strong desire:
Darkness.
Absolute, suffocating darkness.
This was no mere shadow marking the end of a normal day; it was the Void itself: dense, quiescent, a heavy burden on the soul, pressing against the chest and skull as if to crush them. Only solitary sparks of light could be seen, scattered like fragments of a newly shattered universe, caught between oblivion and existence. I was sinking into it, or perhaps it was sinking into me.
I felt myself drowning—not in water, but in the sheer weight of an eternal chasm. My body was cold lead, pulling me toward a bottomless abyss.
Deeper...
Deeper...
Deeper...
Here, in the depths of this formless blackness where there was no sound and no air, my consciousness began to dissolve like a fine thread. The pain that had ripped through me the moment I was swallowed up faded into a cold, near-surrendering numbness. Then, suddenly, a cry from my buried soul pierced the silence:
"Luyan!"
It was my own voice—the final shriek of existence that shook off the debris of the Void.
"Ha... Where am I?"
I couldn't breathe. The terrible pain returned, striking violently, and my body felt heavier, but something deeper than the agony screamed inside me, a single word repeating like a relentless, feverish pulse:
"Live... Live!"
I needed to ascend, to the surface. Survival was mandatory.
"Come on! Come on! Please, my body, endure... carry me up!"
It was a terrifying struggle, not just against drowning, but against turning into nothing. I began to swim—swimming upward toward the distant sparks, toward any illusion of light, fighting the weight and the emptiness, and wondering: Are they with me? Did anyone survive?
The light drew nearer, but it offered no warmth; it was a glaring, stark, and brutal white... Then, the thread of darkness was severed.
Ice... It was a surface of ice, solid, opaque, like a thick wall separating my survival from my death, an unconquerable barrier.
I panicked! No, no, no, please... Real terror tore through me. How? How can I survive now?! I felt a horrible pressure, a colossal weight crushing my lungs as if breaking my ribs.
Something sharp... This was the only thing my desperate consciousness called for.
I need something sharp!
I need something sharp... but where would it come from? Where?! I need to calm down! Please, I need to calm down... I shut my awareness off for a moment, thinking...
.
.
.
"Happy Birthday, Luyan!" everyone said, their voices warm and cheerful, looking at me with that familiar affection that filled my heart with nostalgia.
"Make a wish and blow out the candle, come on!" said Melis with overwhelming joy, urging me on with her lovable, childish insistence.
I looked at the cake to see the candles indicating my fourteenth birthday. Wait! What? Why can't I move? Is this a dream? Or a moment from my memory? And what about the drowning and the ice wall?! As if it no longer concerned me, I smiled at them calmly as I leaned down, made a wish, and blew out the candles.
"Now it's time for presents!" said Yuna, holding a gift in her hand, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.
"Wait, me first! Me first! Luyan, open mine first!" said Melis with wild excitement. Yuna and Evan laughed at her enthusiasm, while the rest sighed with satisfied, loving smiles.
Wait! That gift! Why don't I remember it? I have a strong memory, so I should remember it! I watched my past self open the gift happily... then...
"A keychain?" I wondered, looking at it with a mix of confusion and slight disappointment.
No! No! That's not a normal keychain! I felt my body tremble, my breath about to run out, and suddenly, my heart rate soared wildly.
"It's not just a normal keychain, Luyan! Press this button there, right there!" said Melis, pointing at my younger self. As soon as I pressed it, an extremely sharp, gleaming, and deadly blade slid out. I was momentarily taken aback, a strange shock washing over me.
"It's a blade I made! It's super sharp, so don't touch it with your fingers! It's for those moments... if someone dares to hurt you, take it out! One stab and they're done!" Melis explained excitedly, looking at my enthusiastic younger self. The others' eyes held strange, confused looks of doubt, and muted concern.
"Melis! What in the hell! What kind of gift is that?! For your information, no one dares to hurt Luyan, and I am certainly not cleaning up your mess!" Luca yelled with a serious look, his tone clearly disapproving, as he looked at me and Melis.
"And since Luyan has many friends, I don't think he has enemies..." Liam said, looking at Melis with a calm gaze that carried a lot of meaning.
