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Chapter Four: First Lesson
Lockhart's first class of the afternoon was approaching, so he went out into the courtyard for a bit of fresh air.
What were all those students doing, huddled together like that? He walked over and found Colin Creevey enthusiastically taking photographs of Harry Potter, while the Malfoy boys stood nearby, sniggering.
"What are you all doing? Taking photos? Go on then—make room!" Lockhart swept an arm around Harry's shoulders. "Anyone else want to join in?"
"Me!" Hermione was the first to rush over, clutching Lockhart's arm as she beamed up at him. Then a whole crowd of students surged forward and surrounded him. Lockhart flashed a brilliant smile and said to the boy with the camera,
"A picture of Professor Lockhart and his students! How about that? I can even sign it for you afterwards!"
Colin's hands shook with excitement. He had just taken a photograph when the bell rang for afternoon lessons.
"Alright, off you go—class time. You'll have plenty more chances for photos later."
Once the class had settled into their seats, Lockhart cleared his throat but said nothing. He stepped forward, picked up Neville's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up so everyone could see the winking portrait on the cover.
"Me," Lockhart said proudly, tapping the picture and giving an exaggerated wink. "Gilderoy Lockhart—Order of Merlin, Third Class; Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League; and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. I didn't want to mention that last one, but I once smiled at a witch with a terrible reputation and—would you believe it?—she vanished."
The students, still riding the excitement from their earlier group photo, burst into laughter. Several girls gazed up at him as though he had hung the moon.
Lockhart raised his hand for silence.
"Now then, a short quiz—just to test your general knowledge of Defence Against the Dark Arts and to see how well you've read my books."
He began reading:
1. What is the most important element in defending yourself against dark magic?
2. What should you do when confronted with ghouls or werewolves?
3. Which magical creature do you believe is the most difficult to overcome?
4. What are vampires most afraid of?
5. What do you believe is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest accomplishment?
(He had inherited Lockhart's narcissism along with everything else.)
"There are twenty questions altogether, and you'll find every answer either in your first-year Defence textbook or in my book. You have ten minutes!"
Ten minutes later, Lockhart collected the parchments and flicked through them while standing at the front of the room.
"Why have so many of you left the first question blank? The most important thing in defending against dark magic is vigilance! Then come spells and courage! It's on page three of your first-year textbook."
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"Someone actually wrote that you need silver weapons to deal with werewolves. Right—let's clear this up. That rumour comes from Muggles. In the Middle Ages, during conflicts between Muggles and magical creatures, certain Vatican-forged silver weapons were effective. But it wasn't the silver—it was the binding magic cast upon them. Sadly, that enchantment has long since been lost."
"Miss Granger got every question correct! Although I will add one thing: if you are not a powerful wizard, the best thing to do when you encounter one of these creatures is—" He paused. "Turn around and run."
"Because of Miss Granger's perfect score, Gryffindor receives ten points! Now then—let's get to the main part of today's lesson…"
Lockhart waved his left hand, and a large, cloth-covered cage floated out from beneath the desk and landed neatly on the podium.
He had spent an entire night practising wandless Levitation Charms before managing this little flourish—but judging by the murmurs below, it was worth it.
"Now—listen carefully! My duty is to prepare you for the most troublesome magical creatures you may encounter in the wizarding world. What you are about to see may be the most terrifying thing you've ever laid eyes on. But don't panic. As long as I'm here, you have nothing to fear. I ask everyone to remain calm and absolutely silent."
Harry lowered the pile of books he had been hiding behind.
He wanted a proper look at whatever creature Lockhart had brought.
Lockhart placed one hand on the cloth. The room had fallen utterly silent. Neville, seated in the front row, had pressed himself into the corner of his chair in horror.
"I need you all to promise you won't scream when you see them," Lockhart murmured, "because that may provoke them."
Every student held their breath.
Lockhart whipped away the cloth.
"Oh—yes," Lockhart said grandly. "A Cornish pixie I captured myself, straight from Cornwall."
Several students burst out laughing.
"Don't laugh. I can hardly bring a werewolf or a Dementor into class, can I? Today's objective is to practise Stunning Charms on small, fast-moving targets."
"There are forty pixies in this cage. Your task is to subdue them—without harming them—using only the Stunning Charm. Friendly reminder: the incantation is Stupefy."
"Each pixie you capture earns a point for your House. Right then—wands out."
Lockhart opened the cage, releasing chaos like Pandora's box bursting open. Pixies shot out like blue rockets.
Spells filled the air. Pixies whizzed around the room, overturning quills and tugging hair. Ron had barely finished his incantation when his defective wand fired backwards and knocked him flat. Harry was already firing clean Stunners, and Hermione, more experienced than most, had begun slowing them down with obstacles before stunning them.
Lockhart watched from the front, hands clasped behind his back. A pixie darted towards him. Without moving his wand, he flicked a silent, wandless Stunning Charm, and the creature dropped instantly.
Hermione, from the front row, hurried over and scooped it up.
The students had clearly never had this much fun in a lesson before. The racket continued long after the last pixie collapsed.
"Alright! If you've caught a pixie, bring it up and return it to the cage. Let's see how many points each House has earned."
Hermione rushed forward first, proudly holding four pixies, and tossed them gently into the cage.
"Well done—Miss Granger has caught four!"
"Let me count: Gryffindor earns twelve points, Slytherin eight, Hufflepuff seven, and Ravenclaw eleven! And two escaped through the window—clever little creatures."
"I want you all to remember this: when you face a dark wizard, he will not stand still like a training dummy. He will dodge, fly, transform, distract you—anything to gain the upper hand. That's why this sort of training is essential."
"Class isn't officially over, but I believe students should have more free time to practise whatever spells they need. So—I'm ending the lesson early."
"And from now on," Lockhart added, "as long as everyone completes my assignments, no matter how quickly, I will dismiss you early. I hope the student who couldn't manage a single Stunner today goes home and practises. Weasley—buy a new wand or it'll be the death of you."
Ron stroked his battered wand miserably.
"Class dismissed. Try not to disturb the lessons still going on around the castle."
The students cheered.
Lockhart stepped into the corridor just as Hermione came running after him, dragging Harry and the others along.
"That was the most interesting lesson I've ever had! Goodbye, Professor!"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Goodbye."
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