"This is the weirdest flash mob I've ever been apart of," one of the subjects said.
"I thought it was an extreme fitness camp myself, Rowbar," a woman in a torn tropical dress declared before shrugging and rushing towards us, trying to spear Chichi in the side. She managed to grab the weapon and easily snap it in half, tossing the parts at two more of the Dragon Lord's subjects, boinking them on their heads and causing their eyes to bulge and their tongues to stick out before they fell to the ground.
"HAYA!" Goku shouted, throwing a punch that had the strength to shatter a great oak right at the Dragon Lord, the large man bringing his shield up and catching the strike. The moment Goku's fist connected though there was a muffled 'clank' and the shield pulsed before letting loose a blast of air that sent Goku skidding back. "Ow!" He whined, waving his hand. "Man, what is that shield made of anyway? That really smarted!"
"This?" the Dragon King said in a dismissive and bored tone. "I don't know. One day while I was cleaning one of the park's rest areas I discovered an undocumented tunnel that led to a cave. There I found a treasure chest and I opened it. I thought maybe I'd find something interesting like a television or a year's supply of tacos but all there was inside was this shield. According to some carvings on the rocks nearby it is the 'Shield of Countless Defense' and absorbs the blows of a foe to send them back but I never really got into Frisbee or the rules so…" He gave a helpless shrug. "I did paint this dragon on there. That makes it a bit neat." He gestured at the image of the crude looking dragon that he'd clearly painted onto it with his fingers. "Honestly I keep thinking I should get around to trading it in for a TV but you know how you plan to clean your cave but as you go about your day you get distracted and when bedtime rolls around you haven't gotten to it?"
"…oh my god," I muttered before having to duck when Hommer tried to drive a spear through my throat. "Hey! Watch it with that!"
"I am watching it. Watching as it goes to pierce your liar throat!" He went in for another attack and I leapt back, making sure to keep myself out of range. "Stand still and just die!"
"You want me to die?" I asked, realizing I might have figured out an out for all of this. 'These people are, after all, gullible fools…'
"That's right!"
"Well, why didn't you say so!" I said happily, holding out my arms. "Honestly, you really should learn how to communicate with people and let them know what you want. It helps stop misunderstandings."
That caused Hommer and Wrunch dead in their tracks, their spears dropping slightly as they considered me carefully. "Oh," Wrunch said, glancing at Hommer. "I guess we should have made that clear."
"Yeah." Hommer scratched at his chin. "Sorry about that."
"No problem, happens all the time." I gave a friendly smile. "Okay then, we can do this."
"You are very polite," Hommer stated.
"Hey, why not?" He began to rear back only for me to slap my head. "I almost forgot! I need to see your form K-450." I held out my hand.
"My… what?"
I gave the sigh I tended to use when I had just sat down for lunch and one of my employees called me just as I had peeled my apple and told me I had to come super quick because there was a customer who wanted something and they didn't want to upset them by saying 'no'. "Form K-450, intent to kill a documentarian." I gestured up at Isco. "Because this is going to be filmed and in my documentary you have to sign off on the waiver so we can use your likeness."
Wrunch frowned at that, tapping her spear against her palm. "Can't you just… blur our faces out?"
"Well, sure," I said but before they could move to attack again I added, "but that is going to be a Form B-52. Do… do you want to fill out a B-52?" I asked just like one would if their friend said, "I think we should stick live piranhas on our dicks".
"…no?" Hommer said, realizing that a B-52 might not be something he wanted to tangle with.
I sighed in relief. "Good. That's really good."
Wrunch nodded and held out her hand. "Alright, let's fill out the forms and get to killing you."
I laughed at that; gentle though, not mocking. Nothing that would set them off. A chuckle a parent might use. "I don't carry the forms WITH me. You know how big and bulky those things are? We have to submit a request for K-450 forms. You have any writing paper around here?"
"I think Sablade has a stack of it," Hommer stated.
"Great. I'll try and walk you through it."
Wrunch went to retrieve the paper only to pause. "Wait… why aren't Sicket and Clemp having to fill out those forms? They are fighting that woman!"
I glanced over at Chichi just as she did a spin kick, knocking out another one of the Dragon Lord's subjects. "Oh, its because they were grandfathered in to be allowed to do that. All very technical. I can get you the documents to prove it… you'll just need to request them using a F-2U form-"
"We're good! We're good!" the two shouted, hurrying off to get the paper.
"Oh baby, you are so talented," I murmured to myself, "and they are so DUMB!"