INT. CONVENTION CENTER — MAIN STAGE
The screening is about to start. The "human maze" has culminated in a dark hall filled with three hundred people in straw hats. CHARLIE and MAC (still in the horse mask) have managed to shove their way to the very front.
CHARLIE (pointing at the massive screen)
There it is! The One Piece! It's a giant glowing square! The gold is inside the square, Mac!
The screen flickers to life. But it isn't the original Japanese version. It's the 4-KIDS DUB. The "Pirate Rap" begins to blare over the sub-woofers with deafening, early-2000s energy.
MUSIC (TV)
"YO-HO-HO, HE TOOK A BITE OF GUM-GUM!"
CHARLIE (horrified, covering his ears)
Mac... why is the pirate singing? This isn't treasure, this is a commercial for a bad cereal! My brain is melting! It's a sonic trap!
Suddenly, the side doors BURST open. FRANK and CRICKET stumble in, covered in plushie stuffing, rotten fruit juice, and sweat. Frank is holding his mangled, purple hand up like a trophy.
FRANK (screaming over the rap)
GIVE ME YOUR BOOTY! I HAVE THE POWER OF THE NOODLE-ARM! I AM THE PIRATE KING OF CHINATOWN!
CRICKET (barking at a girl dressed as Nico Robin)
I AM THE SEA-PRIEST! KNEEL BEFORE THE FRUIT-KING!
The LUFFY COSPLAYER from the cold open steps forward. He looks at the Gang with pure, unadulterated disgust.
LUFFY COSPLAYER
What the fuck, dude? Are these guys with you? You're covered in... is that mold? And why are you holding a dog's head?
CHARLIE (beaming)
This is my crew! We found the map! We found the glowing square!
LUFFY COSPLAYER (snatching the map back and tearing it up)
This is a floor plan for the bathrooms and the Autograph Alley, you freak. Get out. You don't deserve to be a Straw Hat. You're making the whole fandom look bad, and that's a high bar to clear.
CHARLIE (eyes welling up with genuine tears)
Don't say that, man... don't say that... I did the maze...
CHARLIE (whispering to Mac)
Mac... what's a straw hat? Is that a rank? Did I lose my rank?
MAC (muffled, pulling off the horse mask as he's shoved toward the exit)
I think it's a slur, Charlie. Let's go. This place is full of haters.
As they are pushed out, Mac spots a guy dressed in a green military jacket and a blonde wig—an actual JEAN KIRSTEIN cosplayer.
MAC (pointing, desperate for a win)
Hey! Who is this loser? You're stealing my look, pal! I'm the horse-guy! I'm the Alpha Steed!
JEAN COSPLAYER
(staring at Mac with profound pity)
Jean Kirstein? Dude, the 'Jean is a horse' meme is from like ten years ago. How old are you? Why are you even here? You look like you're having a mid-life crisis in a rubber mask. It's pathetic.
Mac freezes. His lower lip quivers. The "Alpha" status he built up in his head evaporates. He slowly puts the horse mask back on, hiding his shame.
CUT TO BLACK.