[Configuring Windows Update...]
[99% Complete]
[Please do not turn off your computer]
.................
Sawada Hiroki's sole ambition in life was to live as peacefully and quietly as a plant.
Bask in the sun, daydream, remain detached, avoid taking initiative, shirk responsibility, and quietly photosynthesize until his life cycle concluded.
This was the only viable life plan he could devise after nine years of observing this treacherous world while stuck at 99% on a progress bar that never completed loading.
Fuck! Nine fucking years!
Ever since Hiroki opened his eyes and realized he'd gone from a stressed-out, nearly forty-year-old office worker to a war orphan in Konoha Village, that damn progress bar had been suspended in his consciousness, unchanging.
[Configuring Windows Update...]
[99% Complete]
[Please do not turn off your computer]
.................
At first, he was ecstatic. What's this? A golden finger! Every transmigrator's standard-issue system! My lifeline in this perilous Hokage world!
Then came the long wait.
He waited a day, a week, a month.
The progress bar remained stubbornly at 99%, unmoving.
He waited a year, three years, five years.
That "99%" seemed permanently welded in place, a mocking reminder that taunted him day and night: You have a cheat, but it'll never finish loading. Mad yet?
Today, Hiroki turned nine years old.
He had been waiting for nine whole years. Even a Windows update wouldn't take that long. In short, Hiroki had completely given up on this thing.
It was just a bug, a flawed soul fragment that had accompanied him through his transmigration—a compressed file that could never be decompressed.
Ultimately, one had to rely on oneself in life.
And as an ordinary war orphan who wasn't an Uchiha, a Senju, or even red-haired, the best way to survive in this bloodline-obsessed world was to completely lie flat and avoid all trouble.
Especially avoid those characters whose names appeared in the original story—the ones with the "Plot Character" tag floating above their heads.
"Hey! Sawada Hiroki! Stop spacing out in the hallway again!"
A shout, full of energy but grating in his current mood, snapped him out of his thoughts.
He didn't even need to turn around to know who it was.
A cascade of fiery red hair, as flamboyant and fierce as the girl herself, overflowing with vitality.
It was Uzumaki Kushina—the "outsider" of Konoha Village, his nominal classmate, and the number one entry on his "high-risk plot character" list.
Because she was destined to become the Nine-Tailed Jinchūriki, the future protagonist's biological mother, and the wife of the ninja world's most perfect ninja.
Her influence on the plot was virtually unmatched in the current era.
"It's dangerous to walk without looking, Little Chili," Hiroki muttered, not even lifting his eyelids as he sidestepped her headlong rush with practiced precision. The nickname, a common one in their class, slipped out instinctively.
He usually didn't care much for nicknames, but everyone else used them. If he didn't, wouldn't he stick out like a sore thumb? And if that somehow disrupted the plot, how would he ever blend in?
"Don't call me Little Chili! You bean sprout!"
Kushina predictably exploded, her hair bristling like an angry cat. She hated it when people teased her about her red hair and round face.
She puffed up with indignation and stopped in front of Hiroki, hands on her hips. "The teacher told us to gather at the back mountain for extra practice with throwing techniques. Are you trying to sneak off again?"
"It's not 'sneaking off,'" Hiroki adjusted his nonexistent glasses, adopting a world-weary tone. "It's 'strategic avoidance of group activities'—a necessary measure for maintaining inner peace."
"I don't understand any of that! Just hurry up and come with me!" Kushina completely ignored his twisted logic, grabbing his wrist with astonishing force. "If you try to sneak away today, I'll... I'll pluck out all your hair!"
The warmth of her grip on his wrist made Hiroki's brow furrow involuntarily.
This won't do. I'm hiding here precisely to avoid interacting with the main characters!
It's important to understand—he wasn't in an ordinary class. Over half of his classmates were war orphans, and even more crucially, Minato Namikaze and Uzumaki Kushina, both war orphans themselves, were in the same class.
