Location: Papaya Island Time: The 21st Tenkaichi Budokai (Preliminaries)
Papaya Island was wet. Not the good kind of wet, like a swimming pool, but the humid, sticky, sweat-through-your-shirt kind of wet.
After spending twelve years in a frozen wasteland where the only weather was "Blizzard" or "Heavy Blizzard," this tropical paradise was hell.
I walked off the ferry, adjusting my sunglasses. I was wearing a black tank top (to show off the guns, obviously) and my trusty cargo pants. My dreads were tied up in a high bun to keep them off my neck.
I looked around the port. It was vibrant. Palm trees, colorful taxis, and people everywhere.
"Okay, Renso," I muttered, fanning myself with a flyer. "Game plan. Register. Win the money. Find the Crane Hermit. Force him to teach me how to fly. Buy an air conditioner."
I walked toward the massive tiled pavilion in the center of the island. The Tenkaichi Budokai arena.
The line for registration was long. It was a parade of weirdos. There were kung-fu masters, boxers, guys dressed as bears, and one guy who I was 90% sure was just a wolf standing on its hind legs.
I joined the back of the line. I stood a good head and shoulders above most of the adults.
"Next!" the monk at the registration desk shouted.
I shuffled forward.
"Name?"
"Renso."
"School or Style?"
I hesitated. "Uh... Northern Jump Style?"
The monk didn't look up. "Entry fee is 50 Zeni."
I flicked a coin onto the table. "Keep the change."
I walked into the waiting hall. It was packed. The smell of Tiger Balm and unwashed gym clothes hit me instantly. I found a corner, leaned against a pillar, and scanned the room.
I was looking for the orange.
And there they were.
Standing near the center of the room was a small, bald kid with six dots on his forehead (Krillin), a tall guy with a scar and fabulous hair (Yamcha), and a tiny, spiky-haired kid with a tail.
Goku.
Seeing him in person was surreal. He was tiny. He looked like a kindergartner. He was bouncing around, shadowing boxing, his tail swishing happily behind him.
I felt a weird sense of protectiveness. This kid was the reason the universe survived. I needed to make sure he didn't die before he could turn Super Saiyan.
I pushed off the pillar and walked over.
As I approached, Krillin stiffened. He elbowed Yamcha. "Hey, look at that guy. He's huge."
Yamcha narrowed his eyes. "He looks tough. Be careful."
Goku just blinked, looking up at me. He had to crane his neck way back.
"Hi!" Goku chirped.
"Hey," I said, keeping my voice low. "Nice tail."
Goku's eyes lit up. "Thanks! You have one too!"
He pointed at the brown fur belt wrapped around my waist. I kept it wrapped around me like the classic Saiyans to avoid it getting grabbed.
"Yeah," I said. "We're tail buddies."
"I'm Goku! This is Krillin and Yamcha!"
"Renso," I nodded to the group.
Krillin looked me up and down, sweating slightly. "You... uh... you eat a lot of vitamins, huh?"
"Just good genetics," I said. I looked at Yamcha. "Nice scar. Wolf Fang Fist, right?"
Yamcha looked surprised. "You've heard of me?"
"I read the blogs," I lied. "You're pretty famous in the North."
Yamcha preened, puffing out his chest. "Heh. well, I suppose my reputation precedes me."
Just then, an old man in a black suit and a wig that looked like it was made of grey steel wool walked over. Jackie Chun(Master Roshi).
He stopped when he saw me. His sunglasses glinted.
The comedy stopped.
Roshi wasn't looking at my muscles. He was looking at my presence. He sensed it. The density of my body. The suppressed violence.
"Oho," Roshi said, his voice cracking slightly. "You're a big one, aren't you? What do they feed kids these days?"
"Radioactive spiders," I quipped.
Roshi didn't laugh. He stared at me for a second too long. "You have an interesting energy, young man. It feels... heavy."
