Murder—that was something I definitely wouldn't dare do.
I can tell you friends right now, the biggest reason I was able to escape the jianghu safely and wasn't executed by the authorities is that I have no blood debts on my hands.
When Chen Qiang handed me the dagger, my heart was filled with terror.
If it were a fight, and I saw red, maybe I really would fly into a rage and kill someone.
But right now, I was more clear-headed than ever.
I walked slowly toward Wang Hai, my throat bobbing as I swallowed hard.
Chen Qiang had already turned and got back into the car, leaning back against the seat with his eyes closed, as if exhausted.
Goatee stepped up and patted my shoulder. "Shanhe, there's no other way. This is a narrow, winding path; turning back is impossible. You can only push the others walking on this path off the edge."
"Go on. Sever his hand tendons. Make sure he can never hold a knife or handle anyone again in this life."
I forced a smile. "You got it. I know the score, Brother Yang. I started this mess with Tumor, so I'll handle it myself."
Goatee sighed very faintly and walked past me.
The circle of enforcers watched me silently, waiting for me to make my move.
I closed my eyes. If I chickened out today, if I was too scared to handle Wang Hai, there would be no point in me mixing in this world anymore.
Goatee was right. This was a narrow path of no return; turning back wasn't an option.
I stood before Wang Hai. Xu Rang was holding his head down, but he still stubbornly tilted his head to look at me, twitching with a twisted smile.
"Old Second Chu, come on. Don't go for my tendons, cut my throat. You'd better handle me to death today."
"If you don't kill me, I'll bite you to death later, even if I have to use my teeth."
In that instant, I suddenly didn't hate Tumor, and I didn't hate Wang Hai.
We were mixing in society; we were walking the jianghu.
Once you enter the jianghu, your life becomes cheap.
When it really came down to the wire, my heart actually calmed down. I spoke to Wang Hai in a soft whisper.
"Wang Hai, don't hate me. We're all just dancing with knives next to our balls, betting our lives to walk the jianghu."
"Today your luck is bad, and you fell into my hands, so you just have to accept it. If one day I, Chu Shanhe, run out of luck and fall into Tumor's hands or yours, I'll accept it too. I absolutely won't say half a word of begging."
Wang Hai hadn't expected me to say something like that. His eyes glazed over for a second, and then he nodded.
"Fair enough, Old Second Chu. Chen Xiang said you had no guts, but today it looks like you're a man with balls. Don't worry, my brother and I will only handle you; we absolutely won't touch anyone around you."
I let out a breath, grabbed Wang Hai's hand, and prepared to bring the knife down.
Xu Rang blocked my hand and snatched the dagger from my grip.
I was at a loss, staring blankly at Xu Rang.
Xu Rang's face was pale, his lips turning blue. He moved his lips and spat out a sentence, "Number Two, hold him down."
Xu Rang was going to do it for me. He was going to sever Wang Hai's tendons.
"Xu Rang, this is my business, I don't need you to..."
Before I could finish, a roar exploded in my ear.
"Chu Shanhe, fuck your mother! I told you to hold him down!"
"Do you know how to sever them? Cutting like that, you'll slice his artery and kill him!"
Xu Rang's eyes were red, bloodshot veins appearing. It looked like he was panicking too.
"Xu Rang..."
"Shut up, Chu Shanhe. You're my brother. Whatever burden you have, I'll carry it with you. Get over here and hold this bastard down."
Xu Rang smashed a fist into Wang Hai's face, and Wang Hai slumped to the ground.
My mind was a mess. I could only walk forward mechanically, pinning Wang Hai's chest with my legs and holding down his wrist.
Xu Rang took a deep breath and squatted down. "Number Two, watch closely. I'll teach you how it's done."
My nose stung, and my eyes felt gritty. This had nothing to do with Xu Rang.
Today, if I crippled Wang Hai, I could justify it to Tumor.
Because Tumor wanted to handle me first, and Wang Hai had explicitly said he would kill me, so I struck back.
Society bosses still follow a bit of the jianghu code. Even if Chen Qiang and Tumor made peace later, I had a reason for handling Wang Hai.
But Xu Rang had no grudge against Wang Hai. He was just listening to his boss, doing work for the boss.
But if he handled Wang Hai today, it would be a fight to the death between him and Tumor.
Xu Rang kept a cold face as he sliced open the skin at Wang Hai's wrist with the dagger.
The hand tendons—the tendons connecting the wrist to the palm. If accidentally cut, they can still function as long as they are reattached; at most, the hand just won't be as strong as before.
Xu Rang's technique was a bit green. It was probably his first time severing someone's tendons too; he had likely just seen others do it.
He made several cuts before finding the two larger tendons, then sliced through them with the dagger.
Wang Hai, pinned beneath me, started screaming and struggling for his life like a pig on a chopping block.
Xu Rang's voice sounded like he was about to cry. "Number Two, hold him. Number Two, keep him pinned, don't let him move."
I don't know if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but Xu Rang seemed to be tearing up.
Looking at the gruesome state of Wang Hai's wrist, I couldn't help but feel nauseous. After the nausea came fear—heart-pounding, leg-shaking fear.
If I felt this sick just watching, I couldn't imagine how Xu Rang felt actually doing it.
Looking at Xu Rang's face, on the verge of tears, I swore in the bottom of my heart: as long as I, Chu Shanhe, am alive, Xu Rang is my brother—a brother I share my life with.
Xu Rang tremblingly put down the dagger. He reached his blood-soaked hand into his pocket and fished out his cigarette lighter.
Xu Rang's hand was shaking. He struck the flint wheel several times before the lighter finally caught.
"Wang Hai, remember this. The man who handled you is named Xu Rang. Don't go looking for the wrong person when the time comes."
Wang Hai's face was as white as paper. I didn't know if he heard Xu Rang's words or not.
Looking at the lighter in Xu Rang's hand, I instantly understood what he was going to do.
My scalp went numb. I sprang up and shoved Xu Rang to the ground with both hands.
"Xu Rang, let me do it. You fucking hold him down for me."
Xu Rang scrambled up, trying to snatch the lighter from my hand. I slapped his hand away and roared at the top of my lungs.
"Xu Rang, I'll fuck your old lady at home! Do you consider me your brother or not?! If you consider me your brother, let me do it! You go hold him down!"
Xu Rang stared at me, seeing me baring my teeth and gripping the lighter like my life depended on it. He stood frozen in place.
After a pause of a few seconds, Xu Rang stepped forward and pinned Wang Hai down.
Wang Hai had passed out by now and couldn't move.
I lit the lighter with trembling hands. I looked around the circle and shouted at the men kneeling on the ground.
"Open your eyes and watch closely! Go back and tell Tumor that the man who handled his brother is Chu Shanhe! Tell him not to look for the wrong person! I'll be waiting for him!"
They lowered their heads, not daring to meet my eyes.
Holding the lighter, I brought the flame shakily toward Wang Hai's wrist, toward those two severed tendons.
Severed tendons can be reconnected. But once they are licked by fire like this, there is no possibility of reattachment.
Wang Hai's right hand would be nothing but a decoration from now on.
Have you ever burned your own hair? That scorching stench—it's disgusting, isn't it?
And that smell... starting from that winter month in 1995, it has stayed with me until today.
Closing my eyes, I seem to return to the side of that fish farm, my nostrils flaring, still able to smell that burnt flesh.
...
I dropped the lighter and looked at Wang Hai, lying on the ground like a dead dog. I spoke numbly.
"Wang Hai, I left you one hand to hold a knife. If you want to find someone, come find me."