Hiroki shook his hand, but couldn't break free.
Even in childhood, the physique of the Uzumaki Clan far surpassed that of ordinary people like him.
He shook again. Still nothing. With a resigned sigh, he said, "Fine, let go. I'll walk by myself."
Getting involved with Uzumaki Kushina was undoubtedly the biggest unexpected twist in his carefully planned life.
As a war orphan, he deliberately kept a low profile, blending into the background of the class. Kushina, on the other hand, stood out like a sore thumb due to her outsider status and fiery red hair, making her the focal point of isolation and bullying.
Hiroki wanted no trouble, so he never participated—neither bullying nor helping her. He simply wanted to be a quiet, unassuming plant.
Yet the little rascal kept dragging him into her world without explanation, forcing him to join her wild antics.
God only knows why—especially since I've even started calling her "Little Chili" along with everyone else.
Perhaps, for Kushina, who was also an orphan, Hiroki—always quiet, seemingly harmless, and solitary—was the only one who didn't look at her with strange eyes.
Hiroki sighed inwardly, finally giving up his resistance. He let Kushina drag him toward the mountains behind the Ninja Academy.
Fine, it's just throwing practice. It shouldn't be dangerous.
However, he had clearly underestimated the "plot character's" innate ability to attract trouble.
.................
The training session was as tedious as ever.
Hiroki, with his unremarkable performance, blended perfectly into the crowd.
Kushina, eager to impress, fared terribly, drawing taunts from several boys in the class.
As the training session concluded, dusk began to settle.
Kushina, furious and tearful, stormed out of the group and fled deeper into the forest—in the opposite direction of the village.
"Just ignore her, that Little Chili."
"Yeah, let's hurry home."
The students paired off and left in small groups, no one making an effort to follow her. The supervising teacher, citing family matters, gave a perfunctory warning about safety before returning to the village alone.
Hiroki stood rooted to the spot, watching the direction Kushina had disappeared, his brow furrowed in concern.
His rational mind screamed: Run! Sawada Hiroki! This is a harbinger of trouble! She's the future Nine-Tailed Jinchūriki, a natural magnet for disaster! Get involved with her, and your peaceful, vegetative life will be ruined!
He turned and took a step.
One step, two steps...
He stopped.
In his mind, the image of the red-haired girl surfaced—the memory of her shoving a loaf of bread at him in the school cafeteria, scowling fiercely as she said, "Don't think I'm taking pity on you just because you're skinny as a bean sprout!"
He also remembered her secretly wiping away tears after being teased, only to puff up her chest and act as if nothing had happened the moment she saw him, feigning a tough demeanor.
Hiroki realized he couldn't just turn and walk away. After all, he was an adult from modern society.
And adults simply couldn't bear to watch children cry.
"...Damn it."
Why is she so easily brought to tears? It was just a few words!
Hiroki muttered a curse under his breath but ultimately resigned himself to his fate. He turned and began pursuing her deeper into the forest.
Just think of it as... watering the plants.
The light in the forest grew dimmer, and the surroundings fell into an eerie silence, broken only by the rustling of leaves in the wind.
Hiroki moved carefully, following the faint tracks on the ground.
He wasn't worried about Kushina. That girl had boundless energy, excelled in taijutsu, and possessed an astonishingly robust constitution.
He was simply afraid she might break down alone and do something reckless.
Suddenly, a faint whistling sound sliced through the air from the treetops behind him.
Years of ingrained caution made him react instinctively. His body executed a clumsy roll across the ground.
Whoosh! Whoosh!
Two kunai, glinting with icy light, grazed his scalp and embedded themselves into the spot where he had just stood.
Hiroki's heart leaped into his throat, chilling dread surging from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head.
Not wild animals—but ninjas!
He snapped his head up to see three ninjas clad in unfamiliar flak jackets, headbands emblazoned with three parallel lightning bolts—the insignia of Kumogakure—dropping from the trees like specters to surround him in a triangular formation.
