Out of the Mansion
The city lights were brighter than they needed to be,
as if trying to compensate for the darkness they concealed.
I walked through the winding streets of "BAYADNA,"
where poverty and wealth met in a silent, guilty truce.
Night here had a different scent —
a blend of expensive café perfumes,
back-alley garbage,
and the rust of shattered dreams.
My breaths raced alongside my shadow on the pavement,
as if I were trying to escape something inside myself.
Every step reminded me
that I was a stranger in this world…
in my own body…
in my own mind.
I gripped the railing of the bridge,
my fingers clutching the cold iron.
Below me, the water was black as ink,
reflecting the city's lights upside down —
a distorted image of an equally distorted reality.
I looked at my hands…
In the darkness, I could always see that crimson stain
that water could never wash away…
unforgivable blood…
unforgettable memories…
A cold breeze brushed my face,
carrying with it the distant laugh of a child.
I froze…
trying to hold onto that innocent sound,
but it vanished like a dream at dawn.
The stars tried to shine
through the lights that drowned them.
I lifted my head toward them.
"Distant stars… do you truly feel free?
Or are you prisoners of your own orbits,
moving by rules you can never escape?"
A voice whispered back,
Its tone is competing with the darkness:
"Ask yourself a better question:
Do you possess free will?
Or has every step you take been predetermined?"
I answered it quietly,
"But I feel… I still feel cold… loneliness… sorrow…"
The voice scoffed,
a deadly, mocking hiss:
Fake feelings…
It laughed — a cruel, jagged sound,
as if savoring the tearing of what remained of my humanity.
"They programmed you to feel human…
But the truth buried inside you —
You're empty.
A shadow moved by a pattern not your own."
The voice pressed closer to my consciousness,
piercing through all veils of reality:
"Let me out…
And I'll make all this pain disappear.
After all…
You're the one who stole my life."
I shut my eyes,
trying desperately to steady my thoughts…
But the voice grew stronger,
its whispers relentless —
as if an entire prison was collapsing inside me.
"Leave me!"
The words burst from my chest
with the desperation of someone drowning.
The whispers halted for a heartbeat…
Then came a softer voice —
softer than the silk of night:
"You couldn't even save BORBAKI…"
My eyes dimmed.
Despair flooded in.
The pain peaked —
a point where escape felt impossible.
But—
Another voice approached me…
A voice that didn't belong to my gray world.
A different voice.
Soft.
Real.
"M… MOHITO?"
LOUVNA stood behind me,
her eyes carrying whispers of understanding.
I turned toward her
like a lost man reaching for a savior in a night with no north.
"You're… not okay."
For the first time,
she didn't ask —
She answered.
She could see in my eyes
What I could not say.
All I could offer in return
was silence.
LOUVNA didn't move.
She stood at a respectful distance,
But her eyes never left me.
There was no pity —
I would have hated that —
but a strange understanding,
as if she saw everything
and still chose to stay.
Her voice was quiet,
gentle like distant rain:
"You don't have to speak…
Sometimes silence is the only truth."
I tried to smile,
but my lips bent in a broken shape.
How could she ever understand?
She who walked in the daylight,
while my shadow only existed at night.
All I thought was:
Run. Leave.
I'm the last place you'll ever find safety.
But she took only one step closer.
No more.
As if she knew the boundaries.
"The city… looks beautiful from here, doesn't it?"
I looked at the twinkling lights.
How many crimes did those lights hide?
How much blood was washed beneath their glow?
I whispered hoarsely,
"Beauty is a lie… like everything else."
She leaned slightly on the railing.
"You know… even a lie can be beautiful,
if we choose to believe it."
I fell into silence.
Our breaths mingled in the cold air —
hers steady,
My trembling.
Without looking at me, she said:
"I don't know what you're going through…
And I won't pretend I understand.
But I know this…
Eyes that look at the stars that way
can never be empty."
Something cracked inside my chest.
The wall I had built so carefully
began to crumble under her simple words.
She lifted her hand —
almost touched mine —
then stopped.
She let it hover for a moment,
Then slowly lowered it.
"It's okay…
It's okay to feel cold sometimes."
