Elena sighed. "Who knows what'll happen if this keeps going like this…"
I dropped my gaze to my left wrist.
The golden crescent mark was glowing slightly more than before. It was still a crescent… but I could see a faint line closing the circle, as if the missing part was slowly filling in.
I wished I could calm Elena's worry. And Bao Ji's panic. But I couldn't. Because I was scared too.
I didn't know what exactly was happening. The only thing that made sense was:
We were merging into one person.
But which one?
"Hey, Elena?" I said quietly.
"Mhm?"
"If I really do merge with Bao Ji… and I end up in her body… what happens to this one?"
She stared at me, saying nothing.
So I took a breath and continued.
"I mean — if. I'm just saying if. If it happens that me and Bao Ji become one person, and I'm dragged into her life, just… know that's the reason if this body collapses on the floor."
Her eyes widened. "Why would you even say that?"
"We don't know what's going to happen," I said. "I just want you to know. That's all."
Suddenly, my vision shifted.
I saw a street. Old stone underfoot. Wooden stalls. People in hanfu bustling around.
Bao Ji had stopped walking.
Until moments ago, she'd just been doing her normal routine — sitting with her family at meals, trailing after her cousin, accompanying her outside. Today, she was out on the street with Bao Si, who'd wanted to stroll around the market.
Nothing unusual.
Except she suddenly froze.
"Why did you stop?" I asked her mentally, in Chinese.
"I…" She hesitated.
"You heard what I said?" I asked.
"Of course I did," she replied softly. "I can hear you all the time. Remember?"
"I know, but… For a few minutes you weren't there. I couldn't see you, hear you, or feel you at all."
She didn't answer. She just stood there, worry creeping over her.
I was about to reassure her when I suddenly realised something.
"Where is Bao Si?" I blurted.
I looked through Bao Ji's eyes — and my stomach flipped.
Her cousin was gone.
"Where is she?" I repeated, panic rushing through me.
Both of us panicked at the same time.
I squeezed Elena's hand hard.
"What's happening?" Elena asked immediately.
"We lost Bao Si," I said under my breath. "She was next to Bao Ji a moment ago, now she's gone."
Both of our emotions spiked together.
Bao Ji started looking around the crowd, searching for her cousin. No familiar figure. No white sleeves. No voice calling her.
"I shouldn't have stopped," she whispered, guilt twisting in her.
"It's okay," I told her. Don't spiral. Don't freak out. "We'll find her. Calm down."
Then, finally, she spotted her — standing at a stall, looking at bracelets as if nothing in the world was wrong.
Both of us let out a breath of relief.
"We found her," I muttered to Elena.
Bao Ji hurried to her cousin's side.
"I almost couldn't find you, cousin," she said gently.
"I didn't notice you stopped," Bao Si replied calmly.
Yeah, right, I thought. More like you didn't give a fu—
"Maybe she really didn't notice," Bao Ji murmured to me. "Don't be so harsh."
"Don't take the snake's side," I shot back, irritated.
"Calm down," she said. "Your emotions are taking control again."
No shit, Sherlock.
I knew it. But that didn't mean I could stop it.
"Daniel's coming," Elena whispered.
Of course.
Great timing.
"Why does it have to be now?" I muttered.
"Oh no…" Elena groaned quietly. "You're annoyed, aren't you?"
"Yes," I admitted. "But I'm trying to keep it together and calm down. I have no reason to be annoyed."
"Hopefully that works," she murmured between clenched teeth.
By the time Daniel stopped in front of us, another figure had stopped in front of Bao Si in the past, blocking her path.
Through Bao Ji's eyes, I saw a tall, broad-shouldered, well-built, handsome man in a golden robe, hair tied up with a golden hairpin. Hands clasped behind his back. Beside him stood a eunuch.
There was only one kind of man who walked around with a eunuch.
His Majesty…
"Your Majesty," Bao Ji and Bao Si said together, bowing.
"Oh no," I breathed mentally to myself and to Bao Ji. And by accident, I said it out loud too.
Daniel blinked. "Oh no, what?"
Elena reacted instantly. "Let me guess — you forgot to call your mom back?"
I looked at her and understood she was trying to save my ass.
"Yeah," I said with a fake chuckle. "How forgetful I am."
In my vision, everything overlapped.