"Oh? A straggler," the lead Kumogakure ninja rasped, his voice laced with predatory amusement. "Bad luck, kid."
Hiroki's mind went blank.
Kumogakure ninja? Why are they here? Could it be...?
A terrifying thought seized him.
Their target is Kushina! Because of the Uzumaki Clan's formidable vitality and unique chakra! This is... a kidnapping!
Right—this was the Cloud Ninja kidnapping incident.
The Cloud Ninja had breached Konoha's barrier and were heading to Kushina's residence to capture her, hoping to make her the Jinchūriki of the Eight-Tails.
In this era, Jinchūriki were essentially living nuclear weapons for each nation.
Damn it! Why did I have to stumble into this at exactly this moment?!
Why do I always run into the plot?!
Statistically speaking, with Konoha's population of two to three hundred thousand, the chances of encountering a plot-relevant character of the right age should be less than one in ten thousand. Moreover, since Konoha's founding, there had been only a handful of major incidents.
How could I possibly stumble into such a vanishingly rare event?! Why can't my luck be this good when pulling gacha?!
"Grab him. Don't let him make a sound," the Cloud Ninja leader ordered with a wave of his hand. The other two immediately closed in.
Hiroki's blood nearly froze in his veins.
He was just a nine-year-old Ninja Academy student who hadn't even mastered the Three Basic Techniques. His opponents were three seasoned ninja from an enemy village.
Run? Where could I run to?
Resist? With what could I resist?
The overwhelming disparity in power brought suffocating despair. For the first time, the shadow of death loomed over him with stark reality.
"Wait!"
Just then, Kushina's tearful, trembling voice called out from the nearby bushes.
Ah, she wasn't captured? She's still not home?!
Hiroki froze. No, why would you come out now?! If you saw what happened, you should have reported it to the village's Anbu or alerted the Hokage's office!
But the red-haired girl had already stepped forward, clutching a kunai tightly in her hand. Her face was pale, yet she stubbornly stood in front of Hiroki.
"You... you're not allowed... you're not allowed to bully him!"
The Cloud Ninja leader's eyes flashed with greedy delight as he saw Kushina. "Red hair... the last descendant of the Uzumaki Clan! We were expecting to search for days! How convenient—we found you without even trying!"
It's over.
Completely over now.
Hiroki stared at the small, trembling figure blocking his way. Instead of gratitude, an overwhelming bitterness washed over him—the feeling of being dragged down into this mess.
See? This is what happens when you get involved with plot characters!
A Cloud Ninja vanished in a blur and reappeared behind Kushina in the next instant, delivering a swift chop to the back of her neck.
Kushina collapsed without a sound, her limp body slumping onto the ninja's shoulder.
"As for this brat..." The Cloud Ninja leader glared at Hiroki, his eyes radiating murderous intent. "Take him too. Once we're out of the village, find a secluded spot and get rid of him immediately. We can't leave any traces here."
Another Cloud Ninja grinned savagely as he slowly walked toward Hiroki, the kunai in his hand glinting with lethal coldness in the dim light.
Death was closing in.
Paralyzed by terror, Hiroki's body refused to move. His mind raced frantically for a plan but came up blank.
I'm going to die. Even if not right now, I'll surely die as soon as they take me from the village.
Nine years. Nine years of cautious living, only to die within Kushina's flashback memories...
How utterly absurd.
The progress bar that had been stuck at 99% in his mind for nine long years finally flickered to life.
[99%...
Became...
100%]
[Completing update. Please do not shut down your computer. This may take some time.]
Ding-dong!
A crisp, melodious system startup sound, as if from another world, exploded in Hiroki's mind.
The world before him was instantly enveloped in a familiar deep blue light.
His thoughts seemed to accelerate without limit—faster, faster, and faster still. Everything around him froze as if encased in amber. The Cloud Ninja's snarling grin remained frozen on his face, his movements slowed to an agonizing crawl.
[Hello, Host.