She began to walk away,
Then halted after a few steps.
Over her shoulder:
"The stars…
They may be prisoners of their own orbits.
But they still light the way for others."
She turned back to me with her gentle smile:
"There's a wonderful library nearby.
Let's check it out… together."
Layers of ice deep inside me
began to crack —
not loudly,
but with a whisper
That freed my soul.
I looked at my hands again.
The crimson stain was still there…
but somehow
It looked less dark.
I whispered to the wind:
"Maybe… maybe some lights aren't meant to dazzle…
but to guide."
And I walked toward her —
toward that gentle light
that didn't burn,
but warmed.
"Alright… why not?"
I answered in my usual soft voice.
***************
The library felt like a parallel world,
where souls lived between the pages of books.
The scent of old paper and sacred dust
filled the air as if time itself had paused here.
LOUVNA ran her fingers along a book's spine.
"Look! I found the first edition of Winter Trees…
I thought it was lost."
I gave a faint smile.
"Sometimes treasures hide in plain sight…
waiting for us to be ready to find them."
I was trying — truly trying.
Every word I spoke,
every glance I gave,
was an attempt to return to the person I used to be.
I held the books as if learning to walk again.
LOUVNA stepped closer.
"What do you think of this poem?"
She read softly:
"In the shade of drunken jasmine
I search for my lost shadow
only to find it has become a garden
untouched by despair."
I felt strange.
Like a child learning life anew.
The soft noises,
students laughing in the corners,
even the rhythm of her heartbeat…
Everything felt new and foreign.
The whispers in my mind faded slightly.
LOUVNA looked at me with bright eyes.
"Should we look for that book you mentioned?"
"Yes… maybe…"
Then suddenly —
Everything stopped.
I felt something dark watching me.
A gaze.
Heavy as lead.
Sharp as a blade.
It came from between the Philosophy shelves…
No — from outside the window.
A gaze that froze the blood,
silenced breath,
and wiped out every trace of warmth.
A hunger for blood.
Pure.
Absolute.
I turned sharply—
But the gaze vanished.
Was it my imagination…?
LOUVNA noticed the change in my face.
"MOHITO? Are you okay?"
I inhaled deeply,
trying to hide the tremor in my hand.
"Nothing… just imagination."
I looked at LOUVNA,
then at the book in my hands —
a peaceful world that could be lost again.
I told her quietly:
"Maybe… maybe we should leave."
She didn't object or complain —
She nodded,
and we walked out together.
But the gaze wouldn't leave my mind.
What was that?
***************
Outside, MONA was waiting in a taxi.
LOUVNA stood under the dim streetlight
and smiled.
Not an ordinary smile —
a smile overflowing with warmth and trust,
like the first sunrise after a long winter.
Her face revealed itself to me
as if I were seeing it for the first time —
the gentle curve of her lips,
the glimmer in her eyes that held all the world's hope,
even the strands of hair the wind played with
looked like strokes of a masterpiece
no artist had ever dreamed of.
Her soft voice carried a promise:
"See you ."
I responded quietly,
afraid to disrupt the fragile beauty of the moment:
"Yes…"
The taxi waited patiently,
But time itself seemed to stop.
The distant city sounds,
the car horns,
even the breath of night —
all faded before this moment.
She turned toward the car,
each movement like a line from a sad poem.
But all I thought was:
Even sadness can be beautiful.
"What is this feeling?"
I whispered to the wind
As I watched the taxi fade away.
Taking with him all the calm I had just begun to feel.
***************
At the Abandoned Port
where black waves clashed in deadly silence,
A man sat atop a rusted container.
His black clothes blended with the darkness,
and a demon-engraved monkey mask
twisted like tormented spirits.
Beneath him —
a pool of blood
and severed heads.
His eyes — visible through the mask —
glowed like extinguished embers in a tomb.
No mercy.
No life.
Only the icy resolve of the mission he was sent to fulfill.
"I finally found you…
Brother."
He whispered the words,
mist rising from his mouth
in the biting winter cold.
Behind him,
The first flakes of snow began to fall,
carrying with them
the omen of a harsh winter
and a new chapter of war.