With one eye, I saw Daniel standing in front of me in the uni corridor.
With the other… I saw the Emperor of Western Zhou staring at my cousin through Bao Ji's eyes.
Past and present.
Side by side.
Both too real.
"I've been pretty good," I lied to Daniel.
'Liar,' Bao Ji murmured softly.
"Shut up," I muttered back to her in my head.
"It is rare to see such a beauty," the Emperor said to Bao Si.
Oh god.
Please don't let this man fall for the snake.
Please. Please. Please.
"Do you have plans after school?" Daniel asked.
I wanted to scream. I could barely focus on him.
"Umm…" I glanced at Elena. She glanced back like, Don't drag me into this.
After uni, I'd like to go straight home and have a mental breakdown in peace, I thought. But of course I couldn't say that.
"Why?" I asked Daniel instead.
"Thank you, Your Majesty," Bao Si replied in the past, her voice calm and elegant.
Her etiquette was perfect. Her face was neutral and polite. But her eyes…
Those eyes were dangerous.
Because the Emperor couldn't look away.
He stared at her as if he'd found something… fascinating.
"Do something," I told Bao Ji, panicking. "Don't just stand there. Say something."
"What can I do?" she answered, distressed. "I can't be reckless. He's the Emperor."
Wow. Someone's actually annoyed, I thought. That's a first.
"Try to make an excuse," I told her quickly. "Say your family is waiting and you can't stay long. Then drag her away."
"I was just thinking we could catch up," Daniel said, dragging me back into the present.
"Uhm, I—" I started, but he cut me off.
"Just come. Please. At least for an hour."
"Okay," I sighed.
"Where are we going?" Elena asked.
In the past, the Emperor's voice cut through the air.
"What is your name?" he asked Bao Si.
'The biggest snake you'll ever see,' I answered in my head.
I clenched my jaw.
"Do something, Bao Ji!" I urged.
Before Bao Si could speak, finally, Bao Ji stepped forward.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, Your Majesty, but our family is waiting for us," she said in a soft voice. "We can't stay for long."
The moment the Emperor's gaze shifted from Bao Si to her, she dropped her eyes to the ground.
And everything went quiet.
In reality, the market was noisy — stalls, chatter, footsteps — but through her fear, it felt like the sound drained away. Her fear crashed into me so strongly that my knees weakened.
Back in the corridor, a classmate suddenly appeared beside us.
"By the way, today we don't have any more lessons. The next lecture got cancelled," she said.
Of course.
Perfect timing.
The universe really loves pressing my buttons.
"Well, I guess we can go now," Daniel said with a smile.
I looked at Elena. She looked at me with that 'this is a disaster' expression.
"Where are we going?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound steady.
"Are you guys hungry?" Daniel grinned. "Because I'm starving."
I'm starving too.
Starving to just let my emotions explode and stop pretending I'm okay.
In the past, the Emperor still hadn't spoken. He was staring at Bao Ji, but his expression wasn't angry. It was… thoughtful. Maybe he didn't like being interrupted. Or maybe he was curious.
Bao Ji bowed again and apologised.
Girl… Just drag her away already, I groaned mentally. Why are you so scared?
Near uni, there's a little burger place everybody goes to. We headed there, sat down at a table, and Daniel pulled out the menu.
"What burger do you want? It's on me," he said, smiling.
What the hell happened to you? I thought. I had basically pushed him away. He'd been upset, of course, but not dramatic about it. Lately he'd been avoiding me, barely saying hi.
Now he was acting all friendly.
I looked at Elena. She gave me a 'wtf is happening' face.
In the past, the Emperor finally spoke again.
"It is good you understand it was rude to interrupt," he said to Bao Ji. "But you should not make your family worry either."
He didn't sound furious. Just… firm.
Bao Si stayed quiet the whole time, letting Bao Ji handle everything.
At least she let herself be dragged away.
"Next time, don't say anything," Bao Si said later, her tone almost scolding.
Bao Ji blinked at her. "I just didn't want them to worry if we returned too late."
"If the Emperor chooses to speak with us, we shouldn't run away from him," Bao Si said coolly.
'This bitch really wants to cling to the Emperor but doesn't know how to say it,' I muttered to Bao Ji.
Back at the table, Daniel asked again, "So, what are you going to eat?"
