INT. PADDY'S PUB — LATER
There are now ACTUAL CUSTOMERS. Not many. The kind you get when "GUARANTEED" and "WELLNESS" get stapled to a telephone pole.)
A quick montage establishes WHY there are customers:
—FRANK sprinting outside with a staple gun, slapping up crooked flyers:
"BREATHE YOUR FAT AWAY — CASH ONLY — PADDY'S"
—DEE posting a shaky vertical video: "ANCIENT WARRIOR BREATHING IN A TOXIC BAR"
—MAC stopping a jogger: "Do you want to become a blade?"
—The jogger immediately leaving.
CUT TO: INT. PADDY'S PUB
Mac is leading the class like a drill sergeant.
MAC
IN—
HOLD—
OUT—
CONTROL YOUR BODY.
CONTROL YOUR DESTINY.
Enter: REX. Puffy, sweaty, wearing an "INVIGARON" sweatshirt. He carries a plastic tub labeled INVIGARON BERRIES like it's protein powder.
REX
Is this the breathing thing?
DENNIS (clocking Rex, thrilled)
Yes. Welcome.
You are… exactly the type of customer who pays.
REX
I can't do exercise no more.
My knees are like… angry now.
MAC
Breathing IS exercise.
REX
Perfect. That's what the Invigaron guy said.
But then I got bigger.
So now I'm adding breathing.
Dennis' eyes light up with the purest scam joy.
DENNIS (grinning)
Synergy.
Charlie tries to match Mac's cadence. He overcommits immediately.
CHARLIE
IN—HOLD—IN—HOLD—
I'M DOUBLING IT!
MAC
Do not double it!
DENNIS(to customers, smooth)
If you experience dizziness, that's just your weak modern blood leaving your body.
A CUSTOMER sways. Sits hard. Dee films with glee.
DEE
Oh my God. That one's leaving his body.
That's so good.
Waitress awkwardly follows Mac's breathing, trying to be serious. Charlie locks in, desperate to look "normal."
CHARLIE(soft, to Waitress)
I'm calm now.
I'm, like… a monk.
WAITRESS
You're sweating.
CHARLIE
That's the toxins leaving.
The Waitress' phone BUZZES. A notification pops up: "LATE FEE WAIVED." She exhales without meaning to—perfect breath cadence.
WAITRESS
…Oh my God.
I do feel better.
Charlie lights up like he did it.
CHARLIE
See?! I'm helping you! With my air!
WAITRESS
It wasn't your air.
CHARLIE
It was kind of my air.
From the women's room: muffled… moaning? chanting? it's unclear and worse for it.
ARTEMIS (O.S.)
BREEEATHE INTO THE SHAME—
LET IT OUT THROUGH THE THIGHS—
Everyone pauses.
MAC
What…was that...?
DENNIS
That is unauthorized programming.
DEE(already moving)
Oh my God. She's stealing my arc.
Dee storms toward the bathroom.
Front door opens AGAIN. BONNIE KELLY enters—bright smile, purse clutched, ready to mother-bomb.
BONNIE
Charlie! Hi!
I brought you some soup. You sounded… intense on the phone.
Charlie freezes: he ABSOLUTELY forgot he called her. Then he switches to "good son performance mode" instantly.
CHARLIE
Ma! Hey! Great!
This is—this is perfect timing.
I'm doing… wellness.
BONNIE(looking around)
Oh! A class!
Charlie, I love classes.
They make me feel… seen.
Waitress watches this. Against her will: she's witnessing Charlie being vaguely human.
WAITRESS
Is she… here for you?
CHARLIE(too fast)
Yes. Because I'm a good son now.
DENNIS(aside, disgusted)
This is a performance.
FRANK(to a wobbling customer)
You want an oxygen shot?
It's literally Frank waving a dirty box fan at a guy's face.
CUSTOMER
Is this safe?
FRANK
Absolutely not. That's why it works.
Rex begins doing "breathwork" while also eating handfuls of Invigaron berries like trail mix.
REX
I'm feeling lighter already.
DENNIS
That's the warrior metabolism activating.
MAC
Yes. Your body is becoming a weapon.
Rex immediately starts sweating like a faucet.
REX
Oh yeah— I'm releasing.
A loud TRUCK passes outside. Its headlights sweep through the grimy windows, casting a long, warped shadow across the far wall—like a tall, long-armed "thing."
Charlie inhales too hard trying to "impress." His vision swims. He points.
CHARLIE
Okay—okay— I'm seeing…
I'm seeing a guy.
WAITRESS
A guy?
CHARLIE(pointing at the shadow)
Like—like a tall guy.
He's got… long arms.
And he's judgin' us.
Dennis looks. Sees the headlights sweep away. The shadow vanishes.
DENNIS
There is no guy.
That is literally a truck.
CHARLIE
You can't prove it was a truck!
Bonnie gasps—delighted.
BONNIE
Oh! Spirits?
Charlie, I always said you were sensitive.
Waitress gives Charlie a look like: Of course this is your mother.
WAITRESS
This is… a lot.
CHARLIE
I know!
But I'm handling it good, right?
WAITRESS
…You're trying.
Charlie beams like he just got engaged.
SMASH TO BLACK.