"I had a big lunch," I deflected.
The PreliminariesThe preliminary rounds were held inside the dojo, away from the audience. It was a gauntlet to whittle down hundreds of fighters to the final eight.
My first match was against a guy named Killer Karl. He wore a wrestling mask and oiled his chest.
"I'm gonna snap you in half, pretty boy!" Karl yelled.
The monk raised his hand. "Begin!"
Karl charged.
I stood still. I didn't take a stance. I didn't put my fists up.
When Karl threw a punch at my face, I just tilted my head to the left. His fist hit the air.
Whoosh.
"Too slow," I boredly said.
I didn't want to hurt him. If I punched him for real, his head would come off. I needed to be gentle.
I reached out, grabbed the front of his wrestling belt with one hand, and lifted him into the air. He flailed like a turtle.
"Put me down!"
"Okay," I said.
I tossed him. Gently. Like a paper airplane.
He flew across the dojo, smashed through the paper screen door, and landed in a decorative fountain outside.
"Winner: Renso!" the monk shouted, trembling slightly.
I walked back to the waiting area. The room was quiet.
Goku was staring at me with stars in his eyes. "Whoa! You're strong!"
"It's all in the wrist," I said.
The Block A FinalsI breezed through the next three matches. I flicked a kickboxer in the forehead; he passed out. I tripped a sumo wrestler; the floor cracked when he landed. I stared at a guy with a sword until he apologized and left.
Finally, it was the last match of the block. If I won this, I was in the main tournament.
My opponent stepped into the ring.
It was a giant, smelly man. He hadn't bathed in years. He wore filthy underwear and scratched his belly. Bacterian.
The smell hit me like a physical wall. It smelled like rotten eggs, old cheese, and death.
"Heh heh heh," Bacterian chuckled, sticking a finger in his nose.
I gagged. "Oh, absolutely not."
"Ready?" the monk called out, holding his nose. "Begin!"
Bacterian inhaled deeply, preparing to hawk a loogie at me.
"No," I said firmly.
I disappeared.
To the onlookers, I just vanished. I moved faster than the human eye could track. I reappeared instantly behind Bacterian.
I pinched the back of his neck—specifically, a pressure point I'd read about in a manga once.
Zap.
Bacterian's eyes rolled back in his head. He collapsed face-first onto the tatami mats.
"The winner is Renso!"
I walked out of the ring, holding my breath. "Someone burn those mats. Seriously."
The Top EightThe prelims were over. The sun was setting. The eight finalists gathered to draw their numbers for the main tournament tomorrow.
The finalists were:
Goku
Krillin
Yamcha
Jackie Chun (Roshi)
Nam (The Indian fighter)
Giran (The Dinosaur)
Ranfan (The lady in lingerie)
Renso (Replacing Bacterian)
We stood in a circle. I towered over everyone except Giran.
The monk held out a box. "Draw a number."
I reached in and pulled out a ball.
Number 8.
I looked at the bracket board.
Match 1: Krillin vs. Number 8 (Renso).
I looked down at Krillin.
The poor guy turned pale. He looked at me, then at the height difference, then back at me.
"Oh, come on!" Krillin wailed. "Why do I always get the monsters?!"
I patted Krillin on the head. It felt like palming a bowling ball.
"Don't worry, little man," I smiled. "I'll try not to break you."
Krillin gulped. "Goku! Help me!"
Goku laughed. "Do your best, Krillin! He looks really strong!"
I looked across the room. Jackie Chun was watching me again. He wasn't smiling.
I had made the main event. Now the real problem started.
I had to fight Krillin. Krillin was a main character. He was fast, tricky, and had actual technique. I was a tank with no brakes.
If I lost control... if the "Green" energy slipped out... I would turn Krillin into paste on live television.
'Okay, Renso,' I thought, my stomach tightening. 'Tomorrow, we fight. But the real battle is keeping the monster in the cage.'