"Any burger is fine," I said, trying not to sound annoyed.
Elena squeezed my thigh under the table.
I shot her a murderous glare.
She could tell my emotions were starting to build again. The more I tried to push them down, the more everything hurt physically.
"Are you okay?" Daniel asked. "You're pale as a wall."
"I'm fine," I said automatically.
'Lia, you're not fine,' Bao Ji whispered weakly. I can feel you. It hurts…
Then, suddenly, everything went black on her side.
She fainted.
My heart squeezed.
"Oh my god—she fainted again," I whispered.
My hands started shaking even more.
"I need some air," I muttered, pushing my chair back.
I could barely stand. Elena immediately got up and took my arm.
Outside, I leaned against the wall, staring at nothing, trying to breathe.
"What's wrong?" Elena asked, her voice urgent.
"Bao Si met the Emperor," I said, forcing my eyes open to look at her.
Her face went pale. "Oh no…"
"I know," I said. "He asked for her name. But before she could answer, Bao Ji stepped in and dragged her away."
"She actually managed that?" Elena said, almost proud. "Bravo to her."
"Don't be too proud," I sighed. "As soon as she made an excuse, she apologised like she had committed a crime. She still saved the situation, but Bao Si got annoyed anyway. And now Bao Ji fainted."
"Maybe the Emperor was scary," Elena murmured.
"He was just… looking at her," I said. "Like he was analyzing her."
Elena fell silent.
I knew what she was thinking — that Bao Ji is softer, gentler, and more timid than me. And in a world like hers, one wrong move could mean the end of everything.
The dynasty falls. The Emperor dies. The Bao clan dies.
And honestly? I don't care about any of them.
I only care about her.
"I can feel her fading," I whispered, my voice breaking.
"She'll be okay," Elena said softly. "Maybe this just makes her a bit weaker. That's all."
I wanted to believe her. God, I wanted to believe her so badly.
But deep down, I knew she was wrong.
I could feel it — Bao Ji getting weaker and weaker.
Me losing my grip on reality.
Moments where I don't even know who I am, where I am, or which era I belong to.
Everything blending into one.
And it's happening more and more often.
"Let's just go back inside for now," I said, pushing myself away from the wall.
"You sure?" Elena asked.
"Yes. Let's at least eat. I need something normal to hold onto."
We went back inside and sat down. I forced myself to act like everything was fine.
"I thought you ran away," Daniel joked while chewing.
"Why would I?" I asked, keeping my tone as neutral as possible.
"I don't know. You've done that before," he said, not meeting my eyes.
"Well, what can I say? I'm weird like that," I said.
Brilliant excuse, Lia. Really top tier, I scolded myself inside.
"That's true," Daniel said with a little smile. "Weird. But in an interesting way."
"Let's just eat," I muttered.
All three of us went quiet.
I didn't want to talk. I couldn't. All my attention was on Bao Ji.
She still wasn't awake.
Every second that passed made my chest feel heavier.
Then, finally, she opened her eyes.
I saw her ceiling. Her room. Her family gathered around the bed.
She sat up slowly — and her father's voice cut in immediately, cold and sharp.
"Your cousin told us you behaved rudely toward His Majesty."
"I didn't," Bao Ji said softly. Sometimes she sounded so gentle it almost hurt.
"You dragged your sister away while the Emperor wanted to speak with her," Grandmother said, displeased.
"I was only worried you would be anxious if we came home late," Bao Ji tried to explain softly.
"When it's about His Majesty," her father snapped, "I don't care if you have to stand and talk with him for a week! Who knows what he thinks of us now? What if he blames me for your recklessness? I am just a low-ranked official. He can dispose of me any time."
"Uncle, she didn't mean it like that," Bao Si said. "Please don't be angry. Cousin isn't feeling well either."
She always speaks like that — soft, smooth, reasonable — and somehow she always makes everything worse for Bao Ji.
Her father didn't listen.
He grabbed Bao Ji by the arm and dragged her outside.
Punishment.
Back in the present, Elena and I stepped out of the restaurant with Daniel. We were about to say goodbye when pain shot through my palms and knees.
"Ouch!" I gasped, bending down and grabbing my knees.
Elena immediately grabbed my shoulders. "What is it?"
"I need to go. Now," I whispered. "Bao Ji is being punished."