"I know that, but it's for precaution... that's why I always wanted him to have it, Luyan..." Melis's gentle voice grew fainter and fainter, gradually fading away, so much so that I couldn't hear it, as if her lips were moving without sound. The image shattered before me, horrifyingly and suddenly. Water filled everywhere, pressing, crushing... until I opened my eyes quickly.
Yes! Yes! The blade! The blade! My hand unconsciously moved, searching my pockets, while I prayed internally for it to be there! Suddenly, I felt something solid! A strange, pure joy mixed with hope flooded me. I felt my adrenaline level spike to its peak! Then I quickly pulled it out, pressed the button, and the sharp blade emerged. I looked at the wall, filling my soul with a desperate plea: Please, shatter it!
Please! With every last bit of strength left in my hand, I gripped it, clinging to it as if it were the last thing connecting me to life, and struck the wall hard! It made a crack! Then I repeated the action once, twice, three, four times! I didn't know where that savage strength came from—the power of the will to survive! I didn't notice that the water around me had turned dark red with my blood. All that mattered now was shattering it and surviving. And the moment came! The wall shattered! I reached out my hand, grasped the edge, and pulled myself up... to take my first breath...
Then—a great gasp. It was the first true intake of air since the journey began: the air filling my lungs with its painful sweetness, a coldness that burned then eased, and consciousness returning to the world with me.
Oh, that's what I thought... The air wasn't cold; it was suspiciously hot, so much so that I felt like it was suffocating me. I opened my eyes, not knowing when I had closed them, and saw a scene my mind couldn't comprehend.
"Ooh... Ooh..." I murmured in astonishment and muted terror. There was a volcano... No, not just one! My surroundings were filled with volcanoes! My mind and consciousness stopped working, as if what I was seeing couldn't enter my brain... No, my consciousness couldn't absorb or believe it. I shivered for a moment, the first tremor of disbelief.
Then I looked back at the ground I was sitting on, as if to confirm something... It was ice! Then I looked at my surroundings; it was full of volcanoes. I looked again... twice... three times, desperately trying to find a contradiction or an error in the vision, but the hot scene refused to leave, while the coldness of the ice beneath my feet only drove my confusion to madness.
"How... How can this happen together?" I whispered in a voice barely above a breath, my eyes narrowing with deep suspicion and a desperate attempt to understand.
Then I looked at the ground, specifically at the crimson blood dripping from my hand, and at my fingers that had turned snow-white and pale.
"I have to get out of here..." I muttered to myself with difficulty, the words stumbling in my exhausted throat. I tried to stand up, and as soon as I straightened, I fell to the ground, a bitter sense of disappointment gripping my heart. Then I tried again, and fell a second time. My muscles were seizing up, screaming from the excruciating pain, and every attempt was like a new stab wound.
I heard my ragged breathing mixed with the moans of pain I couldn't suppress. My vision was blurred, and my body was shivering. I wondered lost: Was it the bitter cold of the ice or the heat of the nearby volcanoes?
I looked to the side, where a small patch of solid ground separated the ice and the volcanoes. I took a deep breath, realizing with painful certainty: If I couldn't stand, I had to crawl to get there. Step by trembling step, as if my body was rebelling against my will. I looked at the goal... I was almost there.
"One more step... Please, one more step..." I whispered to myself, my eyes catching a glimpse of hope in the slight distance ahead.
"I made it..." I whispered with indescribable elation as I touched the normal ground, not hot, not cold, just "normal" ground...
It was normal! Feelings of joy and serenity flooded my body, and I surrendered to them, resting on that small haven.
"Oh... Ah... Oh..." I was just breathing, deeply and calmly. My consciousness became quiet and clear, and the pain in my body eased slightly.
I didn't think about anything else, as if my exhausted body had granted me a mandatory break. But worry began to knock at my mind: Where are they? I looked at my hand; it was still bleeding.
"I must stand up, I must look for them!" Suddenly, as if my body decided on its own, my eyes closed, and I surrendered to a deep slumber that completely swallowed me.
.....
•I believe the author has a selfish desire to make this part a standalone chapter.