─SYSTEM SCAN: [FORBIDDEN SCROLL]─
TYPE: Sealed Jutsu Compendium
CONTENTS:
- [Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu]
- [Earth Style: Dark Swamp]
- [Wind Style: Vacuum Blade]
- [Transformation Jutsu: Ultimate Variant]
- ...and 42 other forbidden techniques
WARNING: Learning any technique will consume a significant amount of chakra. Untrained users may experience explosive decompression of their chakra network.
"Explosive decompression," I muttered. "Sounds painful."
"What was that?" Mizuki asked, taking a menacing step forward.
"Nothing! Just... excited!" I chirped, unrolling a foot of the scroll. The characters swam before my eyes, a complex mess of seals and instructions. My E-Rank chakra control wouldn't be able to decipher this in a million years.
"Any day now, Naruto," the Hokage said, his tone laced with suspicion. He wasn't buying Mizuki's act. Good. Maybe I'd have backup.
I needed a diversion. A good one. The kind that would earn me more than five measly points.
I looked from the Hokage's stern face to Mizuki's predatory grin. An idea, so stupid it was brilliant, formed in my head.
"Hey, Gramps!" I yelled, pointing at Mizuki. "I think Mizuki-sensei is lying!"
Mizuki froze. The Hokage's eyes widened. This was it. The point of no return.
"Why would you say that, Naruto?" the Hokage asked, his hand subtly moving towards his kunai pouch.
"Because!" I declared, striking another ridiculous pose. "His smile is too wide! Real smiles don't show that much gum! It's a classic tell for a liar! Also, he smells faintly of betrayal and cheap cologne!"
[SYSTEM NOTICE: +15 Points for baseless accusation and creative insults.]
Mizuki's smile vanished, replaced by a snarl. "You little brat."
"Hehe, see?" I said to the Hokage, trying to project confidence I absolutely did not feel. "Told you."
With a blur of motion, Mizuki grabbed a large shuriken from his back. "The test is over, Naruto. Time to fail."
He spun and hurled the star directly at the Hokage. No, not at the Hokage. It was arcing. It was going to hit me. Crap, I misread the trajectory.
But before it could, a brown-clad form shot out from the trees, tackling me to the ground. The shuriken whistled overhead, embedding itself deep into the tree I'd been standing in front of.
"Iruka-sensei!" I blurted out, my heart pounding against my ribs.
Iruka pushed himself up, a deep gash already visible on his back where he'd intercepted the weapon. "Naruto... why are you...?"
"He was trying to frame him, Iruka," the Hokage stated, his voice now cold as steel. He stood firm, his pipe forgotten, a kunai held loosely in his grip. "Mizuki, you've made a grave mistake."
Mizuki laughed, a wild, unhinged sound. "A mistake? No! The real mistake was hiding the truth from this demon! He deserves to know! He deserves to know why the whole village hates him!"
So this was it. The big reveal. The moment the hero finds out he's a human sacrifice.
"Shut up, Mizuki!" Iruka snarled, pushing himself to his feet, blood dripping down his back.
"No, let him talk," I said, my voice surprisingly calm. "I could use the exposition dump. My backstory is a little fuzzy."
Iruka and the Hokage stared at me.
[SYSTEM NOTICE: +10 Points for breaking narrative tension with apathy.]
Total Points: 30. Still not enough to buy a cup of ramen, let alone a world-ending jutsu.
"Fine," Mizuki sneered. "The truth is, Naruto, that the Third Hokage forbid anyone from telling you! You are the Nine-Tailed Fox that attacked this village twelve years ago!"
I blinked. I waited. I tapped my foot.
"Mizuki," I said slowly, "you're telling me that I, a 12-year-old boy who weighs maybe 80 pounds soaking wet, am a giant, city-destroying demon fox? Did you eat paint chips as a child, or is this a recent development?"
Mizuki's eye twitched. "Don't play dumb! The Fourth Hokage sealed it inside you! You ARE the Nine-Tails!"
"Oh, okay. So I'm not a literal fox, just a fox-based battery pack." I nodded sagely. "Makes more sense. So, my chakra reserves are huge, but my control is trash because of the whole 'prison for a malevolent god' thing. Good to know. That explains the 'Appalling' rating."
─SYSTEM SCAN: [UZUMAKI NARUTO]─
ANALYSIS: Correct.
[SYSTEM NOTICE: +20 Points for rationalizing your own traumatic backstory and using it for self-diagnosis.]
Total Points: 50.
Iruka looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. "Naruto, this isn't the time for jokes!"
"Actually, it's the perfect time," I countered. "He's monologuing. It's what villains do. It gives the heroes a chance to formulate a plan." I turned back to Mizuki. "So, what's your endgame here? Kill me, steal the scroll, become a big shot in some other village? Because let me tell you, your people skills could use some work."
"Mizuki," Iruka growled, "the only one here who's a monster is you!"
"Stay out of this, Iruka!" Mizuki yelled, grabbing another shuriken. "Or die with the demon!"
He flung it again. This time, Iruka was too injured to move.
"Great," I thought. "Time to be a hero, I guess."
[SYSTEM SUGGESTION: The [Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu] is within your grasp. It requires a massive chakra dump, which your body can provide.