"What?" Elena's eyes widened.
I straightened, forcing myself to focus on Daniel.
"We have to go. Bye," I said quickly, waving at him.
"Are you okay?" he asked, frowning. "You look…"
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine," I lied.
I tried to take a step… and froze.
In my mind, I saw it — the whip in Bao Ji's father's hand.
My blood turned to ice.
"Lia!" Elena called, voice distant and panicked, shaking me.
I heard Daniel say something too, but his voice faded into the background.
All I could see was the courtyard.
All I could hear was the leather cutting through the air.
Then—
CRACK.
A sharp, tearing pain ripped across my shoulder and back.
"Ah!!" I screamed, the sound bursting out of me.
"Lia! Come on, walk with me!" Elena begged.
But I couldn't.
The pain was too much. My legs gave out, and I fell to the ground.
I wasn't with them anymore.
I was with her.
I was in the stone courtyard, kneeling on the ground. My hands were braced in front of me. My body shook.
"I'm sorry, Father!" I cried — but it was Bao Ji's soft voice that came out of my mouth. "I won't do it again!"
The whip came down again.
And again.
The sound of leather hitting skin echoed in my bones.
I tried to shield myself with my arms, but it was useless. My back burnt. My lungs hurt. I could hear someone — maybe Bao Si? — speaking faintly, but the words blurred.
Then suddenly, the whipping stopped.
All I could hear was my own hysterical crying. The sky spun. My vision blurred.
I looked around and saw the courtyard, the flowers, the stones, and her family.
I was in her body.
I'm in her body, I realized in shock—
And in the next moment, everything snapped.
I was back in my own body, on the floor of my and Elena's apartment in the UK. Elena was on my right. Daniel was on my left.
I could feel Bao Ji's consciousness slipping away; she was fainting again.
Panic choked me. Panic that I might lose her. Panic that this was my fault. I told her to drag her cousin away from the Emperor.
Now she was whipped because of it.
The pain from the whip, the guilt, her sadness, my fear — everything hit me like a hurricane.
I curled into a foetal position, hugging my knees against my chest and sobbing hysterically. I couldn't see. I couldn't hear anything clearly. Just my own cries and my own voice in my head, shouting her name over and over.
Bao Ji. Bao Ji. Answer me. Please answer me.
My chest hurt so much it felt like someone was trying to pull my heart out with their bare hand. My ribs hurt when I breathed. My entire body throbbed.
My hand brushed my shoulder and came away wet.
I forced myself to look.
It took everything I had to focus on my hand.
Red.
Blood.
My crying stopped for a moment in shock.
"Elena…" I whispered.
She rushed over and crouched in front of me. "Try to breathe. One thing at a time."
"Why do I have blood on my hands?" I asked, voice shaking. "Why—?"
"It wasn't me. Elena can vouch for me," Daniel said quickly from near the door, as if he was afraid I'd blame him.
He was leaning against the wall, biting his thumbnail, pale and wide-eyed.
I looked at Elena again, but she started explaining first.
"You collapsed in front of the restaurant," she said. "You were screaming and crying. I couldn't bring you back. So…" She glanced at Daniel. "I asked him to help me bring you home."
"Uhm, I don't want to interrupt," Daniel said carefully, "but shouldn't we take Lia to the hospital? Just saying."
I looked between them, my mind foggy.
Instead of answering, I forced myself to stand. Every part of me screamed in pain, but I refused to stay on the floor.
"Lia, let me help you," Elena said, putting an arm around my waist and trying to support me.
I shrugged her off. "I can do it."
I took one step past her… then froze.
There was blood on her clothes.
My blood.
Without another word, I half-stumbled, half-limped to the bathroom. Every step was torture. My back felt like it had been flayed.
I stood in front of the mirror.
A mess stared back at me — smudged makeup, red eyes, hair stuck to my damp cheeks.
I turned slowly, as much as I could.
Dark red streaks showed on my shirt.
My hands were clumsy, but I managed to pull my clothes off until I stood in just my bra and underwear in front of the mirror.
I turned again and nearly stopped breathing.
Whip marks.
Angry red lines across my shoulders, my back, and even a couple wrapping slightly around my arm. Some places were still bleeding lightly.
My body, in the 21st century… carried the punishment she received three thousand years ago.