Preparing for you. This may take a few minutes.]
The loading animation on the screen spun gracefully.
But Hiroki was far from graceful.
Hello? Hello my ass! I'm about to fucking die here! A few minutes? By then, I'll be as cold as yesterday's leftovers!
Hiroki raged inwardly, but the composure he had cultivated over his forty years reminded him that this might be his only chance at survival.
The damned thing that had tormented him for nine years finally activated at the most improbable—and crucial—moment.
[Is this the correct country (region)?
Naruto - Land of Fire - Hidden Leaf Village]
[Yes/No]
Yes! Fucking yes! Absolutely! For God's sake, hurry up!
Hiroki poured every ounce of his remaining strength into mentally shouting his confirmation, selecting Yes. He had no idea what this thing was, but right now, his only option was to trust it and cooperate.
[Is this input method layout suitable? "Mind-Controlled Input (>^ω^<)"]
[Yes/No]
It's suitable! Perfect! Just stop asking, okay?!
Hiroki felt his very soul trembling as he selected Yes.
[Let's connect you to the network!
Connected to "Shinobi World Chakra Internet 1"
Please review the terms of service before proceeding:
Last updated: (>^ω^<) Year 1, June]
Immediately, a dense wall of infuriatingly long terms of service flooded the blue screen. Hiroki's eye twitched uncontrollably.
Are you kidding me?! Who has time for this right now?!
Without hesitation, he willed his consciousness into a scroll wheel, dragging it all the way down to the single Accept button. He slammed his mental finger down on it.
I'd sell my soul if it meant survival!
His only option right now was to rush through this damn process as fast as possible.
[Let's name your device.
Hello, Sawada Hiroki.
Next, let's add your '(>^ω^<)' account.
Account 'Sawada Hiroki' created.
Please create a password.
Please confirm your password.
Password... password...]
Hiroki's mind raced. The threat of death made it impossible to come up with anything complex; he could only subconsciously enter his previous life's birthday and confirm it.
[Choose your device's privacy settings.
Ink handwriting and typing... Yes
Personalized experience... Yes
GGID... Yes]
Yes! Yes! Yes! Just select yes for everything! You can have my privacy! Just fucking hurry up and work!
Hiroki was on the verge of collapse. He had no idea how long this blue screen could pause time.
If it suddenly failed halfway through, he'd be in serious trouble. His only option was to meet every requirement as quickly as possible.
[Let's customize your experience.]
[GAMES... YES]
[FAMILY... YES]
[CREATIVITY... YES]
[SCHOOL... YES]
[ENTERTAINMENT... YES]
[BUSINESS... YES]
Staring at the endless rows of options, Hiroki felt an unprecedented sense of absurdity. A nine-year-old orphan about to be killed by enemy village ninjas, and the system was thoughtfully asking if he wanted to activate "Family" and "Business" trial experiences?
But he had no choice. He frantically clicked a series of [YES] options with his mind.
[USE (>^ω^<) HAJIMI 365 FREE TRIAL - PREMIUM OFFICE APPLICATIONS]
[FREE TRIAL]
I'm about to fucking die, and you're asking if I want a free trial of premium office applications?! What the hell would I use that for?!
Despite his internal ranting, Hiroki's survival instinct compelled him to choose [FREE TRIAL] without hesitation. Who knew what punishment or delays might follow a refusal? In this situation, he couldn't afford any complications.
Finally, the seemingly endless setup process seemed to be nearing its end.
[CONFIGURATION COMPLETE]
[CHECKING FOR UPDATES]
[ALMOST DONE - PLEASE KEEP THE DEVICE POWERED ON AND CONNECTED TO POWER]
[JUST A MOMENT]
Just a moment...
Hiroki's consciousness locked onto that final line, his heart pounding wildly. He had made every possible choice, pinning all his hopes on this bizarre "Windows Update."
But the next moment, time resumed its flow.
With a swift strike, the ninja knocked him unconscious.