Chapter 7: Void, Light, and the First Fracture
Time... Space... Self...
These were concepts that held no meaning for me.
I did not know how long I had been floating inside this bottomless, this infinite darkness.
Perhaps a second, perhaps thousands of years. There was no sun here, no moon, no breath. There was only that dense, that silent nothingness, the most primitive state of existence.
I had been here for as long as I could remember. I had no beginning, and I did not think I would have an end.
I was merely drifting. Not like a dead leaf caught in a river's current, but like a speck of dust suspended in the void of space.
My thoughts were blurred. Who was I? What was I? These questions did not echo in my mind but stood as silent knots in the fabric of my existence.
However, there was only one truth I felt: The Void.
A massive hole right in the center of my chest, non-physical but gnawing at my existence.
An indescribable, ancient yearning... What was this yearning for? I did not know. I desired something madly without knowing what I had lost or what was missing.
As if a part of me had remained somewhere very far away and I could not be complete without that part.
This feeling echoed inside me constantly like a silent scream.
And then... That thing happened.
Within that unchanging stagnation of my darkness, I felt a vibration from afar, very far away.
At first, it was like a weak pulse. Then it turned into a call. And then, a crack formed inside that pitch black darkness. The thing leaking through that crack... Was light.
A crimson light. Hot like blood, vivid like fire.
The moment I saw that light, that indescribable yearning in my chest turned into unbearable pain.
As if an invisible hook had pierced my soul and was pulling me toward that light.
This was painful, yet at the same time sweet. Because in that light, there was the echo of the answer I had been seeking since time immemorial.
I hesitated. The unknown was frightening. This infinite darkness was my home, my safe harbor. To go to that light meant changing my existence.
But that pull... That irresistible invitation... It was calling me. Come, said a silent voice. Come and be complete.
I had no strength to resist any longer. I surrendered myself to that current. The darkness tore apart, the void bent, and I fell toward the heart of the light.
When I opened my eyes, that familiar, that safe darkness was gone.
In its place, a chaos that bombarded my senses had taken its place.
Sharp smells, bright colors, disturbing sounds... The energy in the air was like thousands of needles pricking my skin. The floor was hard and cold.
There were shapes around me. Blurred, meaningless, noisy shapes. Their eyes were on me.
Hundreds of eyes... They were looking at me with curiosity, fear, and disgust.
I could feel the weight of those gazes, but I did not care.
They were no different to me than dust clouds drifting in the wind. Their existence was meaningless.
I slowly lifted my head. And my gaze locked upwards, onto that source that had summoned me.
At that moment, all other sounds in the world ceased. Images blurred. Only She remained.
That ancient yearning in my heart, that gnawing feeling of emptiness suddenly evaporated and flew away.
In its place, a warm, fluid, and peaceful feeling I had never tasted before settled in. As if my lost part had fallen into place.
Her crimson hair... spilling down her shoulders like that first beam of light I saw in my dark world. It was like a waterfall of flame; vivid, bright, and breathtaking.
And her eyes...
Deep, ocean blue eyes. Those eyes were the exact opposite of the suffocating darkness of where I came from. Inside them, there was life, there was sky, there was hope.
When I looked at her, an undefined impulse woke inside me.
I wanted to protect the owner of those blue eyes from everything in this universe.
I wanted to stand by her side, be her shadow, and exist with her as long as she breathed.
This closeness I felt toward her was beyond logic.
It was as if our souls were woven from the same cloth and we had been searching for each other since the beginning of the universe.
You found me, I thought. And I found you.
There was a faint movement on my lips, I wanted to say something to her. Maybe "Hello", maybe "I am here."
But the owner of those blue eyes... was not looking at me the way I looked at her.
There was no such warmth, no such feeling of familiarity in her eyes.
Those eyes were trembling. Crystal drops had gathered at the tips of her eyelashes.
And the thing I saw in the depths of that blueness... Was pure, unadulterated terror. And even worse: Hatred.
She was crying. Every drop trickling down her cheeks hurt me like a drop of acid falling on my heart.
Why was she crying? Had I harmed her? I had only answered her call. I had only come.
Her face crumpled while looking at me. Her lips trembled. And then, those words that chilled my soul more than that infinite void spilled from her mouth:
"I wish you had never existed!"
Although I did not fully know the meaning of the words, I felt the intention they carried. This was a rejection. This was disgust felt toward my existence.
At that moment, that brief happiness just sprouting inside me, that feeling of completeness, shattered like a glass vase falling onto concrete.
I could not understand. Why did she hate me? Did she not feel that bond between us? Had she not summoned me?
She left me no opportunity to answer. She turned her back, her crimson hair tossed in the air, and she ran out that door.
She left me behind. In a room full of strangers, noisy, chaotic... All alone.
I was abandoned. Without knowing why, without knowing what my crime was, I was tossed aside like trash by the sole purpose of my existence.
I could not move for a while after she left.
My mind was trying to process this sudden abandonment.
The warmth from moments ago had left its place to that icy void again, but this time it was more painful. Because now I knew what warmth meant.
I turned my head and looked at the other living things around me.
That noisy, shapeless crowd... Now I was looking at them more carefully. And what I saw nauseated me.
The auras of these creatures were like mud. Dirty, sticky, and dark.
The laughter they emitted was disturbing sounds scratching my ears, like metal rubbing against metal.
It was as if I could see their hearts. And in those hearts, I read the emotions they harbored against my "light" with beautiful eyes and crimson hair.
Mockery. Contempt. Malice. Jealousy.
They were laughing while she was crying. They were having fun while she was suffering.
So this is the reason, I thought. That is why she was crying. That is why she was suffering. Because of these mud souled creatures.
And I... Because I looked weak, she had given them leverage by summoning me. My existence had increased her pain.
Suddenly, I felt a deep disgust toward this room, toward these living things.
I did not want to stay here, among these dirty auras, for even a second.
Even breathing the air they breathed felt like an insult to me.
I stood up.
The elderly creature across from me, wearing a gray robe, was saying something to me.
His voice was threatening, he was extending his hand toward me. I saw fear in his eyes. He was just like the others; a coward hiding behind arrogance.
I pretended not to hear him. When I turned my gaze to him, he froze. Good. At least he knew his place.
There was no point in standing here. This was not my place.
My place was beside that crimson haired light. Even if she did not want me, even if she hated me... She was the only real thing in this noisy world.
I walked toward the door. The floor seemed to tremble with my every step. I opened the door.
The corridor outside was long and empty. I did not know where it went.
I did not know where to find her. Where had that small beam of light hidden in this massive labyrinth?
But I would find her.
As I closed the door behind me, I heard the explosion sound coming from inside.
I did not care. Even if the world collapsed, I did not care.
I just wanted to see those blue eyes again.
Because after thousands of years spent in that darkness, I had no tolerance to spend even a single second without her.
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