I heard quiet breathing behind me.
Elena and Daniel stood in the doorway, staring.
I faced them, my voice a hoarse whisper.
"Tell me I'm dreaming."
Elena walked in slowly and pulled me into a gentle hug. I stood stiffly in her arms, too numb to move.
"It wasn't me. I didn't hurt you," Daniel repeated from the doorway, his voice shaky.
Elena pulled back and glared at him. "She knows. Don't worry."
"Then what is happening?" he asked.
Elena looked at me. I stayed silent for a long moment, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
Finally, I whispered, "I was there."
"There… where?" Elena asked softly.
"In her body," I said. "In Bao Ji's body."
Elena went completely silent.
"In whose body? What are you talking about?" Daniel asked, sounding more and more lost.
"It's happening," Elena murmured. "Just like we talked about…"
She turned on the shower and guided me under the warm water. It hurt like hell when the water hit the wounds on my back. I clenched my teeth, tears springing to my eyes again.
"What are you doing?" Daniel snapped. "She needs a doctor, not a shower."
"Stay out of it," Elena shot back.
"How can I? Look at her! She needs a hospital!"
"And I know best what I have to do for her," Elena said sharply. "Don't question me. I've been next to her through all of this. You haven't."
"You don't care about her!" Daniel barked, reaching in to pull me away from the stream of water.
Their voices blurred together. My skin burnt. I couldn't tell which pain was worse — the physical one in my back or the emotional storm inside.
When Daniel dragged me out of the shower, the cool air hit the wounds, and I cried out.
"It hurts," I sobbed. "It hurts…"
"We're going to the hospital," he insisted.
"No, you're not," Elena snapped.
"Yes, we are—"
"I said no!"
Their argument got louder and louder. I couldn't take it anymore.
"STOP!" I yelled, yanking my arm out of Daniel's grip. "I'm not going anywhere. It's my decision if I go or stay, and I'm not going. Elena knows what to do."
He stared at me, stunned.
"You're ruining your life," he said quietly, shaking his head. "You're destroying yourself."
There it was.
The sentence I'd been waiting to hear from someone.
"Lia, calm down," Elena said quickly. "He doesn't know the truth."
"Who are you to judge me?" I hissed at Daniel, anger flashing through me like lightning. I stepped closer, ignoring the pain in my back. "You think you're better? You know nothing about what I'm going through. About what's happening inside my head. And yet here you are, acting all high and mighty."
Elena grabbed my arm. "Lia, stop. Don't do anything reckless."
She knew me too well.
She knew that when I was calm, I could hold my anger back.
But like this, with my emotions already broken loose… one push, and I snapped.
"Bao Ji," Elena said suddenly, trying to redirect me.
"She's not awake," I said, tears burning again. "She fainted. And I can barely feel her."
"She'll be okay," Elena whispered. "You'll see."
I looked back at Daniel.
"And you," I started, pointing at him.
He threw up his hands. "You're crazy, Lia. You need help. You need doctors. Not her." He jabbed a finger toward Elena. "If you stay like this, you'll ruin your life. And she'll ruin you too."
A laugh burst out of me — loud, almost hysterical.
"Daniel, you really should stop talking," Elena said quietly. "You have no idea what you're doing."
I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and tried to pour water. My hands shook too much. The glass slipped and shattered in the sink.
Something in me broke with it.
I started grabbing whatever was near — a cup, a spoon, another glass — and slammed them into the sink, into the counter, into the floor. The noise exploded around us.
My emotions tore free.
Pain. Fear. Guilt. Rage. Panic.
Mine and hers, tangled so tightly I couldn't separate them anymore.
"Lia, stop!" Elena shouted, rushing to me. "You're hurting yourself!"
I couldn't hear her. Couldn't hear Daniel. Couldn't even feel the cuts in my hands.
All I could feel was the crushing emptiness where Bao Ji's presence had been.
"Bao Ji!" I screamed inside my head. "Answer me! Please—please answer me!"
Nothing.
My chest tightened further. My vision tunnelled. The room spun. The physical pain from the whip and the bruises, plus the emotional hurricane inside me, became too much.
I couldn't hold on anymore.
The last thing I felt was the world slipping away —
like someone finally cut the thread holding me up.
Then everything went black.